“You speak an infinite deal of nothing.”
― William Shakespeare, The Merchant of Venice

“What’s the worst possible thing you can call a woman? Don’t hold back, now.
You’re probably thinking of words like slut, whore, bitch, cunt (I told you not to hold back!), skank.
Okay, now, what are the worst things you can call a guy? Fag, girl, bitch, pussy. I’ve even heard the term “mangina.”
Notice anything? The worst thing you can call a girl is a girl. The worst thing you can call a guy is a girl. Being a woman is the ultimate insult. Now tell me that’s not royally fucked up.”
― Jessica Valenti, Full Frontal Feminism

“Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast.”
― Oscar Wilde

“You look lousy,' he said.
Jace blinked. 'Seems an odd time to start an insult contest, but if you insist, I could probably think up something good.'
'No I mean it. You don't look good.'
'This is from a guy ho has all the sex appeal of a penguin. Look, I realize you may be jealous that the good Lord didn't deal you the same chiseled hand he dealt me, but that's no reason to-'
'I am not trying to insult you.' Simon snapped.”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Fallen Angels

“You're awfully small to be so hugely irritating.”
― Stephenie Meyer, Breaking Dawn

“Remember it all, every insult, every tear. Tattoo it on the inside of your mind. In life, knowledge of poisons is essential. I've told you, nobody becomes an artist unless they have to.”
― Janet Fitch

“Save your skin from the corrosive acids from the mouths of toxic people. Someone who just helped you to speak evil about another person can later help another person to speak evil about you.”
― Israelmore Ayivor

“Hey, look—your girlfriend is saying something."
Artemis had a vast mental reserve of scathing comebacks at his disposal, but none of them covered girlfriend insults. He wasn't even sure if it was an insult. And if it was, who was being insulted? Him or the girl?”
― Eoin Colfer

“The only time you seem honest is when you’re insulting someone!”
“The only honest things I can say to you are insults.”
― Brandon Sanderson, Words of Radiance

“Are you in great physical pain, or is that your thinking expression?”
― G.A. Aiken, What a Dragon Should Know

“If your brains were dynamite there wouldn't be enough to blow your hat off.”
― Kurt Vonnegut, Timequake

“She...can talk brillantly upon any subject provided she knows nothing about it.”
― Oscar Wilde

“Protect your good image from the eyes of negative viewers, who may look at your good appearance with an ugly fiendish eye, and ruin your positive qualities with their chemical infested tongues.”
― Michael Bassey Johnson

“Right before the game, she strolled up to me. "Hey, Seaweed Brain."
"Will you stop calling me that?"
She knows I hate that name, mostly because I never have a good comeback. She's the daughter of Athena, which doesn't give me a lot of ammunition. I mean, "Owl-head" and "Wise Girl" are kind of lame insults.”
― Rick Riordan, The Demigod Files

“I’d heard you were dead.”
"I heard you wear a red lace corset,” I said matter-of-factly. “But I don’t believe every bit of nonsense that gets rumored about.”
― Patrick Rothfuss, The Wise Man's Fear

“Her majesty is one verb short of a sentence.”
― Jasper Fforde, Lost in a Good Book

“Peter to Austin:
"Hard-ons don't make you think less. They make you think stupid. Which makes me think you must have one 24/7.”
― Dani Alexander, Shattered Glass

“When people complain of your complexity, they fail to remember that they made fun of your simplicity.”
― Michael Bassey Johnson

“You weren't afraid of me when I was Wolf," he said. "Why are you afraid of Nathan?"
"He's got big feet!"
"What?"
An insulted-sounding arrroooo came from the other side of the door, a reminder that Wolves also had big ears.”
― Anne Bishop, Written in Red

“The bottom line is, insults only hurt when they come from someone I respect.”
― Kresley Cole

“Mousedung!”
― Erin Hunter

“You spawny-eyed pig-faced wazzock”
― Mark A. Cooper, Archie Wilson & The Beasts of Loch Ness

“Tax not so bad a voice to slander music any more than once.”
― William Shakespeare, Much Ado About Nothing

“Oh, this beast? It's...perspicacious loris. 'Perspicacious' meaning 'wise or canny'."
"Get stuffed," Bovril said, then giggled.
"And it insults people," Telsa said. "How peculiar.”
― Scott Westerfeld, Goliath

“No matter how valuable you are and your ideas, fools will certainly play both of you down, so exclude yourselves from the inflammatory environs of fools.”
― Michael Bassey Johnson

“You ignorant little slug!" the Trunchbull bellowed. "You witless weed! You empty-headed hamster! You stupid glob of glue!”
― Roald Dahl, Matilda

“They lie deadly that tell you have good faces.”
― William Shakespeare, Coriolanus

“Shall I show him in or tell him to go find a short and unpleasant route to hell?”
― John Ringo, There Will Be Dragons

“One more thing
when they call you a bitch, say thank you. say thank you, very much.”
― Olivia Gatwood, New American Best Friend

“Hmmm,' the King said, making a face. 'I'm not sure this is what we bargained for, boy. We expected the girl to be attractive.'

If I hadn't been so terrified, I would have been insulted.”
― Danielle L. Jensen, Stolen Songbird