A LEVEL 5 XCC ADVENTURE

Writer: Brendan LaSalle•Cover artist: Aaron Kreader

Editor: Rev. Dak J. Ultimak•Cartographer and Interior Artist:
Aaron Kreader•Additional art: Doug Kovacs • Art direction:
Matt Hildebrand •Layout: David Coppoletti•Developer:
Michael Curtis • Mega Toys Collector: Joseph Goodman
Xcrawl is a trademark of Brendan LaSalle, licensed with permission. DCC RPG and this adventure
are copyright © 2024 Goodman Games LLC. “Dungeon Crawl Classics”, “Mutant Crawl Classics”
and “DCC RPG” are registered trademark of Goodman Games LLC. All rights reserved.
Printed in China. First printing. goodman-games.com

Playtesters: Ian Shears, John F. Watson, Nacho Sevilla Noabre, Andrew Patch, Bob Kempfer, Burton Pedwardine, Chaos Kitten, Chris Meyers, Christopher Rick,
Clayton Williams, Donald Campbell, Duane Waldrop, Ed “Professor Pain” Stanek, Eric Anderson, Eric Klein, Eric Young, Griseo Lupus, Ian Spreadman, James
Heffley, James Stedl, Jim Meyers aka DJ Unchained, Joolz “Roundhouse Rex” Hayley, Mark Manchester, Matt Bowen, Matt Fugate, Matt Tsundoku, Maxwell Patten,
Michael Spreadman, Mike Buyers, Miranda Witherspoon, Randy Miller, Rosalind Waldrop, Shane “DJ Kablooey” Madgett , Steve Barnett, Squin, Tavin Incognito,
William Steffen. Special Thanks: The Legion of Doom: Brutalitus, Collision Course, Diztortion, Hemlock Snakeroot, Romeo. I listened to one album over and
over as I wrote this adventure: On the Cross of Commerce by Low Pop Suicide. It’s a great album that never got enough attention. Check it out! This adventure
is for Michael Curtis, who never bowed down to the Sheepskin Militia.
 INTRODUCTION

P arty people get ready! It’s time for the game that
will only cast Hepsoj’s Fecund Fungi on a real
Selohssa, Xcrawl! That’s right—The Worlds Fun-
nest Death Sport™ is now powered by the mighty Dungeon
Crawl Classics RPG engine and it’s wilder, crazier, and more
XCRAWLY-ER than ever!
Xcrawl: Bay City Fire Storm is a 5th level adventure designed
for 4-8 characters. This dungeon is not kidding around: the
PCs should make sure they have the basics—healing, arcane
support, frontline fighters, and crafty folks who can deal
with traps.
With a little work this adventure could be modified to ac-
commodate lower or higher-level parties. Feel free to add or
subtract hit dice, enemies, complications, entire encounters,
etc. to match this adventure with your home campaign’s
needs. Or what the heck, crank the difficulty up, add a few
dragons and burn the whole city down. It’s your afternoon.

ADVENTURE BACKGROUND

T he San Francisco Crawl is a venerable staple of the

West Coast Xcrawl season. One of the longest contin-
uously running events, the SFC has been a spectacu-
lar and profitable event since nearly the inception of Imperial
Xcrawl. Many DJs have had a turn at the helm, but the longest
running of these is DJ N-Ten—the colorful chameleon mas-
ter of ceremonies of the crawl for more than a dozen years.
However, they made a change for the 2024 Season: the San
Francisco Crawl’s division would be raised; the former Divi-
sion II crawl would become Division I, allowing DJ N-Ten BEGINNING THE ADVENTURE
to bring more of everything to bear: more spectacle, more
lethality, more danger, and much, much more money. There are very few Division I Xcrawl teams, and each and
The 2024 SFC promises to be the most captivatingly lethal every one receives an invitation to the San Francisco Crawl.
Xcrawl event ever set inside the “City by the Bay”. DJ N-Ten The team’s manager strongly advises that his clients accept
has spared no expense in making this one of the truly great this invitation gratefully; Division I events are scarce, and
American dungeons. this one in particular is likely to be extremely popular due to
the novelty of its first time as a Division I crawl.
DJ N-Ten
AVAILABLE SPONSORSHIPS
Family lore says that Raymond A. Norton, AKA DJ N-Ten,
is the many-times great grandnephew of Emperor Norton, Crawlers should have entrenched sponsorships by this point
beloved local eccentric and self-proclaimed “Emperor of in their career. However, if any of the PCs do not have an ex-
California and Protector of Mexico” While there is no actual clusive sponsorship, they receive an immediate offer before
evidence to this claim, Raymond made being the 10th gener- the ink on the San Francisco Crawl contract even dries. The
ation heir to the famous local figure the core of his DJ schtick. judge should work together with the player to choose an
He tends to wear outrageous parodies of old-fashioned re- appropriate sponsor that will earn their character 1d3 Fame
gal wear, often with feathered capes and colorful headsets. and 1d5 Wealth.
DJ N-Ten is resolute, driven, calculating, and a bit tortured.
On the surface he projects a devil-may-care blasé attitude,
AREAS OF THE DUNGEON
laughing off setbacks and sleights of all kinds. Internally the Dungeon Specs: Unless otherwise stated, all doors are
DJ never stops thinking of his next move, in life, in his career, tough security doors (DC 15 Strength check to bash down),
and in whatever dungeon he is currently designing. N-Ten and the ceilings are 12’ high. AVS monitors hover along the
has an eidetic memory and is constantly replaying his fail- walls of every corridor—some show static or dynamic ad-
ures in his mind, and trying to figure out how to improve vertisements during the crawl, some simply show the crawl
and never repeat mistakes. His partner, Steven, spends logo. The Crowd DC is 15 unless otherwise noted; this is the
much of his time trying to get N-Ten to relax and let things favorite annual dungeon event of some of the most exacting
go, generally to little or no avail. fans in the Empire, and their standards are extremely high.

Page 2
 PLAYER'S START Producer Stephen Gayewski makes his way over to you.
He thanks the team profusely for taking part in the event,
The crawlers are brought from their hotel to a television then asks if they need anything. Reasonable requests—even
studio in downtown San Francisco. The producer assigned somewhat unreasonable requests—will be taken care of in
to accompany them lets them know that they will be trans- short order. He tells the team that the crawl will begin at
ported from the studio directly to their first encounter. They 7:30 PM, and the team can do what they like until then.
stress that the party is in no danger until they actually arrive
at the first encounter area. There is a personalized gift bag for every member of the
team. Each contains favorite snacks, cosmetics, jewelry, sil-
The team is brought upstairs to the Green Room: ver money clips, and a vegan formula healing potion (cures
Area 1-1—Green Room: ‘Green Room’ doesn’t do this space 1d10 hp damage).
justice. This is a comfortable lounge, more like the hospitality suite At 7:15 the producer activates a heretofore invisible AVS
of a five-star hotel than a locker room. There are individual chang- screen.
ing rooms, multiple makeup and hair stations, a table with a crawl
gift bag for every member of the team, a chef’s table with sever- You see the tail end of a massive spectacle of a pre-crawl show.
al chefs ready to prepare everything from fresh omelets to sushi. There are dancers and singers, amazing costumes, and a real uni-
There are two referees, and an exhausted looking gentleman with a corn that grants a wish to a child in a wheelchair, who skips into
clipboard waving to get your attention. the arms of his parents to gasps from the crowd. At the finale, 99
doves are released to honor the Gods of Olympus. The camera pans

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 to the main stage where stands DJ N-Ten, in a designer suit, sat- Eventually, the dragon comes to the airspace over the landing
in cape, carrying a silver scepter. When the applause finally dies field. There is an artificial layer of cloud at just the right height
down an assistant hands the DJ the microphone. to prevent the PCs from making out details of the field until
the last hundred or so feet. As the trolley passes through the
“Friends, Americans, crawlers—attend me! Thank you all for your
cloud barrier:
kind attentions. It is my great honor to preside over this year’s
Division I San Francisco Crawl!” As you drop below the dense gray clouds you suddenly find your-
selves rapidly descending to the space just behind a baseball dugout.
Huge cheers.
You are looking at a full baseball field, lit with huge bright lighting
“We have seen the pageantry—now begins the ceremony. Citi- poles. An AVS scoreboard dazzles you with an intense display
zens of the Empire it is my great pleasure to introduce the stars of of fireworks which resolve themselves into the words: ‘DOUBLE
our evening’s sky. Please give a warm San Francisco welcome to HEADER!’, that flashes continually. Vintage baseball organ mu-
<TEAM NAME>.” sic plays over a modern drum-and-bass beat. In the bright light of
the scoreboard you see several huge shadowy figures on the field.
N-Ten introduces all of the members individually, taking
his time, asking where they are from. He asks each one, “If The party has 1 round to take an action before they touch down.
this is the night Gods choose to call you to the Underworld, how They may attempt to make ranged attacks at the shadowy fig-
would you be remembered?” Consider awarding a Mojo point ures from the windows (-2d for all attempts, plus additional
to especially poignant, funny, or honest answers. penalties for range [150’ to nearest targets, 250’ to the furthest
from the air]).
Once the team is introduced N-Ten asks for a huge round of
applause for the PC team. He then wishes them well in the If the PCs insult Bausaartgudite during their trip, the drag-
name of all the gods of Olympus and instructs them to fol- on drops the trolley the last 20’ rather than setting it down
low the referee to the roof, where they shall be transported gently, possibly spoiling spells or other preparations. All
to the dungeon. within must make a DC 15 Reflex save or take 2d6 dam-
age. In addition, the party becomes the target of this popular
Area 1-2—The Roof! The Roof!: The referee leads the color commentator’s ire, which will have definite negative
team to an elevator, which takes them to the highest level in repercussions to their careers.
the office. When they step out they have to walk a gauntlet
of photographers, cameramen, production assistants, and a Area 1-4—Double Header: The trolley touches down on
few privileged fans until they get to the stairs that take them the field.
up to a passageway leading onto the roof. From the windows of the trolley, you see that you are set behind
home plate at a baseball diamond. There are ancient wooden base-
It’s an unbelievably beautiful evening in San Francisco. You see
ball stands arrayed around the outside of the dungeon, and you see
a vintage trolley car sitting on the roof. “Go on in and take a seat.
that there are thousands of individual AVS effects, each showing
You are going to be transported to the first encounter area. There
a few humans in living rooms and bars around the Empire, all
are no hazards until the car delivers you to the dungeon. Good
wearing team gear and cheering in a general aspect of celebration
luck, and may Apollo and all the Gods of Olympus keep you safe.”
and excitement.
Nothing happens until all the characters are inside the trol- The organ music segues into the Charge fanfare and the figures,
ley car, at which point a dragon flies up over the corner of arrayed in standard team field positions, all take a step forward.
the building and lifts the trolley in his talons. This is Bausaa- They are four 15’ tall two-headed humanoids, wearing vintage San
rtudige, a color comentator for Xcrawl, who flies off in the Francisco Giants uniforms. Each has a huge fielder’s glove on one
direction of Angel Island. hand and an enormous bat slung over one shoulder. Their hair
If the PCs are foolish enough to attack the dragon it fights and beards are well groomed and even their outfits are clean. On
back, fleeing if its life is in danger. This would likely be a the opposite sideline you see a mascot, a man in a cuddly blue seal
career ending move, as the dragon is rich, influential, and costume, dancing whimsically.
completely tied-in with the Xcrawl old boy’s network. In The Scoreboard changes to a digital reproduction of an old-fash-
short, they will never be invited to another legal crawl in ioned manual baseball scoreboard, with <PC TEAM> being set
the Empire until they find a way to make amends. against GIANTS. By way of instructions, a line of text scrolls by:
Bausaartgudite’s combat statistics can be found in Xcrawl CAN YOU SCORE A HOME RUN? PLAY BALL!
Classics RPG rulebook. The giants all reach their free hand into their gloved hand, and
Area 1-3—Take the Trolley: Left to his own devices, with a sparkle of arcane light each produces a boulder-sized base-
Bausaartgudite simply flies the party to area 1-4. The party may ball out of nowhere.
initiate conversation. While Bausaartgudite politely declines to This island is far too dangerous to have in-person audience
answer questions about event details or DJ N-Ten, he loves the members—even force walls might not be full proof against
Games to distraction, and if the PCs engage him in conversa- the giants and the power of Discordia—so special subscrib-
tion regarding Xcrawl in general, he jumps right in. If the PCs ers are able to virtually attend the game with a special en-
are especially polite, complimentary, engaging or amusing, the chantment woven into their extant AVS system.
dragon might even delay the game to keep the conversation
going, perhaps flying the trolley a few loops around the bay. The two-headed giants, recruited from all over the world,

Page 4
were brought to San Francisco a year ago. They have been The scoreboard flashes each treasure the party receives, as
training for this fight ever since and have developed into a well as playing a spooky animation to herald the arrival of
tightly organized team - until they lose their tempers! For the Ghostman on Second.
the first 1d3+1 rounds the giants watch out for one another
The result of tagging each base:
and use a reasonable amount of strategy, attempting to pre-
vent any PCs from running the bases. After that it’s every gi- • 1st Base: Team earns 50K GP! The tagger receives the
ant for itself, with each going at whatever target pissed them Mantle of Olympus, an Xcrawl-class magic item with 10
off the most in the most direct means as possible. charges. Expending a charge gives a messenger a +1d
on a Holy Act check. The team wins an additional prize
Blu Seal, the mascot, is a messenger of Discordia who volun- as well, a Srexa FAR hybrid sports sedan in metallic or-
teered to play against the PC team. She’s led by secret dictates ange.
from the Mother of Chaos that she will not divulge. She acts
like a typical mascot, dancing, mocking, pantomiming, but all • 2nd Base: As a runner approaches the base the Ghost-
the while she moves from giant to giant, surreptitiously heal- man on Second appears. The shade of a long-dead mid-
ing and aiding them as she can. She bears no NonCom badge, fielder, slain by a riot of disappointed fans on bat day,
and once the PCs notice she is a viable and necessary target she the Ghostman appears as soon as any PC gets within 10’
shrugs off her giant seal head, revealing her shaved, tattooed of the base, waving them off and ululating horrifically.
scalp, and her many zigzagging surface piercings, and goes di- All targets within 10’ of the creature must make a DC 14
rectly after the party, using a Holy Act to summon a whip. Willpower save or be paralyzed for 1d6 rounds. On the
bright side: The PC team wins 50K GP! Once the base
To win the room one of the PCs must tag all three bases in is actually tagged the tagger receives the Mega Trench-
the correct order and continue on to home plate. Tagging a wand, a magical wand with attached knuckle duster
base earns the team gold (the amount appears on the PC’s that holds 15 points of spellburn that the arcane caster
tally on the score board and triggers a fanfare of trumpets wielding it may use at-will. The knuckle duster segment
and explosion of confetti over the field) and gives the base is a +2 magic weapon that does 1d6+2 damage, with ar-
runner a special prize that magically appears in their hands. cane spellcasters automatically proficient in it’s use. In
If multiple crawlers run out and touch bases, they gain the addition, each member of the PC team wins a 2 week all
prize (or in one case a hazard) from that particular area, but expenses paid vacation to Monaco.
the room won’t end until a single character tags first, then
second, then third base, in order, and then goes on to home • 3rd Base: Team earns 50K GP! The tagger also receives
plate. Each prize is only given once, and the Ghostman on a Power-up which adds +3 to any ability and maximum
Second is there every time the base is approached unless the hit points for their class and current Stamina, both last-
un-dead shade is turned or destroyed. ing until the end of this encounter.

Page 5
 ows DC 20 against them). The heads sleep
in shifts, with each brain taking a turn
keeping watch.
Each of a two-headed giant’s heads are
treated as separate entities for mental as-
saults, such as sleep, charm, and enchant-
ment spells. If only one head is affected the
creature can ignore the mental condition
(or suffer a lesser effect at the judge’s dis-
cretion).
For this contest, the giants have been out-
fitted with oversized enchanted fielder’s
mitts. They can summon a huge baseball
each round (really a ball of vulcanized rub-
ber with a lead core and a very thin skin of
stitched leather), that they can hurl at tar-
gets the same round.
Blu Seal, the mascot: Init +0; Atk sum-
moned whip +3 melee (1d4); Crit III/d12;
AC 14; HD 4d8+4 (hp 29); MV 20’; Act 1d20;
SP Holy Act 1d20+6, Scourge 1d5, Crit vs
Evil 19-20, Holy Blood, Two-fisted Healing;
SV Fort +3, Ref +2, Will +4; AL C.
Blu Seal, AKA Ariana Alsike, is a 4th level
messenger of Discordia. She treats all the
giants in this encounter as teammates for
purposes of Lay on Hands. If she drops be-
low 4 hit points she surrenders if she is able.
The Ghostman on Second is immune to normal attacks. He While Blu Seal’s reinforced mascot costume affords some
can be turned as a 5 HD un-dead (+5 Willpower save), at protection from danger, it is bulky and awkward (Armor
which time he takes a final bow and then disappears forever. check -4, Fumble 1d12). She has the following equipment
hidden in her bulky costume: three alchemist charges, two
When a PC, that has touched all three bases in order, touch- smoke bombs, and a pouch of major league healing chew
es home plate, the encounter is over: a buzzer sounds, the (stuffing the entire contents in one’s mouth and chewing it
monsters stand down, and a squad of referees run onto the heals 4 HD to the dipper with no level/ HD restriction).
field to end the action, blowing whistles and shouting or-
ders. In addition, a secret door appears where a standard Area 1-5—Into the Dugout: The revealed stairway goes
ball field would have the visiting team’s dugout, cleverly down thirty feet. The stairs are concrete with a red runner down
disguised as a section of the ground which shifts aside to the center, ending at a security door. A massive lock is set above
reveal a hidden stairway leading to the rest of the dungeon. the handle. Over the door, written in Spanish: Oro en Paz, Fierro
en Guerra.
Two-headed Giants (4): Init -2; Atk giant bat +15 melee
The motto – “Gold in Peace, Iron in War” – is the city motto
(3d6+6) or hurled huge baseball +12 missile fire (3d6+6,
of San Francisco.
150’/300’/450’ range); Crit G/d7; AC 18; HD 13d8+26 (hp
107, 91, 85, 82); MV 50’; Act 1d24; SP 30’ infravision, crit on The door is locked (DC 18 pick lock check) and magically
a 20-24, watchful, dual mind; SV Fort +12, Ref +6, Will +6; trapped (DC 22 find trap and disable trap check). If the door is
AL N. opened or bashed down before the magical trap is discovered
and neutralized, a féth fíada appears and attempts to force
Two-headed giants are found all over the world in dozens of
itself down the throat of the PC with the lowest current Luck.
species with different traits. Their heads, each with its own
personality and name, work together to control the work- The inscription—“Gold in Peace, Iron in War,” the city
ings of their shared body, with each taking control of their motto of San Francisco—is a hint for how to deal with the
limbs as any given situation best dictates. They tend to be féth fíada. If the PCs offer it all the gold they have won in
of medium-to-low intelligence and have fierce dispositions. the contest so far, it will release any victims and disappear,
and DJ N-Ten donates all the PCs gold winnings to the Jose
Giants are immensely powerful creatures, rolling a d24 for
Villalobos House for War Widows and Orphans. The motto
all attacks and scoring a crit on a natural 20-24. Two-headed
also hints at the creature’s vulnerability to iron.
giants are constantly on the lookout for ambushes and at-
tacks, and all attempts to hide from them are at +5 DC over Féth fíada (1): Init+2; Atk tendril of fog +8 melee (1d3+special,
normal (making the general DC for specialist’s hide in shad- see below); Crit M/d12; AC 9; HD 6d8 (hp 39); MV 40’ fly,
Page 6
hover; Act 1d20; SP fae traits (immunities, vulnerable to power save. A failed save means the creature has forced
iron), tendril special, confusion of secrets; SV Fort +5, Ref some kind of wrong idea into the character’s mind, with the
+2, Will +4; AL C. victim believing the false idea to be correct. This idea can
be anything from a vicious rumor, to false facts, to harm-
The féth fíada is a fey creature from the Kingdom of Ire- ful misunderstandings, or any other lie the fey wishes to
land, a manifestation of the damage done to the land and force on the subject. Typically, the creature makes the sub-
its people by the spread of lies. It appears to be a patch of ject believe that their companions are not trustworthy, that
ever-shifting gray fog the area of a cottage. It’s seemingly they must be watched for signs of betrayal. The affected can
directed by a shadowy figure, somewhere hidden in the fog make a second DC 15 Willpower save an hour later, with
itself, which always recedes from the eye-line of onlookers. success meaning they shook the false idea from their mind
Fae Traits: The féth fíada is an enchanted manifestation of and realize they were duped, and a failure meaning they
nature. It is immune to mundane weapons except for those permanently accept the intrusive idea as fact.
made of iron (not steel). Magic weapons, spells, and holy Area 1-6—The Spiralizer: Two suits of armor flank an arch-
weapons (including holy water) affect it normally. The fey way leading to a shaft with stairs spiraling down from its east end.
creature has no need to breathe, eat, drink, or sleep, and is The suit on the left is halfling-sized plate mail with a woven tabard
immune to arcane sleep effects, poison, paralysis, and criti- displaying the city’s coat of arms. The suit on the right is spiked
cal hits. The féth fíada takes double damage from iron weap- studded leather clearly made for a humanoid of similar stature.
ons, and is affected by mundane fire. Neutral messengers
can make a turn un-holy attempt against the féth fíada; on The stairs disguise a fiendishly well concealed trap (DC 23
a success the creature fades away and returns to the place it find trap and disarm trap checks). The trap is carefully cali-
spawned, in an alley off the Shankill Road. brated to the PC teams’ encumbered weight. Once the mem-
bers of the party are all on the stairs going down, the trap
Tendril Special: On a successful tendril attack the victim must activates. A razor-sharp angled blade, one inch shorter than
make a DC 14 Reflex save or the féth fíada grabs and holds the width of the stairs, pops out at the bottom of the spiral
fast, forcing a tendril of fog down the victim’s throat. Victims staircase, then rockets up the stairs on a cleverly concealed
take 1d3 damage per round from pressure and asphyxiation spiral track built into the central pillar that keeps it an even
until they can escape from the creature’s clutch. A blessed, 2.5 feet from the surface of the stairs.
otherwise magically fortified (e.g., with Supercharge! or simi-
lar magic), or lionized character can make a grapple attempt The PCs have 1 round to act before it will pass through the
to escape its chilling clutch. Non-enhanced characters physi- area they occupy. The blade trails a frill of flapping red rib-
cally pass through the fey creature without touching it. bons and makes an intense “Whzzzzz” noise, so it is easy
to know when it’s coming. The PCs can hit the deck, cast
Confusion of Secrets: Once a character is freed from the a spell, attempt to leap over (DC 10 Agility check, armor
clutches of the féth fíada (even if by the simple expedience check penalties apply) or ready and attack the blade (AC 10,
of destroying the creature) they must make a DC 15 Will- hp 7, ignores first 5 points of damage from any attack), but

Page 7
if they are standing in its way when it passes through, they isfy uber Dungeonbattle fan Duke Reginald Haim-Robbins,
are automatically struck (3d6 damage and knocked prone, the Emperor’s eldest nephew and future Archduke of Wash-
plus Reflex save vs damage or take +2d6 damage and lose a ington. The Janxalot breed-squad still haven’t perfected a
random limb). version that has enough self-awareness to be capable of true
evil, but the savage things are nonetheless extremely dan-
If the blade is not destroyed, it reaches the top, flips back-
gerous when properly pre-starved.
wards, immediately starts down the track, taking 2 rounds
to make it from top to bottom, so the blade can attack ev- The alcoviax is a perfect shapeshifting mimic, with the abil-
eryone on the stairs once every other round. The blade con- ity to spread its body across wall, floor, and ceilings, altering
tinues to zoom up and down the stairs for as long as any its color and texture so as to be indistinguishable from the
adventurers remain on the stairs or it is destroyed. surface they lurk on.
Area 1-7—Juncture: The hallway ends in an intersection. As The beast’s typical ploy is to find a patch of 10’x 10’x10 hall-
you approach, a huge AVS comes to life on the wall straight ahead way and mimic a section of it so that creatures must pass
of you, playing a spooky prog rock music video, with a group of through its maw-gap. Targets only have a chance to notice
actual un-dead humanoids—ghouls, skeletons, zombies, and rarer the alcoviax if checking very carefully (DC 20 find trap or
horrors—preforming a choreographed dance number in a forest, Intelligence check to notice something wrong with the floor,
lit only by stars and bright moonlight. They wear patchy tuxedos walls, or ceiling, with dwarves with underground skills re-
and rotting gowns, all covered in a strange pattern of black lines, ceiving a bonus equal to CL).
loops, and dots.
If undetected, it instantly grows huge fangs and a tongue
The video plays on a loop. N-Ten is hopeful his crawlers will
and attacks the first target through, gaining +1d on melee
respectfully watch the entire extravagantly macabre 3-minute
attacks against any creature effectively inside of their bodies.
video that cost a small mountain of gold in bribes to the Nec-
Once in its interior, the surfaces move to prevent PCs from
romancer’s Guild. If the PCs state they watch the video all
leaving, growing knobby extrusions that always move to
the way through they automatically notice that, at one point
block passage. Climbing out of the creature’s maw requires
towards the end, all the creatures will pause for a second
a DC 15 Strength or Agility check, with a failure meaning
and a half, at just the right time and just the right angle, that
the victim can not progress and will be the target of an auto-
the patterns on their outfits align perfectly to read “SECRET
matic attack the next round.
DOOR TRAP!”, along with an arrow pointing to the left.
Area 1-8—Dead End?: The hallway comes to a dead end. The creature is blind, sensing prey and position through vi-
There is a fairly easy to find secret door here (DC 15 Intel- brations. It is immune to strictly visual or photo-active at-
ligence check). There is a mechanical trap built into the door tacks, such as visual illusions or hypnotizing spirals.
(DC 18 find trap and disable trap checks). If the door is opened * Did it rip a fool in two? Thanks; a lot, Janx-a-lot!
or bashed down before the trap is discovered a massive
block of the wall quickly slides into the hall behind them, Area 1-10—Hot Antechamber: The hallway is 20’ wide
forcing them to go forward. and 60’ long. The walls are all covered with projected images of
fans watching you from remote locations—some wave or cheer as
Area 1-9—Eat Me in the Hallway: An alcoviax con-
you pass, some are clearly unfriendly, and many just have you on
ceals itself in the hallway. The fiend curls floor-to-ceiling in
in the background while they chat or make food in the distance.
a wide loop, alternating its surface so it is nearly indistin-
At the end of the hallway is an antechamber before a huge steel
guishable from that same 10’ wide patch of floor, walls, and
door, covered in massive rivets. As you get closer, you feel warmth
ceiling. It attacks and fights to the death.
radiating from the door, as if it separates you from some massive
When the alcoviax dies it falls away from the walls, revealing furnace. An AVS, just next to the door, shows a referee standing
a secret cubbyhole with a treasure chest. The chest is locked somewhere off site, waving you over.
(DC 17 pick lock check) and trapped (DC 18 find trap and DC
The image of the referee addresses you. “Your attention please, ad-
21 disable trap checks). If the chest is opened before the trap
venturers,” she says. “The next challenge is beyond this door. I’m
is disabled it explodes, doing 1d10 damage to all creatures
authorized to give you this one warning: the floor is lava.”
within 10’. Creatures within 20’ in the hallway must make a
DC 15 Fortitude save or be deafened for 1 hour. Inside the This door is neither locked or trapped, although it is quite
chest are 4 Potions of Major Healing (each cures 1d12 hp), and heavy and warm to the touch.
a 500 gp certificate for The Grim Reader, the largest used book Area 1-11—The Floor is L.A.V.A.: When the doors
store in San Francisco. open the team see the following:
Alcoviax: Init +4; Atk bite +4 melee (4d6); Crit M/d14; AC
This is a massive arena room, some 300 feet long. As you open the
13; HD 8d8 (hp 51); MV slime along 10’, climb 10’; Act 1d20;
door a wave of applause and of heat strike you. The light in this
SP shapeshifting mimic, exterior fighter, vibration sense,
area is stygian red and the whole room smells like sulfur and hot
immunities; SV Fort +8, Ref +1, Will +4; AL N.
stone. The crowd, all 2-dimensional AVS platforms, hang around
The alcoviax is another breeding success story from Janxalot the exterior of this room like a strange living picture gallery.
Ranch*, the result of a five-year quest to make a real-world The door opens out to a rocky curved balcony with no rail or ban-
monster enough like the fictional carvey wallblender to sat- ister. Looking over the edge, you see that it is a 60’ drop into a

Page 8
massive lake of lava. On the far side of the room is a ledge similar to the shield, the damage is 2x). The shield protects Ardiente
to the one you stand on, with a door at the farthest point. if she goes back under the lava.
It looks like making it to that door is going to be challenging. The Ardiente has a special badge that teleports her to the hospi-
room is more than 300’ long, with a rocky island, like a tall butte tal if she is reduced to 5 hp or less, at which time her island
rising out of the lava to the same level as where you stand, in the drops back down into the lava and her back up dancers grab
middle more than 100’ away from you. Between you and the island their heads, spin around, and disappear.
are two bricked-over floating rocky platforms. As you watch, they
come together in the middle between the outcropping on which At the same time, four un-dead demonoid skeletons rise up
you stand and the center piece, leaving a gap in between, then out of the lava and attack. They fly magically, soaring im-
moving away from each other. The platform comes close to where possibly on skeletal wings. They fly up from under the sur-
you stand, a fairly easy jump. face and attack the PCs, slashing with their claws or lifting
them bodily into the air to drop into the lava.
You see two more floating platforms on the far side of the butte,
also coming together then moving apart like the ones before you. The three glass cases on the center island each hold a magic
item. There is a trick to opening them that a specialist can
The center plateau has three tall glass cases on them. The left case
discover in a single round (DC 13 find trap check). Once the
seems to hold a sword, the center some kind of small shiny object,
trap is noticed, its easy to open one without springing it.
and the one on the right has some kind of outfit. At this distance
Other than that they can only be opened by smashing the
it’s hard to make out details through the waves of heat coming up
glass, but this releases a stream of pressurized lava which
from the lava.
rains down on anyone within 15’, (2d6 fire damage, DC 15
No instructions for this room are given, but if the PCs call a Reflex save for half).
ref they tell them they must make it to the far side doors and
deal with any hazards that appear. Once the cases are opened, the items magically appear on
the opener; the ring on a finger, the sword in hand, the
The platforms (numbered 1, 2, 3, and 4) come together in clothes flowing directly on to the PC.
a single combat round, then away from each other to their
respective edges, either next to one of the platforms on the Sword: The Ice Nine, a frost-blue +3 two-handed sword that
edge of the arena or next to the center island, in a single does an additional 1d6 cold damage per strike.
round. Ring: The Ring of Fabulous Vacations. 1x per day the wearer
Leaping from ledge to platform, platform to platform, or can twist the ring around and their body is healed and rest-
platform to center island when they come together requires ed, as if they had spent a long weekend on the beach. The
a DC 5 Strength check, armor check penalties always apply. character heals 3 HD worth of wounds, 1d3 points of spell-
If they fail this check, the PC may attempt a DC 13 Reflex burn (if they had used any), and lose any conditions they
save to grab on to the edge and hang on. A DC 12 Strength had with less than 72 hour duration (blindness, slow, etc).
check, armor check penalties apply, is required to pull them- Outfit: The Fire Gear. This outfit is covered in rockabilly
selves up. A roll of 6 or better on this check, they may hang flames. It magically morphs to fit and suit the wearer and
on to the ledge for 1 more round. A failure on the Reflex blocks the first 10 points of damage from any fire or heat
save or 5 or lower on the Strength check means the victim attack.
has fallen into the lava, taking 5d6 damage immediately,
and 3d6 per round of fire damage until they are out of the Once Ardiente and all the demon skeletons are defeated the
lava or dead. Characters who die in the lava are incinerated lava bubbles and churns for a moment, then it begins to take
and cannot be recovered (e.g., no “Rolling over the body”). the form of a lava colossus, more than 100’ tall. The colossus
forms a breastplate of stone which reads:
Once the first character leaps to the first platform, the room’s
enemies appear. Rising out of the lava at area A on the map Lethal
is Ardiente and her flying island. Ardiente is a blaster who Advanced
has, for this contest, received the Blessing of Fire ritual that Volcanic
gives her extra flame powers above and beyond her natural Avatar
arcane abilities. Ardiente rises out of the lava on her flying
This process takes 3 rounds, during which the PCs may
chunk of rock, the lava running in rivulets down her force
make their way to the exit. If they are still in the room at the
field, with three back-up dancers made of fire behind her,
end of those 3 rounds the creature makes a grab for them.
who do a synced-up symmetrical dance that changes de-
It is slow for its size and a grab attack takes it a full round
pending on the action of the combat. The back-up dancers
action (so if it attempts to grab a crawler, the grab actually
are an illusory special effect, but they react appropriately,
takes place on the beginning of the beast’s next round). If a
even comically overreacting if struck with physical or magic
crawler stands still long enough to be grabbed the creature
attacks. Any damage from energy magic such a spellweaver
has +15 to hit and grabbed opponents are instantly inciner-
blast causes a dancer to disappear.
ated. The creature is too huge to be damaged by anything
Ardiente’s flying island is roughly 20’x20’, flies at a speed smaller than a missile, and is just meant to force the PCs to
of 50’, and is protected by a fire shield (absorbs up to 44 hp, run for their lives.
blocks all fire or heat attacks, but on a critical hit or a backstab
Page 9
Once all surviving PCs exit the door to area 1-12, the Lethal Area 1-12: Breakroom: The door opens to a huge space that
Advanced Volcanic Avatar returns to its lava form, and the appears to be a massive used bookstore with a coffee bar out front.
air horn sounds—the team has won the room! As you enter you see that behind the bar is DJ N-Ten himself, now
wearing a grey sweater, a dark blue apron, and a blue cap with a
Ardiente, 2nd level Blaster: Init+1; Atk +1 short sword coffee cup logo. Behind him is a barista, prepared to make coffee
+3 melee (1d6); Crit I/d7; AC 12; HD 3d5 +3 (hp 14); MV 30’; drinks. The entire room has the pleasant smell of old books and
Act 1d20; SP spells, Blessing of Vulcan; SV Fort +2, Ref +1, java, and is somehow extremely quiet and cool, considering how
Will +2; AL N. close it is to the lava arena. A banner hangs behind the coffee bar:
Proud San Franciscan Ardiente called N-Ten and asked if Welcome to the Breakroom! By California and Imperial Law there
there was anything she could do to help out with the first are no hazards or dangers in this place.
local Division I crawl; the DJ had a perfect way to make use N-Ten greets the characters individually, reiterates that this
of her talents. is the breakroom, and then offers coffee, tea, or hot chocolate
Spells (spell check +4): spellweaver blast, blue streak, Castro’s to anyone who wants one. The DJ tells the PCs they have a
Rampart©, countermagic, eldritch escapology, hover, war gear. full half hour until they must leave through the door to area
1-13, and that they can relax themselves until then. Once he
Blessing of Vulcan: A ritual that Ardiente underwent gave has drink orders, N-Ten makes the following announcement.
her the ability to cast three fire effects at foes:
Everybody knows that you aren’t allowed to put anything danger-
Flame Blast: Acts as a +11 ranged attack, 6d6 damage (no sav- ous in an Xcrawl breakroom – that rule is sacrosanct, and I take it
ing throw on a successful hit). On a crit the target is catches as my ordained duty to always observe the Imperial rules. But the
fire and continues to burn for 1d6 damage per round until rules are a little less clear on bonus items, so here’s what I’ve done.
they make a successful DC 13 Agility check as a full-round Here in the stacks of my bookshop I’ve hidden a few special magic
action. items just for y’all. Take a look around, see what you can’t find.
Fire Ball: Causes 3d6 damage in a 20’ radius, DC 15 Reflex Most of the stacks are used books of all sorts, but if the PCs
save for half. are lucky they might find something. Each character gets
one Luck check—success means they find a random hidden
Fire Marked: Any hidden or invisible characters within 120’ item (each item appears only once).
gain a fiery heat-less nimbus around themselves so they
give off an orange glow. This effect lasts for 1d4+3 rounds • An ice latte of healing: cures 3 HD damage
during which hiding or invisibility is effectively nullified. • A scroll with a random arcane spell. Re-roll if anyone in
the party already knows that spell until a new spell is
Fire Shield: Absorbs 44 hp of damage. Blocks all fire or heat
determined.
attacks without taking damage. On a critical hit or a backstab
the effect is 2x damage to the shield rather than a random • A +1 nose ring of resistance, which grants +1 to all saving
effect from a Crit table. throws.

Demonoid Skeletons (4): Init+1; Atk corrupted claw +9 me- • A magic monocle of minute seeing, a tiny arcane HUD that
lee (1d10+2 plus corruption); Crit M/d10; AC 17; HD 6d8 hovers invisibly in front of the eye, which grants +1 to
(hp 39 each); MV fly 60’; Act 1d20; SP corruption, special all attempts to find trap and disable trap checks.
un-dead traits and immunities; SV Fort +5, Ref +2, Will +2; • A tube of enchanted footballer’s eyeblack. Two smears
AL N. under the eyes grant +1 AC, grapple checks, and grap-
ple damage for 1 turn. The tube holds six applications.
These “demon skeletons” are actually the bones of four
Westfalen gargoyles spruced up with a bit of cosmetic modi- • A magical book: Self Improvement for <Name of whom-
fication and slathered in magical protections and effects. ever found it>. Spending a month reading this book and
applying its esoteric practices grants the PC a +1 on any
Corruption: On a successful strike the target must make a Ability other than Luck.
DC 15 Willpower save. On a failed save, the target takes on
some of the corruption of Pandemonium, taking a -1 pen- Additional crawlers who make their Luck check find addi-
alty on attack rolls, saving throws, damage, and spell checks. tional ice lattes of healing.
These penalties are cumulative, but a 2 HD of successful Lay The team may remain in the breakroom for up to half an
on Hands removes the corruption. hour. When it is time for them to leave N-Ten wishes them
The demonoid skeletons are custom un-dead creations of all good luck, then rushes backstage through the No-Go door
the Mission chapter of the American Necromancers Guild. to make it to the control booth to monitor the pinball room.
They are immune to sleep, charm, poison, disease, fire and Area 1-13—Shooter Lane: The door opens to a wide cham-
heat damage, and illusion effects. They do not eat, breathe, ber with the feel of a casino game room. You hear random-seeming
or sleep. Their skeletal bodies afford the creatures half dam- chimes, tones, snatches of monstrous roars, and reverberating im-
age from slashing or piercing weapons. They take 1d6 points pacts. The top half of the north wall is a clear barrier separating
of damage from holy water, and double damage from cold the room you are in from what appears to be a complicated battle
and holy effects like divine wrath. arena, with neon-lit partitions, flexible walls, and huge banks of
flashing lights.
Page 10
The floor drops away into a channel along the east wall, which moths over them, causing a puck-shaped barrier of force to
leads to a tunnel that looks like it heads towards the arena. At the appear underneath their feet. The referee explains that while
far-right side of the channel is a massive silver plunger wrapped they remain inside the puck they will feel no pressure shift or
in an enormous coiled spring. The wall over the channel has a pan- inertia, and they can make melee or ranged attacks from the
oramic mosaic, showing whimsical demons rolling flaming dice in platform, even exit and return to it if they choose.
some infernal speakeasy.
The DJ gives Meyers the thumbs up. As Meyers begins the
Arranged in the center of this room is DJ N-Ten, a referee, a few game, the spring-loaded plunger in the shooter lane retracts,
security guards, a live camera and sound crew, and a young hu- then extends explosively, propelling the team into the pin-
man grinning ear to ear in excitement, his massive braces on dis- ball arena.
play for all to see. The entire crew is wearing NonCom badges. A Area 1-14—Pinball Wizardry: With a mad whoosh you are
circle of floor directly before the assembled crawl team is sectioned launched into the arena on your oversized flattened sphere. While
with blue gaffer’s tape, and a producer out of the camera’s eyeline your pinball moves at dizzying speed as you bounce between bum-
urgently points to it while giving you a significant look. pers and flippers, the magic of the disc keeps you safe from inertia.
DJ N-Ten congratulates the survivors for making it this far While the neon landscape blazes past you don’t feel the slightest
and lets them know this is the final room. With splendid shifting of weight. As you look up, you see the massive backbox of
showmanship he introduces the challenge by way of intro- the titanic pinball machine with its strange devil logo, hot demon
ducing his young star: Meyers Mickiewicz, the Imperial art, and the scoreboard, and beyond that a standing room only
Youth 13 and Younger Division Pinball Champion. Meyers is arena crowd cheering on the game.
the youngest member of the Imperial Pinball Association to Meyers tries to shoot the PCs ball into all three encounter ar-
receive the title of Grand Master, and to celebrate his achieve- eas. Immediately after launch a second ball arrives, this one
ment DJ N-Ten, a lifelong pinball fanatic, has transformed the manned by members of Balky’s Buccaneers, an elite crew of
arena into a huge pinball machine. Meyers is going to play co- beastmen from the Zhura’ah’zhura. There are five of them,
lossal game of pinball, while the PC team is going to be inside two of which are crewing a wicked ballista.
the ball itself, being launched randomly to encounter areas
On every round, have one of the PCs make d20 roll on Mey-
within the arena. There is a creature to defeat in every en-
er’s Pinball Performance table. The PCs may spend Mojo af-
counter area and the PCs have to defeat all three (the electro-
ter the die roll, but before the result is announced, to achieve
snake, the pinball aliens, and the Rotünda™) in order to win
a higher (and hopefully more favorable) result.
the room. Once an encounter is cleared, a barrier pops up in
front of it, ricocheting the pinball disc back onto the play floor. Meyers is one of the best players in the world and wants the
team to win. The PC team can collectively influence Meyer’s
Meyers comes over and introduces himself. He is incredibly actions, for example they can possibly choose a specific en-
proud to be helping the team out, and he promises to do his counter area to visit.
absolute best to get them where they need to be in the game
while going for the high sore. It is permissible for the PCs Every time the ball drains this produces a fresh crew of buc-
to bless, lionize, supercharge!, or otherwise enhance the lad, caneers, uninjured and re-armed, who renew the fight.
which will absolutely add to his pinball checks (see below). In If the PCs wind up in range of the Buccaneers, each side can
addition, the PCs are all allowed to spend Mojo points on pin- attack the other that round. If they make contact, each side
ball checks as if Meyers was an actual member of their team. may make a melee attacks that round.
There is an inset ladder down to the shooter lane, and the PCs If the PCs arrive at an encounter area, they move inside, a
are directed to go down and stand in a painted circle. Once barrier closes behind them, and the PCs must remain until
the crew is assembled, a staff wizard speaks an incantation the encounter is resolved.
and waves a staff topped with a hanging bamboo cage full of

Page 12
 to adjudicate the effect of having a loose PC, keeping the
Table: Meyer's Pinball Performance
following in mind:
D20 Result
• When the ball enters encounter areas A-C, a barrier
1 Tilt! Ball drains, encounters reset, shoot again, pops up behind it. Crawlers on the disc are in the en-
PCs’ Mojo all reduced by 1. counter; barring extraordinary circumstances, crawlers
2 Down the Drain! on the floor are left out.
3 Two bumpers! The PC with the lowest Luck • Being struck by a pinball causes 3d6 damage, and on a
must make a Luck check or the ball drains and natural 6 on the die the target suffers a broken bone.
the game resets.
• Meyers can attempt to shoot the ball close enough to
4 Captive Ball! The PC ball is held in place long a target to scoop them up. Any Meyer Pinball Perfor-
enough for the enemy ball to be refreshed. The mance result of a 14+ makes this happen.
Buccaneers refresh, PCs face a new crew with full
hp and weapons. • Leaping from one ball to another requires a DC 14 Agil-
ity check—success means they land on the target disc
5 Saved by the Flippers! PCs nearly drain but
with no damage, failure means they miss and hit the
recover. Roll again!
arena floor for 1d3 damage.
6 Unlock Evil Kan-Evil!
• Characters on the arena floor can make an attempt to
7 The PCs are within 100’ of the Buccaneers tilt the game. This requires a DC 21 Strength check. Suc-
8 The PCs are within 50’ of the Buccaneers cess adds +1d6 to Meyer’s next pinball performance roll,
9 The PCs are within 10’ of the Buccaneers failure means next check result in automatic 1.
10 Contact! The PCs are in melee range with the Once the PCs have defeated an encounter area, they will
Buccaneers for 1 round. return to the pinball arena, and the completed area will be
11 Drop Target! The PCs each earn 1 point of Mojo. closed off.

12 Combo! The PC ball careens off the enemy ball, Balky’s Buccaneers (5): Init+1; Atk ballista +5 missile fire
allowing 1 round of melee combat, before bounc- (4d6, 150’/300’/450’ range), crossbow +5 missile fire (1d6)
ing into a random encounter area. or claw +3 melee (1d6); Crit III/d8; AC 15; HD 4d6 (hp 21
each); MV 30’; Act 1d20; SP heightened senses (+4 sensing
13 Off the Slingshots! The PCs arrive at one of the
hidden or silent creatures); SV Fort +4, Ref +2, Will +3; AL N.
three encounter areas, rolled randomly. If they
have already defeated the creature in that area Balky’s Buccaneers are a crew of beastmen under-grounders
a pop-up barrier bonks them back into play; roll of the cave bear-headed variety. They stand six and a half
again. feet and are broad, with prominent bear muzzles and re-
14 Down the gobble-hole! The PCs arrive at encoun- tractable claws on the ends of their short fingers. The Buc-
ter area A. caneers have been practicing firing their weapons from the
pinball pods for months to get ready for this encounter and
15 Jump the ramp! The PCs arrives at encounter are focused on bringing the crawler’s down. If they win they
area B. take home 5,000 gp each so they are highly motivated.
16 Over the habitrail! The PCs arrive at encounter
Evil Kan-Evil: Init +5; Atk scooter ram +8 melee (1d6+1d6
area C.
fire damage); Crit M/d10; AC 17; HD 5d6 (hp 29); MV 30’,
17 Shatzing the in-lane! The PCs go to any remain- 70’ scooter; Act 1d20; SP interdimensional being traits, spe-
ing encounter area they need to beat the game. cial turn result, summon flame scooter, destroy a thing you
Alternately, if one of his champions needs to be love; SV Fort +4, Ref +11, Will +5; AL C.
rescued from a loose ball, Meyers can force colli-
sion, allowing individuals to move between balls. Evil Kan-Evil is actually a variety of minor flame elemental,
given shape and identity for this contest by N-Ten’s wizards.
18 Jackpot! The PC’s ball flies through a hoop of
Evil Kan-Evil finds joy only in carnage and the pain of others.
energy. All PCs receive a power up, healing 1 hp
and gaining +1d on their next action. Roll again! Evil Kan-Evil is a flame elemental. He has no need to eat or
19 Wizard Mode! The PCs choose where Myers sleep, though he must breathe. He is immune to fire or heat
sends them—ball collision, encounter area, or attacks, poison, and sleep effects. The creature takes double
otherwise. damage from cold or water based attacks.
20+ Zowie Jackpot!: As Jackpot but do not roll again. In this arena, a successful Turn Un-Holy attempt against Evil
The PCs can choose where they go this round Kan-Evil transports him out of the PCs pinball disc and into
(any encounter area or collision). the disc of Balky’s Buccaneers, where he instantly attacks
The characters may leap from their platform on to the are- them, destroying their ballista on the first round. The Bucca-
na’s surface without disqualification. Characters leaping neers all scream for a ref, but there is no rule against it, and
to the arena floor must make a DC 14 Agility check or fall as the creature justifies it, “Because I’m EEEE-VIL!”
prone and take 1d3 points of damage. The judge will have

Page 13
Encounter Area A: Sacrificial Chamber
The ball drops below the surface of the game and an exit porthole
opens. In the room you see a demonic altar. Behind it is a huge
red snake-like creature with the head of a black ram, an aura of
lightning sparks and radiates from its eyes, its rectangular pupils
glaring down at you with strange intelligence. Chained upon the
altar is a human-sized snake with a blonde wig, elf ears, a silver
tiara, and a two-piece chainmail outfit that simulates bikini armor.
The snake on the altar looks imploringly at you and shouts in a
sibilant human voice “S-s-save me!”
The monster is Electro-Snake, who fights the PCs to the
death. Once the creature is destroyed, the chains fall off the
captive snake, it says “My Heroes,” and transforms into a
32-bit cloud that reforms into the words +100,000 POINTS!
Electro-Snake: Init +0; Atk electro-headbutt +15 melee
(2d6+3d6 electric damage plus stun); Crit M/d20; AC 18;
HD 12d8 (hp 77); MV 30’; Act 1d20; SP stun, immunities; SV
Fort +8, Ref +4, Will +7; AL C.
This is a 60’ long demonic-looking red snake with the head
of an infernal goat with continuous electric flashes bursting
from its eyes. The creature is actually a rare natural monster
from the Zurah’ah’zurah.
Stun: When struck by its head-butt, the target must make a
Fortitude save vs the electric damage, or be stunned for 1d3
rounds.
Immunities: The electro-snake is immune to electricity and
poison.

Encounter Area B: Space Warp

The ball slides into the upper right corner of the game and an exit
porthole opens. The room beyond is designed to look like you are
standing on the surface of a ringed planet. Suddenly a flying sau-
cer swoops down from the stars at dizzying speed. It fires a beam
that targets the surface 50’ from your position; when the energy
stops you see six six-armed alien warriors standing there. They
have bizarre protruding exoskeletons, wide heads topped with
knobby ridges, and a cluster of eyes in a seemingly random pat-
tern across their faces. Each has a broad sword and a futuristic
laser pistol, which they swing about to point at you.
The saucer and its beam are special effects; the pinball aliens
are teleported in from offstage. They fire their beam weap-
ons once before closing for melee combat. Once defeated,
the flying saucer appears again and projects a holograph
that reads +100,000 POINTS!
Pinball Aliens (6): Init +3; Atk trapped laser pistols +8 mis-
sile fire (3d6, 40’/80’ range), short sword +7 melee (1d6+2),
or claw +7 melee (1d4+2); Crit III/d10; AC 15; HD 5d8 (hp
29 each); MV 30’; Act 2d20; SP ambidexterity, born to pin-
ball; SV Fort +6, Ref +5, Will +1; AL N.
These “aliens” are specially polymorphed hobgoblins. Their
look is completely based on the baddies from a pinball game
the transforming wizard dreamt of once. They are seven
feet tall with a bio-mechanical appearance, wide heads with and six bony arms. They can only effectively use two arms
vertical mouth-slits, armor-plated skin with strange knobs at once, including to fight, but they can fight equally well
where their exterior-showing ridges meet, clusters of eyes, with any pairing. They speak a nonsense grunt-and-shriek

Page 14
language that only the six of them ingly removing all the splinters
can understand. from the wound, a process which
takes 10 minutes per wound. A
The creatures are armed with short messenger can remove all the
swords and sci-fi looking laser guns. splinters from a target with 2 HD
The guns only fire once, which arms of healing.
a built-in trap. If the trigger is pulled
after the trap is armed, the guns ex- Rather than a basic strike, the
plode doing 3d6 heat damage to the Rotünda™ may make a grab
wielder and any targets within 10’. attack against a human sized
While these pseudo-aliens have nev- or smaller creature. If the crea
er played pinball, they are unknow- ture is successfully grabbed, the
ing experts due to the influence of creature pulls them into its center
their creator wizard’s dream, and of mass, which grows a huge, hor-
should they ever have the chance rible mouth full of jagged wood-
to try the game they are at +2d for en teeth and attempts to bite. The
skill checks for every aspect of pin- Rotunda rolls +1d to bite grabbed
ball, including playing and machine creatures. Grabbed creatures are
upkeep/repair. not subject to the monster’s splin-
ter attack
Encounter Area C:
Croquet! Rotündas™ have infravision and
excellent hearing and sense of
You slide into the upper left corner and smell. They can detect and iden-
an exit porthole opens onto a chalk path. tify creatures by scent alone from
The room outside is decorated with ar- up to 30’ away. They are semi-intelligent creatures that gen-
tificial turf and looks like the back yard of a mansion. An attrac- erally can understand a few words of the common tongue.
tive bunch of humans dressed for a fancy lawn party play a game They are effectively immune to polymorph and other trans-
of croquet in front of a large rotunda hung with dangling white formation magic – they simply transform back to their nor-
lights. On a wicker table in the center of the rotunda is a cake, pos- mal shape as a move action a round later.
sibly with something written on top in icing. One of the players
smiles and says ”Fancy a game?” Once all three encounter areas are cleared an airhorn
sounds—the PCs have won! They each receive the grand
The croquet players are NonCom badge-wearing extras who prize—50,000 gp, a Balky’s pinball machine based on the
flee once the action begins. The Rotünda™, a kind of bigger event they survived, and a huge commemorative platinum
and meaner gazebo, waits until the PCs approach before its ring set with diamonds worth 5,000 gp. In addition, the
horrifying bloodshot eyes open. It roars and launches pseu- winning team receives a Key to the City, a prestigious prize
dopods and fights to the death. Once destroyed, it falls into rarely given out in Xcrawl, worth 5 point of Fame to each
a ruined pile of lumber, which re-arranges itself, a moment team member.
later, into a rickety sign reading +100,000 POINTS!
THE AFTERMATH

I
The Rotünda™: Init +5; Atk Psudeopods +9 melee
(3d6+splinters); Crit M/d16; AC 15; HD 10d10 (hp 81); MV f the PCs survive the Pinball Wizardry room and defeat
wobble 5’; Act 2d20; SP perfect disguise, splinters, immuni- all three of its sub-encounters, the force walls come down
ties; SV Fort +12, Ref -1, Will +8; AL N. and the crowd rushes in. They lift the heroes up and carry
them out into the lobby where a grand celebration awaits.
The Rotünda™ is a specially bred version of the Mimik™,
with less functionality but vastly increased raw strength and There are several post-victory events scheduled, includ-
kill power. It looks exactly like a wooden rotunda that one ing a parade through the city, a press conference hosted by
might use for a wedding ceremony, complete with hang- Bausaartgudite (in his human form), a lavish dinner at DJ N-
ing ivy and dangling globe lights, until prey comes close Ten’s home featuring a who’s who of West Coast A-listers,
enough to grab, at which point it reveals its huge bloodshot and a call from Emperor Ronald I, who congratulates the
eyes, 20’ long pseudopods, and a horrific, roaring mouth. team and asks about their future plans.
The Rotünda™ can effortlessly and perfectly sit still for What indeed? Victory at the San Francisco Crawl makes the
hours or days, waiting for prey to come close. PC team the Number 1 Xcrawl squad in their division. Of-
fers begin to pour in, and even cosmic patrons and the host
The Rotünda™ attacks twice per round with its pseudopods.
of Olympus themselves take notice. The team might find
On a successful hit, the target must make a DC 14 Fortitude
more Xcrawl events, perhaps international ones, or they
save or the wound is peppered with distractingly itchy
might turn their attention towards real-world adventure.
and painful wooden slivers. The target takes a -1 cumula-
One thing is sure: the victorious adventurers will forever be
tive penalty to attack rolls, spell checks, and skill checks per
remembered as some of the best who ever played the game.
failed save against this which can only be cured by painstak-
Page 15
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