MMus Dissertation
MMus Dissertation
MMus Dissertation
Page
Introduction 3
Conclusion 35
Bibliography 37
3
Introduction
As a classically-trained pianist of Hong Kong Hakka Chinese descent, born and raised
in Ireland, I have come to realise in recent years that my transcultural identity has not
only been integral to my personal life, but also to the development of my artistic
identity as a performing musician. For this reason, I wished to centre my focus on this
Deconstructing racialised perceptions of Yuja Wang and Lang Lang through the lens
comparative case study of the Chinese concert pianists Yuja Wang and Lang Lang,
with the main research aim being to determine the extent to which Orientalism (as
outlined by Edward Said), and the racial biases that arise from it, influence the way
My research for this original dissertation involved a wide reading of literature, with
central texts in the bibliography including Orientalism by Edward Said, Yellow Peril!:
An Archive of Anti-Asian Fear edited by John Kuo Wei Tchen and Dylan Yeats,
Planet Beethoven: Classical Music at the Turn of the Millenium by Mina Yang,
addition to these books, I also consulted articles such as Cultural Imperialism and the
New "Yellow Peril" in Western Classical Music: A Study Day Report by Maiko
4
Kawabata and Shzr Ee Tan and The ‘Asian Bias’ Illusion in Musical Performance:
Brent, listened to podcasts such as Is It Recess Yet? by Tricia Yang, and analysed
concert reviews and opinion pieces about Yuja Wang and Lang Lang.1
centring around empirical research about other pianists evolved into something much
more personal. In recent months, my performing career as a pianist has also been
offered, I have chosen to deviate away from my original dissertation questions and
1. Edward Said, Orientalism (New York: Pantheon Books, 1978); John Kuo Wei
Tchen and Dylan Yeats, ed., Yellow Peril!: An Archive of Anti-Asian Fear (New York:
Verso, 2014); Mina Yang, Planet Beethoven (Connecticut: Wesleyan University Press,
2014); Karen Shimakawa, National Abjection: The Asian American Body on Stage
(Durham: Duke University Press, 2002); Mari Yoshihara, Musicians from a Different
Shore: Asians and Asian Americans in Classical Music (Philadelphia: Temple
University Press, 2007); Grace Wang, Soundtracks of Asian America: Navigating
Race through Musical Performance (Durham: Duke University Press, 2015); Maiko
Kawabata and Shzr Ee Tan, “Cultural Imperialism and the New ‘Yellow Peril’ in
Western Classical Music: A Study Day Report,” Asian-European Journal of Music
Research 4 (2019): 87-98; Zehra F. Peynircioğlu, Wenyan Bi, and William Brent,
“The ‘Asian Bias’ Illusion in Musical Performance: Influence of Visual Information,”
The American Journal of Psychology 131, no. 3 (2018): 295-305; Tricia Park and
Mina Yang, “Asians are both the ‘model minority’ and an invisible minority,” Is it
Recess Yet? (podcast), uploaded 3 January 2020, accessed 3 February 2022
https://www.isitrecessyet.com/iiry-podcast-7-asians-are-both-the-model-minority-
and-an-invisible-minority-creating-space-for-conversations-about-racism-against-
east-asians-in-classical-music-a-chat-with-mina-yang-pia/
5
as they practise in order to develop better control, and subsequently, freedom, while
playing the instrument. Likewise, the main purpose of this autobiographical reflection
is to find my voice so that I can learn to listen to myself and strive towards artistic
conservatory programmes in the Western world, there is also a lack of recorded lived
experiences from this demographic.2 With this deficit in the foreground of my mind,
The title of this dissertation, Yellow Skin, No Mask, is a reference to Mina Yang’s
2013 article Yellow Skin, White Masks exploring the positionality of Asian American
musicians and hip hop dancers within contemporary American culture, which is in
turn a reference to Frantz Fanon’s 1952 book Black Skin, White Masks, through which
Fanon writes about his own experiences as an Afro-Carribean man living in France,
relating these experiences to the effects of racism and colonisation, while drawing
reference to our collective gradual exit from the COVID-19 pandemic, and my
2. Javier C. Hernández, “Asians are represented in Classical Music, but are they seen?”
The New York Times, last updated July 31, 2021, accessed 30 January 2022,
https://www.nytimes.com/2021/07/21/arts/music/asians-classical-music.html
3. Mina Yang, “Yellow Skin, White Masks.” Daedalus 142, no. 4 (2013): 24-37;
Frantz Fanon, Black Skin, White Masks, trans. Charles Lam Markmann, (New York:
Grove, 1967).
6
I was also initially inspired by Cathy Park Hong’s Minor Feelings, a collection of
racism in Western societies, which saw people of East Asian descent (including
myself) being harassed, attacked and scapegoated as the “cause” of the COVID-19
pandemic worldwide.5
commissioned and premiered in 2021, and how it led to new realisations about my
through rethinking how I present and programme musical works, and most important
how I can reclaim my own narrative as a someone who has been marginalised by the
identity as a result of my personal experiences before, during and after the COVID-19
pandemic, with the overall aim to better understand what it means for me to be an
4. Cathy Park Hong, Minor Feelings (New York: One World, 2020).
5. Human Rights Watch, “Covid-19 Fueling Anti-Asian Racism and Xenophobia
Worldwide” Human Rights Watch, May 12, 2020, accessed February 2, 2023,
https://www.hrw.org/news/2020/05/12/covid-19-fueling-anti-asian-racism-and-
xenophobia-worldwide
7
Perpetually a Guest
I was born in Dublin, Ireland in 1999, and raised in the rural-adjacent suburb of
Kilcock in County Kildare. Both of my parents are Hakka Chinese from Hong Kong,
of men, and agrarian self-sustenance primarily led by women (who rejected many
gender norms typical for Han people such as foot-binding).6 Most notably, we
imperial governments and other Chinese ethnic groups and as a result, Hakka people
Hakka (客家) which means “guest people”.7 Because of their perpetual positioning
on the periphery of society, Hakka people were also no strangers to adapting to new
places. Following the abolition of slavery in Britain in 1807, many Hakka people,
including some of my ancestors, were recruited, and in some cases tricked into
6. Mary S. Erbaugh, “The Hakka Paradox in the People’s Republic of China: Exile,
Eminence, and Public Silence,” in Guest People: Hakka Identity in China and Abroad,
edited by Nicole Constable (Washington: University of Washington Press, 1996),
196-231.
7. Selina Ching Chan. “Politicizing Tradition: The Identity of Indigenous Inhabitants
in Hong Kong,” Ethnology 37, no. 1 (1998): 39–54.
8
and British Malaya, settling there in many instances and sometimes even assimilating
In writing this, I’ve come to believe it is very well possible that my own feeling of
(walled village) in the New Territories of Hong Kong and emigrated to Southampton
imagine the alienation he was subject to in 1960’s Britain, especially due to his after-
father eventually received his Masters degree, which was uncommon for Chinese
immigrants at the time, and entered the workforce in the Midlands. I believe his
experiences as the only Chinese man in the workplace shaped his world view for the
Cantonese, my father in both Cantonese and English, and my sister mostly in English,
but also sometimes in Irish if we needed to exclude our parents. My parents spoke
Hakka Chinese with each other, with extended family and with friends, somehow
partially excluding myself and my sister from our Hakka identities on the grounds that
it was less “useful”. I compartmentalised the use of these languages, associating each
one with its own purpose, to and from which I could switch when required, like code.
In Black Skin, White Masks, Frantz Fanon expresses that “To speak a language is to
take on a world, a culture.”9 Despite this, I didn’t inhabit the multiple worlds of these
languages as much I inhabited the liminal space in between. One of my first memories
of this linguistic dissonance was in my early years of primary school when I was
regularly taken out of lessons in order to attend a support class aimed towards
children who spoke English as a foreign language. I didn’t understand why I was
required to attend at the time, and apparently my parents were unaware of this, which
leads me to suspect that my racial identity or multilingualism may have been factors
which caused me to be seen as “foreign enough” to qualify for this support class.
Developing in a darkroom
at any given time, my family was one of less than a handful of East Asian families in
the community. I attended the local primary and secondary schools, and while I don’t
my social interactions with peers were often limited to within school hours. As such,
At six years of age, I was exposed to yet another language at home: music. I began
piano lessons with my sister, ten years my senior, as my first teacher. I vaguely
didn’t necessarily understand the intricacies at first, but I was still able to play.
considerable amount of time correcting years later. After my first year and a half of
lessons, I began studying with the local teacher who had taught my sister, who was
understanding of playing the piano. The following years were slow and unremarkable;
I progressed through grade exams and that was the extent of my musical activity until
this teacher introduced me to playing popular music hits, which I often picked out by
ear (partially due to poor sight reading). My ability to relate to this music led to an
junior department of what was then known as the Dublin Institute of Technology
(DIT) Conservatory of Music and Drama. This was of course life-changing, but
looking back, it was also a result of multiple coincidences. For example, my parents
were reluctant to drive me to the audition but changed their mind as my sister was
sitting exams at her university nearby, and after auditioning, I was only permitted to
attend because I had been awarded an entrance scholarship. Most memorably, I had
played two grade exam pieces before being asked if I had something “different” to
The Beatles. It seemed that I had fallen onto this road by accident.
It was from my piano lessons with Catherina Lemoni O’Doherty at the Junior
Conservatory that I developed a passion for music. In addition to being my first point
As I entered both my teenage years and secondary school, I became increasing self-
same time I had started becoming successful in youth piano competitions, and I
inevitably found refuge in Western classical music, where I believed I had earned my
international competitions and masterclass courses, and was constantly on the internet
Racialisation of identity:
As I waded deeper into the world of Western classical music, I also learned what it
Soundtracks of Asian America, Grace Wang discusses the notion of one’s “innate
capacity” to understand Western classical music, which is “an inheritance that accrues
value as an essence one is born into” and therefore intrinsically tied to the musician’s
racialised identity.10 According to this idea, East Asian musicians cannot inherit this
innate capacity to fully understand the music of European composers who effectively
form the Western classical music canon. While East Asian musicians are statistically
well-represented within the world of Western classical music, this seemingly positive
Western classical music, with East Asian musicians often described as inauthentic,
For example, whilst giving a public masterclass at the Juilliard School in New York in
controversial and racially-charged remarks towards two students of part Asian descent,
telling them that their playing was too “perfect” and that it needed “a little more
vinegar - or soy sauce”.12 He also questioned their ability to play lyrically, making
unable to play with emotion by claiming, “I know in Korea they don’t sing.” When
one of the students explained that she wasn’t Korean and was instead of Japanese
descent, he replied, “In Japan, they don’t sing either.” This particular interaction
East Asian people, assuming their lack of individuality and erasing the diversity of
East Asian cultures, which in turn reinforces other racialised biases towards them.13 It
is worth noting that this controversy occurred months after the publishing of the
opinion piece Asians are represented in Classical Music, but are they seen? by Javier
C. Hernandéz in the New York Times (who later reported on this in the same
publication).14
11. Hernández, “Asians are represented in Classical Music, but are they seen?”
12. Laurie Niles, “Juilliard acts after Pinchas Zukerman uses ‘offensive cultural
stereotypes’,” violinist.com, June 27, 2021, accessed 30 January 2022,
https://www.violinist.com/blog/laurie/20216/28825/
13. Lisa Ko, “Harvard and the Myth of the Interchangeable Asian,” The New York
Times, October 13, 2018, accessed June 10, 2023,
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/10/13/opinion/sunday/harvard-and-the-myth-of-the-
interchangeable-asian.html
14. Javier C. Hernández, “Violinist Apologises for ‘Culturally Insensitive’ Remarks
About Asians,” The New York Times, last updated November 31, 2021, accessed 30
January 2022, https://www.nytimes.com/2021/06/28/arts/music/pinchas-zukerman-
13
However, these stereotypes are not modern inventions or restricted within the bounds
of Western classical music, and as documented by Tchen and Yeats in Yellow Peril!:
historically reflected on the psyche of the Western mind which fears retribution for
domination (see Figure 1), which in a cyclical fashion justifies imperialism as a way
for the West to survive.15 The prevalence of such fears can be traced back in Western
history such as the implementation of the 1882 Chinese Exclusion Act, which banned
white Americans (as a result of Chinese people taking their job opportunities) and
declining wages for American workers.16 Perhaps the tropes of Asian “hordes”
invading Western classical music mirror Western musicians’ own fears of being
replaced.17
Figure 1: “The Mongolian Octopus - His Grip on Australia”, by Philip May, The Bulletin, August 21, 1886
As argued by Edward Said in Orientalism, Orientalist tropes such as those above exist
as part of a system of representations that consolidates biases and beliefs about the
Orient into “knowledge” over time.18 Being insecure about my own Otherness in my
mid-teen years and having seen these stereotypes about East Asian musicians
constantly perpetuated in online spaces and often in person, I also believed this
In her seminal book Powers of Horror (1982), the French-Bulgarian philosopher and
the feeling of disgust caused by the lack or breakdown of distinction between the Self
and the Other.19 The cognitive dissonance behind my inability to reject this
representation while being subject to it may have well come from the disgust at
finding myself constantly abjected and existing in between cultures. Drawing upon
Kristeva’s concept, Karen Shimakawa discusses in her book National Abjection the
consistent exclusion and othering of Asian and Asian American identity in U.S.
absorbed into “honorary whiteness”.20 Perhaps because I did not possess an “innate
somehow avoid racialised biases and signal to others that I was different from other
Edward Said posits that Orientalism serves as a foil to construct a Western self-
identity through binary opposition.21 Mina Yang comments on the trope of the Asian
automaton, noting how it “casts Asians on the other side of a binary opposition vis-à-
vis Westerners: Asians have the technique, Westerners have the heart, the soul.”22 In
this scenario, I saw other East Asian pianists as a monolith (and myself conveniently
as an exception), and attempted to define who I was by defining who I was not. To
19. Julia Kristeva, Powers of Horror: An Essay on Abjection (New York: Columbia
University Press, 1982), 9.
20. Shimakawa, National abjection.
21. Said, Orientalism, 44.
22. Mina Yang, “East Meets West in the Concert Hall,” in Planet Beethoven
(Connecticut: Wesleyan University Press, 2014), 79.
16
unconsciously avoiding fast, bravura repertoire and instead opting to perform works
voluntarily.
At the age of 18, I began my undergraduate studies at the Royal College of Music in
London. It was during the first year of my life in London that I gradually became
more comfortable with my Otherness, being situated in a large metropolitan city with
a culturally diverse population. It was also when I began to truly witness the extent of
the bias faced by East Asian students at the College, who make up a relatively large
student asking why there were so many East Asian students in what was “supposed”
to be a British conservatoire, not aware that I was sitting at the same table. In 2020, a
video made by a group of students circulated on social media, with its caption making
derogatory references to a “bat-eating” Chinese person being the cause for the
cancellation of exams that year. A more recent example was when a female Chinese
violin student had progressed to the final round of a certain internal competition, and
two of her Western colleagues were heard to be complaining that her success was
solely due to her being an East Asian woman, as though her sexuality preceded her
Critic in which Lebrecht criticises Yuja Wang extensively for her choice in concert
17
attire and makes little reference to her performance.23 I understood from this that there
That July, I attended the Mozarteum Summer Academy in Salzburg with those
questions at the front of my mind. Having experienced the Western classical music
tradition at its historical epicentre, the birthplace of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, I also
began asking myself to what extent I could personally relate to an art tradition
originating from medieval Western Europe, which has both benefited from and
furthered Western imperialism around the world, and has changed the course of my
family history.
Over half a year later, in March 2020, the COVID-19 pandemic put the world to a
anxiety and tension to surface in society. The virus is thought to have originated in
Wuhan, China, and as a result, East and Southeast Asian (ESEA) diaspora
communities in the West were racially scapegoated as the cause for the global
pandemic. According to UK police data, in the first quarter of 2020 there was a 300%
rise in hate crimes reported by members of the ESEA diaspora, compared to 2018 and
23. Norman Lebrecht, “Spare us the skintight sonata,” The Critic, November 2021,
accessed May 10, 2023, https://thecritic.co.uk/issues/november-2021/spare-us-the-
skintight-sonata/
24. Protection Approaches, “COVID-related hate: East and Southeast Asian
communities’ experiences of racism during the COVID-19 pandemic,” Protection
Approaches, October 2020, https://img1.wsimg.com/blobby/go/131c96cc-7e6f-4c06-
ae37-6550dbd85dde/Covid-related%20hate%20briefing%20FINAL.pdf
18
person not only existing in the world of Western classical music, but also existing in a
Western society. In Black Skin, White Masks, Fanon observes, “The colonised is
elevated above his jungle status in proportion to his adoption of the mother country’s
out of my control, such as the COVID-19 pandemic. With that said, I also recognise
minority myth, which suggests that certain minority groups such as East Asians are
inherently less problematic (for white Western society) than others, which ultimately
Because the COVID-19 pandemic forced the majority of the world to exist
temporarily in an online space, I was able to find many resources to learn more about
my diasporic identity, racism and its surrounding issues. One of the books which
became popular during this time was Cathy Park Hong’s 2020 book Minor Feelings, a
collection of seven essays written by Park, an award winning poet, through which she
examines her experiences as a Korean American woman who has throughout her
predominantly white spaces.27 The publication of this book and the cultural context in
necessity for the East Asian diaspora worldwide, with the British-Japanese singer-
songwriter Rina Sawayama releasing a song entitled Minor Feelings in 2022. What
resonated with me the most in Hong’s writing was how she foregrounds her own
suffering and mental health, often a neglected subject for East Asian artists, which in
“A study to unlearn”:
COVID-19 lockdown restrictions in the UK in August 2020, and having been isolated
socially and artistically for the past 4 months, I was particularly invigorated to
collaborate with someone who would understand the constant feeling of being in
cultural purgatory. As such, I approached the British-Chinese composer Alex Ho, who
graduation recital exam programme in the summer of 2021. I distinctly remember first
encountering Alex’s music when I watched a live YouTube broadcast of his cross-
compositional output was driven by his exploration of his transcultural identity, which
was similar to mine. For the first time in my life I had actually felt represented not
only by seeing a classical musician with the same yellow skin as mine, but by a
musician who was aware of the white mask they had to don in order to navigate the
Our online conversations immediately became a safe space to discuss our similar
Theresa Hak Kyung Cha’s genre-bending Dictée; our postcolonial positionality (both
as people born to parents from Hong Kong who had emigrated to the UK); and the
feeling of perpetual foreignness in the Western World and, by extension, the world of
21
Western classical music.28 When Alex began work on the commissioned piece, he
completed Knuckleduster.
question: “what can we do when the language we distrust is the only one we know?”.
The piece, which lasts 5 minutes in duration, is marked “violent”, and is characterised
dynamics. What is most noticeable about Knuckleduster is its use of a light extended
technique which involves the pianist striking the body of the piano (i.e. not the
keyboard) with their palm to create a non-pitched, percussive sound which resonates
The beginning of the piece is highly chromatic and tonally ambiguous, especially with
the palm strikes which interject the pitched notes (Example 2).
28. Theresa Hak Kyung Cha, Dictée, (Berkeley: University of California Press, 2001).
22
However, the piece becomes increasingly diatonic, revealing itself to what is almost a
strikes (Example 3) and violent cluster chords (Example 4) which are also struck with
the performer’s palm, ending with an instruction to “slam upper arms across keyboard”
(Example 5).
Knuckleduster was the first musical work in my repertoire through whose study and
who as a Marxist composer was acutely aware of the didactic and political power of
…one has to imagine the piece of music as consisting not only of notes or
deconstruct and destroy negative stereotypes forcefully imposed onto East Asian
musicians. The piece rejects the Western audience’s racialised expectations of not
only the performer - myself, an East Asian male pianist - but also Alex Ho, an East
individuals with a common goal to create their own space in an existing system which
cheek homage to technical exercises for piano students, reminiscent of those written
by Carl Czerny or Hanon, through the extensive and almost on-the-nose featuring of
stereotype of East Asian performers being perceived as mindless automatons who are
technically proficient but not musically genuine, and in postmodern ironic humour he
challenges this trope by corrupting these references with violent cluster chords,
29. Frederic Rzewski, “Music and Political Ideals,” in Nonsequiturs: Writings &
Lectures on Improvisation, Composition and Interpretation, edited by Gisela
Gronemeyer and Reinhard Oehlschlägel (Cologne: Edition MusikTexte, 2007), 198-
200.
25
barbaric palm strikes to the body of the piano, and the work’s overall chaotic structure.
commissioned works by inviting the performer to take an active role throughout the
Reifying struggle:
taxing piece to perform, challenging the physical capabilities of the performer and to
some extent actualising the struggle against systemic biases imposed on East Asian
musicians by Western audiences. This idea of reifying struggle through music is not
dissimilar to Frederic Rzewski’s The People United Will Never Be Defeated! for
piano (1975), an hour-long set of 36 variations on ¡El pueblo unido jamás será
vencido!, a Chilean protest song which became the anthem of the leftist resistance to
the miltary junta regime under Augusto Pinochet. As pointed out by the composer-
recording the piece as a single take, because, to paraphrase him, ‘You’re supposed to
hear the pianist getting exhausted.’.”30 Due to lockdown restrictions at the time, the
first time I performed this piece on a grand piano (and subsequently the first time I
could execute the required extended techniques) was when I recorded this work for its
online premiere at the 2021 Chinese Arts Now Festival. I recall only being able to
30. Conrad Tao, “Remembering Frederic Rzewski,” Conrad Tao, June 26, 2021,
accessed June 3, 2023, https://www.conradtao.com/news/remembering-frederic-
rzewski
26
record three takes, as my palms became red, swollen and numb from the striking of
The use of both the keyboard and the piano body in Knuckleduster is also a comment
experience the sonic and visual breakdown of the distinction between the Self (the
keyboard) and the Other (the piano body), the latter of which is rarely included (and
and executing its extended techniques, I subvert the audience’s expectations of what a
solo piano work should be, both visually and sonically. It also occasionally challenges
me to cause some degree of friction with concert organisers and performance venue
stage managers whenever I propose to perform it, which in turn challenges the model
minority myth.
The sheer physicality and abrasiveness associated with performing Knuckleduster has
also led me to consider how I and others may perceive my masculine identity,
man. In New Masculinities on the Piano, Shzr Ee Tan examines a video of a young
Lang Lang in the practice room, positing how visible “kung-fu inpired” physicality
“may situate him within the gender-neutral category of a freak-show animal” or even
of the emasculated Asian male, which others Asian men by portraying them as
physically and sexually inferior, with the aim to reinforce racial hierarchies and
justify colonialist subjugation by the hypermasculine West.33 Instead, this work draws
interpretation is further exacerbated by the fact that I chose to shun the formal
Western suit in favour of a tangzhuang for the live premiere of this piece at my
Bachelor of Music final year recital exam (as seen in Figure 2). My attire, coupled
with the physical palm strikes of the piano body (Figure 3), evoke images of someone
practising Chinese martial arts, or more specifically, the flurried Wing Chun “chain-
punches” highlighted in the Ip Man film franchise starring Donnie Yen (Figure 4).
Figure 2
Figure 3
Figure 4
With that said, instead of thinking about how I perform my gender specifically as an
postnational context, especially given my diasporic identity. In recent years, there has
been an emerging prevalence of East Asian media presence within the Western
increase in white Western consumption of cultural exports directly from the continent
of East Asia.35
For East Asian men in particular, due to the immense popularity of K-Pop boy band
acts such as BTS and TV shows such as the recent South Korean-produced reality
competition Physical: 100 which extensively features athletic, muscular East Asian
men engaged in intense physical activity, the hegemonic view of the emasculated
Asian male has been challenged, leading to the broadening of how “Asian masculinity”
perhaps this cultural shift and the normalisation of East Asian men in the mainstream
Yunchan Lim (Cliburn 2022), Eric Lu (Leeds 2018), Yekwon Sunwoo (Cliburn 2017)
and Seong-Jin Cho (Chopin 2015), three of whom (Lim, Sunwoo and Cho) also
happen to hail from South Korea. From a brief survey of concert reviews and social
media comments, I have noticed that these pianists are generally not perceived as part
of an “Asian invasion” of Western classical music, and that their racialised identities
35. Julia Hollingsworth, “Why the past decade saw the rise and rise of East Asian pop
culture,” CNN, December 28, 2019, accessed June 10, 2023,
https://edition.cnn.com/2019/12/28/entertainment/east-asia-pop-culture-rise-intl-
hnk/index.html
36. Kirsten Younghee Song and Victoria Velding, “Transnational Masculinity in the
Eyes of Local Beholders? Young Americans’ Perception of K-Pop Masculinities,”
The Journal of Men’s Studies 28 No.1 (2020): 3–21.
30
In terms of where I position myself in relation to this, while I feel that normalisation
within the mainstream is important for marginalised groups, I am also wary of how
acceptance into “honorary whiteness” may place one into cultural limbo, as per
effort to deliberately reify my cultural identity on my own terms not only through how
artist.
In the opening essay of Minor Feelings, Cathy Park Hong writes on the difficulty of
As an East Asian person with no familial background in Western classical music, born
centuries after the creation of the “canon” of the art tradition, despite spending the
majority of my life honing the mastery of the only artistic discipline I know, one of
my greatest frustrations was my inability to personally connect with what I was doing
as I felt that it didn’t necessarily reflect on any aspect of either my own identity or
contemporary culture. Like Hong, I saw my own hand “dissolve” under the
having realised the white mask I had donned. For a long period of time, I held onto
permanently inaccessible, until I realised that I had the agency to somehow make it
more accessible (at the very least to myself) and express it in my own terms.
Knuckleduster was the first step I took in the process of shedding the mask.
Knuckleduster was premiered at my Bachelor of Music final year recital at the Royal
College of Music in 2021, for which I presented a programme of the four Chopin
Ballades, each paired carefully with works by East Asian composers (Tan Dun, Karen
Tanaka and Alex Ho), with Ho’s Knuckleduster following Chopin’s Ballade No.4 and
concluding the recital. The reason for this particular programming was firstly to
Secondly, I wished to subvert expectations of how the Ballades are presented through
statement of values which reflected not only on my educational journey within the
Royal College of Music, but also on my rather complex relationship with Western
classical music tradition, as someone who is a product of two cultures (Irish and Hong
Kong Hakka Chinese) whose histories have been shaped significantly by the effects of
Western imperialism.
Since then, I have begun to develop my ability to create programmes which curate
which I have first-hand knowledge. Most recently, for my Master of Music graduation
32
American artist Theresa Hak Kyung Cha, whose multilingual, multi-disciplinary book
I have been able to reclaim the art form for myself as something which finally not
only represents but also corporalises my existence, as someone who has historically
been excluded from the tradition (without the need to suppress the expression of my
something productive and new instead of solely reconstructing the historical past.
Since then I’ve collaborated with other composers of East Asian descent, and in 2022
piano piece which paid homage to our mutual interest in math rock, a genre itself
which has been pioneered by the virtuoso guitarist Yvette Young (of the band Covet)
trained pianist. Being able to commission and perform a more diverse body of works
with which I can personally identify has led to a greater feeling of ownership of
myself as an artist.
It wasn’t until one particular therapy session I attended earlier this year, shortly before
the realisation that so much of my musical life had been driven by feelings of anger
and resentment of having to constantly make space for myself, while the majority of
my white colleagues didn’t have nearly the same burden to carry. It was extremely
difficult to acknowledge and accept my frustration at first, but in doing so, I was able
to understand what made me an artist and build something positive out of that.
With this in mind, I’m reminded of how the genre of hip hop evolved as a tool for
many Black Americans to reclaim their own narratives and to reckon with their
positionality in a post-Reagan, post crack-epidemic society in the late 1980s and early
West Coast popular culture and reflected on the growing discontentment among urban
youth against white American authority. Tupac Shakur, inspired by the political ethos
of his Black Panther family members, often utilised his music as a vehicle to spread
political awareness to his audience. The Atlanta duo OutKast reclaimed and
recontextualised the “Southern hustler” image and the characteristic “drawl” common
in Southern U.S. accents through their music and accompanying music videos (which
West and East Coasts at the time.41 The subversiveness and political significance of
hip hop music is built upon both Black and white audiences’ expectations and
40. Pablo Lopez, “The Reagan Era’s Effect on Hip Hop (and Vice Versa): How Hip
Hop Gained Consciousness,” Historical Perspectives: Santa Clara University
Undergraduate Journal of History, Series II Vol. 23, Article 12 (2019).
41. Leah Rosenberger, “The Southern Variety of Outkast and DJ Skrew,” by leah!,
November 25, 2018, accessed June 6, 2023,
http://sites.utexas.edu/leahkatelynrose/2018/11/25/the-southern-variety-of-outkast-
and-dj-screw/
34
understanding of who is performing, where they represent, and their ability to present
Similarly, the weight of the context behind Knuckleduster relies on the positionality
which also says much about the unspoken Eurocentric assumptions about the
universality of the Western classical canon. Through performing this work and
have been able to reclaim my own narrative and struggle against abjection from the
42. Felicia Angeja Viator, "A Very Brief History of Authenticity in Hip-Hop," Los
Angeles Review of Books, June 5, 2020, accessed June 6, 2023,
https://lareviewofbooks.org/article/a-very-brief-lesson-on-authenticity-and-hip-hop/
35
Conclusion
The initial purpose of this autobiographical reflection was to examine my musical life
so far, how others perceive me and how I perceive myself through the lens of my
primarily discussed my early life and development as a young pianist before the
yellow peril stereotypes and abjection through the reference of sources from my
and performance of his solo piano work Knuckleduster, I was able to recontextualise a
language which I previously felt perpetually excluded from and reclaim it in order to
The process of writing this autobiographical reflection has revealed to me that the
development of my world view is dependent on the fact that nothing is ever constant.
This dissertation began as a research project which aimed to find hard truths about
to be an answer to my doubts about Western classical music, and instead it gave rise
to even more questions about where I stand. Through this, I’ve learned that in my
very core, I am often better suited to ask questions than to answer them, and perhaps
that is something worth celebrating and building upon rather than being frustrated
about.
36
has opened the door to a new chapter which is centred around my liberation as a
performer. The impact of my research and my reflexivity as a pianist, which has been
the possibilities presented by this newly found liberation and as such, I now look
forward to exploring the world around me with even more rigour, proudly in my
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