AUDIOBOOK SUPPLEMENTAL MATERIAL

CHANGE
YOUR
QUESTIONS
CHANGE
YOUR
FUTURE
OVERCOME CHALLENGES AND CREATE A NEW
VISION FOR YOUR LIFE USING THE PRINCIPLES
OF SOLUTION FOCUSED BRIEF THERAPY

ELLIOTT E. CONNIE . ADAM S. FROERER

HAY HOUSE LLC

Carlsbad, California • New York City
London • Sydney • New Delhi
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Questions to Ask Yourself about Autonomy

• What values do I have that I don’t want to compromise
with anyone about?
• Do I believe that my opinion/wants are as important
as anyone else’s?
• What am I willing to do to defend my desires
and needs?
• Am I willing to let others (partner, children, friends,
parents, etc.) make their own choices and decisions
without feeling angry or frustrated with their
decisions?
• What can I do to improve on honoring my own
autonomy/agency?
• What can I do to improve on honoring the autonomy/
agency of others around me?

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Questions to Ask Yourself

about Being Difference-Led
• What changes/successes am I waiting for before I am
willing to change my perspective?
• What is one difference I can start paying attention to
that will start the change process in my life?
• How would noticing differences change my life?
• What would it mean about me if I could start to notice
differences that were small or significant?
• What signs would let me know that I was in a
relationship (friendship, partnership, or romantic)
with a person who supported me and helped me be the
best version of myself?

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Questions to Ask Yourself

• As I practice looking at myself with loving eyes, what
is one or more thing(s) I notice this time that I have
overlooked previously?
• Who in my life looks at me with the most loving eyes?
What do they see in me that others may not see?
• Who in my life is most in need of my loving eyes?
What is one thing I could to do help them know that
my loving eyes truly see them? What difference would
it make to them to interact with my loving eyes?
• What transformation would I most like to see within
myself? What signs would I notice that would let me
know I was moving in the direction of my desired
transformation?
• What would it mean about me if I started noticing
that I was moving in the direction of my desired
transformation?

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Questions to Ask Yourself

• What are my true strengths?
• What can I be really proud of about myself?
• Am I someone who tries to avoid being proud of
myself? If so, do I want to continue to live with
this belief?
• What opposition might I encounter in pursuit of my
desired outcome? What plans can I put in place now to
help me be prepared to overcome that opposition?
• What would it mean about me if I were prepared to
overcome opposition?

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Questions to Ask Yourself

• What helps me trust myself?
• What do I already know about myself that is
worth trusting?
• What do others see in me that lets them know they
can also trust me?
• Who in my life is trustworthy? How do I know that
about them? What did they do to help me know that I
can trust them?
• What hardships have I encountered that have really
helped make me who I am today?
• What are the qualities or characteristics I have that I
developed by overcoming hardships? What qualities
do I have that I could only have developed because I
had to work to overcome something difficult?
• What qualities do I have that I want to make sure
I recognize that will help me overcome the next
challenging circumstance I encounter?

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THE PURPOSE
DIAMOND
DESIRED
SUCCESS

HISTORY FUTURE
OF RESOURCES SUCCESSES
SUCCESS

CELEBRATION

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What is your desired success?

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Who would be impacted by you achieving this success?

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What would it say about you if you could achieve

this success?

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What else?

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What else?

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What difference would achieving this success

make in your life?

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What else?

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What else?

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WORKSHEET INSTRUCTIONS
As you answer this next set of questions, remember that the
history of success is a description pathway of your desired success.
Your history includes manifestations of you living in your purpose
and working toward what you want, even if that means back when
you just started to dream about it.
That dream is attainable, even if you can’t see it right now.
When what you want is in line with your purpose, you’re unlock-
ing your magic—unlocking what makes you uniquely you.
In the first question, we want you to think about the origin of
your dream. In other words, when did you start to imagine a new
and different future for yourself, one where your desired success
was present? Even if that’s something you’re just beginning to
unlock, start to think about what has led you to this point. The
more detailed and specific you can get about your dreams, the more
meaningful and impactful they become.
Don’t be dissuaded if thinking about your past is difficult. It
might be a muscle you haven’t stretched before or one you haven’t
used in a while. It might also be hard to find times when you feel
you experienced moments of success in the past. But remember it
can be as small as a taste you’re now craving again.
What details tipped you off that your desired success is some-
thing you wanted? How did you know that the taste you were sam-
pling was something you wanted to have in full measure?
It’s also helpful to consider what you want to hold on to from
the past. What do you wish to keep the same? What are you proud
of? What lessons have you learned that you want to carry forward?
When you’re finished completing the worksheet, reflect on
what stood out to you. What did you learn about the history that’s
already happening as far as your success?
The past is a treasure trove of meaning-filled moments that
showcase your strengths, relationships, sparks of dreams, instances
of success, and more. By taking the time to realize how far you’ve
come, you’ll gain confidence in how far you can still rise, overcome,
and achieve.

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Think about the origin of your dream. When in your life did
you know this was what you wanted to achieve?

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What was going on in your life at the time you decided this
success was important?

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Why is it important for you to achieve this dream/success?

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What steps have you already taken to help you achieve

this dream?

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What skills and resources do you possess that can help

you achieve this dream?

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As you move through each upcoming day, what do you

hope you will see yourself doing that would let you know
you are moving toward your desired success?

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Who would be most likely to notice you moving through

each day with such purpose?

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What would they say they’re noticing about you?

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How would they let you know they noticed?

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What else?

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What else?

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Describe what difference it would make for

you knowing they’d noticed these things.

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What hurdles do you imagine may be in your way as you

move toward your desired success?

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And what do you already know about yourself that lets

you know you can overcome these hurdles?

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Imagine it’s one year from today. What would you

notice that lets you know you have achieved an
important milestone toward your desired success?

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What else?

_______________________________________________________________

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What else?

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What do you hope others will notice about you as your

success is achieved?

1. _______________________________________________________________

2.____________________________________________________________________

3.____________________________________________________________________

4. ___________________________________________________________________

5.____________________________________________________________________

6.____________________________________________________________________

7. ____________________________________________________________________

8. ___________________________________________________________________

9. ___________________________________________________________________

10.___________________________________________________________________

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At your celebration, what do you imagine you’ll be

most proud of as you look back over your journey?
What else?

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What else?

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What else?

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What else?

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What else?

________________________________________________________________

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Visualize your celebration once you achieve the success

you desire. What does it look like?

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Write it down and plan your celebration. Remember to be

very specific.

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What would be the most wonderful part about the

celebration and why?

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Optional: Draw your celebration in the space below.

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ENDNOTES

Chapter 1.
1. Kobe Bryant, interview with Alex Rodriguez and Big Cat, The Corp,
podcast video, December 31, 2018, https://www.youtube.com/
watch?v=ndGZU2BwAVY.

2. Howard Beck, “James Wiseman Is in a Golden State of Mind: ‘Whatever

It Takes,’” Sports Illustrated, October 21, 2022, https://www.si.com/
nba/2022/10/21/james-wiseman-warriors-daily-cover.

Chapter 3.
1. Shawn “Jay-Z” Carter, Jelani Cobb, “The Shawn Jay-Z Carter Lecture Series,”
(lecture, Columbia University, New York, NY, February 4, 2020).

2. Chris Drosehn, “Gary Lee and the New York Jets,” Overtime Heroics, February
8, 2022, www.overtimeheroics.net/2022/08/02/gary-vee-new-york-jets/.

3. Gary Vaynerchuk, “I Don’t Care If I End up Buying the New York Jets,”
GaryVaynerchuk.com, October 29, 2014. https://garyvaynerchuk
.com/i-dont-care-if-i-end-up-buying-the-new-york-jets/.

Chapter 5.
1. Melissa Chan, “Here’s How Winning the Lottery Makes You
Miserable,” TIME, January 12, 2016, https://time.com/4176128/
powerball-jackpot-lottery-winners/.

2. Erica R. Hendry, “7 Epic Fails Brought to You by the Genius Mind of Thomas
Edison,” Smithsonian Magazine, November 20, 2013, https://www
.smithsonianmag.com/innovation/7-epic-fails-brought-to-you-by-the-genius
-mind-of-thomas-edison-180947786/.

3. “Famous Quotations from Thomas Edison,” Thomas A. Edison Innovation

Foundation, https://www.thomasedison.org/edison-quotes.

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Chapter 8.
1. Justin Curto, “Jay-Z and Meek Mill Agree They ‘Could Never Beef,’” Vulture,
August 26, 2022, https://www.vulture.com/2022/08/jay-z-meek-mill-dj
-khaled-god-did-verse.html.

Chapter 9.
1. The editors of the Encyclopaedia Britannica, “How a
Rejected Block of Marble Became the World’s Most Famous
Statue,” Britannica, https://www.britannica.com/story/
how-a-rejected-block-of-marble-became-the-worlds-most-famous-statue.

2. “Quotes of Michelangelo,” Michelangelo.org, https://nilsaparker.medium

.com/the-angel-in-the-marble-f7aa43f333dc.

3. “Lone Survivor (2014),” History vs Hollywood, https://www

.historyvshollywood.com/reelfaces/lone-survivor.php.

4. “Marcus Luttrell ‘DRAW A LINE,’” YouTube, uploaded by Rainmaker, August

5, 2016, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qGxOYWRAjXQ.

5. Lone Survivor, directed and written by Peter Berg, performance by Mark

Wahlberg, Universal Pictures, 2013.

Chapter 13.
1. “Jesse Jackson Plans to Return to Public Life,” The New York Times, January 21,
2001, www.nytimes.com/2001/01/21/us/jesse-jackson-plans-return-to
-public-life.html.

2. Keegan McGuire, “Is the Apollo 13 Movie Accurate to the True

Story?” Looper, February 19, 2021, www.looper.com/337566/
is-the-apollo-13-movie-accurate-to-the-true-story/.

Chapter 16.
1. Jack Dougherty, “Thurl Bailey Remembers the Exact Moment Jim Valvano
Won Over the ‘Survive and Advance’ NC State Wolfpack,” Sportscasting, April
3, 2022, www.sportscasting.com/thurl-bailey-remembers-exactmoment
-jim-valvano-won-over-survive-advance-nc-state-wolfpack/.

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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

This book, although it has our names on the cover, is really the
product of a mighty team of amazing people! First, we would like
to thank Reid Tracy who pushed us to create this book. We don’t
usually write to a lay audience, but Reid had a vision that pushed
us to make solution focused living applicable to everyone! We are
indebted to Reid for having a desired outcome and helping us to
catch the vision! Thank you for trusting us with this process.
We would also like to thank the whole Hay House team. We
couldn’t have completed this project without your support, guid-
ance, and belief. We are showered with continual support and
appreciate each of you contributing your expertise to our work!
What an amazing team of people we get to work with!. A special
thank you goes out to Melody Guy, our editor at Hay House. Thank
you for guiding this process while allowing us to stay true to who we
are. We appreciate you pushing us to make this book better and for
making this happen even on the toughest days! We appreciate you.
A special thank you also goes out to Kathryn Purdie! You are
masterful at what you do! Thank you for seeing each of us for who
we are and for helping us to maximize our individual voices and
perspectives. This book literally wouldn’t have been possible with-
out you. You are a true artist and we value your contribution more
than you will ever know. We are thankful that God sent you into
our lives!
Next we would like to thank the creators of solution focused
brief therapy, Steve de Shazer, Insoo Kim Berg, Eve Lipchik, and
others. Without their willingness to push psychotherapy to new
heights, we wouldn’t have huge shoulders to stand on. Thank you
for your courage, your significant work, your attention to what
works, and your willingness to focus on what truly matters to peo-
ple. Thank you also goes out to Chris Iveson, Evan George, and

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Harvey Ratner. Thank you for mentoring us throughout our SFBT

journey and for showing us that this approach can continue to
evolve. Thank you for believing in us and valuing our contribution.
We couldn’t have written this book without your help and support
along the way.
We would like to thank our true teacher, our many clients, who
have allowed us to interact with them while trying to use solution
focused brief therapy. Thank you to those who have trusted us with
your most intimate stories. Thank you to each of you who have
allowed us to ask you these solution focused questions and who have
been willing to dig deep to find meaningful and helpful answers.
Thank you for inspiring us while using your strength to change the
very nature of who you are. We are honored that we have been able
to walk with you along your journey in life. Thank you!
Finally, without the never-ending support and love from
Becca, Rachel, Toby, Julia, and from Carmesia, Madison, and David
we never could have followed our dreams and pursued this ful-
filling work. Thank you for sacrificing endlessly in order to allow
this book and all of our other work to come about. We know that
we can hold this solution focused perspective and stance because
we are surrounded with amazing people like you! Thank you and
we love you!

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ABOUT THE AUTHORS

Elliott Connie is an accomplished psycho-

therapist and a leading voice in the field of
solution focused brief therapy. He’s been
credentialed since 2006 and been in private
practice since 2008. He has a bachelor’s in
psychology and a master’s of science in pro-
fessional counseling. He has worked along-
side some of the most prominent figures in
the SFBT field. Additionally, Elliott has lec-
tured all over the United States as well as internationally, in places
such as the United Kingdom, Russia, India, and Australia.

Adam Froerer is one of the leading SFBT

researchers and trainers. He has a bachelor’s
degree in psychology, a master’s of education
in marriage and family therapy, and a doctor-
ate of philosophy also in marriage and family
therapy. He worked as a university professor
for 11 years, training marriage and family
therapists and clinical psychologists. Adam
has had the privilege of working with amaz-
ing clinicians, trainers, and researchers from around the globe.
Adam and Elliott founded the Solution Focused Universe
(SFU), the largest solution focused training institute in the world.
Through live and online courses and trainings, they train approxi-
mately 15,000 individuals annually. The SFU also houses the largest
library of solution focused training material available. Because this
work is so important to them, and because they want to make sure
this approach gets out to the whole world, they are also behind the
training institute that provides the most free content in the world.

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