DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE

Who are these difficult people?

• I don't like the tension, but I don't seem to

understand how he thinks and acts or how to get
along with him.“

• I try to get along with John, but we always seem

to be on different pages

• I try to work with him, but a conflict always arises

Getting along with people takes EFFORT.
It means UNDERSTANDING their
characteristics and LOVING them even if
we don’t feel like it or when they are not
lovable
UNDERSTANDING the type of
Difficult People
by General Council Assemblies of God
Busybody

• Characteristics:  • Response:
• police people's lives. • personally commit to
• attempts to force others to giving and receiving only
conform to his good reports.
expectations • refuse to give ear to his
• Judgmental, a meddler in gossip
other people's business, • Confront him about the
and a gossiper facts
Antagonist

• Characteristics:  • Response: 
• controlling and needs to • Don't argue with him or
shape his world. listen to his opinions.
• domineering, aggressive, • Express your opinions,
hot-tempered, and and don't be intimidated.
intimidating. • Demonstrate strength
• a bully who makes cutting without argument, and
remarks. give him room and time to
respond.
Indecisive

• Characteristics:  • Response: 
• noncommittal, postpones • Let him voice his
decisions, ignores issues, concerns
and wants all the facts. • Use face-to-face settings
• offer alternatives, press
for agreement in stages,
and press for decision
and action.
Complainer

• Characteristics: • Response: 
• gripes but takes no • Let him blow.
action. Acknowledge his
• gripes may be real concerns, but don't
concerns, or he may agree or empathize.
feel powerless and • Don't allow complaints
refuse responsibility. to go unsettled.
Spoiler

• Characteristics: • Response: 
• negative and always • Don't give him a platform
says, "It won't work." to complain or make
• critical, cynical, a negative excuses.
influencer, and an • Counter his negativism
impossibility thinker with realistic optimism.
• He finds problems and • Don't try to convince him.
makes excuses for his • Don't allow him to sway
lack of responsibility, the group.
saying, "It's just the way I
am."
Dead Beat

• Characteristics: • Response: 
• won't take risks and is • Ask open-ended
fearful and lazy questions and demand
• resists change, more than a yes or no
disinterested, or bored. answer.
• Draw out his
perspectives, and press
for conclusions and
responses.
• State presumed
conclusions to solicit
responses
Know-It-All

• Characteristics: • Response: 
• is strongly opinionated, • Know your facts. Be
competitive, imposing, factual and concrete
and intimidating about the issues.
• often tries to make others • Allow him to save face
feel foolish or dumb. when he is inaccurate,
and deal with him alone
when possible.
Mr. Nice Guy

• Characteristics:  • Response: 
• has a strong need for • Give approval, and help
acceptance and approval
and portrays reasonable him express his true
support in public. feelings.
• may be a totally different • Work out task
person in private descriptions, and hold him
• accepts responsibility but
doesn't follow through. accountable for tasks to
help him follow through.
Volcano

• Characteristics:  • Response: 
• He's unpredictable and tends • Be calm and poised. Remove
to be unapproachable. him from the crowd, and give
• he causes tension, and others him time to blow.
are fearful and uncertain • Don't argue or interrupt him.
around him. You may need to ask him to
• He's explosive, insensitive, repeat the details later.
loud • Remove hearsay, and deal
only with facts, not emotion.
• Hold him accountable for his
actions and those he has hurt.
Sherman Tank

• Characteristics: • Response: 
• He has a tendency to • Assess the degree of influence
intimidate others. he has, and evaluate the
• His "I'm right, you're wrong" importance of the issue in
attitude is insensitive and conflict.
difficult to reason with. • If the issue has a direct or
• He strongly influences others. negative effect on others, it
may be worth fighting for.
• Be direct, and be sure you
have enough influence to fight
for the issue.
Space Cadet

• Characteristics:  • Response: 
• He lives in his own world and • Don't be concerned about this
marches to a different type.
drummer. • Don't evaluate your leadership
• He doesn't respond to normal by his responses.
motivations. • Don't ask his opinions; don't
• Most feel frustrated working place him in a team ministry;
with the space cadet which don't place him in a leadership
causes much confusion. position.
• Seek to develop his
uniqueness.
Cry Baby

• Characteristics:  • Response: 
• He tends to pout, to be full of • Tell him that moodiness is a
self-pity, to use moodiness to choice.
manipulate others, and to use • Teach him he is responsible for
the silent treatment to get his the atmosphere he creates.
way. • Don't patronize or enable his
• He is sometimes negative, moodiness.
usually irresponsible • Never reward or give undue
attention to him.
• Expose him to people with real
problems, and praise his
positive ideas and actions.
Garbage Collector

• Characteristics: • Response: 
• He is the most negative type. • Confront him about trying to
• He gives himself over to speak on behalf of others.
negative emotions When he complains, make him
• He wants to hold on to his give you names of those he is
wounded spirit and collect supposedly speaking for.
Challenge his generalizations
negative garbage. and exaggerations. If he has
created a serious situation that
needs to be resolved, expose
him to leaders who have the
authority to make the
necessary decisions.
User

• Characteristics: • Response:
• He manipulates others for • Set predetermined limits.
personal gain, avoids
personal responsibility, • Don't allow him to use
and demands time and others.
energy from others • Require responsibility and
• He often uses guilt to get accountability, and don't
his way and may appear feel guilty or obligated
weak and needy to get when a firm "no" is the
others' help. best answer.
 "Every moment that you spend upset, in
despair, in anguish, angry or hurt because of
the behavior of anybody else in your life is a
moment in which you have given up control of
your life."

Wayne Dyer
Ten Ways to be Better at Dealing with
Difficult People
1 Build Relationship

• Talk to people
• Listen to people
• Spend time with
people, and
• Show them that you
care
2 Focus on Outcomes

• Focus on where you

are going, the task
• NOT on personal
issues
3 See Value

• Recognize the
potential of difficult
people
4 Meet Regularly

• For ongoing issues,

make sure you keep
your commitments
• It builds trust which
makes resolution
easier
5 Be Honest and Open

• Be frank and honest

• Be clear with your
expectations and stick
to them
6 Deliver

• If you can go
someway to help
them resolve the
cause of their anger –
GO!
• What you promise,
deliver on!
7 Respect Them

• They are human

beings, they get hurt
just like you do
• Have fun with them
• Share a laugh
8 Find a Win-Win

• Find a common
position and seek to
meet half-way without
loosing site of what is
the most important to
each of you
9 Stick to the Point

• Be clear where you

are going with your
challenges
• Vital to have
everything in place
with the most difficult
“difficult people”
10 Focus on Behavior

• Play on their
capabilities
• Treat them as a
valuable person and
work on with them
 "In the school of life, difficult people are the
faculty. They teach us our most important
spiritual lessons, the lessons that we would be
most unlikely to learn on our own."
Mark I. Rosen