“In the beginning

was the Word,

and the Word was with God,
and the Word was God.”
The Gospel of John 1:1

THE BEST BIBLE STORIES | 1

2 | THE BEST BIBLE STORIES
Welcome to
the mystery!
In my 36 years as a church people. The Bible touches lives! through artfully crafted stained
Q pastor, nothing has given me
greater satisfaction than watch-
The Bible is full of great stories:
tales of lust, murder, and revenge
glass windows. Fast-forward to the
1990s, and Larry the Cucumber on
ing someone’s eyes light up as right there alongside those of “VeggieTales” was busy doing the
they describe how the Bible has courage, forgiveness, and hope. same job. Today, Bible apps have
provided them comfort, cour- To date it has been translated into made history’s best-selling book
age, insight, or truth. Skeptics and over 2,100 different languages; instantly available on your pone.
scholars can debate whether or not every year more Bibles are printed The methods change, but the
the stories in the Bible are myths and sold worldwide than any other stories remain.
or history, but there’s no debating nonfiction book. That’s why we created this
the impact these tales can have on Yet despite all this availability, magazine. Today’s world requires a
many people who own a copy don’t fresh look at this ancient wisdom,
read it because—let’s face it—it can so the Bible’s beauty and insights
be intimidating. can be brought to life for modern
This isn’t a new problem. Over audiences. With this format, our
the millenia, each new generation aim is to present these timeless
has tried to reinterpret the Bible stories in a colorful, digestible way.
through the language and images Who knows? Maybe it will inspire
of their day. During medieval times, you to dive deeper into what many
when the vast majority of the faith- have called “the greatest story ever
ful were illiterate, the great cathe- told.” —Jeff Ebert, Bible teacher, life
drals of Europe told Biblical stories coach, and author

THE BEST BIBLE STORIES | 3

 2 WELCOME TO THE MYSTERY!
6 PART I: THE OLD TESTAMENT
8 THE CREATION STORY
p. 10 How every element in heaven and on Earth—
the birds and the bees and the flowers and the
trees—was created in a short seven days.
10 THE GARDEN OF EDEN
In our earliest account of temptation and sin,
Adam and Eve defy the Lord’s command...and
define what it means to be human.
12 NOAH’S ARK
A hard rain is gonna fall...and God’s creatures
waddling onto a ship for safety sets the stage for
a tale of destruction and mass extinction.
14 SODOM AND GOMORRAH
Twin cities of decadence and evil beckon the
wrath of God to their doorstep for a punishment
that wll never be forgotten.
16 THE RISE OF JOSEPH
A pious man has to overcome jealousy, betrayal,
p. 12 and family issues like nobody else. But he finds
favor with God...and with Egypt’s Pharaoh.
18 THE EPIC STORY OF MOSES
Abandoned as a baby and exiled as a man,
Moses frees his Israelite people from slavery and
leads them to the Promised Land.
26 THE WALLS OF JERICHO
God promised Jericho’s fortification would be
conquered. Armies cry, trumpets sound, and the
walls come tumbling down.
28 SAMSON AND DELILAH
Passion, lust, betrayal: The Bible’s sauciest story
concerns an impossibly strong hero and his
gold-digging, scissor-happy lover.
30 THE STORY OF RUTH
Hard work, loyalty, and perseverance make a
troubled young widow the golden girl of the
Middle East.
32 DAVID AND GOLIATH
A classic underdog story, where a shepherd boy
overcomes an armed and angry giant with just
five stones and a pocket full of faith.
34 THREE AND ½ KINGS
p. 18 Being king ain’t all it’s cracked up to be. The
strengths, shortcomings, and legacies of three
Israeli kings...and one who almost made it.
42 THE STORY OF ESTHER
A brave but unlikely Jewish queen turns the
tables on a sneaky, no-good, would-be murderer.
44 THE TRIALS OF JOB
An endless parade of misery, pain, and
heartbreak only strengthens this man’s
willingness to serve the Lord.
46 PSALMS
A collection of the Bible’s most inspirational
praises honor God and promise redemption
for mankind.
50 PROVERBS
These nuggets of ancient wisdom about work,
family, life, and love have stood the test of time.

4 | THE BEST BIBLE STORIES

 Contents /
THE BEST BIBLE STORIES

54 THE SONG OF SONGS

Amid the Bible’s countless tales of battles,
betrayals, murder, and chaos hides this sweet
p. 28
story of young love and innocence.
56 THE PROPHETS
Some among the faithful were given the gift of
prophecy. Hear their trials and tribulations...and
predictions of what’s to come.
60 JONAH AND THE WHALE
The legendary whale’s tale, concerning a
man who was swallowed whole—and
how defying God’s commandments left
him floundering.
62 PART II: THE NEW TESTAMENT
64 THE BIRTH OF JESUS
The miraculous virgin birth of Jesus Christ
marks the fulfilment of ancient prophecy and the
beginning of eternal life for man.
66 THE TWELVE APOSTLES
A closer look at Jesus’ most faithful followers,
marked by miracles and human frailty.
68 THE PARABLES OF JESUS
Storytelling at its finest, Jesus’ parables offer life
lessons to the faithful through short, relatable
narratives.
72 THE LORD’S PRAYER
p. 60
Asked by a follower how humans should pray to
God, Jesus delivered this simple prayer, which
distills God’s will into an easily remembered
call-to-action prayer.
74 THE MIRACLES OF JESUS
Turning water into wine, walking on water,
healing lepers: Jesus’ amazing miracles defy
logic and inspire faith among his followers.
78 THE LAST SUPPER
Jesus breaks bread with his Apostles, knowing
the end is near...and knowing that one of His
trusted apostles has betrayal on his mind.
80 THE CRUCIFIXION
Jesus’ earthly life comes to a public and tragic
end after his arrest, flogging, humiliation, and a
long and crushing final walk.
82 THE RESURRECTION
The stone blocking Jesus’ tomb has been rolled
away, and Jesus’ body is gone—revealing the
great mystery and miracle of his resurrection.
84 THE CONVERSION OF SAUL
Saul was a famous persecutor of Christians...until
he was struck blind by the Lord and converted
to Christianity.
86 THE EPISTLES
Early Christian leaders received these letters of
encouragement (and warnings) to help solidify
the teachings of the early Church.
88 THE BOOK OF REVELATION p. 78
Seven Angels, the Beast, the Plagues, the Whore
of Babylon: This dream prophecy of the end of
the world offers hope for the saved...and doom
for the damned.
95 MASTHEAD AND PHOTO CREDITS

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 Part I: The Old

ommonly called the (Joshua to Esther) follow the

C Old Testament, the

Scriptures of the
ancient Jewish people
tell the story of God’s earliest
interactions with humanity. The
nomadic Israelites as they move
into the land promised to them
by God, chronicling the rise
and fall of Israel. The following
five “wisdom books” (Job to
39 books try to answer three the Song of Songs) express a
big questions: Why are we here? wide range of emotions and
Why is the world so messed up? insights on life’s greatest pains
And what is God doing to make and pleasures. Finally, the final
things right? section of 17 “prophetic books”
The first five books—also called (Isaiah thru Malachi) speak
the Torah, or Pentateuch—reveal God’s truth to corrupt kings,
the character of God through and to the hope that God will
the story of the Israelites. The establish a Kingdom filled with
next 12 “historical books” righteousness and peace.

6 | THE BEST BIBLE STORIES

Testament

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The Creation Story
In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth. We thought
the best way to represent this might be to use a workflow-style diagram.

JOB TITLE: Genesis

GOAL: Create Universe
LIGHT / DARK
LAUNCH DATE: 0.07 START WITH A BANG!

DAY S? ? Create space. (Make sure it’s

it’s big
big enough!)
enough!)
S e ve n g o i ng t o Fill with Divine illumination so we can see

Th i s i s m i r a c l e !
?
ndi n g what we’re doing.
Ex p a
take a
Add matter and energy.
Light/dark contrast
very important!
N e e ds a fo r m u
la .. .

SUN / MOON BIRDS / FISH

ADD POPULATION FOR AIR /
MAKE TIME TO
WATER INITIATIVE.
CREATE TIME. Design team: Deploy fish, reptiles,
Put all the stars birds, bugs, amphibians.
and galaxies in
Be creative! Use a LOT of color.
motion. Bring
Make them self-reproducing.
up the lights.
Create A re we s u re
planetary orbits. we w a nt
Divide up m o s q u ito e s?
day from night.

8 | THE BEST BIBLE STORIES

 The Old Testament / THE BEST BIBLE STORIES

LAND / SEA
AIR / WATER
DRY OUT SOME LAND.
PLANET DEVELOPMENT! 23. PLANT SOME SEEDS.
5°
Make sure at least one of Trees, flowers, vines, etc.
them has water and air. Fruit—what kinds?
W h at c o lo r sh
o u ld a n o ra n g
e b e?
Add a Create vegetables!
23.5° tilt.
(Important ids
W i l l k m? M EMO TO S E LF
:
when we add e
seasons!) e at t h C re ate s o m e
k ids (l ate r).

Separate air and water.

VACATION / REST
ANIMALS / HUMANS
CELEBRATE!
LIVESTOCK, WILD ANIMALS, Job well done!
SNAKES, ETC. St i l l
! Kick back and enjoy the view.
re epy
People time! Male and female, c
in Creator’s image. (Names?)
Eternal soul? YES
Moral compass? YES
hammock.
Make them caretakers
Create
of Creation.
caterer.

As told in Genesis 1:1-31 and 2:1-3

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The Garden of Eden
Adam and Eve’s temptation in the Garden, culminating in their forced departure, felt
best represented by a typical host/guest conversation in an online lodging app.

10 | THE BEST BIBLE STORIES

E
The Old Testament /
THE BEST BIBLE STORIES

Hello God. This is Eve. Adam and I are so excited about our upcoming stay in Eden. Looks beautiful!!

A Hey! This is Adam. Super pumped to get there.

Great to have you. Blue sky, warm water, great food. Perfect place for your honeymoon. G

E Looks like it from the pictures. Paradise!

Thank you. I did most of the work myself. G

A We’ll try not to mess it up! LOL!

You’ve read the house rules, right? G

E Yes, thx. We do have a few questions.

Fire away. G

A Eden doesn’t have any ratings yet. Have you had guests?

We just opened. G

A Cool. OK, here goes…We like the outdoors. Any place to go kayaking?

You’re right between two rivers—Euphrates and Tigris. Still water up to class 3. Nothing too dangerous. G

A Awesome, thanks. I’m studying agriculture and Eve is a budding arborist. Any places to take a picnic?

Definitely. Acres of farmland and gardens. Fruit orchards galore. G

A What kinds?

Dates, pomegranates, lemons, guava, oranges, olives. Two trees are off limits
(my private collection / also in the house rules). Everything else is yours to enjoy. G

E Any apples? #yum

No. Sorry. G

E Can we bring our own?

Immigration won’t allow. Pretty strict about contraband. G

E What’s your policy on animals?

Just walk out your door! All the animals roam Eden freely, and they’re all docile and friendly. Even the lions. G

A Unbelievable. Do they have names?

You can call ‘em whatever you like, I guess. G

E Any other amenities?

Umm…we do have a talking . G

E A what?

I know. Kind of an anomaly. G

A I don’t think we need any of that.

Shouldn’t have mentioned it. G

A Final question: Dress code?

Clothing is optional everywhere in Eden. G

E Srsly?

Yes, srsly. No shame here; nobody to see you if you’re naked. You might not even know it yourself! G

E Well, this all sounds awesome.

A You’ll probably have to kick us out, haha

LOL G

A How do we find you when we arrive?

No worries. I’m usually walking in the garden in the cool of day. I’ll find you. G

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Noah’s Ark
As Noah led his family and flocks into the Ark, it must have been a huge spectacle.
We wanted to capture the moment with network-TV-style parade banter.

12 | THE BEST BIBLE STORIES

 The Old Testament / THE BEST BIBLE STORIES

JONATHAN: We are coming to you live from in! It’s already drizzling out here, but the mous ship, hand-made from gopher wood,
Mesopotamia, where a strange forecast is calling for an astonishing 40 days capable of taking on thousands of creatures.
phenomenon is taking place. and 40 nights of rain. JONATHAN: That CANNOT smell very good
ABIGAIL: Townspeople first reported JONATHAN: Around town they’re saying in there.
this morning that hundreds and hundreds that God made a deal with a 600-year-old ABIGAIL: Look at these birds! I see ravens,
of animals, in a two-by-two formation, have man named Noah, to save his family from and doves, flying through the storm!
been walking down the main road an impending disaster. Which I guess is
JONATHAN: On the ground, people are
for hours. this storm?
starting to run for shelter from this tor-
JONATHAN: We’ve got zebras, armadil- ABIGAIL: Maybe. People here are very rential downpour, which only seems to be
los, giraffes. Snakes and birds. A lion and confused, Jonathan. They are watching this getting worse.
lioness. Kangaroos. Even pairs of bears crazy parade of animals and they are search-
ABIGAIL: Looks like the last of the
waddling by! ing for answers.
animal pairs have made their way up the
ABIGAIL: Now, are there only two of every JONATHAN: Well, I don’t think the spec- gangway. It’s the turtles, of course—no
animal? I feel like I’m seeing more cows tacle’s going to drag them away from their big surprise there.
than cats, Jonathan. partying, gambling, and violence, do you,
JONATHAN: We’d better get going as well.
JONATHAN: No, you’re right, Abigail. Abigail?
The streets are flooding now, Noah’s three
I’m only seeing two each of the unclean ABIGAIL: [laughs] I guess not, Jonathan. Not sons are battening down the hatches, and
animals, like cats and dogs, but the clean on a Wednesday! everyone down here on the ground is begin-
animals, like goats and cattle? Looks like JONATHAN: Hang on...Now we’re getting ning to panic. Stay safe, everybody—we’ll
about seven pairs each, of those. word that the animals are being led into see you soon.
[thunder crackles] some sort of an ark on the water’s edge. ABIGAIL: [off-camera] You think that crazy
ABIGAIL: And there’s the thunder rolling ABIGAIL: Yes, they’re telling us it’s an enor- old man knows something we don’t?

BREAKING NEWS O LIVE O BREAKING NEWS O LIVE TODAY’S TOP HEADLINES...

Animals Parade Thru Streets!

LOCAL SHIPBUILDER OPENS BOAT TO FURRY FRIENDS

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The Destruction of Sod
Sinful towns destroyed by the wrath of God? Sounds like it
would take an archaeology dig to uncover the details.

14 | THE BEST BIBLE STORIES

 /
The Old Testament THE BEST BIBLE STORIES

om and Gomorrah

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16 | THE BEST BIBLE STORIES
 The Old Testament / THE BEST BIBLE STORIES

MY FELLOW
EGYPTIANS...
My name is Joseph, and I stand
before you today humbly
asking for your support in my
bid to become the Pharaoh’s
second-in-command.

Q
NOW, I UNDERSTAND SOME OF YOU MAY HAVE RESERVATIONS. excellent harvests, followed by seven years of famine. It was
It’s true that I spent 16 years as a slave. And it’s true that essential, I advised the Pharaoh, not to waste the opportunity to
I spent a decade in prison. But hear my story. stockpile grain. That prediction was also correct. Thankfully, he
I know what it’s like to pull oneself up by the sandal-straps. listened to me.
When I was young, my jealous brothers sold me to a traveling In fact, in recognition of my God-given foresight, the Pharaoh
caravan of Ishmaelites. It was here, in Egypt, that I was enslaved promoted me to chief administrator of Egypt. In this role, I suc-
by the captain of Pharaoh’s guard, Potiphar. But I knew God cessfully led our preparations for famine and ensured our land
must have had a reason for this, so I faithfully attended to my was well-stocked with food. I’m proud to say that, not only did
master’s whims. And even when his wife made inappropriate we succeed, but we had so much grain that, in the bad times, we
advances toward me—and accused me of sexual harassment were able to provide food for non-Egyptians near and far.
when I refused her—I vowed not to betray my oath. This included my own family, the people responsible for my
The decision cost me my freedom. But it did not cost me my enslavement and imprisonment 23 long years ago. That’s right:
dignity. In jail, I met two fellow prisoners who complained of In the lean years, when my hungry brothers came to Egypt in
confusing dreams. They asked me to help make sense of these search of grain, I could have used my power to bring ven-
visions. I predicted that one of them would be released—and geance. But I chose mercy. I chose grace. I welcomed them into
the other put to death. Even when it’s dangerous, I believe in my home and onto this great land...OUR great land.
always telling the truth. And I regret to say that my predictions And now, I ask you, my fellow Egyptians, to let me continue to
were correct. (Spoiler alert: They usually are.) work for you and guide this nation on our march to greatness,
Years later, word spread to the Pharaoh about my gift for so we may continue to be fruitful. Don’t vote for me because I
interpreting dreams. And so, when the Pharaoh himself had can predict the future, or because I have God’s favor. Vote for
a perplexing vision, he called on me to help make sense of it. me because I’m honest, and moral, and humble, and forgiving.
So I spoke the truth: Egypt was about to have seven years of Don’t we all need leaders we can look up to?
The Epic Story of Moses
The Ten Commandments, the parting of the Red Sea, the Promised Land:
Only a TV historical miniseries could fully cover the amazing life of Moses.

HISTORY LIVE TV PRESENTS:

Holy Moses: The Basket Baby
Who Rescued A Nation
Sundays at 8:00 PM EST

Q
From the humblest of beginnings floating in a basket down
the Nile, Moses would become the enigmatic leader who
brought Israel out of bondage and into the Promised Land.
This eight-part historical miniseries is his story...and ours.
As our tale begins, the Israelites are living as resident aliens in Egypt,
protected by their leader, Joseph: the number two man in the Egyptian
government, at the right hand of the Pharaoh himself. After Joseph dies,
all that changes. Without Joseph’s protection, the Israelites are seen as a
threat to Pharaoh’s power. They’re enslaved, and languish for 400 years
under cruel oppression.
Enter Moses, who, as an infant, was adopted into Pharaoh’s family.
As a young man schooled in leadership, Moses grows into a formidable
champion for the Hebrew people. But while defending a Hebrew slave,
Moses kills an Egyptian soldier and has to flee into the Sinai desert. After
40 years of exile, Moses encounters God as a burning bush and receives
a divine call to action: Go back to Egypt, and lead the Israelites out of
bondage. The stage is set for a dramatic power struggle between Moses
and Ramses II, with the fate of the Jewish people hanging in the balance.

EPISODE 1 – The Israelites’ future EPISODE 5 – Moses returns to

deliverer is born, floating as a baby in Pharaoh’s court and an epic struggle
a basket down the Nile and straight begins, as he goes toe-to-toe with the
into Pharaoh’s court. most powerful man in the world.

EPISODE 2 – Moses comes of age EPISODE 6 – A series of plagues

and discovers his true self as a bring Pharaoh to his knees, and a final
Hebrew. A teenage identity crisis attempt to crush Moses and the people But Moses said to
leads to a fateful decision. of Israel is foiled by God’s intervention.
God: Who am I to
EPISODE 3 – An act of rage sends EPISODE 7 – As Moses guides the
Moses into exile. On the run, he Israelites out of Egypt—through perils appear before the
spends forty years in the desert— and toward a new home—conflicts, Pharaoh? Who am I to
learning the geography he’ll later discontent, and rebellion threaten
traverse as the leader of Israel. his leadership. bring the children of
EPISODE 4 – God’s call finally comes EPISODE 8 – With the Promised Israel out of Egypt?
in a most unusual way. Family ties Land in sight, Moses gives his people
matter, as Moses finds allies in his rules to live by, and leaves his legacy
brother Aaron and his sister Miriam. to a successor.

18 | THE BEST BIBLE STORIES

 /
The Old Testament THE BEST BIBLE STORIES

THE BEST BIBLE STORIES | 19

The Old Testament / THE BEST BIBLE STORIES

EPISODE 6:
The Plagues of Egypt
Sunday at 8:00 PM EST

Moses has returned to Egypt with ground with his rod, turning the dust
Q his brother Aaron to plead with the
Pharaoh to free the enslaved Israelite
of the ground all across the country to
lice that infects every Egyptian man and
people. But the hard-hearted ruler of beast. But even after all this, the Pha- word...and the plagues return. The fifth
Egypt refuses to release his captive raoh refuses to release the Israelites. So plague delivers a pestilence that infects
workforce, setting the stage for a series the pain continues. livestock across Egypt. The sixth causes
of plagues. The fourth plague is a swarm of flies infected, painful boils to erupt on the
First, as promised by God through that settles upon every Egyptian man skin of Egyptian men and animals. Still
Moses to Pharaoh, the water of the Nile and beast, while conspicuously sparing the Pharaoh remains hard of heart.
river turns to blood. Next, millions of the Israelites. Pharaoh concedes, and And now, through Moses and Aaron,
frogs climb out of that bloody mess promises that if this plague is lifted he’ll the Lord decrees that the gloves are
and crawl all over the country, infest- let the Israelites go. But the minute the off—no more Mr. Nice Guy. He prom-
ing everything. Then, Aaron strikes the flies disappear, he goes back on his ises to deliver the worst hailstorm that

20 | THE BEST BIBLE STORIES

 Then the Lord said to
Moses: ‘Now you will
see what I will do to
Pharaoh: Because of
my mighty hand, he
WILL let them go.’

Egypt has ever seen. Frozen rocks the three days and nights. At this, the Egyp- emancipation, joins with his brother in
size of fists pummel the desert sand, tians agree to let the Israelites go, but pleading with Pharaoh, one last time, to
causing tremendous damage and death only if they leave their livestock behind. recognize the power of God and release
to every human or animal not securely The Israelites understand this condition the Israelite people from slavery at last.
sheltered. That was the seventh plague; to be a death sentence—they refuse. “Let our people go!” say the brothers—a
in the eighth, swarms of locusts scream Finally, God promises a tenth and plea that falls on deaf ears. The Angel of
through the skies, blanket the ground, final plague, that will kill every first- Death sweeps through Egypt, sparing
squeeze into every house, and eat every born child in the nation. Moses, once the Israelites, who mark their doors
leaf off every tree. The ninth plague sees the favorite of Pharaoh’s household and with lamb’s blood so the angel will “pass
Egypt plunged into total darkness for now the fulltime advocate of Hebrew over” their houses.

THE BEST BIBLE STORIES | 21

The Old Testament /
THE BEST BIBLE STORIES

This episode explores how Moses

EPISODE 7: Q frees the people of Israel at last
The Parting of the Red Sea from the tyranny of Egypt’s Pharaoh.
After a devastating succession of
plagues upon the Egyptian people, the
Sunday at 8:00 PM EST
Pharaoh finally, reluctantly, agrees to
let the Israelites go. But his thirst for

The water flowed back

and covered the
chariots and horsemen
that had followed the
Israelites into the sea.
Not one of them survived.

22 | THE BEST BIBLE STORIES

vengeance runs deep, and Moses knows through the desert that convinces for a bloody mission to drag Moses
the hard-hearted ruler can’t be trusted to the Egyptian spies among them that and his people back to Egypt, and
keep his word. Moses and the Israelites they’re lost. return them to their lives of servitude.
depart toward their future home in the The minute the Israelites are gone, The Israelite families can’t outrun the
Promised Land of Canaan, but (follow- Pharaoh deeply regrets having let his trained Egyptian army, and as the wall of
ing God’s command) they take precau- slaves escape, and vows to recapture soldiers grows closer, the Jewish people
tions including a convoluted route them. He calls for his armies to assemble become divided: Some say they should
fight, some that they should surrender
and return to Egypt, others that they
should throw themselves into the sea.
Moses grows concerned.
With an inspiring speech about the
protection and salvation of God, Moses
promises the faithful Israelites that they
will never be enslaved by the Egyptians
again. When the retreat of the Israelites
is blocked by the Red Sea, the Egyptians
are pleased, convinced they’ve cornered
their prey. But God commands Moses to
stand before the sea and stretch out his
hand, and the power of God causes the
raging waters to divide, creating massive
seawalls on other side of a dry route to
the Promised Land.
With the Egyptians closing in fast,
the exuberant Israelites race across
the muddy sand between the towering
seawalls in a last desperate race for free-
dom. The Egyptians follow them into
the temporary channel, closing the gap,
and certain of victory. But just as the
Israelites emerge from the far side, God
commands Moses to stretch out his hand
again, and the sea waters violently crash
down upon Pharoah’s army, destroy-
ing every chariot and every soldier and
delivering a final, miraculous end to the
Israelites’ servitude forever.

THE BEST BIBLE STORIES | 23

The Old Testament / THE BEST BIBLE STORIES

Then Moses entered

the cloud as he went
on up the mountain.
And he stayed on the
mountain forty days
and forty nights.

the Ark of the Covenant, a sacred golden

EPISODE 8: container to keep the Commandments
The Ten Commandments in and to serve as a channel for direct
communication with God.
and the Promised Land But down below, at the base of the
mountain, things aren’t going well.
Sunday at 8:00 PM EST Aaron has been trying to keep the
Israelites happy, but they have been
warring amongst themselves. Moses
has been gone a long time; the days
Freed from bondage and safe from the Word of God while his brother have turned into weeks, then a month.
Q the pursuing Egyptians at last,
Moses and his people journey toward
Aaron minds the flock below. On the
mountain, God is finalizing his deal
Some followers believe that Moses has
died up on the mountain, thus severing
the distant Promised Land of Canaan. with the Israelites, giving Moses the their direct relationship with God. So
On reaching Mount Sinai they pause, Ten Commandments (see sidebar) and they force his brother Aaron to sanction
and Moses climbs to the top, to receive instructions for creating and caring for making a new idol they can worship,

24 | THE BEST BIBLE STORIES

 THE TEN COMMANDMENTS:
Your User License Agreement
Q Your Creator has developed this
summary of your obligations under
your agreement. Please read them
carefully: Failure to follow these
instructions can result in termination
of your rights under this covenant,
with unintended consequences that
you will bear sole responsibility for,
including (but not limited to) grief,
pain, misery, jealousy, hate, violence,
confusion, injustice, despair and
death. Please read Exodus 20:1-17
for further details.

1 Understand, and believe, that

there is only one God.

2 Do not worship any other

gods—this would put you in
direct violation of this agreement.

3 Do not treat God’s name

lightly or with disrespect.

4 Set aside one day each week

to join others in worshipping
God, and otherwise resting. This is
the rhythm God created for life.

5 Give honor to your parents by

treating them with respect.

6 Do not kill anybody for

any reason.

7 Do not have sex with anyone

other than your spouse.

8 Do not steal anything from

anybody.

9 Do not lie, including bringing

false accusations against
any other person.
melting down the treasure they took a new agreement, where the Israelites
from Egypt into a large golden calf they
can worship.
Back on the mountaintop, God sees
agree to abide by the Commandments
(including having only one God), and
God agrees to be a direct part of their
10 Keep your desires in
check—don’t compare
yourself to others or lust after what
what’s happening below, and warns lives, directing and assisting them. they have. It will only make
Moses that he’s got to get the Ten Com- But as a penalty for their doubts, God
you miserable.
mandments in front of his flock, or risk decrees that this generation of Israelites
losing everything they’ve gained. Moses will not themselves live in the Promised
comes back down the mountain, sees Land, but will wander in the desert for
the idol worship going on, and throws forty years instead. Moses guides them
the tablets to the ground, where they all the way to the edge of the Promised
shatter. He unites Aaron and the still Land, to a point where they can literally
faithful, who slay the leaders of the see it across the Jordan River. Then he
religious rebellion in a fierce battle that passes the rule of Israel—and the final
claims some three thousand lives. steps to the Promised Land—to his son
In the end, God and Moses come to Joshua. A life well lived.
The Walls of Jericho
 /
The Old Testament THE BEST BIBLE STORIES

THE BEST BIBLE STORIES | 27

Samson and Delilah
The tragic tale of the hero Samson and his treachery at the hands of the lovely Delilah
makes the perfect romantic novella. The pitch might go something like this...

he first thing she notices is his beautiful mitment, and finally, he succumbs to her pillow talk: Shaving
hair. As the Israelite walks into the feast, his head is the only way to zap his strength.
his long tresses wave behind him like a Satisfied, Delilah sweetly lulls Samson to sleep in her lap,
chariot on fire. Delilah’s heart races; her caressing his salty skin, watching his head rise and fall against
lip quivers. It’s him, Samson, the stron- her bosom. As she runs her fingers through Samson’s flowing
gest man in the East. locks, his river of strength, she raises her eyes, silently sum-
Delilah has heard stories about this majestic, musclebound moning her servant to bring the scissors. As Samson’s hair falls
creature. Word has it that, one time, Samson ripped a lion to to the ground, so too falls his superhuman strength, his trust,
shreds with his bare hands. She also heard that he once slayed a their love—everything.
thousand men with nothing but the jawbone of a donkey. Phi- The Philistines easily capture Samson, and their revenge
listines, but still. He’s clearly strong, resourceful, dominant. is brutal. They gouge out his eyes before settling the bill with
But Delilah has a secret: She is planning to betray him. Delilah, paying handsomely for her betrayal. And they put their
When the Philistines come to Delilah, seeking revenge and blind and traumatized prize on display, chaining him to two
offering her money in exchange for information about Samson’s pillars at the temple of Dagon for all the Philistines to witness
weaknesses, she obliges. the shame of their enemy, this mighty warrior brought low.
By day, Delilah charms Samson, inflating his ego to the Powerless and ashamed, blind and bound, Samson asks
bursting point. By night, she makes fervent love to him, caress- God for forgiveness and begs for the strength to punish the
ing every inch of his brawny body with a passion he never Philistines. And God answers: Samson’s hair has begun to grow
imagined. Samson is spellbound, and the deceitful Delilah plays back, in his captivity, and his sapped strength begins to flow
on his dizzying emotions, softly prodding, under the covers, for back into his veins. Finally, before a huge gathering of Philis-
Samson to reveal the mysterious source of his strength. tines, Samson’s strength reaches a tipping point, and he man-
He doesn’t see the danger; thinks this is a game of love. He ages to break the massive support pillars to which he is chained,
teases his lover, tells her lies, and breaks free of her bondage causing the building to collapse. The catastrophe claims the
with a laugh. He keeps his secret, but Delilah doesn’t stop pry- lives of 3,000 Philistines and one humbled hero, as Delilah,
ing for the truth. She pouts, she pleads, she questions his com- with her pouch of silver, rides off into the sunset.

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The Old Testament THE BEST BIBLE STORIES

THE BEST BIBLE STORIES | 29

The Story of Ruth
We decided to tell the morality-play stories of Ruth and Esther in the form of fan reviews
of an imaginary TV show—the Heroic Housewives of Mesopotamia. (Part I of II)

FAN REVIEW: Heroic Housewives of Mesopotamia

(The Ruth Episode) Sundays at 8:00 PM EST on MCBC

I couldn’t even stay with my parents, but she decided to stay and pro- her access to the fields and even let her
Q mother-in-law through the holidays,
never mind for life! So I am a HUGE
tect her mother-in-law instead. I mean,
“Where you go I will go, and where you
keep a share of what she harvested. I
was zero percent surprised when they
Ruth fan. She’s so good to poor Naomi. lodge I will lodge?” That’s commitment, started falling for each other.
I know Naomi gets mixed reviews, but right there. And then Naomi loses it! Serious
imagine being desperate enough to So she sticks with Naomi, and that dramatic tension. She tells Ruth to go
move to Moab, then losing your husband means she’s gotta get a job, fast. At least to Boaz’s threshing floor in the middle
and both sons anyway. She’s broke, she’s Israel has some decent agriculture. of the night to “uncover his feet and lie
brokenhearted, and all she has for family When Naomi wanted to go back to Beth- down.” Woman, WHAT? Luckily, Boaz is
is her son’s wife, Ruth, in a foreign place. lehem to find food, that meant Ruth had chill and totally understands that Ruth
She could have gone back to Bethlehem, to accompany her, and struggle to find was just showing respect to her crazy
but that would have made things harder work in a foreign land. Thank God she mother-in-law; in fact, he praises Ruth
for Ruth, and she didn’t want that. Yes, met Boaz! If you ask me, his farm was for her loyalty. By the standards of his
Naomi pulls (SPOILER ALERT) a weird the best thing that happened to her. time, this guy is a prince.
stunt—we’ll get to that later. But I think Now Boaz? This dude is the only Here comes the spoiler alert...At the
overall she’s a good person that got dealt genuinely good guy in a herd of swiney end of the episode, Ruth and Boaz
a crappy hand. sexual-harrassers. Boaz literally told get married. Finally! And there’s even
But my girl Ruth? She’s a legend. She’s his men not to touch Ruth. (Shouldn’t a rumor that Ruth is expecting the
young and unskilled, and without a have to say it; glad he said it if it had to pitter-patter of little feet soon. (No,
husband or anyone else to help her, be said.) He told his regular employees not Boaz’s feet—seriously, that was a
she’s potentially an easy target for abuse. not to give her any crap, either. A man weird moment.) Anyway, SO happy to
But it doesn’t seem to faze her at all. of his power could have exploited Ruth, see Ruth get a taste of the nice life she
She could have moved back in with her but instead, Boaz cared for her. He gave deserves. Can’t wait for next season!!!

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The Old Testament THE BEST BIBLE STORIES

THE BEST BIBLE STORIES | 31

David and Goliath
Can a scrappy upstart take on a supersized champion? David vs Goliath has been the
go-to sports metaphor for so long we decided to take it to its logical conclusion...

I believe I speak for everyone across sports history. Not only were the Israelites crashed hard to the boards, knocking the
Q the Middle East when I say last night
was a game for the ages. In my 30 years
ready to go come gametime, they were
more or less in control the entire night.
wind out of himself. By the time he stag-
gered back to his feet, David had gotten
covering the MEBA (Middle East Basket- Led by recent acquisition David, an unre- the feed from his teammate, weaved in
ball Association) I have never literally markable 5’0” walk-on they picked up and out among the defenders’ legs, and
had my jaw drop, until last night. last week, the Israelites literally destroyed leaped up, again improbably high, to slam
It should have been a typical one- the Philistines last night. And it all started home a decisive dunk, triggering a thun-
sided battle. The dreaded Philistines were with the opening tip-off jump ball. derous roar from the crowd.
the visitors in the Judah Arena, as confi- Goliath came out alone to the center Goliath was so shaken up that he
dent as ever following their back-to-back circle, towering over the ref, taunting the lumbered off the court (to jeers from the
championships and an odds-on favorite Israelites’ bench. Everyone thought it crowd), ran back down the tunnel, and
for a three-peat this year. They have would be player-coach Saul who’d accept did not return to the game. The Philistines
been an absolute force to be reckoned the behemoth’s challenge for the tip-off, never recovered, and the Israelites liter-
with for as long as anyone can remember, but Saul didn’t seem anxious to embar- ally slaughtered them, 156-37. As the final
culminating in their 49-0 record rass himself like that in front of the TV buzzer went off the Israelites erupted
this year, led by their fearsome All-Star crowd. Ultimately it was the rookie David, with a great cheer, having finally defeated
center Goliath. trotting out like he owned the place. The their hated Philistine rivals—it was a vic-
There’s just no metaphor to express crowd couldn’t believe the stones on this tory for the ages.
what a giant this warrior is, in every kid, standing up to the giant. And when What was the mysterious power giving
sense of the word. Standing at a stagger- David told Goliath flat out that his God David wings? He says it’s his faith in the
ing 9’5”—we think; nobody’s ever dared was going to give him the power to defeat Lord, and already there are whispers that
to get close enough to measure him— him, the crowd actually laughed. he may have Team Captain in his future.
Goliath has plowed through opponents Then the ref tossed the ball straight up No doubt they’ll follow him anywhere
throughout his career, averaging 65.3 high, and that’s when the miracle hap- after last night’s victory. According to mul-
points per game and 48.5 boards this year. pened: David leaped impossibly high in tiple news reports this morning, Goliath
But although it started out ordinary, the air and delivered the poster of all post- has announced his immediate retirement
this Tuesday evening turned out to be ers, slamming the ball down hard, bounc- from the sport of basketball completely.
nothing short of mind blowing—honestly, ing it off Goliath’s forehead and into the Looks like sometimes, size doesn’t matter
one of the most memorable nights in hands of an Israelite teammate. Goliath after all.

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Three and ½ Kings
Faith, power, lust, betrayal: The stories captured in the Bible’s books of the
Kings sounded to us like a Game of Thrones-style TV show. Here’s the pitch.

SA
UL

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 The Old Testament / THE BEST BIBLE STORIES

3 ½ Kings: Season Overview

Everything you need to know about the hit show
everybody’s talking about.

Season One: The Fall of Saul

EPISODE 1: Our hero (for now) a morbid fear of failing in his duty
Saul is pious, charming, and toward God, and his life is begin-
bright. He only intends to visit ning to feel broken. But Saul’s
the town of Ramah briefly to see introspective brooding and long-
Samuel, Ramah’s holy man, to pray ing for his old life causes a melan-
about his missing donkeys. When choly and superstition that merge
they arrive, Samuel is hosting a into temporary madness. The king
feast, where Saul is shocked to is not well—and it’s being noticed.
learn that Samuel has chosen him
to be Israel’s next king. EPISODE 5 opens with the intro-
duction of David, a fearless shep-
IN EPISODE 2, Samuel serves as herd who is as talented a musician
Saul’s mentor. If it is God’s will, as he is a ruthless defender of his
Saul’s told, he will become a leader father’s flock. Meanwhile, Saul
on the battlefield; he must do so is spiraling out of control. His
without hesitation, though he’s a intense devotion becomes clouded
devout, peaceful man. Word comes by paranoia and what he perceives
to Saul that the city of Jabesh in as his own profound failure. David
Gilead seeks help fighting the comes to Saul as a musician, but
barbarous Ammonites. Saul leads as David’s fame grows, Saul grows
his men into a long, bloody battle, ever more jealous.
where his army defeats the Ammo-
nites and earns him the crown. EPISODE 6: In the season finale,
Saul has a vision he believes is an
IN EPISODE 3, King Saul turns to evil spirit from the Lord: David
his enemies in the west, defini- must die. As David peacefully
tively crushing the Philistines in a plays the harp, Saul tries to pin him
Saul tried to pin David succession of devastating battles. to the wall with his spear. David
Off the battlefield, Saul remains escapes and returns home, where
to the wall with the intensely devoted and subservient his life is again threatened by
spear, but he stuck to God, seeking answers and trust- Saul’s men. David races to Ramah
ing blindly. But Saul is increasingly where he finds Samuel and reveals
the spear into the wall. troubled by a mental malady. the evil acts Saul has committed.
And David fled, and Together, David and Samuel flee
BY EPISODE 4, Saul is developing to the town of Naioth.
escaped that night.
Next season: Saul’s thoughts and motivations only grow darker.

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The Old Testament / THE BEST BIBLE STORIES

Season Two: The Rise of David

IN EPISODE 1, the season opens wives and a bevy of concubines.
with the cry of a great giant. Part The once pious man is insatiable.
man, part beast, the enormous When his armies leave to wage
Philistine is Goliath, and he bel- war, David stays back. He spies
lows a demand that David come a beautiful woman bathing, and
closer. Wet with sweat, David takes learns she is Bathsheba, wife of
a step backward. As Goliath storms Uriah the Hittite—one of his best
closer to David, he hurls a stone soldiers. Forgetting loyalty and the
and embeds it between the eyes of Torah, David sends for her.
the giant, who falls in defeat.
EPISODE 5 opens with David and
EPISODE 2 introduces David’s Bathsheba making love in David’s
former life as a shepherd and quarters. It’s a hot and heavy scene
musician in a montage of events of pure lust and adrenaline. They
as he plays songs on his harp. have no worries: Uriah is away at
His songwriting tells the story of war. Bathsheba is falling in love
a life fueled by compassion and with David and, after months of
redemption, and the deep emo- this secret romance, Bathsheba
tions connected to his life of serv- reveals a secret to David: She’s
ing God and family. pregnant.

EPISODE 3 explores the break- IN EPISODE 6, David and Bath-

down of David’s relationship with sheba have a plan to hide their sin:
Saul, who has tried multiple times When Uriah returns from battle,
to kill David out of jealousy and she’ll sleep with him, to mask the
paranoia. David is clever, always baby’s paternity. But when Uriah
outsmarting Saul and his goons. refuses to sleep with his wife, a
When Saul dies on the battlefield, furious David orders him back to
David is anointed by God to save the front line of battle, where he
and rule his people. The shepherd dies. David marries Bathsheba,
has become the king. and she gives birth to their son.
But the killing (and the adultery,
EPISODE 4 reveals the changes and the scheming) gravely dis-
in David. As king, he has eight pleases the Lord.

Next season: God’s vengeance is coming.

36 | THE BEST BIBLE STORIES

 D AV I D

And Jonathan told

David: “Saul my father
seeks to kill you. Be on
your guard...stay in
a secret place and
hide yourself.

THE BEST BIBLE STORIES | 37

The Old Testament /
THE BEST BIBLE STORIES

Solomon ruled
over all the kingdoms
from the River to the
land of the Philistines
and all the way to the
border of Egypt.

38 | THE BEST BIBLE STORIES

 SO
LO
MO
N

Season Three: The Temple of Solomon

EPISODE 1 opens in Jerusalem, EPISODE 4 opens with Solomon
with Solomon overseeing the touring the final stages of the
construction of a temple and temple construction. It is adorned
150,000 workers. Although he is with gold-overlaid cedar, luxurious
the wealthiest and wisest man to furnishings, and a valuable trea-
have ever lived, nothing pleases sury, but Solomon is dissatisfied.
him more than doing the Lord’s He orders new buildings for other
work. But he is not without sin: We religions, even though he knows
see a long, feverish bedroom scene God will not be pleased.
between Solomon and a woman
(clearly a concubine), whom he IN EPISODE 5 we meet Jeroboam,
sends away afterward. the first king of the northern
kingdom of Israel. Jeroboam is
IN EPISODE 2, Solomon is alone being briefed about the tribes in
and writing in his room. We see the north, who are unhappy with
multiple books he has authored the Jerusalem royal court because
for the Old Testament. In a series of Solomon’s heavy taxes and the
of flashbacks, we see his conver- compulsory labor burdens for the
sation with God. God says “Ask king’s ambitious building projects.
for whatever you want me to give Jeroboam plots against Solomon.
you.” Solomon asks for wisdom,
but God gives Solomon more: EPISODE 6 opens in Solomon’s
wealth, possessions, and honor. quarters. He is furious that con-
struction is slow. Solomon argues
EPISODE 3 opens with Solomon in in the name of the Lord, reminding
mourning for his father, David. We everyone that he made silver and
go from the burial site to a meet- gold as common as stones in Jeru-
ing where David’s possessions—a salem, and cedar as plentiful as
massive fortune, obtained through sycamore-fig trees in the foothills.
the spoils of war—are legally He summons some concubines to
transferred to Solomon. Solomon ease his frustration. In this finale,
travels to see all the grand places Solomon’s own proverb, “As a dog
where his 1,400 chariots and returns to its vomit, so fools repeat
12,000 horses are kept. their folly,” proves true.

Next season: There’s a new contender for the throne...

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The Old Testament / THE BEST BIBLE STORIES

Season Four: The Fate of Absalom

EPISODE 1: We open on Absalom’s impregnated Bathsheba and had
hair being brushed by one beauti- her husband killed to hide his sin.
ful woman while another gently Achitophel has not forgotten...and
cuts it just above his knee. This wants revenge.
son of King David is flawless from
head to toe, the most handsome EPISODE 5 takes place at Absa-
man in the land. His best friend lom’s grandfather’s house. Absa-
and sister, Tamar, is there. We see lom accepts that he has no right of
the beautiful kingdom and meet succession to the crown, and feels
the other children of King David. he deserves his self-banishment.
But Achitophel convinces Absa-
IN EPISODE 2, Tamar is found lom to rebel against his father, and
hiding, crying in shame. Absa- wears him down with flattery until
lom insists she tell him what is Absalom decides to return home.
going on, but she refuses. In a
flashback we see Amnon, Tamar’s EPISODE 6: In the early morning,
half-brother, lying sick in his outside the gates of Jerusalem,
bed. He begs Tamar to care for a crowd of hundreds of people
him, to make him a special meal. gather, many of whom are there
Tamar complies, but she is raped to see King David. Absalom greets
by Amnon, her half-brother. She the people and declares himself
reveals the secret to Absalom. the future king. Absalom tells his
father he is going to Hebron to
EPISODE 3: Absalom sits in quiet worship, but instead assembles an
fury. Encouraged by his servants army to seize the throne.
to cheer up, Absalom invites his
brothers to a feast at sheep-shear- SEASON FINALE: King David’s
ing time. There is music and danc- army defeats Absalom’s rebels in
ing and copious amounts of wine. a bloody battle that kills 20,000
When the party is in full swing and men, reasserting David’s right to
Amnon can drink no more, Absa- the throne. Escaping on his mule Mark now, when
lom’s servants murder him. in the forest, the defeated Absa- Amnon’s heart is
lom rides under a tree, where his
EPISODE 4 begins with Absalom long hair gets entangled in the merry with wine, and
on the run to Geshur, where his branches; his mule runs off, leav- when I tell you, ‘Strike
grandfather lives. We meet Achi- ing Absalom hanging helplessly.
tophel, King David’s most trusted Against the king’s wishes, David’s Amnon,’ then kill him.
advisor. Bathsheba is his grand- general thrusts three javelins into Don’t be afraid.
daughter, and it was David who Absalom’s heart.

Next season: David asks God for a reversal of fortune.

40 | THE BEST BIBLE STORIES

AB
SA
LO
M

THE BEST BIBLE STORIES | 41

The Story of Esther
We decided to tell the morality-play stories of Ruth and Esther in the form of fan reviews
of an imaginary TV show—the Heroic Housewives of Mesopotamia. (Part II of II)

FAN REVIEW:
Heroic Housewives of Mesopotamia
(The Esther Episode) Sundays at 8:00 PM EST on MCBC
Oh, Esther. This poor girl can’t have Poor Esther! This puts her in a real pickle.
Q been thrilled when Ahasuerus, the
Persian king, picked her as his new wife.
Her husband has okayed the order to kill
Mordecai and all the other Jews, so she HAS
I mean, he’s clearly a boozer with anger to save her cousin and people, even at the
problems. Good for his first wife, who had risk of outing herself. She’s more than a lit-
refused to act like some trained seal for tle freaked out. So she comes up with a plan
his drunken friends—she’s better off to try turning her husband against Haman,
banished. I can’t stand this guy, but he was who is seriously like a Disney villain.
definitely ahead of his time for choosing That’s when things take a turn. One night,
Esther. She’s beautiful, pious…and secretly as the papers are being read to the king,
Jewish. Juicy. Ahasuerus learns about Mordecai’s role
Esther’s cousin Mordecai warns Esther in stopping his assassination. The king
not to leak the truth about her identity. decides to honor Mordecai by cloaking
He’s a servant in the court of the king, so him in fancy furs and parading him around
he hears all the good gossip, and he knows town, showing everyone what a hero he
this could be dangerous. Early in the epi- is. Haman is mad as hell, but he’s in for an
sode, he listens in on a conversation in the even bigger shock: Esther has convinced
courtyard and figures out there’s an assas- the king that Haman is an enemy of the
sination plot afoot against the king. Being state. In a twist of fate, Haman is executed
the good guy he is, he tells Esther, and she in the same superfancy gallows he had
relays the plan to her husband, saving his built for Mordecai, and Mordecai is given
life. Haman’s political position. Ha!
But the real drama starts when Haman, It was a great episode, although I didn’t
the high-ranking minister to the king, starts really get why at the end the king said he
throwing his weight around the palace. couldn’t reverse his order to kill all the
He demands that the servants bow to Jews (um—you’re the king, dude); instead
him—who does this guy think he is?—but he tells the Jews they’re allowed to take up
cousin Mordecai is having none of it. When arms against their enemies. I guess they
Mordecai refuses, Haman gets angry and wanted the fight scenes. (Spoiler alert: After
vows revenge. He digs up dirt on Mordecai days of epic battles, the Jewish rebels win.)
and finds out he’s Jewish. Haman convinces The important part is that Esther, who used
the king to kill all the Jews, and he orders her power for good, keeps her place as the
the construction of a special gallows for unlikely Jewish queen of Persia. Love it!!
Mordecai’s execution. This season is really shaping up.

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The Old Testament THE BEST BIBLE STORIES

THE BEST BIBLE STORIES | 43

The Trials of Job
We felt that Job’s incredible story of personal suffering, perseverence, and unyielding faith
was best represented as an excerpt from a personal blog.

KEEPING THE FAITH:

My Personal Blog, By Job
I have started this blog as a kind of public diary in
Q response to the great, intractable crisis that has beset my
life. For me, writing is a balm, a way to process my thoughts
and feelings, and I hope that these posts can help me better
process my suffering, so that I can begin to understand.
As you may know, not too long ago, I was a prosperous
man with wealth, a large family, and a farm to call my own. I
reaped the bounty of the Earth. Life was good. Then, a series
of tragedies swiftly struck me down. My sheep, camels, oxen,
and donkeys—gone, struck by lightning and slaughtered by
marauders. My beautiful sons and daughters—gone, killed in
a freak natural disaster. And as if that wasn’t enough, one day,
sores began to creep across my body, causing me deep physi-
cal pain. I have come to hate my life.
On a certain level, I remain in a state of disbelief at the extent
of my misfortune. I have cursed the day of my birth. I’ve even
wished the stars would go dark! My friends are speculating
that maybe I’m being punished for committing sins, but I just
don’t think it’s possible. I’m only human, but I have always
tried to live with integrity. But something’s happening, and it’s
a terrible mystery. Every day I wonder: Why me? What did I
do to deserve this? Sometimes I think if I could vanish into the
darkness, I’d do it in a heartbeat.
But you know what keeps me going despite my bitterness?
God. I continue to worship Him. He makes it rain, makes
plants grow, and everything else—that kind of daily miracle-
making puts the troubles of one guy in perspective. So yeah,
I’m going to continue to put my faith in Him. I’m sure I can
learn something valuable from this pain, and become a better
person. Wisdom is hidden from the eyes of the living, they say.
And I definitely do not know what’s going on. But I’m pretty
sure God knows the way.
Will I lose my faith? I don’t think so. Because I’ve lost a lot,
and I don’t know why, and in some ways faith is all I have left.
No, for me faith is the path forward—it’s the only path I know.

44 | THE BEST BIBLE STORIES

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The Old Testament THE BEST BIBLE STORIES

THE BEST BIBLE STORIES | 45

Psalms
This book of hymns, or songs in praise of God’s work, remind us of the inspirational art
and poetic excerpts that Pinterest and Instagram devotees produce for their pages.

Psalm 23:1-3
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He
provides green pastures for me to relax in and leads
me by still water to refresh me. And he restores my
soul, showing me the paths of righteousness.
Psalm 27:1
The Lord is my light and my salvation—
why would I be afraid of anyone else?

Psalm 27:1 107.9k

Psalm 23:1-3 1.3k

Psalm 91:4
God will cover you with his feathers.
He will shelter you with his wings.
His faithful promises will be your protection.

Psalm 91:2
I will say this about God:
He is my safe place and
my fortress, in whom I
put my trust.

Psalm 91:4 236.8k

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The Old Testament / THE BEST BIBLE STORIES

Psalm 23:4-5
Even when I’m walking through the
valley of the shadow of death, I won’t be
afraid, because you’re with me, God.
Even in the presence of my enemies, you
make sure I have everything I need.
You provide so much that my
FXSLVRYHUÁRZLQJ

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The Old Testament / THE BEST BIBLE STORIES

Psalm 46:1-2, 10
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help
in trouble.Therefore we’re not going to be afraid,
even if the Earth itself is removed, and the mountains
carried off and dropped into the sea.

Psalm 46:1-2, 10 91.7k

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Psalm 34:18 Psalm 37:4
Be happy in the worship of
The Lord offers intimacy
to the brokenhearted, God, and he will give you
and saves those who are the desires of your heart.
crushed in spirit.

Psalm 37:4 114.2k

Psalm 34:18 33.3k

Psalm 139:13-14 Psalm 19:14

May these words
You created my innermost of my mouth and
being; you put me together in this meditation
my mother’s womb. I praise you, of my heart make
God, because I am fearfully you happy, God:
and wonderfully made! my Rock and my
Redeemer.

Psalm 19:14 78.3k

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Proverbs
With a focus on values and conduct, from working hard to appreciating wisdom, Proverbs
seemed to us most like modern motivational posters.

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SUPPORT

CHARITY
Do not withhold good from
those to whom it is due, when
it is in your power to act.
Proverbs 3:27

DESTINY
Many are the plans in a
human heart, but it is the
Lord’s purpose that prevails.
Proverbs 19:21

Action
All hard work brings a profit, but mere
talk leads only to poverty.
Proverbs 14:23

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Discipline
Wine is a mocker and beer
a brawler; whoever is led
astray by them is not wise.
Proverbs 20:1

Bravery
The wicked flee, tho no one pursues,
The righteous are as bold as a lion.
Proverbs 28:1

PARENTING
Start children off on the way
they should go, and even
when they are old they will
not turn from the path.
Proverbs 22:6

Proverbs 31:8-9

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 Where there is no guidance, the
people fall, but in an abundance of
counselors there is safety.
Proverbs 11:14

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The Song of Songs

This quirky love story between a maiden and a goatherd may be allegorical, but it’s
certainly steamy—for a modern equivalent we chose a romantic advice column.

He will say there

is no flaw in you.
Prepare to become
drunk with love.

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THE BEST BIBLE STORIES | 55
The Prophets
The Bible’s four major prophets (among many) are Isiaiah, Ezekiel, Jeremiah, and Daniel.
We chose to represent their visions for humanity in the style of TED talks.

Isaiah: “Judgement Is Coming! (Redemption Too)”

My goal today is to open your any intentional sinner, regardless of that sins. Until that happens, let me ask you:
Q eyes to what’s going on around
here. The same worshippers who are
man’s status, whether it’s a neighbor or
a king. It won’t be easy, because power
What are you doing to save yourself?
Some men will live and rule and sin and
commiting crimes against God across makes people ruthless. But you need to die: Easy come, easy go. For you and
our country are also giving meaning- count on yourself and your relationship me, though, there’s an afterlife of wealth
less sacrifices in His temple. Crimes like with God, and never, ever give in to your no worldly possessions could begin to
adopting false religions, even though fears! God promises that Jerusalem will touch. And you get there by way of fear-
we know there’s only one God. And if be destroyed. But that’s not the end of ing God, not man. You need to stand on
you’re letting this happen, you’re part of our story: One day a virgin will bear the your feet, even if you stand alone. Trust
the problem. We need to start rebuking son of God, who will save us from our the process.

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Ezekiel: “Are You An Agent Of Destruction?”

So when I look out at what’s com- destructive life. The spiritual life you’re you sinning? Idolizing? Adulterating His
Q ing, I see us in sort of a good news/
bad news kind of situation. Jerusalem
living is just as important as the physi-
cal one. We need food and water and
land? I’m telling you, don’t turn against
God’s word just to enrich yourself on this
is going to be destroyed, but the land of sunlight and shelter to live, right? But ball of dirt—that’s short-term thinking.
Israel will be restored. Now I’ve given God’s power and plan for us surpasses Yes, we’ve suffered plagues and war and
many talks on this throughout Israel, the physical limitations of our life on famine, like every nation before us, but
and I usually get the same response: Earth. If God wants to destroy a family God always makes things new again. You
Wide-eyed fright, confusion. But we or even a whole city, he’s not going to do want a second chance, a renewed life?
need to be accountable for our fate. it without reasons. So ask yourself: Are Then you need to recognize the danger of
Don’t like destruction? Stop living a you contributing to those reasons? Are power, and the power of compassion.

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Jeremiah: “Own Your Choices, Find Your Future”

I see a real problem here. Quick inner conflict in my relationship with it out! I tell you right now we have to
Q show of hands: How many of you
will admit that you’ve engaged in false
God. You know why I never married?
Because I wanted to sit alone with God’s
own this life. We have to lean into this
life, and turn away from wicked ways.
worship? Just raise your hand, it’s okay... hand upon me—just me. Now, that was We have to give up our greed and false
No hands, huh? All right, I guess that’s my decision, but I was so unhappy at gods and take full responsibility for
tough to confess in a room this big. So one point about my life choices that I our thoughts and actions. Because you
let me ask another one. And you can blamed God. I told Him he was deceit- know what, guys? I don’t want to sit
keep your hands down, but consider it ful. I accused him of overpowering me. alone with God anymore. I want you to
honestly: How many of you have truly But really, my problems were a result of be there too, my brothers and sisters, all
repented for your sins? Pesronally, I can my own shortcomings. It wasn’t God’s up there beside me. And if, together, we
tell you it took me a long time to ask fault I was unhappy: It was my fault. make the decision to truly repent, God’s
forgiveness, because I suffered a lot of And that was liberating, once I figured hand can be on all of us, forever.

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Daniel: “Stand Your Ground Against The Lions”
I’m Daniel—yes, THAT Daniel, the ally, you couldn’t pray to God—only tic jungle cat came booking toward me
Q guy they fed to the lions. Spoiler
alert: I survived. [crowd laughs] Like a
to the king. My boss. And anyone who
disobeyed this order would be fed to
like someone had rung a dinner bell,
and—miraculously, some might say—I
lot of you out there in the audience, my the lions. So a lot of people prayed to wasn’t even scratched. Why? Because
friends and I were strangers and exiles this fool, or they chose not to pray at I held my ground. I stayed strong and
in this hostile world. And man, was our all. But me? I decided to stick with my I spoke out against oppression. And it
loyalty to God tested, again and again. I original strategy of praying to the God turns out that if you pray to God, instead
used to work for the king. [crowd boos] of Israel. I didn’t want to live a lie, and of to your king, or to your bartender,
Sorry, sorry... Anyway, one day, these I didn’t want to apologize for holding or to the guy who cuts your lawn, God
con artists with really bad intentions firm in my faith. I wasn’t scared—I was will save you...in my case, by sending a
talked the king into issuing a decree terrified. Have you seen a lion? They’re heavenly angel to close the jaws of the
that, for the next month, no one was really scary! [crowd laughs] Anyway, so lion. You just gotta have faith...and hold
allowed to pray to anyone but him. Liter- they threw me in the pit and this gigan- your breath. Thank you very much.

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Jonah and the Whale
It’s not the same story as Moby Dick, but a self-published autobiographical novel
seemed the best way to tell this timeless story of sin and repentence.

Q Call me Jonah. A while ago, God told

me to travel to the city of Nineveh and
warn its citizens that the end was near. This
the town of Jaffa, and that’s where the story
really begins.
In Jaffa, I boarded a ship headed for Tarsh-
his vengeance to just me. At first they tried
taking me to shore, but the storm kept get-
ting worse, so they tossed me into the sea.
was a wicked city, one that railed against ish. But as soon as we were at sea, right out It was freezing cold—literally, my whole
God and mankind too, and I thought it would of nowhere, a raging storm rose up. Water body went instantly numb. I was flailing
be pointless trying to warn its inhabitants. flooded the decks, our supplies were in peril around, struggling just to keep my head above
Plus these guys were my people’s enemies, of breaking free and falling overboard, and water. I figured this was it. And that’s when
so I wasn’t exactly excited about waltzing the terrified sailors turned to me, the new help arrived, in the form of...an enormous fish.
into town with bad news. guy, for an explanation. This thing was literally bigger than the boat I’d
And so...yeah, I’m not proud of it, but I I figured this was God, so I tried to save just been tossed from. I was paralyzed with
blew off the mission. I put on my sunglasses these guys: I begged them to throw me over- fear, staring straight into its big fish eyes, and
and headed in the opposite direction, toward board, hoping that maybe God would limit this hungry behemoth sped over with its

I was paralyzed with fear, staring

straight into its big fish eyes, and
this hungry behemoth sped over
with its mouth wide open, and
swallowed me whole.

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mouth wide open, and swallowed me whole. So I finally did what I should have done of the city play out. A plant was giving
I swear I’m not making this up. from the very beginning, and went to me some great shade from the hot sun, but
I thrashed around in there for what had to Nineveh, and shouted God’s warning in then it died suddenly, which was frustrating
be three full days and nights, not that you’d the streets: “In forty days Nineveh shall be and confusing.
know which was which in the pitch dark. It overthrown!” The king of Nineveh took this And then God spoke to me! He asked why
was icy cold and super disgusting; honestly, very seriously, and next thing you know, the I cared about this plant, but didn’t have any
I spent the entire time praying to God for whole town was dropping everything and compassion for the thousands of people in
forgiveness. I knew I had messed up, but this focusing on showing God how remorseful Nineveh. That’s when I finally got the point.
punishment really seemed more than anyone they were, even dressing up in dirty sack- I’m trying to be a little less selfish from now
could bear. Finally, God told the whale to cloth to make their point. on, and when God says jump, I jump. But I’ll
expel my body. That part was unpleasant too, I had done my part, so I left the city and tell you what: It’s going to be awhile before I
but I am NOT complaining. found a good spot to watch the destruction eat seafood again.

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 Part II: The New

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Testament

he 27 books of the New Jesus. The Book of Acts (also written

T Testament record the life

and teachings of Jesus of
Nazareth and trace the
growing movement led by his twelve
earliest followers—the Apostles. As
by Luke) chronicle the growth of
the early church after the Apostles
took up Jesus’ mission to spread his
message across the world. Meanwhile,
the Epistles contain letters written
eyewitnesses to Jesus’ life, death, by various Apostles (mainly Paul) to
and resurrection, the Apostles Christians in cities across the ancient
believed Jesus was God in the flesh, world, outlining how to live as a follower
the Messiah sent to bring salvation of Jesus. The New Testament ends with
and hope to the world. the Book of Revelation—an apocalyptic
The Gospels, meaning “Good News,” vision of Jesus’ second coming to Earth
of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John as God’s conquering king, who will bring
present a well-rounded biography of God’s restoration and peace.

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The Birth of Jesus
Today, the birth of a new baby isn’t announced by angels with
trumpets—we’d expect to see something more like an e-card.

Oh come, all ye faithful, to

Bethlehem and join Mary
and Joseph, local shepherds,
and traveling wise men in
celebrating the birth of Baby
Jesus. See the future King of
Kings with your own eyes!

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THE BEST BIBLE STORIES

B I RT H A N N O U N C E M E N T:

A star is born!
Good tidings we bring—the DIRECTIONS: Follow the Star of
Q most epic birth in Earth’s
history just happened, and man’s
Bethlehem; when you get close,
listen for choirs of angels sing-
relationship with God will never be ing. Event is animal-friendly and
the same! includes a petting zoo (oxen, lambs,
Oh come, all ye faithful, to Beth- donkeys, etc.) for the children. Gifts
lehem and join Mary and Joseph, (e.g. gold, frankincense, myrrh) are
local shepherds, traveling wise men welcome but not required.
from the mystical East, and other
guests in celebrating the birth of NOTE: Due to local overcrowd-
Baby Jesus. See the future King of ing, the event location has been
Kings with your own eyes! changed from The Inn itself to
the stable in the backyard; please
Predicted by the prophet Isaiah plan accordingly.
Foretold by John the Baptist
Promoted by the angel Gabriel
Made possible by the Holy Spirit

This one-time event marks his-

tory’s first birth through divine
intervention. Come and break
bread with Joseph, who has agreed
to the commands of angels, as he
stands in solidarity with his virgin
wife, Mary, obeying the will of the
Lord. Baby Jesus will have no crib
for a bed, but his young parents
are very confident he will make his
mark on mankind.
 The Twelve Apostles
What better way to get to know Jesus’ closest followers
than with a dating-app style roommate search?

Housemate needed
soon (we think!)
We are a household of twelve men sharing
Q food, housing, and pretty much everything
else in the service of spreading the word about
Jesus! Some of us are related, and most of us are
fishermen—all in all, we’re a pretty tight-knit
group. But it’s been prophesied that one of us
will betray our leader, so if you’re interested Simon Peter James the Greater
in casting your lot as a potential replacement, This guy’s our rock: (Son of Zebedee)
reach out and let us know! Inquisitive, impetuous, and James is a fisherman—yeah,
decisive. A great fisherman, a lot of us fish, but James
an influential preacher, and REALLY loves the sea. He’s
our group’s spokesperson. also pretty inseparable from
Also a married man, with a his brother John, who grew
wife back in Capernaum! His up with him in a rich family.
faith has let him literally walk James is courageous and
on water. If we ever create a forgiving. King Herod is NOT
church, he would definitely be a fan, and James would prob-
the one in charge. ably be the first to give his life
for Jesus if it came to that.

John Andrew Philip Bartholomew

Everybody loves John: Andrew was originally a Another fisherman from Also called Nathaniel,
He’s the youngest of us, disciple of John the Baptist, James and John’s town in Bartholomew comes from
and honestly, he’ll probably the guy who baptized Jesus, Galilee. Kind of a quiet guy, Cana (the city where Jesus
outlive us all. He’s a man of but he traded up and brought although he speaks fluent turned the water into wine at
action and pretty ambitious: his brother Simon Peter along Greek, and he does pipe in that wedding). He’s kind of
He once asked Jesus if he too! He’s generous and has a with a skeptical question now the quiet, studious type; a
and his brother James could sharp eye: He was the first of and then. (He once asked fan of staying up late to read
sit on either side of Him in us to immediately recognize Jesus to show him God the about the law and Scripture.
heaven! Jesus calls the two Jesus as the true Messiah, Father—Jesus said if you’ve But he also loves to travel,
of them “sons of thunder”; PLUS he found the kid with seen me, you’ve seen Him.) and talks about taking the
together with Simon Peter the starter loaves and fishes He also brought Bartholomew Gospel out as far as Turkey,
these three make up Jesus’ that Jesus would use to to the group, who was even Armenia, and India.
trusted inner circle. feed the 5,000! MORE skeptical.

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Thomas Matthew James the Lesser

Thomas is an awesome His nickname is Levi, and This guy’s the strong, silent,
carpenter: He could probably he’s a tax collector (BOOO!) mysterious type...He doesn’t
build a king’s palace, to be For Rome, no less! Some of say much, doesn’t do much,
honest. But for all his talent us think Jesus called him and nobody seems to know
he’s not exactly a trusting specifically to show that that much about him. We
soul—he’ll ask you why even the most reprehensible know his father’s name is
you’re going over there, or sinners can come to the light. Alphaeus, which MIGHT
why you’re doing that—he’s Matthew turned out to be a make him Jude’s brother. He
one of those guys who has to nice guy after all, who has a might even be Jesus’ half-
see it to believe it. keen eye for detail and will brother—nobody’s sure!
We actually call him almost certainly be a great If you’re looking for a room-
“doubting Thomas. writer one day. mate who keeps to himself,
this is your guy.

Simon “The Zealot” Jude “Thaddeus” Judas Iscariot

In case that nickname Another zealot like Simon, Hailing from Judah (near the
didn’t make it clear, “The Jude was originally a Jewish town of Jericho), Judas is
Zealot” is intensely loyal, nationalist who still seems to more or less the only non-
totally fearless, and VERY think sometimes that Jesus Galilean in our bunch. Kind
serious about Jewish nation- should rule the world as an of an outsider, I guess. But
alism. Simon really hates Earthly king. (He’s asked he’s an outspoken leader
the Romans (and anybody Jesus directly why He shows who serves as our treasurer.
who collaborates with them), His power only to us, and not He can be a little sneaky at
though Jesus has brought the world at large.) He’s a times, but he’s good with
him around to a more forgiv- fearless confrontationalist, money—the man really loves
ing viewpoint generally. but he’s also a man of peace his silver.
who’s going to be a great mis-
sionary one day.

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The Parables of Jesus
Jesus delivered wisdom by telling stories, so even those who couldn’t read could understand.
We saw a modern equivalent in the public storytelling forum of The Moth.

No matter who you are, no matter father agreed, so each kid got half. The
Q your lot in life, trust me: We’re not
that different. Have you ever washed
older son stayed and worked with his
old man, but the younger one took off
another man’s feet? I have. (Okay, so with the cash. He sowed his wild oats, as
maybe we’re a little different.) It’s they say; he blew his entire inheritance
humbling, but it reminds you that we’re on wine and women and concerts and
all the same, deep down. And we have who knows what. It didn’t take long
a responsibility to help each other. But to run out of money, and he ended up
we don’t always act like that. working as a pig farmer. Literally, he
I knew a shepherd once that had was so broke that the pigs ate better
100 head of sheep, and one escaped. than he did! Well, eventually, he came
He spent day and night searching for back to his dad and apologized, and
that one lost lamb, even though he said he wanted to work for him again
had 99 others to care for. But that and, well, reevaluate his life choices.
didn’t stop him: That one little lamb And you know what? His dad wasn’t
needed to be saved. And that’s our upset—he rejoiced! He was so relieved
responsibility, you know? To help to have his kid back in one piece. Well,
every person who has lost their way. his other son, the responsible one, was
No person left behind. pretty angry with his dad. After all, he
We all have equal value, even if we had done all the right things: worked for
do the wrong things. There were these his dad, saved his inheritance, stepped
two guys I went to school with: broth- up like an adult. He couldn’t understand
ers. The younger one was a little on the why his father would just let his brother
wild side, and their dad was getting get away with this crap. But his dad said:
older, so the younger son asked his “He’s no less worthy of my love and sup-
dad if he would split up his estate. His port than you are, is he?” Forgiveness

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Remember, whoever
exalts himself will be
humbled, and whoever
humbles himself
will be exalted.
Do the right thing!

is a beautiful thing: It’s what makes the stomach and then out of the body, you’ll be seen for what you are.
redemption possible. right? But the things that come out of Think of it this way: When you carry
Besides, we all break the rules some- a person’s mouth come from the heart, a lamp to bed, do you place it in a closet
times. Even the disciples didn’t always and that’s where evil can fester. This is or under the mattress? No, you put it on
wash their hands before eating. I know what defiles a person; not what and how its stand—because there’s no need to
every mother in the room is cringing they eat. Now, if that offends you (I’m keep it secret. Whatever is concealed is
right now hearing that. But you know looking at you, Pharisees), just remem- meant to be brought out into the open.
what? What goes into someone’s mouth ber every plant that God has not planted Live your life in the open. Stand out. If
isn’t what really pollutes them; it’s what Himself is going to be uprooted. If it’s you practice honesty and respect for
comes out of their mouth. Because not God’s wish, it will fail. Choose your your neighbor, if you keep your heart
whatever enters the mouth goes into words carefully, because eventually, open, I’m telling you, it can be a good

70 | THE BEST BIBLE STORIES

ride. But maintain your humility too.
I remember once there was this wed-
ding, there were no name cards. This rassed, and he had to pick up his plate
one guy pushed his way to the front and and kind of do the walk of shame all the
grabbed a seat close to the bride and way to the back of the room, because back here? Move up closer.” Remember,
groom. Nobody said anything, but then, now it was full. If he had been humble, whoever exalts himself will be humbled,
suddenly, the groom had to ask this guy and just taken a seat in the middle some- and whoever humbles himself will be
to give up his seat for someone—let’s call where, who knows? The groom might exalted. Do the right thing, people.
her Aunt Maggie. The guy was embar- have said: “Hey, what are you doing Thanks for listening.

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The Lord’s Prayer
This simple prayer, delivered by Jesus when asked how to pray by His apostles, has
been said to sum up what the Bible’s really all about. Here’s what it actually means...

Bible Translate
circa 30 A.D.
Our Father, who art in heaven
Hallowed be thy name
Thy kingdom come
Thy will be done on Earth as it is in heaven

Give us this day our daily bread

And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive

those who trespass against us
And lead us not into temptation
But deliver us from evil
For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and
the glory forever
Amen.

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THE BEST BIBLE STORIES

2021 A.D.
Greetings to the father of all of us, who lives beyond our world
Even your name is sacred; you deserve all kinds of respect
May we get to the eternal life you’ve promised one day
Whatever you want, we’ll make it happen down here, just like your
angels do for you up there
All we ask is that each day you give us the food and the spiritual
guidance we need
When we sin, forgive us, and when others sin against us
we’ll forgive them too
Help us resist the urge to sin in the first place
And bring us back to safety when bad things happen
Because this is your world, and with you all things are possible

So be it!

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The Miracles of Jesus
Jesus showed the power of faith with amazing feats we call miracles.
Today, witnesses would debate what happened in Internet comments.

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The New Testament / THE BEST BIBLE STORIES

Posted by BlizzardFlower
Are all things possible?
Anyone out there witness a first-hand miracle by
Jesus? I’m interested in hearing from anyone who
was at the wedding where people are saying he
turned water into wine.

Tenacity_City
I was at the wedding! It was at Cana (in Galilee), and it was a TON
of fun. Jesus was just hanging out with his disciples when his
mother came up and said to him, “They have no more wine.” And,
I’ll never forget, Jesus looks at her and he goes, “Woman, why do
you involve me?” Hahaha, but then he told the servants to fill up
these big stone jugs with water and take them to the host. And
when the host poured a cup, it wasn’t water, but wine. Good wine,
too!! Let’s just say everybody drank their fill.

DoubtyMcPouty
I call b.s. I keep hearing about this guy and I’m just not buying it.

CarmenAlphaTD
Oh, I believe it! I was there for something similar that happened
down by the sea. Jesus had just finished talking with a bunch of
us and we were getting our things together when he went out on
Simon’s boat. I saw them go into the deeper water and saw him
telling Simon to drop the nets. It was maybe a minute or two, and
they hauled the nets up. There must have been thousands of fish
in there. The nets were breaking from the weight!

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BabylonGardener
This is why you always tip your captain. LOL

Stevebreen22
I didn’t see this one myself, but I was in town when that leper was cured.
He was running up and down the road telling everyone. He said he told
Jesus, “If you are willing, you can make me clean.” And he said Jesus told
him, “I am willing,” and he touched the leper’s hand, and his leprosy just
vanished. There wasn’t a spot on him. The weird part is that he kept saying
Jesus told him not to tell anyone, but he was literally running through town
yelling about it.

Tenacity_City
It’s people like that who ruin everything. Jesus can’t even go into crowded
areas anymore without getting mobbed. He has to stay out of the public eye.

RightasRaina
I’m from Nain and I know the lady whose son died but then Jesus brought
him back to life. She’s really nice. Her husband died a few years ago, and
Jesus must have sensed that her kid was her whole life. Anyway, I was
standing with her outside the gate when the men were carrying her son’s
body out of the house. She was bawling, like uncontrollably, just sobbing. So
Jesus walks right up to her and says “Don’t cry.” She’s like, “whaaat?” And
then he walks over to the boy’s body, and he says, “Young man, I say to you,
get up!” We were all like “wait, what is going on...” but all of a sudden the kid
sat up and started talking. Made a believer out of me.

DoubtyMcPouty
proof or it didn’t happen

Stevebreen22
@DoubtyMcPouty so what’s your theory—hundreds of eyewitnesses
are just making these stories up? Or are you just a Philistine troll?

Butterfly_Kisses_89
I saw Jesus help a paralyzed man walk. I had just left the marketplace and
He was with a group of guys walking toward this poor man from my village,
lying on his mat. I followed them to see what was going to happen. I thought
maybe Jesus is just gonna say something inspirational to this guy. But what
He says is: “Take heart, son; your sins are forgiven.” Well, the guys who
brought Jesus here must have snickered or something, because Jesus
totally called them out. He’s like, “Why do you entertain evil thoughts in your
heart?” And I was like uh-oh, this is getting ugly. Jesus tells them He’s got the
authority to forgive sins. And then He looks at the guy and says, “Get up, take
your mat and go home.” And this guy WHO IS PARALYZED did it; he literally got
up and tucked his mat under his arm and strolled away like he’d never been
paralyzed in the first place. Craziest thing I’ve ever seen. But I saw it.

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The Last Supper
With the Romans closing in fast, Jesus shared a last evening with his trusted apostles—
one of whom would betray him—at an invite-only wine dinner.

After dinner, guests

will retire to the
Garden of Gethsemane,
at the Mount of Olives,
for prayer and sleeping
under the stars.

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You are cordially invited

to join us for a special
EVENING OF

WINE & BREAD

TASTING
In honor of our friend
JESUS OF NAZARETH
Who has loved us, as we should love one another

ON THIS FIRST DAY OF PASSOVER

At Mount Zion, Jerusalem: Outside (weather permitting)
or in an upper room of the Cenacle*

Evening scheduled to begin with a ritual foot-washing, followed by

a delightful meal prepared by the Apostles Peter and John

Dinner to include a special blessing of food

MENU and wine, followed by the singing of a hymn.
After dinner, guests will retire to the Garden
BEAN STEW of Gethsemane, at the Mount of Olives, for
prayer and sleeping under the stars.
ROASTED LAMB *Invited guests ONLY. Cost of attendance
UNLEAVENED is free, but total capacity is strictly
limited to 12 plus the host.
BREAD Please do NOT share event
DATES AND location with the Romans,
for obvious reasons!
OLIVES

THE BEST BIBLE STORIES | 79

The Crucifixion
Jesus’ Earthly death was marked by pain and humiliation.
We reflect on the Stations of the Cross as a walking tour.

TOUR BEGINNING: Garden tried to steady himself under the weight to address them: “Do not weep for me,”
of Gethsemane of the cross. he said, “but weep for yourselves and
We’ll gather in this quiet garden of olive your children.”
trees where Jesus and his disciples STATION SIX: Chapel of the
stayed the night before his arrest. As his Holy Face STATION NINE: The Third Fall
friends slept, Jesus sweated with anguish This Greek Catholic chapel marks the This is where Jesus—thoroughly
as he waited for Judas of Iscariot to spot where a sympathetic onlooker exhausted and nearly at his final destina-
arrive with the authorities to arrest him. named Veronica provided a cloth to wipe tion—reportedly fell for the third and
the sweat from Jesus’ brow as he walked, final time. A Roman pillar marks the spot.
STATION ONE: House of Caiaphas, supposedly imprinting the veil with a
Upper City persistent image of Jesus’ face. (Veroni- STATIONS 10-14: Golgotha
After his arrest in the garden, Jesus was ca’s Veil became a treasured relic that’s (The Place of the Skull)
brought to this place, the high priest’s believed to reside in St. Peter’s Basilica in At this hill (also called Calvary), Roman
palace, for the Trial of the Sanhedrin, the Rome to this day!) soldiers stripped Jesus of his clothes, to
Jewish elders who condemned him to jeering crowds, and nailed him to the
death. Before the trial, guards beat him STATION SEVEN: The Second Fall cross. Crucified between two criminals,
and a Jewish official slapped him in the A Franciscan chapel today marks the Jesus endured hours of agony, finally
face and spat at him. Outside the home, spot, at the crossing of the Via Dolorosa saying: “Father, into your hands I commit
his friend and top apostle Peter denied and the street that leads to the Damas- my spirit,” before passing. According to
knowing him three times, as predicted. cus Gate, of Jesus’ second fall under the one tradition, Adam himself had been
weight of the cross. buried beneath this hill, and Jesus’ blood
STATION TWO: The Praetorium seeped through the land and onto Adam’s
Here we’ll see Pilate’s Court, where a STATION EIGHT: Greek Orthodox bones, washing clean the original sin of
crowd gathered to demand that Jesus be Monastery of Saint Charalambos humanity. After being taken down from
punished instead of an inmate named Crowds were taunting Jesus all along the cross, Jesus’ body was handed over
Barabbas. Pontius Pilate, the governor of the route, but at this place—watch for a to the wealthy Joseph of Arimathea, who
this Roman province of Judaea, agreed to rounded stone embedded in the wall and prepared it for burial and laid it to rest in a
condemn Jesus to death, to appease the a Greek inscription marking the spot— nearby tomb—all contained inside today’s
mob, famously washing his hands of the Jesus came across a group of women Church of the Holy Sepulchre.
decision. Jesus was whipped and beaten who were weeping for him. Despite We hope you found the tour enjoyable
by Roman soldiers and forced to carry his own struggles, Jesus found time and thought-provoking!
his heavy cross from this point forward.

STATION THREE: The First Fall

Here our tour will take a sharp turn
south along the Street of the Valley; this
is where Jesus reportedly staggered for
the first time under the burden of the
cross, to the boos of the crowds.

STATION FOUR: The Church of the

Spasm
This beautiful Armenian church marks
the spot along the narrow pathway
where Mary, the mother of Jesus,
watched as her son passed by with his
cross. We’ll visit a mosaic inside the
church that has an out-of-place outline
of sandals said to have been placed
directly over Mary’s footprints.

STATION FIVE: Simon of Cyrene Join us for a

It’s here that Roman soldiers compelled contemplative
Simon of Cyrene, a passerby, to tour through
temporarily help the weakening Jesus the Stations of
bear his cross. We’ll visit a Franciscan the Cross in Old
chapel nearby which holds a stone said Jerusalem
to bear the imprint of Jesus’ hand as he

80 | THE BEST BIBLE STORIES

 /
The New Testament THE BEST BIBLE STORIES
The Resurrection
The mysterious story of Jesus’ disappearance from a sealed
tomb is very much in the spirit of modern thriller podcasts.

JESUS IN JERUSALEM:
The Podcast
Exploring profound local mysteries, one story at a time.

Bonus Episode #101:

The Resurrection of Jesus
Just when you thought this award-winning podcast series
Q was complete, we have breaking news and a very special
bonus episode! In The Resurrection of Jesus (airing live at 8:00
PM), we’ll talk to three women who returned to the cave where
Jesus was buried, only to find that the massive stone blocking
the entrance had been rolled away, and His body was nowhere
to be found! We’re sure you have questions, like:

Q Who were these women, and what were they doing

at Jesus’ tomb?
Q If Jesus was still alive, how did he escape the tomb?
Q If Jesus was really dead, where did His body go?

We promise: These questions and more will be answered on

this very special bonus podcast episode.

EPISODE OVERVIEW:
Jesus’ crucifixion is not, it turns out, the end of the story!
Three days after Calvary, three women visit Jesus’ tomb to
anoint His body with myrrh and other sacred oils. (Mary
Magdalene agreed to be named for our podcast; the other two
are simply going by “Mary.”) As the women approach the cave,
they notice something’s amiss. The tomb’s been opened...and
when they go inside, there’s no body to anoint—just an angel
dressed in white! They are terrified...

Soon after, Mary Magdalene claims to have an even more

astounding encounter, outside the tomb, with Jesus Himself!
At first, she doesn’t believe her eyes. But Jesus affirms His
identity and reveals that He is, indeed, the Son of God. Mary
swiftly spreads the good news to the apostles: Jesus has been
resurrected. And wait ‘til you see what it means for you.

Tune in tonight at 8:00 for the stunning FINAL conclusion to this

amazing series. Look for Jesus in Jerusalem, available wherever
you get your podcasts.

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The New Testament THE BEST BIBLE STORIES

THE BEST BIBLE STORIES | 83

The Conversion of Saul
When one of Christianity’s primary persecutors is knocked off his horse
and struck blind, this sounds like a job for the police.
The New Testament /
THE BEST BIBLE STORIES

THE BEST BIBLE STORIES | 85

The Epistles
In the early days of the church, the apostle Paul sent letters out to solidify Christian teaching and curb bad behavior. Today

Too much talk about following

the rules takes you off brand.
There’s power in the Spirit, not
the letter of the law.

86 | THE BEST BIBLE STORIES

 The New Testament /
THE BEST BIBLE STORIES

this message might be delivered as a work email...

Recipients

Memo to: All Branch Managers and Team Members

From: Paul/COO for Church Expansion

RE: Quarterly Performance Reviews
Great opportunities ahead as we experience exponential growth in all our various locations. I’m so proud to work with all of you!
That said, I’ve attached the Quarterly Performance Reviews with brief individual summaries. Looking for SWOT (Strengths,
Weaknesses, Opportunities, and Threats). Because of our commitment to transparency, all reports are public and should be
copied and shared throughout the organization.
Don’t let the fact that I am under house arrest deter you from your mission. I’m sure my situation will be resolved soon.
Thanks for your concern.
Best,
Paul
Romans – As a newer branch, a detailed review of our fundamental mission, beliefs, and core values is in order.
Corinthians – Allegations of serious sexual misconduct must be addressed ASAP. Zero tolerance. Terminations are expected.
Petty in-fighting among the leadership team must stop. Division within the ranks distracts from pursuing our growth goals.
Follow my instructions for reforming your corporate culture based on love and mutual respect.
Galatians – Too much talk about following the rules takes you off brand. There’s power in the Spirit, not the letter of the law.
Ephesians – Lift up the core values that inform our corporate culture. Build unity from within.
Philippians – Don’t let the nay-sayers get you down. Find joy in what you are doing.
Colossians – Focus on our Founder. When times are tough, keep your eyes on the prize.
Thessalonians – I know I’ve made some enemies, so you need to decide who you’re going to listen to. I set high standards, and
I believe you can meet and exceed them. There are better days ahead.
Timothy – Our mentoring relationship is paying off big dividends. Keep it up!
Titus – You’re the point of the spear in opening our new branch in Crete. Focus on building your team.
Philemon – We must have higher standards on how we treat our employees than what is expected in the surrounding culture.
Lead the way to building a better society.

THE BEST BIBLE STORIES | 87

The Book of Revelation
The Bible’s final word is an apocalyptic prophecy. Seven Angels, the Beast, the Whore
of Babylon, the Four Horsemen, Plagues...It all sounded like the script for an action

How The World Ends:

“Scene 16: The Seven Bowls
Of God’s Wrath”

Screenplay by John
Adapted from the Book of Revelation

88 | THE BEST BIBLE STORIES

 The New Testament /
THE BEST BIBLE STORIES

FADE IN:

INT. JOHN’S LIVING QUARTERS

In a dark room lit only by a dim candle, JOHN,

an old man with a white beard, hunches over
his desk, scribbling on a scroll of parchment.
OMINOUS MUSIC plays.

JOHN (V.O.)

I saw in heaven the temple — the

tabernacle of the covenant — and it
was opened. Out of the temple came
the seven angels to deliver the
seven plagues.

EXT. OPEN-AIR TEMPLE COURTYARD

SEVEN ANGELS wearing pristine, shining

linens and golden sashes across their chests
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heavenly temple. Around them, rows of
Corinthian columns stand like sentries.

Dust swirls around the feet of the angels, and

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smoke. An authoritative voice from an unknown
source issues directions.

GOD (V.O.)

Go, pour out the seven bowls of my

wrath on the Earth.

THE BEST BIBLE STORIES | 89

The New Testament / THE BEST BIBLE STORIES

The angels solemnly walk in slow, measured

lockstep out to the plaza in front of the
temple, as the luminescent smoke continues to
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stands a circular stone platform topped with
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at his arm with horror as grotesque sores
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DQRWKHUWKHZKROHFURZGLVDIÀLFWHG

90 | THE BEST BIBLE STORIES

 JOHN (V.O. CONT’D)

The second angel poured out his bowl

on the sea, and it turned into blood
like that of a dead person, and
every living thing in the sea died.

EXT. PLAZA OF THE TEMPLE

The second angel empties his chalice. Blood

spatters back, on his white robe and face.

EXT. UNDERWATER

We see a thriving coral reef ecosystem—

DQHPRQHVFRORUIXOVFKRROVRI¿VKDQGVWDU¿VK²
quickly shrivel and perish as the water turns a
deep red.

JOHN (V.O. CONT’D)

The third angel poured out his bowl

on the rivers and water springs, and
they became blood.

EXT. PLAZA OF THE TEMPLE

The third angel pours his chalice into the

basin. It’s clearly blood as well, but now it’s
frothing and pulsating like a river’s rapids.

EXT. A FOREST

A deer bends down to drink from a forest stream.

As he laps up the water, it turns to blood. The
deer raises its head quizzically.

THE BEST BIBLE STORIES | 91

The New Testament /
THE BEST BIBLE STORIES

JOHN (V.O. CONT’D)

The fourth angel poured out his

bowl on the sun, and the sun
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had control over these plagues,
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EXT. PLAZA OF THE TEMPLE

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EXT. A FARM

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JOHN (V.O. CONT’D)

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on the throne of the beast, and its
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EXT. PLAZA OF THE TEMPLE

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¿OOHGZLWKDQLPSHQHWUDEOHEODFNVPRNHLQWR
the basin.

92 | THE BEST BIBLE STORIES

EXT. THE KINGDOM OF THE BEAST

The light extinguishes, and darkness

engulfs the kingdom of the Beast. In the
darkness, the followers of the Beast gnaw
on their tongues in agony.

JOHN (V.O. CONT’D)

The sixth angel poured out his bowl

on the great river Euphrates, and
its water was dried up to prepare
the way for the kings from the East.

EXT. PLAZA OF THE TEMPLE

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parched, dried-out clay dust, into the basin.

EXT. THE EUPHRATES RIVER

The mighty Euphrates, once the cradle of

civilization, has dried up completely.
Desolate groups of refugees wander through the
arid riverbed that the Euphrates has become.

JOHN (V.O. CONT’D)

The seventh angel poured out his

bowl into the air, and out of the
temple came a loud voice from the
throne, saying, “It is done!”

EXT. PLAZA OF THE TEMPLE

7KHVHYHQWKDQJHOSRXUVKLVFKDOLFH¿OOHGZLWK
vibrating rocks, into the basin.

THE BEST BIBLE STORIES | 93

The New Testament / THE BEST BIBLE STORIES

GOD (V.O.)

It is done!

JOHN (V.O.)

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lightning, rumblings, peals
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earthquake. No earthquake like
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the people below.

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neighborhoods, and city walls come down as the
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panic.

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94 | THE BEST BIBLE STORIES

 Credits / THE BEST BIBLE STORIES

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THE BEST BIBLE STORIES | 95

 “Take hold of
the eternal life to which
you were called.”
First Timothy 6:12

96 | THE BEST BIBLE STORIES

 In The Beginning: THE BEST
BIBLE STORIES
Great stories of courage and sacrifice, love and devotion,
betrayal and revenge, retold through
a modern lens