SWINGING FROM A TO Z

A how-to guide from a full-swap Lifestyle couple for enhancing your relationship with recreational sex

By Larry Fine and Mia Fine

Printed by Allure Publishing at Smashwords.

Copyright Copyright 2010 Larry Fine and Mia Fine

All rights reserved. No part of this ebook may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without prior written permission from the publisher except in the case of brief quotations used in critical articles and reviews.

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Print version available at Amazon.com. Published April 2010

This e-book edition: Published July 2010

Contact Allure Publishing at Allure.Publishing@yahoo.com

Learn all the ins and outs of making the swinging Lifestyle work for you in this comprehensive guide to enhancing your sex life beyond your relationship.

From tips for creating your meeting card or web profile to what to wear and say, to how to spot fakes, this book answers your questions and encourages your sensuality.

Larry & Mia Fine’s playmates from the swing website SLS highly recommend them!

This couple epitomizes the swing lifestyle. (bendick_nyc)

They are true swingers who know what they want and how to get it. (njnycpl)

…his thoughtful, thorough, and no-nonsense approach to finding lifestyle playmates has obviously served them well and has helped them to successfully develop scores of life long, high quality friendships… this couple has it all. DARK (DarkChocolateThunder)

…sexy, class, fun, sensual, intelligent, zero-drama, and more…They know how to enjoy life and make people around them to enjoy it too. A&E (From cpl917)

…This is the most real couple we have ever played. That is why we kept coming back for more. They are Lifestyle. A and D (SEXYVIP)

They are a couple in love with each other and in love with the lifestyle, very special! (tightnlegit8)

Foreword

If we do not find anything pleasant, at least we shall find something new.

—Voltaire

We wrote this book for want-to-be-swingers and beginners. But many seasoned swingers also will find helpful tips here to boost their experience in the Lifestyle.

This book is subjective, so it’s not a scientific study of the Lifestyle. We just wanted to share regular people’s irregular experiences and our suggestions for helping you enter and enjoy the swinging Lifestyle.

The primary targets of the book are couples, whether married or not. Swinging is all about couples.

A lot of swinging singles of both sexes add to the fun, and we promise to discuss them as well, but we’ll do it from the couple’s perspective.

We are a married couple. We share the beliefs we espouse here, as well as the swinging experience between us, equally.

We wrote some chapters of this book separately; others we wrote jointly and bylined them as such.

If you have a particular interest in something we might have missed, or if you just need a direct answer to a simple question, please e-mail us at allure.publishing@yahoo.com. We promise to respond to your queries if they aren’t personal. The most interesting questions and our answers could become a solid base for the second edition of this book.

To protect individual privacy, we changed the names, nicknames, website profile handles, etc. we referred to (including our own). The people mentioned are real people. All their stories and experiences are true. But swingers are as discreet as possible to avoid fallout from anyone who would criticize their life choices.

—Larry and Mia Fine

Dedication

To my beloved wife:

Darling,

You have made my life a true delight. I am the happiest person in the whole universe!

To my dearest husband:

Honey,

Because of you, I feel myself a Woman! You walk me through the best times I ever could dream of. I truly appreciate your trust and love you like never before!

Contents

Foreword

Dedication

Chapter 1: Getting started in the Lifestyle

The Lifestyle may become your choice!

The modern meaning of an old word

Some terminology

Why swinging?

Swinging might be your sexual revolution

The golden rule of swinging

Varieties of swing

Something else to consider

Swinging is addictive

How much does swinging cost?

Chapter 2: Marriage and swinging

Is swinging moral enough?

How to make that tough decision

What are the initial options?

The Lifestyle is all about sharing

Proper safety measures

Chapter 3: Dating couples

A couple is the core Lifestyle measurement unit

Doing one for the team

Setting the rules

First dates

Swinging and friendship

Friendship and swinging

Full swap or soft swap?

Same room or separate rooms?

Tweaking the age

Women rule the Lifestyle

Chapter 4: The Lifestyle vs. vanilla

Who are those swingers anyway?

Are you attractive?

Confidence, attitude, and chemistry are the keys

Are swingers aggressive?

Age and swing

What do swingers talk about?

Swinging is a show!

Chapter 5: Meeting on Internet

Swing websites

Your profile on a swing website

Communicating on the Web

Fakes and flakes

How to spot a weird profile

Chapter 6: Meeting others in person

Your Lifestyle business card

Meet-and-Greets

Swing clubs

Off-premise clubs

On-premise clubs

Club strategies

Swinging and jealousy

If it doesn’t want to get up

Private parties

Commercial swing parties

Non-commercial parties

If you are ever up to host your own parties

Optimal M/F balance at parties

Single males and single females in the Lifestyle

Chapter 7: Swing resorts and conventions

Hedo mania

Hedo vs. Desire

Swing conventions

Approaching at resorts and conventions

Chapter 8: Your look

What to wear in the Lifestyle

Your attire at a theme party

Your clothes at resorts

Chapter 9: Sex

Group play and orgies

Bisexuality and the Lifestyle

Does size matter?

Interracial sexual contacts

Get in the right mood!

Glossary

Author biography

Testimonials

Chapter 1

Getting Started in the Lifestyle

The Lifestyle may become your choice

By Larry and Mia

Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant.

—Henry Miller

I remember, as a kid going to Hebrew school, how disappointed I was when I found out that Adam was a schmuck. God gave him a woman and an apple—and he ate the apple!

—Norm Crosby

Be honest with yourself to answer these questions:

* Would you be interested in having sex with someone twice your age or someone twice as young?

* Would you enjoy a threesome?

* Would you benefit from a sexual encounter with five partners at the same time or one after another?

* Would you be willing to participate in some kind of wild orgy with 30 to 40 naked people in one room?

Add one point for each positive answer.

Next group of questions (remember, honesty is the key):

* Are you happy with the sexual part of your life?

* Do you think your life partner is completely sexually satisfied (even if you are)?

* Have you fulfilled all your sexual fantasies?

* Have you completely explored your sexuality?

Add one point for each negative response.

If your total score is zero, you likely don’t have an interest in the swing Lifestyle. Please accept our deepest thanks for participating in the test. If your score is between one and eight, you may pick up something helpful from this book.

We hope our book lights the way for people to enhance their relationship with their significant others and bring it to the point where they can together answer yes to these questions—together being the key word.

Frankly, if you picked up this book, its subject makes you at least curious, and this fact alone means the Lifestyle may become your choice.

The modern meaning of an old word

By Larry

A little history tour…

The word swing comes from the 1920s when jazz was born. Its second name, swinging jazz, is where this word takes its roots from: the new form of dance linked to it.

In the 1930s and 1940s, the big band era, swinging music grew in popularity and Swing was king.

By the 1950s, though, new singing stars, such as Belafonte, Martin, Cole, Primo, and, of course, Sinatra, reinvented the word swinger and gave it a new life. This word started to represent their lifestyle rather than ordinary music associations. These guys were passionate and fashionable, cool and perfect. They were swingers. Playboy magazine started in those days and sexuality as a basic human function turned into an object of wide public curiosity. The word swinger had received a positive subtext, and everyone wanted to be one.

The Shagedelic 1960s followed, and the term swinging was first associated with certain sexual activities. Swing clubs as well as alternative relationships (swinging, communal living, and polyamory) started to form toward the end of the 1960s.

The 1970s introduced new sexual innovations, such as wife swappers and key parties. Wife swappers became new swingers and the swinging Lifestyle was born.

Nowadays, the swinging Lifestyle is an industry and a powerful economic factor. Swing clubs have popped up in every large city. Swing conventions with thousands of attendees are common. Books and articles in prestigious magazines, as well as shows on popular cable networks, resorts, hotels, and even cruise ships cater to swingers like never before.

Some terminology

By Larry and Mia

Would you like vanilla?

Swingers are people who participate in recreational open sex activities. The Lifestyle is just another term for swinging. For instance, instead of asking, Are you a swinger? you could ask, Are you in the Lifestyle?

Swingers commonly use the word Lifestyle with the capital L. They refer to other swinging people as gentlemen and ladies.

The antonym to swing is vanilla, which is everything and everyone outside the swinging world. I had to attend that boring vanilla party instead of having real fun. You can hear something like that often enough at swingers’ get-togethers.

The word friend has likewise transformed. If you hear friend from swingers, they mean their Lifestyle friends or else they would say vanilla friend. They may also refer to horizontal friends and vertical friends, respectively.

Swingers often use the F-word. We have never met anyone in the Lifestyle offended by this practice. Still, the Lifestylers use the word play more often since it characterizes swinging activities more precisely showing we swingers aren’t too serious with what we do. Swinging is just fun, just play.

Why swinging?

By Larry and Mia

There are good marriages, but no delightful ones.

—La Rochefoucauld

Sex is as important as eating or drinking and we ought to allow the one appetite to be satisfied with as little restraint or false modesty as the other.

—Marquis de Sade

If you wish your lover to cheat on you, marry him.

We need food to eat, water to drink, air to breathe. No one would argue with that.

Furthermore, we all have several necessities built into our bodies and pre-set into our minds. Having sex is one of them. Besides the pure, natural need for sex, we are carrying sexual feelings, fantasies, and desires with us throughout most of our lives.

Sex plays an enormous role in human life. According to researchers of the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction at Indiana University, men are always thinking about sex. By that, they mean 54% of men think about sex several times a day, compared with just 19% of women.

Do you think that’s a lot? It’s nothing if neuropsychiatrist Dr. Louann Brizendine, author of The Female Brain, is correct. She writes in her book that men think about sex every 52 seconds, while women tend to think of it just once a day.

No matter how often we think of sex (and how strongly we might be preoccupied with sexual desires), the reality is clear: sex is a basic human instinct that significantly controls our minds. It is a reason for many of our thoughts and actions. Many historical examples prove that sex greatly affects our behavior. We don’t have to go deep in the past. Recent scandals involving A-list celebrities as well as first-grade politicians (do you recall that smooth transition of ‘The Oval Office’ into ‘The Oral Office’?) should be more than enough to prove the above statement.

As swingers, the authors never equate love and sex. No swingers do. Love is an individual feeling and translates differently for every one of us. We might just live for our loved one, and we cannot imagine our existence without him or her.

Sex is different. We can have it with anyone with just one condition—we should have sexual desire for our prospective playmate. Besides being mostly physiological, plain sex is emotional and pleasurable by itself. However, these emotions have nothing to do with our sex partner as a person.

If you disagree with that premise, perhaps you’ve never had sex just for the sake of it. Caring about your sex partner is wonderful if he/she is the love of your life. If you have any likewise personal feelings for your playmate while having sex outside your relationship, you are in trouble. Something is likely wrong with you or your relationship (or both).

Mother Nature has programmed humans to be polygamists. Doubtful? Have you ever cheated on a loved one? Would you go for it if you knew for sure nobody would ever learn? Have you never even thought about having sex with someone other than your significant other?

After being together for a considerable time (for some of us it can take two or three years, for some 20 or 30 years), we start to feel something is missing from our used-to-be-perfect relationship. We could love each other more than ever, we could have beautiful children, own big houses and expensive cars, be successful at business, and yet feel something is wrong. Our sexual interactions become once-a-week, routine, fully predictable, and not exciting events. Time flies, and sexuality slowly dies while unsatisfied sexual fantasies grow.

Some of us just live with it. Some start looking for satisfaction outside a relationship by cheating on our partners. Neither helps the relationship, but feeling and acting that way is natural and normal. Mother Nature made us this way.

Dear Cheaters, ask yourselves, Is it necessary to risk everything you’ve built in your life for those moments of sexual excitement and a few orgasms? What is more important: the love of your life and happiness of your family…or sex on the side? We anticipate your answer being something like, Yes, I know, but I am unable to stop. It happens by itself.

Similar to having the same dish for every dinner, listening to the same music every night, watching the same show every weekend (even if that is your favorite dish, music, and show respectively), having sex with only one partner doesn’t work well for most of us in the long run. It becomes less satisfying and boring in the end.

What is the solution? Should we divorce and then re-marry? It won’t help much. We will end up in the same situation; this time even faster than before.

Could cheating help? Only if we like to live in the chaos of arrangements being kept in deep secret from everyone. Only if we are ready to erase dialed and received numbers from our phone, to face the hell of permanent dishonesty with our life partners, and, finally, the real possibility of a