THIS MONTH’S MOTTO

Beauty is in the eye

of the beer holder
IRREFUTABLE PROOF! Page 4 - Even the Discovery Channel
doesn’t know this fact about penguins!
Page 6 - Darwin would be disappointed at
how slow we are evolving!
Page 10 - CM has a National Geographic
moment!
Page 14 - The reason Auntie Social has
been on an extended leave of absence!

WHERE ARE WE??

You can find copies of Costambar Monthly
at the following locations:
FULL SERVICE GAS STATION! COSTAMBAR PUERTO PLATA
CM has uncovered the proof to put an end to Jenny’s Market Supermercado Tropical
all the people who keep referring to the
Loase Resort Sam’s Bar & Grill
Dominican Republic as a third world country.
As the above picture demonstrates we have The Catamaran The Meeting Place
many of the same amenities as first world Tienda magicJack
LAS ROCAS
countries but done with our very own style!
Los Tres Cocos
INSIDE
What’s Happening COFRESI
Useful Telephone Numbers Desperado’s
Classified Listings Ocean World Marina
Cable TV Channel Listing
The Rainy Day Page LUPERON
Dominican Republic Map Banegra’s Marine Store
AND LOTS OF OTHER FUN STUFF!

AVAILABLE ONLINE!!
www.costambarmonthly.com
Costambar Monthly page 2

WHAT TO DO
THIS MONTH!
Los Tres Cocos in Las Rocas invites you to try
something different. Like Australian Lamb,
Imperial Duck Breast or French Lamb Rack - just
to name a few. They will be closed June 15 to
July 7 for holidays. Call 809-993-4503 for details.

Loase Resort is available for weddings,

birthdays, spiritual or self improvement groups.
Look for classes in meditation and yoga or
workout with racquetball, handball or wallyball.
Wireless internet, big screen movies and
concerts.

Sam’s Bar & Grill has a great RD$100 breakfast

from 8-11am and quite possibly the best Fish ‘N’ HANDY IF YOU’RE ALWAYS FORGETTING YOUR
Chips in the world! Plate of the Day with a HOUSE KEY IF YOU REALLY HATE IT
bottle of water only RD$100!! Monday to Friday WHEN BURGLARS WRECK YOUR DOOR WHEN
1-5pm and 9pm till close is Sam’s Happy Times
THEY BREAK IN!
with great drink specials!

In the mood for Mexican? Then pass by

Desperado’s Mexican Cantina. Yummy Mexican
dishes, great ocean views and ice cold beer -
doesn’t get better!

New in Puerto Plata is The Meeting Place! This

is your source for popular novels, children’s book
& guidebooks! And they also specialize in books
with DR related content! If you are looking for
something to keep the kids busy this summer
check out their blog at www.meetingplace-
dr.com. From July 19-23 there’s a Kid’s Art Camp
with dancing, singing, acting and painting! And
if you’re interested in participating in a
language exchange club contact them for details.

Starting this month at The Catamaran on

Costambar Beach is Live Music every Saturday
night starting at 7pm with a specially priced
meal! They also hold a monthly Flea Market! The
last Saturday of every month beginning at 10am.
No cost to vendors! Like they say - your trash
could be someone else’s treasure!
Costambar Monthly page 3

CLASSIFIED ADS FOR SALE

1999 4 door Suzuki jeep in good shape, regularly ser-
FOR SALE viced. I am a lady in Alberta Canada and have had the
Desktop. 4GB RAM. 120GB Hard drive. 17 Inch LCD. All jeep for over 1 year now. I am asking RD$250,000 or
in one printer, scanner, copier. 809-713-3986. US$6,900 .IF you know of someone interested in buying
mrbrian18@gmail.com US$550. it please contact me at 403-742-8939 or email me at
FOR SALE honest64@msn.com with the subject jeep for sale ...
40 gallon elec. hot water heater - like new! American I will give you more information once you contact me .
Water Heater Company - Proline. Asking RD$9000 or
LIVE FOR $20 A MONTH RENT!!!
make offer. sandkadventure@gmail.com or
809-305-6404 Sosua SEE YACHT FOR SALE ON PAGE 6
FOR SALE FOR SALE
Computer desk, good as new, lots of shelves and 2 draw-Full set of golf clubs, 1-3-5-7 woods, 10 Palmer irons +
ers for tons of storage. RD$3500 putter. Golf bag + airline travel bag US$150
Call 829-962-9690 Tubular steel glass top breakfast table with 4 chairs
FOR SALE New condition RD$2,000
Two German Shepherd puppies, both males, 2 months old, Call 809-449-1819
have all shots. Call 809-397-2377 FOR SALE
FOR SALE Washing machine, Crowley, RD$25,000
2007 Nissan Tilda, bought new in 2009, 5dr, only Contact Georges 829-965-7542 or 809-970-0581
5000km, 2yr warranty, perfect condition, reason for WANTED
selling - leaving the country. Price negotiable. A used radio to donate to the guards at the green gate
Call 809-988-1322 afternoons or evenings to help them get through shifts. Can be dropped off at
FOR SALE APC office or contact Claudia at 809-399-5861
"Safeguard" safe, 15"x19"x14"h. Combination and key.
$4500. Photo Mike 809 586 7234. Costambar Monthly classified ads are free but can only be
placed by emailing costambarmonthly@yahoo.ca
FOR SALE
Baby’s solid pine swing crib with hood and mosquito net, Or calling 809-970-7507 or 809-449-1820
beige and cream trimmings, all trimmings able to be taken PLEASE NOTE - free classified ads are only for personal
off and washed bought for $9,500 will sell for $5,000 items. Commercial properties or enterprises (including
Contact 828-260-1676 real estate sales or rentals) must purchase an ad.
FOR SALE Classifieds will usually be run for one month only unless
15HP Johnson outboard motor. Short shaft,good runner,
we are otherwise notified.
US$800
Call cel. 809-449-1819
FOR SALE
Honda Lead 100cc pasola, perfect shape colour grey,
Matricula original papers. (see pasola at
www.grundie.com/pisola) $50,000 RD or best offer 809-
543-0728 info@grundie.com
FOR SALE
Honda Legend 92, but look like 2005, red, perfect
condition, must sell, leaving for Canada, 6 cyl, 2 doors,
sport car, original paint. RD$160,000 or best offer.
For photos or to see the car contact
sylvainw7@hotmail.com or 809-662-2949
FOR SALE
Large stainless steel BBQ with side gas burner, gas tank,
tools and cover, hardly used and in very good condition
bought for $30,000 peso will sell for $20,000 peso
Contact 829-260-1676
Costambar Monthly page 4

Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around when she FLU UPDATE

hollers out...."Pa! You need to go out and fix the
outhouse!"
Pa replies, "There ain't nuthin wrong with the out- What is the difference between
house." Bird Flu and Swine Flu?
Ma yells back, "Yes there is, now git out there and
fix it." For Bird Flu you need
So......Pa mosies out to the outhouse, looks around
and yells back, "Ma! There ain't nuthin wrong with
Tweetment
the outhouse! " And
Ma replies, "Stick yur head in the hole!" for Swine Flu you need
Pa yells back, "I ain't stickin my head in that hole!" Oinkment!
Ma says, "Ya have to stick yur head in the hole to
see what to fix."
So with that, Pa sticks his head in the hole, looks
around and yells back, "Ma! There ain't nuthin
wrong with this outhouse!" Fully Furnished & Equipped
Ma hollers back, "Now take your head out of the Long or Short Term Available
hole!"
Pa proceeds to pull his head out of the hole, then Central Location in Costambar
starts yelling, "Ma!
Help! My beard is stuck in the cracks in the toilet
seat!" For More Info Call 829-910-4554
To which Ma replies, "Hurt's, don't it ?!" Or email cbeardreyes@hotmail.com

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead pen-

guins on the ice in Antarctica - where do they go ?
VILLA – Right on the beach, 5 bdrs., large family Wonder no more ! ! !
room overlooking the pool and the ocean. This It is a known fact that the penguin is a very
property is on 4 lots and well priced. US$385,000 ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered
CASETTA - 2bdrs., 2 ½ Bthrs, and family room
and complex life.
right on ocean with room to build a pool.
US$200,000 The penguin is very committed to its family and
CONDO – 2 Bdr., 2 Bthrs.with two living rooms on 2 will mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of
floors, with pool in well maintained bldg. US$89,000 compassionate contact with its offspring through-
CASETTA – 2 bdrs., 2 bthrs. near beach, in excel- out its life.
lent condition. Fully furnished and ready to move If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other
in. US$149,000 members of the family and social circle have been
CONDO – 3bdrs., 3 bthrs., den, balconies in well known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial
maintained bldg., with pool. Fully furnished, just wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for
move in. US$90,000 the dead bird to be rolled into and buried.
CONDO – 2 bdrs., 2 bthrs., with large balcony in
The male penguins then gather in a circle around
front of the beach with a pool. Fully furnished.
US$135,000
the fresh grave and sing:
"Freeze a jolly good fellow"
ENQUIRE ABOUT OTHER PROPERTIES "Freeze a jolly good fellow."
AND RENTALS Then they kick him in the ice hole.

You really didn't believe that we know anything

about penguins, did you?!?!
Costambar Monthly page 5

Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their kids overnight. When Grandpa found a bottle of
Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills.
The son said, "I don't think you should take one Dad. They're very strong and very expensive."
"How much?" asked Grandpa.
"$10.00 a pill," answered the son.
"I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd still like to try one, and before we leave in the morning, I'll put
the money under the pillow.."
Later the next morning, the son found $110 under the pillow. He called Grandpa and said, "I
told you each pill was $10, not $110.
"I know," said Grandpa. "The hundred is from Grandma!"

VIVERO!!! NIELSEN WELDING & FABRICATION

Located on the Entrance Road to Costambar
PLANT Working with Steel, Stainless Steel
Open to the Public & Aluminum
All Types of New Fabrications and Repairs
We are also Mobile!
Palms, Flowering & Foliage Plants CALL JAN NIELSEN @ 829-962-9690
Landscaping & Garden Maintenance OR EMAIL tallernielsen@yahoo.com
Services Available After the eighty-three year old lady finished her
annual physical examination, the doctor said, "You
BEST PRICES ON THE NORTH COAST are in fine shape for your age, Mrs. Mallory, but tell
Open Monday-Friday 8:30am to 5pm me, do you still have intercourse?"
And By Appointment "Just a minute, I'll have to ask my husband," she
Call George (Lettuce) said.. She stepped out into the crowded reception
room and yelled out loud: "Henry, do we still have
809-543-8041 intercourse?"
Km. 11 Carretera PP-Imbert And there was a hush. You could hear a pin drop.
(In front of PARADA DINAMICA) Henry answered impatiently, "If I told you once,
Irma, I told you a hundred times...What we have is...
“Just past the fish places” Blue Cross!"
Costambar Monthly page 6
store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk
called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to
Here is the winner: give them a detailed description of the snatcher. With-
1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his in- in minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They
tended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , Califor- put him in the car and drove back to the store. The
nia would-be robber James Elliot did something that thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand
can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, offi-
tried the trigger again. This time it worked. cer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
And now, the honorable mentions: 9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a
2.The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan
meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk
submitted a claim to his insurance company. The com- turned him down because he said he couldn't open the
pany expecting negligence sent out one of its men to cash register without a food order. When the man or-
have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he dered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available
also lost a finger.. The chef's claim was approved. for breakfast.... The man, frustrated, walked away. [*A
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]
space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned 10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a
with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much
Understandably, he shot her. more than he bargained for.. Police arrived at the
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimba- scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a mo-
bwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he tor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said
was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bula- that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but
wayo had escaped.. Not wanting to admit his incompe- he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sew-
tence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered age tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined
everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd
the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff ever had.
that the patients were very excitable and prone to bi-
zarre fantasies.. The deception wasn't discovered for 3
days. Order Your
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering
from serious head wounds received from an oncoming Heath Insurance Now!
train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad
told police that he was simply trying to see how close
he could get his head to a moving train before he was
hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20
bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the
RD$600
clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and
asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk
Includes Dental
promptly provided. The man took the cash from the
clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The
(with Drugs RD$760)
total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15. [If
someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a
crime committed?]
FOR DETAILED INFORMATION
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty
badly.. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block
through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and
run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his
head at the window. The cinder block bounced back
and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him
unconscious. The liquor store window was made of
Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience
Costambar Monthly page 7
A very pretty young speech therapist was getting
nowhere with her Stammerers Action group. She
had tried every technique in the book without the
slightest success.
Finally, thoroughly exasperated, she said "If any of
you can tell me the name of the town where you
were born, without stuttering, I will have wild and
passionate sex with you until your muscles ache
and your eyes water. So, who wants to go first ?"
The Englishman piped up. "B-b-b-b-b-b-b-irming-
ham", he said.
"That's no use, Trevor" said the speech therapist,
"Who's next ?"
The Scotsman raised his hand and blurted out Drove past a cemetery the other day,
"P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-aisley". it is where the first crossword creator is buried.
That's no better. There'll be no sex for you, I'm Not sure exactly which grave is his but
afraid, Hamish. I think it is 7 down and 3 across.
How about you, Paddy ?
The Irishman took a deep breath and eventually
blurted out " London ".
Brilliant, Paddy! said the speech therapist and A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while
immediately set about living up to her promise. taking a bath.
After 15 minutes of exceptionally steamy sex, the 'Mom', he asked, 'Are these my brains?'
couple paused for breath and Paddy said 'Not yet,' she replied.
"-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-erry!"

BOAT FOR SALE PEARSON 390 SAILBOAT

- Great Liveaboard
- Sleeps up to 7 in 3 Cabins
- Two bathrooms
GREAT US$15,000 - New cushions in Aft Cabin
- Large Cockpit with Shower
- Perkins 410-8 Diesel Engine

OPPORTUNITY! - Solar Panel

- 3kw Inverter
- 3 Burner Stove
- 45lb CQR anchor + Danforth
- Sailing Tender
- VHF Radio + Handheld VHF
- Fishfinder depth sounder
- Pressure Water Pump
- Turks & Caicos Registered
- Needs Some Sails & Running Rig &
TLC
- Lying Luperon
MORE INFO call 809-449-1819
Email colinfinch2000@yahoo.com
Costambar Monthly page 8

Police Office 809-320-8510

Police Car 809-320-8840
APC Office 809-970-7877
12 CNN 51 CINE CANAL
APC Gate Security 809-970-7015
22 FOX SPORT 56 SPEED Codetel 809-220-1111
28 BOOMERANG 57 ANIMAL PLANET Edenorte - emergency 809-261-1844
30 ABC 64 SCI-FI
Edenorte - office 809-586-9823
31 NBC 66 FOOD
32 CBS 69 DISCOVERY KIDS Costambar Taxi Stand 809-970-7318
33 TBS 70 WEATHER
34 CNBC 71 CINEMAX
Canada 809-586-5761
35 ESPN-1 72 SHOWTIME
36 WGN 74 STARZ
Britain 809-586-4244
37 CDN 79 NASA U.S.A. 809-586-4204
40 TNT 80 JETIX German 809-586-6995
42 USA 81 CARTOON
Italian 809-320-7601
43 ESPN-2 83 TNT LA
44 DISCOVERY 84 HISTORY
46 DISNEY 85 THE FILM ZONE Clinica Bournigal 809-586-2342
49 HBO
Clinica Brugal 809-586-2519
Los Tropicos Pharmacy 809-970-7607
Costambar Monthly page 9

COMEDY MOVIES
SOLUTIONS ON PAGE 14
SUDOKU PUZZLES
Fill in the missing numbers so every row, column and
quadrant contains the number 1 through 9.
Costambar Monthly page 10

Real Men
A real man is a woman's best friend. He will never
stand her up and never let her down. He will reas-
sure her when she feels insecure and comfort her
after a bad day. He will inspire her to do things she With magicJack you get:
-Free long distance calling to anyone in the U.S., Canada
never thought she could do; to live without fear
and Puerto Rico!
and forget regret. He will enable her to express her
-Free calls to the U.S. or Canada from anywhere in the
deepest emotions and give in to her most intimate World!*
desires. He will make sure she always feels as -Your own free local U.S. Or Canadian phone number!
though she's the most beautiful woman in the -Free calls to any magicJack-enabled phone in the World!
room and will enable her to be confident, sexy, se- *It’s portable. You can use your magicJack anywhere there’s high speed inter-
net service (DSL, Broadband, WiFi, etc.) in the U.S. or abroad
ductive, and invincible.
YOU PAY JUST RD$1900 FOR YOUR magicJack AND
No wait... sorry... I'm thinking of wine.
IT INCLUDES FIRST YEAR’S SERVICE FREE!
Never mind.
After first year, magicJack is only US$19.95 per year.
That is only US$1.67 per month!
CALL CENTER:
3 pesos per minute to the US and Canada and
5 pesos per minute to European land lines.
Tienda Magic Jack
Calle Separacion #49
(south of Casa Nelson, near HKM Printing)
CALL OR EMAIL FOR MORE INFO
809-440-4412
tiendamagicjack@gmail.com

COSTAMBAR MONTHLY
EXCLUSIVE!!!

Costambar Monthly
thought World Cup fans
would be interested to
know the origin of the
popular instrument
The British Embassy Wants You to Know being blown during
matches.
Makes you think twice
Register with LOCATE at about wanting to blow
https://www.locate.fco.gov.uk/locateportal/ one doesn’t it!
Costambar Monthly page 11

JENNY’S MARKET
Everything You Need
At Good Prices!
Open 8:00am to 9:30pm daily
Calle Principal, Costambar
Tel: 809-970-3028

A redhead tells her blonde sister:

"I slept with a Brazilian."
The blonde sister says:
"OMG you tramp! How many is a Brazilian?”

www.costambarmonthly.com
As a woman passed her daughter's closed bedroom
door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming
from within. Opening the door, she observed her
daughter with a vibrator.
Shocked, she asked: 'What in the world are you
doing?'
The daughter replied: 'Mom, I'm thirty-five years
old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as
I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and
leave me alone.'
The next day, the girl's father heard the same buzz
coming from the other side of the closed bedroom
door. Upon entering the room, he observed his
daughter making passionate love to her vibrator.
To his query as to what she was doing, the daugh-
ter said: 'Dad I'm thirty-five, unmarried, and this
thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband.
Please, go away and leave me alone.'
A couple days later, the wife came home from a
shopping trip, placed the groceries on the kitchen
counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming from,
of all places, the living room. She entered that area
and observed her husband sitting on the couch,
downing a cold beer, and staring at the TV.
The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzing
like crazy.
The wife asked: 'What the heck are you doing?'
The husband replied: 'I'm watching football with
my son-in-law.'
Costambar Monthly page 12

I SAW IT ON A MOTO!
HMMM,
EVERY SATURDAY GUESS
NOBODY
LIVE MUSIC! THOUGHT
THAT
SPECIAL MEALS IT
MIGHT
AT GREAT PRICES!! BE
EASIER
STARTING AT 7PM TO
TRANSPORT

FLEA MARKET!!! IF
IT
WAS
DEFLATED!
EVERY LAST SATURDAY OF THE MONTH
Starting at 10am Have you seen something incredible on a motorbike?
FREE TO VENDORS!!! Get a picture and send it to costambarmonthly@yahoo.ca
And we’ll print it in a future issue.
A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when
three members of a motorcycle gang walked in.
The first walked up to the old man and pushed his
cigarette into the old man's pie, and then took a
seat at the counter. AVAILABLE FOR LOOK FOR CLASSES IN
The second walked up to the old man and spat into Weddings, Birthdays, Meditation and Yoga.
the old man's milk, and then he took a seat at the Self Improvement Or Come work out with
counter. Church Groups. Raquetball,
We cater or bring your own food.
The third walked up to the old man and turned Ask about special rates for
Handball

over the old man's plate, and then he took a seat at charitable events.
and Wallyball.

the counter. Without a word of protest, the old A beautiful, tranquil, private and
Wireless Internet
Big Screen Movies and Concerts
man quietly left the diner. controlled setting.

Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the Call Jose for Info
waitress, "Humph, not much of a man, was he?"
809-837-6845 or 809-970-7861
The waitress replied, "Not much of a truck driver www.loase.com
either. He just backed his rig over three jose@loase.com
motorcycles."
Loase
Villa

How bad is the economy?

It's sooooooo bad......... women are having sex with LUXURY VILLA RENTAL AT CASA LOASE BY THE WEEK
men because they can't afford batteries....... www.casaloase.com
Costambar Monthly page 13

APARTMENTS
FOR RENT
Long-term
Wide selection of Popular Novels,
Children’s Books & Guidebooks Or
Short-term
LOOKING FOR SUMMER ACTIVITIES FOR CHILDREN?
VILLA MARLENA
See Our Blog at www.meetingplace-dr.com For More Info
Call 829-910-4554
Or email
cbeardreyes@hotmail.com
I called the incontinence hotline - they said
‘Can you hold please?’
Juan Bosch #60 809-261-7393 www.costambarmonthly.com
Polish Divorce
A Polish man moved to the USA and married an
American girl. Although his English was far from
perfect, they got along very well.
*BREAKING NEWS: * One day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked
CNN just reported that BP replaced the oil well him if he could arrange a divorce for him.
cap with a wedding ring and it has immediate- The lawyer said that getting a divorce would
ly stopped putting out. depend on the circumstances, and asked him the
following questions:
Have you any grounds?
Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.
@ No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
Hotel Castilla It made of concrete.
I don't think you understand. Does either of you
Jose del Carmen Ariza #34, PuertoPlata have a real grudge?
BATTERED FISH ‘N’ CHIPS No, we have carport, and not need one.
6oz PHILLY CHEESE STEAK I mean what are your relations like?
1/2LB HAMBURGER All my relations still in Poland.
MEAT LOAF W/GRAVY, Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
MASHED POTATOES & VEG We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.
BBQ CHICKEN WINGS Does your wife beat you up?
HOT WINGS No, I always up before her.
Is your wife a nagger?
No, she white.
Why do you want this divorce?
She going to kill me.
What makes you think that?
I got proof.
What kind of proof?
She going to poison me.
She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in
bathroom. I can read, and it say:
~~~Polish Remover~~~
Costambar Monthly page 14

A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high

above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes
over to the window and jumps out. The guy sitting
next to him can't believe what he just saw. He's
more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same
guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to
him. The astonished onlooker asks, "How did you
do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and
we're hundreds of feet above the ground!"
The jumper responds by slurring, "Well, I don't get
it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump
out the window, the tequila makes me slow down
right before I hit the ground. Watch." He takes a
shot, goes to the window and jumps out.
The other guy runs to the window and watches as
the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows
down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes
later, the jumper walks back into the bar.
The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot
of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window.
As he reaches the bottom, he doesn't slow down at
all. SPLAT! The first guy orders another shot of
tequila. The bartender shakes his head. "You're real-
ly a jerk when you're drunk, Superman."

BEGINNER INTERMEDIATE

HIDDEN MESSAGE
Cloudy With a Chance of
Meatballs
Costambar Monthly page 15

DON’T LAUGH!

CLOSED
JUNE 15 TO
JULY 7

AUNTIE
SOCIAL
Auntie will be back when she figures
out how to answer the following letters!
Dear Auntie Social,
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is Must be a classy wedding!
a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker Most wedding cakes arrive
in her mid twenties. These two women go everywhere to-
gether, and I've never seen a man go into or leave their on a motoconcho!
apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?
Dear Auntie Social,
What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Fowl Language and
Violence on my DVD player?
Dear Auntie Social,
I have a man I can't trust. He cheats so much, I'm not even
sure the baby I'm carrying is his..
Dear Auntie Social,
I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around,
open
and when confronted with the evidence, he denied every- cold beer!!! 12pm daily
thing and said it would never happen again.
Dear Auntie Social,
Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who
was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?
m oc e g r e a t
Dear Auntie Social, m a arve an t spry
r g llou vie ec ou
I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I ar s w s! ia t
ita ls
s ! !
get out?
Dear Auntie Social,
I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he ta
drank until one night he came home sober.
fa bur
jit
as rito co
Dear Auntie Social, ! s! s!
My mother is mean and short tempered I think she is going
through mental pause.
Dear Auntie Social,
You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in
sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all inter-
est in sex and he is a doctor. Now what do I do?
Costambar Monthly page 16

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