How social media can affect

relationships

Social media, if used sparingly, is not necessarily bad for

relationships.

Research has shown social media use can both positively and
negatively affect relationships, depending on how it's used.

For example, social media can contribute to unhealthy

comparison and unrealistic expectations for what
relationships are supposed to be like, and couples may spend
more time curating an "image" of who they are rather than
focusing on the relationship itself.

Social media use has also been linked to poor body

image and depression, which can negatively affect
relationships.
Summary
While social media can have positive effects on your
relationship, it can also have negative effects. It's important to
find the right balance to avoid negatively impacting your
relationship.

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Negative effects on relationships

1. Social media can create unrealistic expectations
Although there are some useful resources shared via social
media, "what you will mostly see are curated and filtered posts
that only highlight unrealistic images of what a relationship
is," says sex and behavioral therapist Chamin Ajjan, M.S.,
LCSW, A-CBT.
Attempting to measure up can distract you and your partner
from the relationship.

Inevitably, real life won't look like the endless highlight reels
we see on social media, which can lead to disappointment in
either yourself, your partner, or both.

"You may begin to feel jealous of how much someone posts

about their partner and feel resentment toward your partner
for not doing the same," Ajjan says. "The lifestyles you are
scrolling through may change how satisfied you are in your
relationship because they seem to be better than what you
have."
Summary
Social media is oftentimes filled with filtered and unrealistic
images which can cause you to feel jealous or unsatisfied in
your relationship.

2. It can lead to jealousy

Some research has linked social media use with increased
jealousy and relationship dissatisfaction in college students.

If you are prone to jealousy because of an insecure

attachment style, research says you may be more likely to get
stuck in a cycle of endless scrolling to keep an eye on your
partner's activities.

People may get upset seeing their partner liking or

commenting on other people's posts, stoking concerns that
their partner is interested in other people (or worse, is already
cheating).

The use of Facebook, in particular, has been shown

to increase feelings of suspicion and jealousy in romantic
relationships among college students.
"This effect may be the result of a feedback loop, whereby
using Facebook exposes people to often ambiguous
information about their partner that they may not otherwise
have access to," one study writes.

For example, cookies and Facebook algorithms can cause a

partner's "hidden" interests to pop up on their feed.

The desire to find more information about them can perpetuate

further social media use and feelings of mistrust.

(Notably, many of these studies have been conducted on

college students, so it’s possible that there would be
differences among older couples.)
Summary
Research shows that social media can cause increased
jealousy and you are more likely to get stuck in a cycle of
endless scrolling to keep an eye on your partner's activities.

3. Excessive social media use is linked to couples fighting

more
A 2013 study found that, among couples who had been
together for less than three years, spending more time on
Facebook was linked with more "Facebook-related
conflict" and more negative relationship outcomes.

One study found that those who are dating people who
overshare on social media tend to have lower relationship
satisfaction (though positive posts about the relationship itself
every now and then seemed to mediate that effect).
Summary
Research indicates that spending a lot of time on social media
leads to negative relationship outcomes.
4. Social media might make daily life seem less interesting
The drool-worthy image of a couple on vacation can trigger
feelings of envy, which can keep you from appreciating where
you are in the present moment.

"Social media tends to ignore the gritty and mundane parts of

a couple's lives," says Ken Page, LCSW, psychotherapist and
host of The Deeper Dating Podcast.

Struggles, chores, compromise, and intimacy in the midst of

challenges—these small mini triumphs are valuable, he says.

Just remember: A vacation can make you feel happy, but it's
the everyday moments that lead to ultimate satisfaction.

When relationships end, it is so often those tiny, mundane

moments that evoke the deepest nostalgia, Page adds.
Summary
Social media can trigger feelings of envy and cause you to lose
sight of the everyday moments in a relationship that lead to
ultimate satisfaction and not just temporary happiness.

5. It can distract you from spending quality time with your

partner
Though internet addiction and Facebook addiction are not
considered mental health disorders by the Diagnostic and
Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V), researchers
recognize both as dependence issues, which can interfere with
quality of life.

The more we become hooked on the dopamine rush of social

media, Page says, the less engaged or excited we will feel for
the quieter, simpler moments of life.
"But those are often the moments when our loved one reveals
something personal and intimate," he explains.

Next time you and your partner are together and both focused
on your phones, bring awareness to that.

"Practice valuing real-time connection over internet

connection," he says. This can help increase emotional
intimacy.
Summary
Constant scrolling through social media can cause you to be
less engaged or excited in your relationship. Practice valuing
in-person connection over internet connection.

6. It can affect our mental health

Even though social media is meant to promote connection,
multiple studies have linked social media use with
loneliness, mood disorders, and poor self-esteem.

People with preexisting mental health issues may also be more

susceptible to social comparisons, due to a negative cognitive
bias, one study found.

On the flip side, lowering social media use has been shown
to reduce loneliness and depression symptoms.

Though these issues are more individualistic than relational,

they can bleed into romantic relationships.

When a partner is suffering from mental health issues, they

may be closed off to intimacy or become codependent.
Summary
Social media use has been linked to loneliness, mood
disorders, and poor self-esteem, all of which can negatively
affect your romantic relationship.

7. It can lead to body image issues

The filtered and edited images you see all over social media
can cause insecurities about your own body to surface, Ajjan
says.

Several studies have linked social media use and body image
issues.

A person's body image issues can significantly affect their

relationships.

One Journal of the International Society for Sexual

Medicine study shows that heterosexual women with body
image issues have a harder time becoming sexually aroused.

Another study found the way wives perceive their own sexual
attractiveness, based on negative body image, directly affects
the marital quality of both the wife and the husband.

In other words, these insecurities triggered by social media

can interfere with emotional and physical intimacy and the
overall quality of a relationship.
Summary
Social media is packed with filtered and highly-edited images.
This can cause serious insecurity issues about yourself and
significantly affect your romantic relationships.

8. It can make us more narcissistic

Excessive social media use is linked to narcissistic traits in
some cases.
Research confirms that addictive social media use reflects a
need to feed the ego and an attempt to improve self-esteem,
both of which are narcissistic traits.

And different types of social media play into different aspects

of narcissism.

For example, people who frequently tweet or post selfies may

be displaying grandiosity, one of the common traits of
narcissism.

Since you can be narcissistic without having a personality

disorder, it's possible to develop these traits over time—and at
least one small study has found excess social media use may
be a trigger.

And of course, being in a relationship with a narcissist is not

healthy and can lead to trauma later on.
Summary
Research confirms that excessive social media use reflects a
need to feed the ego and an attempt to improve self-esteem,
both of which are narcissistic behaviors. Being in a
relationship with a narcissist is not healthy and can lead to
trauma later on.

Positive effects on relationships

1. Social media helps single people meet each other
In the digital age we live in, it's not uncommon for people to
meet online or through dating apps—in fact, it may be more
common.

A 2017 survey found 39% of heterosexual couples reported

meeting their partner online, compared to just 22% in 2009.
A later study analyzing the results found that "Internet meeting
is displacing the roles that family and friends once played in
bringing couples together."

According to one survey, online dating can be

especially helpful for the LGBTQ+ community.

Of the adults who took the survey, 28% say they met their
current partner online, compared with 11% of partnered
straight adults.
Summary
Research shows social media can be a great place for meeting
a romantic partner.

2. It can keep you connected to your partner

Whether it's sending a funny meme over Instagram or taking a
quick Snapchat, social media is an easy way for couples to
interact throughout the day in a fun, low-pressure manner.

This is particularly helpful for couples who don't live together

and people in long-distance relationships. According to a
survey published in the Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and
Social Networking journal, young adults in long-distance
romantic relationships are better able to maintain them if
they're using social networking sites.

People who have their partner in their profile photo or have

their relationship status public on Facebook also tend to be
happier with their relationship, for what that's worth.
Summary
Social media is an easy way for couples, especially those in a
long-distance relationship, to interact throughout the day in a
fun, low-pressure manner.
3. You can learn about relationships from experts
"There are plenty of accounts that offer up good information to
help develop and maintain a healthy connection," Ajjan says.
"There is a lot of good information on social media from
relationship bloggers, psychotherapists, and many others that
highlight how to improve your relationship."

As long as it's coming from a place of growth and not

comparison, this type of social media can motivate you to
work on parts of the relationship that have been neglected,
she explains.
Summary
There is a lot of valuable information on social media from
relationship experts and bloggers that can help improve your
relationship.

4. It's like a time capsule of memories

Social media platforms have practically replaced printed
photograph albums as a place to store and share our
memories.

In this sense, Page says social media can be used to honor the
activities you do and the things you create together.

Unlike a physical photo album, social media has the added

component of followers.

"In this way, social media can be an institutionalized way to

express love publicly and invite community support," he says,
"both of which enhance a couple's ability to flourish."
Summary
Social media can be a great place to save and share
memories.
Tips to manage social media use
 Turn off your notifications. One study found that
smartphone notifications can cause a decline in task
performance and negatively influence cognitive function
and concentration. Turn off your notifications to avoid any
distractions and focus more on the present.
 Set aside a time to scroll. Whether that be every hour or
every few hours, designate 15-20 minutes to getting on
social media, answering texts, or taking calls to avoid the
constant urge to get on your phone and scroll and focus
on quality time with your partner.
 Try a social media detox. Research shows
that intentionally refraining from getting on social media
can prevent harmful effects and reduce the risk of
compulsive social media behavior in individuals.
Designate a period of days, weeks, or even months to
avoid any social media use.
 Be transparent and communicate. If you are struggling
with your body-image or find yourself feeling jealous or
insecure, talk with your partner and explain how you are
feeling. It may be time to avoid getting on social media
altogether and focus on quality time with your significant
other.

The takeaway
Scrolling through social media all day is, unfortunately, not a
hard habit to pick up.

While these platforms can offer helpful resources, they can

also lead to jealousy, mental health issues, and unrealistic
expectations in relationships.
On top of that, the act of being on your phone constantly can
distract from intimacy with a partner.

"Social media is not all bad," Ajjan says, "but if you find
yourself comparing your relationship to what you are seeing
online, it may be helpful to unfollow accounts that make you
feel bad and focus more on accounts that make you feel
empowered in your relationship."