13 Things Bad Screenwriters Commonly Do

by Brad Schreiber
Having been the director of development for TV/film director Jonathan Kaplan (Unlawful Entry,
The Accused, NBC! E.R.", # had the $ni%$e and !pecial opport$nity to read !creenplay!, a!
&ell a! fiction and non'fiction boo(! and article!, to !ee if there &a! anything &hich might
intere!t him a! a directorial a!!ignment)
*ny&ay, it! f$nny (f$nny'pathetic, not f$nny'f$nny" ho& yo$ can notice certain !imple, common
fail$re! after reading one or t&o tho$!and !creenplay!)
*pplicable to drama or comedy, the!e obvio$! fa$lt! arent any la$ghing matter) *! a yo$ng
!creen&riter hoping to open door! &ith a !cript or yo$r fir!t film ba!ed on that !cript, yo$ can
metaphorically !hoot yo$r!elf in the foot) There are !imple mi!ta(e! that &ill !ay to potential
inve!tor!, agent!, prod$cer!, di!trib$tor!, director! and other! that yo$ are not %$ite ready to
enter the &orld of feat$re filmma(ing)
Here i! a !$mmary of tho!e di!a!ter! &aiting to happen, regardle!! of the type of film)
1. Wrong format slug lines (scene descriptions)
#t! !o !imple)
INT. BRAD'S ESOPHAGUS DA! "r
E#T. ON TOP O$ THE EI$$E% TO&ER ' NIGHT)
+o$ dont get a long !tring of location direction!, li(e,
INT. THE SODA (A)HINE* DO&N THE HA%% $RO( THE BROO( )%OSET* THE SE)OND
$%OOR O$ THE HIGGENBOTTO( BUI%DING +UST BE$ORE DUS,
. !"erly detailed character description
-hen yo$ introd$ce a character, yo$ might incl$de a bit abo$t age or a certain %$ality)
In wal-s )E)I%IA* early th.rt.es* a wa.f w.th a sw.tch/lade s"ul)
#t &o$ld be fair to di!co$rage yo$ from &riting,
In wal-s )E)I%IA* 01s "r 21s* /l"nde ha.r* /lue eyes* 3reen eyeshad"w* 4ur4le f.n3erna.ls* f.5e
f""t f"ur w.th a 4r"n"unced l.64 .n her r.3ht -nee fr"6 a /ad s4.ll she t""- 7u64.n3 "ut "f a
sw.n3 .n her /ac-yard when she was se5en.
3. Too much or little detail in narrati"e
There! an old !creen&riting .o(e that ill$!trate! the fail$re of too little detail in the narrative of a
!cript)
E#T. $IE%D TENT DA!
Na4"le"n stands at h.s tent* 3enerals at h.s s.de.
NAPO%EON
I th.n- I shall ha5e s"6e /rea-fast.
Beh.nd h.6* the Battle "f &aterl"" ra3es.
/f co$r!e, !creen&riter! can err in the oppo!ite direction, giving $! too m$ch detail, either
!lo&ing the flo& &ith non'e!!ential action or over'de!cribing and not allo&ing the director a
chance to $!e hi!/her imagination)
)lete 4auses* th.n-.n3 hard. He /.tes h.s l.4 .n a/7ect des4erat."n* then 4uts the eraser "f the
4enc.l .n h.s 6"uth. He /e3.ns t" chew "n the end* l.-e a hun3ry r"dent n.//l.n3 a/sent6.ndedly
"n s"6eth.n3* he -n"ws n"t what. )lete n"w 4uts the 4enc.l t" the 4a4er and /e3.ns t" dar-en
"ne "f the c.rcles ne8t t" 9uest."n nu6/er f"urteen. He st"4s* th"u3h* w"nder.n3 .f th.s .s the
r.3ht answer and 6"5es the 4enc.l 4".nt 7ust a fract."n t" the left.
#. $arrati"e that won%t read on film
/ne of the mo!t annoying mi!ta(e! made by !creen&riter! i! the a!!$mption that .$!t beca$!e
!omething i! mentioned in the narrative, it &ill magically be $nder!tood by the event$al vie&er
of the movie)
John Vorha$!, a$thor of The )"6.c T""l/"8, ha! !$mmed it $p perfectly,
!"u c"uld tell /y h.s face he was th.n-.n3 "f Par.s)
&. Bac'(to()ac' scenes in same location
Thi! happen! &hen the &riter need! to !$gge!t a pa!!age of time b$t i! too la0y to go
el!e&here and come bac( or to find a vi!$ally inventive &ay to !$gge!t the amo$nt of time that
ha! elap!ed (and forget $!ing the old a!htray f$ll of cigarette! b$tt!")
*. $ic'(of(time arri"als (deus ex machina or +,od from the machine-)
To ma(e a re!c$e or important intervention acceptable, &e m$!t have a !en!e that the per!on
!aving the character in peril i! at lea!t in the vicinity or in any event, ha! not gone 12 page!
&itho$t being mentioned) *nd ha! the ability to be a !avior)
The S4.ny O3re c"rners Pustula* /ac-.n3 her t"ward the P.t "f Ult.6ate G""eyness. Pustula
l""-s terr.f.ed and her eyeshad"w runs as she cr.es.
Suddenly* PRO$ESSOR (A)TA:ISH* late s.8t.es* a44ears /eh.nd a 5at* wh.4s "ut h.s
u6/rella and 7a6s .t .n the S4.ny O3re's ear. The O3re r"ars and wh.le try.n3 t" 4ull the
u6/rella "ut* stu6/les t" h.s h.de"us death .n the P.t "f Ult.6ate G""eyness.
PUSTU%A
Pr"fess"r (acTa5.sh* what are y"u d".n3
here; I ha5en't seen y"u s.nce 3raduate
sch""l<
.. Clich/d dialogue
3a0y &riter! $!e clich4d dialog$e in !it$ation! &e have !een before, beca$!e it i! the fir!t thing
that come! into their head!) *nd &hy not5 They !a& and heard it in other !cript! &ritten by
other la0y &riter!)
6ill in the dialog$e,
7ood 7$y! 8 and 9 are driving/flying/r$nning !ome&here, really, really fa!t) /ne loo(! bac( and
!ee! !ome Bad 7$y! follo&ing, !o he t$rn! to the other 7ood 7$y and !ay! '
:Hey, &e got company;:
-oman tell! off Comedic Hero, !ho$ting he i! r$de, in!en!itive and !mell! li(e a &ater b$ffalo)
She thro&! a drin( in hi! face and !tomp! a&ay) Comedic Hero !ay! '
:She &ant! me):
0. Camera angles1 music2credits info
Nothing annoy! a potential director more than having a !creen&riter tell him/her ho& to direct or
&here to place opening credit!) *! for m$!ic, if the hero i! a vampire and al&ay! li!ten! to
6ran( Sinatra !inging :#ve 7ot +o$ <nder =y S(in,: that! one thing) B$t dont tell the director
&hat the inevitable !o$ndtrac( &ill be)
3. 4umpy e5position
-riter! often try to rid them!elve! of e>po!ition %$ic(ly and early, !o that they may concentrate
on moving the !tory for&ard vi!$ally) Thi! i! a noble intention b$t yo$ get l$mpy e>po!ition if yo$
try to impart it all at once, rather than grad$ally over the co$r!e of a !tory) #t i! al!o a poor
choice to try and reveal too m$ch information or information that i! not cr$cial) Here! one vie&
of :ta(ing yo$r l$mp!):
(ORTI(ER
=ras4y* e6"t."nal>
D"n't y"u understand; The reas"n I can't
6arry Edna .s n"t /ecause I d"n't l"5e her.
&hen we 6et se5en years a3" at the h"t d"3
stand at the 3reyh"und races* I was del.r."usly
ha44y. Of c"urse* that was /ef"re I was .n5"l5ed
.n the frea- an5.l acc.dent wh.ch n"t "nly
cr.44led 6y left -.dney /ut 6y c"nf.dence as a
s"y /ean futures sales6an and as a l"5er.
16. 78o(hum7 reaction to death1 in9ury
Thi! one can be forgiven a little in blac( comedy, a form &hich comedically grapple! &ith death
and di!fig$rement) B$t even in comedy, if a character never reali0e! ho& terrible a lo!! i!, then
&e feel cheated) -e (no& in real life that the effect! of an in.$ry or death la!t a &hile,
!ometime!, (no p$n intended" a lifetime)
11. :oor creation of tension and moti"ation
#n 3a.o! ?gri! cla!!ic The Art "f Dra6at.c &r.t.n3, he di!c$!!e! three (ind! of ten!ion, Static,
J$mping and Slo&ly @i!ing) The third i! the mo!t de!irable beca$!e it neither !tall! the action
nor defie! logic) 3et $! !ay a &ife badger! her h$!band abo$t ta(ing o$t the garbage, &hich he
al&ay! ref$!e! to do)
Static, They arg$e bac( and forth and the problem i! not re!olved)
J$mping, They arg$e and !$ddenly, for no other rea!on, the -ife pl$nge! a (nife into the
h$!band! che!t, (illing him)
Slo&ly ri!ing, The arg$ment lead! to either action or a revelation that develop! the narrative or
characteri0ation! in a believable &ay)
1. ;nreal action
?>aggeration i! not the !ame thing a! $nreality) Ao not conf$!e $nreal action &ith o$r -ife &ith
the hair trigger per!onality, above) She ta(e! an $nmotivated action, not one &hich !eem! hard
to phy!ically accompli!h)
There m$!t be an internal logic, an $nder!tanding ba!ed on &hat ha! been e!tabli!hed, to
!trong action) Character! &ho gro& another head or find they can !hoot a g$n &ith e>cellent
acc$racy do !o for !pecific rea!on!, clearly and previo$!ly e!tabli!hed by the good &riter)
13. Show1 don%t tell
Thi! i! the olde!t a>iom there i! abo$t &riting and yet, it i! bro(en &ith alarming fre%$ency) 6ilm
i! a vi!$al medi$m) -hy tell $! abo$t a momento$! event &hen yo$ can create an image of it,
&ith or &itho$t narration5
(E%BA
!"u w"uldn't /el.e5e .t. ?e/'s truc- h.t a
4"th"le* the ch.c-ens flew u4 .n the a.r* "ne
landed "n the w.ndsh.eld* and the da6n th.n3
stuc- t" the w.ndsh.eld w.4er. &ell* I tell y"u*
?e/ c"uldn't see real 3""d* w.th all the feathers
and /l""d and all and that's 4r"/a/ly the reas"n
he 4l"wed .nt" the fru.t stand and c"lla4sed
the ent.re /u.ld.n3. ')"urse* .t c"uld ha5e /een
due t" h.s dr.n-.n3 /"ur/"n at the t.6e* t"".
/h, it! a lo& b$dget movie and yo$ cant afford the !hot5 7et creative) Sho& a moment of the
!cene, $!e !o$nd, have a character loo(ing at a photograph or holding $p a &afer'thin, flattened
chic(en)
?ven if yo$ are directing yo$r o&n !cript and the money i! in place, the!e !imple error! &ill
impact the effectivene!! of the !cript) The be!t technical !$pport, directing and acting cannot
compen!ate for a !creenplay that i! f$ndamentally fla&ed) -hy ma(e filmma(ing more diffic$lt
than it need! to be5
Brad Schre./er .s the :.ce Pres.dent "f St"rytech %.terary )"nsult.n3
=www.thewr.ters7"urney.c"6>* auth"r "f the hu6"rwr.t.n3 h"wt" &hat Are !"u %au3h.n3 At;
and creat"r "f the )"urt T: ser.es N"rth (.ss."n R"ad* /ased "n h.s /""- "n the %.A.
)"r"ner's "ff.ce* Death In Parad.se. H.s 4ers"nal we/s.te .s www./rashcy/er.c"6.