August 2011

COSTAMBAR CONTINUES TO INNOVATE IN THE LUXURY TOURISM MARKET!

Page 4 - CM teaches you some good shit! - Your never too old for games! Page 11 - How to become the butt of the joke! Page 12 - Think water is good for you?!? Page 13 - CMs lifestyle tips for women!

STRETCH CONCHOS COME TO COSTAMBAR The motoconcho drivers of THE COUCH CONCHO Costambar arent resting on their laurels. Hot on the heels of the wildly successful Couch Concho comes the new Stretch Concho! The perfect mode of transportation to get you to Happy Hour at your favourite watering hole. Stretch Concho fares are a little higher than regular concho fares but think of the prestige when your friends see you get off this luxury ride in your best black tie shorts and tank top! Yes, Costambar will soon be known for its Lifestyles of the Rich and Infamous!

Yennys Market Supermercado Tropical Loase Resort Sams Bar & Grill The Catamaran Bar Pascual Fast Food Happy Hippo/Crazy Crocodile Los Tres Cocos Los Mangos Golf Club
What To Do This Month Useful Telephone Numbers Classified Ads Costambar Cable Channel Listing The Rainy Day Page And Lots Of Other Fun Stuff!!

Los Tres Cocos in Las Rocas invites you to try something different. Like Australian Lamb, Imperial Duck Breast or French Lamb Rack - just to name a few. Closing for vacation from June 22 to July 20. Call 809-993-4503 for details. Loase Resort is available for weddings, birthdays, spiritual or self improvement groups. Look for classes in meditation and yoga or workout with racquetball, handball or wallyball. Wireless internet, big screen movies and concerts. Sams Bar & Grill still serves a great value breakfast and quite possibly the best Fish N Chips in the world! Check the chalkboard for daily specials! This month they are spicing things up! The annual Curry Cook Off is Saturday August 20th, followed by the annual Chili Cook Off on Saturday August 27th! Check at the bar for more information and to register your winning dish!

Power Hour at Catamaran 6-7pm Buckets of Beer Specials at Happy Hippo all day Public Holiday - Restoration Day Curry Cook Off at Sams Bar Chili Cook Off at Sams Bar

At The Catamaran on Costambar Beach youll find great food at great prices enjoyed with a million dollar view! They are now open until midnight with romantic meals and cocktails. Every day they have Power Hour with 3X1 cuba libres from 6-7pm. They also hold a monthly Flea Market on the last Saturday of every month beginning at 10am. No cost to vendors! Like they Its Costambar Monthlys Anniversary Issue! say - your trash could be someone elses Weve been doing this for 9 years now! Thats treasure! like 90 in North Coast magazine years! Thats more than 9 times the length of your average Pascuals Fast Food on Costambar Beach Hollywood marriage! And its waaaaay too specializes in seafood from their live lobster many maanas to even count! tank. Also available for parties and events! So were gonna celebrate all year long! And since the traditional gift for a 9th anniversary The Happy Hippo has specials on buckets of is pottery, were gonna bowl you over! Get beer! A bucket of 6 Bohemia is RD$300, it?!?! Presidente RD$350 or Corona RD$550. Dont Were gonna shake things up! Cause change is forget to check out their new shop & gallery The good! Watch for lots of new changes and Crazy Crocodile! surprises. Were gonna roll out lots of new and exciting things in the coming months. The advantage of exercising every day is so when you So stay tuned and come along for the ride! die, they'll say, 'Well, he looks good doesn't he.' Cause turning 10 should always be fun!

AMIGOS DE 4 PATAS will be holding a big spay/neuter clinic between August 6-8. They are hoping to do between 50-100 dogs and cats and are still looking for donations and volunteers to assist with their efforts. For more info contact Carolina at 829-520-7265 (Spanish & English) or Stephanie at 809-899-7800 (English). IGLESIA FILIPOS PRESBITERIANA invites you to services every Sunday at 10am and Bible Study every Wednesday at 6pm. Worships are in Spanish. Children activities. Before Costambar Gate Security, turn on the right side toward the power plant, 100 meters on the right side.

CLASSIFIEDS
FOR SALE For sale 28" flat screen T.V. (make Haier) perfect condition and perfect working order 10,000 pesos. Tel 829-246-7525 FOR SALE GE Dishwasher - White - Under Counter - Works great RD$4,000 Refrigerator/Freezer/Icemaker - Admiral side by side 21 cu.ft. White - used but looks good and works great! RD$10,000. Med. Sized Chest Freezer - White - looks good and works great! Call if you have any questions. RD$7,500 In Luperon - You pick up. (829) 854-4478 or e-mail bobsue2000@yahoo.com FOR SALE Bargain roobles 110 motor bike, red, 1800km, super condition, like new, must leave the country asking 25,000 pesos or best offer, theant 809 222 4628 puerto plata WANTED Used Lawn Mower (cortadora de cesped) Call (829) 854-4478 in Luperon FOR SALE High tension to low tension 110 or 220 volt Edenorte approved Transformer, still under guarantee, with fittings 21000 pesos Viewable in Costambar, tel: 809 970 3287 or 809 649 0345. email: bobyk@libello.com

LIKE CHECKING OUT THE CLASSIFIEDS FOR GREAT DEALS? OR USING THEM TO GET RID OF YOUR UNWANTED ITEMS? THEN WHY NOT CHECK OUT COSTAMBARS NEW FLEA MARKET AT THE CATAMARAN BAR ON THE BEACH. EVERY LAST SATURDAY OF THE MONTH STARTING AT 10AM! FREE TO VENDORS!!! FOR SALE Pool/Jacuzzi Heater. StaRite 400K BTU Maxi-Therm propane heater. Recently rebuilt and overhauled including a new heat exchanger that cost $RD40,000. Cost new was $RD130,000. Asking $RD75,000 OBO. This is a real bargain! Please call 809-970-3268 Costambar FOR SALE Triplite Automatic Inverter/Charger 1000 watts,12 volt reconditioned 5500 pesos: 2.5 kwatt 24 volt inverter 12600 pesos. Viewable in Costambar, tel: 8099703287 or 8096490345. FOR SALE 33foot sailboat, Glander Tavana class yawl, good condition/ minor work needed, less than 1500 hours on new 20 horse Kuboto engine and trans. A MUST SEE! Located in Luperon bay. Call Sean @ (808) 782-2534. Any reasonable offer accepted. FOR SALE Jeep Daihatsu Terios 1999 In good condition, for 200,000 RD Tel: 809 320 1441 or email: info@suncampdr.com

WANTED Sewing machine, in good running order. Please call 809-9707123 FOR SALE FOR SALE Miller Thunderbolt 225 AC/DC welding machine for 20,000 pesos. square dinning table with 8 chairs..... Caoba $ 65,000 pesos 6 pieces living room set.... caoba $ 65,000 pesos Hardly used and in perfect condition. Contact Jan on 829-9624 pieces bed room set king size, matress included.... caoba 9690 $70,000 pesos FOR SALE frigidaire kitchen set and washing machine: fridge and stove Really big refrigerator with freezer: 11,000 RD stainless steal $ 55,000 pesos Big aquarium (good for lobster) 5,000 RD lcd sony bravia 32"... $18,000 pesos Electrical water heater: 1,500 RD Deal!: 240,000 pesos for the whole package! Propane Gas refrigerator: 10,000 RD items used only for 5 month email: dianepellerin@yahoo.com tel:809 320 1441 Hyundai h1 2001 diessel excellent condition......$ 300,000 FOR SALE Deal!!! Everything..... $500,000.00 pesos! Custom made wooden picture frames complete with stretchers Call: 809-261-7861/809-709-0360/809-446-0362 and hanging wire...approx 32x41 1200 pesos

Oster toaster oven, large size. Could easily hold medium size Chicken. 1500 pesos. Call 809-320-1087 FOR SALE Trace Deep Cycle T105 Batteries For Sale , 2000 pesos each, Viewable in Costambar Tel: 809 970 3287 or 809 649 0345: email: bobyk@libello.com FOR SALE Nissan Van 2000, 8 passengers, Diesel, economical Reduced price: 105,000 pesos email: dianepellerin@yahoo.com tel:809 320 1441 FOR SALE BBQ, custom made, heavy duty. Call 829-962-9690 FOR SALE 1.0 kilo inversor, 1 1/2 years old. Minimum used. Very reliable. Price 4,800 pesos. Contact Cris @ 829-447-1871 or by email cristian.meade@live.com

www.costambarmonthly.com
Costambar Monthly classified ads are free but can only be placed by emailing costambarmonthly@yahoo.ca Or calling 809-970-7507 or 809-449-1820

PLEASE NOTE - free classified ads are only for personal items. Commercial properties or enterprises (including real estate sales or rentals) must purchase an ad. Classifieds will usually be run for one month only unless we are otherwise notified.
SAY YOU SAW IT IN COSTAMBAR MONTHLY!

Costambar Monthly page 4

PROPERTY TO RENT OR SELL? GET RESULTS WITH COSTAMBAR MONTHLY!

Hi Cindy, Your ad did the trick as I rented the place twelve hours after you went to print. Got several inquiries in addition to the person who rented it. Wont need an ad this month, but feel free to use me as a referral for the Costambar Monthly. Cheers, Mike (El Comodore Apartments)

Apartments for Rent Long and Short Term Special Offers Available For Long Term Rentals! Just ask Max!
Office 809-970-7312 Cell 809-251-8679

HOUSE FOR RENT

Located main street Cafemba 3 Bedrooms & 2 Bathrooms Pool Full time water Office Available furnished or unfurnished FOR MORE INFO CALL 849-207-8246/EMAIL dr84@hotmail.com

Visit our website www.villasfelipe.com Manure : In the 16th and 17th centuries, every-

FOR SALE

thing had to be transported by ship and it was also before the invention of commercial fertilizers, so large shipments of manure were quite common. It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, not only did it become heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by product is methane gas of course. As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen. Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM! Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the instruction 'Stow high in transit' on them, which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane. Thus evolved the term ' S.H.I.T ' (Stow High In Transit) which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day. You probably did not know the true history of this word. Neither did I. I had always thought it was a golf term.

Costambar Monthly page 5

next door neighbor's beagle - even though the beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. Williams did not get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun.

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It's time again for the annual 'Stella Awards'! For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald's in New Mexico , where she purchased coffee. You remember, she took the lid off the coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving. Who would ever think one could get burned doing that, right? That's right; these are awards for the most outlandish lawsuits and verdicts in the U.S. Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own son

Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania because a jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone. The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument. What ever happened to people being responsible for their own actions? Kara Walton, of Claymont , Delaware sued the owner of a night club in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front teeth.. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000....oh, yeah, plus dental expenses.

This year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner was: Mrs. Merv Grazinski, of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, who purchased new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, from an OU football game, having driven on to the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles, California won $74,000 and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner's manual plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his that she couldn't actually leave the driver's seat while hand with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when the cruise control was set. The Oklahoma jury awarded her (are you sitting down?) $1,750,000 PLUS a new he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps. motor home. Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of Terrence Dickson, of Bristol, Pennsylvania, who was this suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives leaving a house he had just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic garage who might also buy a motor home. door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut. Forced to sit for eight, count 'em, EIGHT days and survive on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowner's insurance company claiming undue mental anguish. Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish. We should all have this kind of anguish Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, garnered 4th Place in the Stella's when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being bitten on the butt by his

Costambar Monthly page 6

A guy is driving around the back woods of Tennessee and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale ' He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there. 'You talk?' he asks. 'Yep,' the Lab replies. After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?' The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.' 'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.' The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. 'Ten dollars,' the guy says. 'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?' 'Because he's a liar. He never did any of that shit.

VIVERO!!!
Open to the Public
All Types of Palms, Flowering & Foliage Plants Landscaping & Garden Maintenance Services Available BEST PRICES ON THE NORTH COAST
Open Monday-Friday 8:30am to 5pm And By Appointment

PLANT

Call George (Lettuce) 809-543-8041

Km. 11 Carretera PP-Imbert (In front of PARADA DINAMICA) Just past the fish places

www.costambarmonthly.com
1. Sag, you're It. 2. Hide and go pee. 3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear. 4. Kick the bucket. 5. Red Rover, Red Rover...the nurse said, "Bend Over." 6. Musical recliners. 7. Simon says something incoherent. 8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy.

NIELSEN WELDING &Road to Costambar FABRICATION Located on the Entrance

Working with Steel, Stainless Steel & Aluminum New Fabrications and Repairs We are also Mobile!
PLEASE NOTE WE ARE ON VACATION FOR ONE MONTH STARTING JUNE 3

SAY YOU SAW IT IN COSTAMBARMONTHLY!

CALL JAN NIELSEN @ 829-962-9690 OR EMAIL tallernielsen@yahoo.com

Costambar Monthly page 7

This morning on the Interstate, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new Cadillac doing 65 mph with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner. I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on that makeup. As a man, I don't scare easily. But she scared me so much, I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand. In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my cellphone away from my ear, which fell into the coffee between my legs, splashed, and burned Big Jim and the Twins, ruined the darn phone, soaked my trousers, and disconnected an important call. Stupid women drivers!

Order Your Health Insurance Now!

RD$770 Includes Dental (with Drugs RD$960)

FOR DETAILED INFORMATION

Here's something to think about.? I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. (I just turned 60.) A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do you think I'll live to be 80?" He asked, "Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?" "Oh no," I replied. "I'm not doing drugs, either!" Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?" I said, "Not much... my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!" "Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling"? "No, I don't," I said. He asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?" "No," I said. He looked at me and said, "Then, why do you even give a shit"?

An attractive blonde from Dublin arrived at the casino and bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude.' With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, 'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!' As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed 'YES, YES, I WON, I WON!' She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumb founded.. Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?' The other answered, 'I don't know - I thought you were watching.' MORAL OF THE STORY Not all Irish are stupid; Not all blondes are dumb; but all men are men.

Costambar Monthly page 8

SOLUTIONS ON PAGE 14
SUDOKU PUZZLES Fill in the missing numbers so every row, column and quadrant contains the number 1 through 9.

THE BEACH

Costambar Monthly page 9

12 22 28 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 40 42 43 44 46 49

CNN FOX SPORT BOOMERANG ABC NBC CBS TBS CNBC ESPN-1 WGN CDN TNT USA ESPN-2 DISCOVERY DISNEY HBO

51 56 57 64 66 69 70 71 72 74 79 80 81 83 84 85

CINE CANAL SPEED ANIMAL PLANET SCI-FI FOOD DISCOVERY KIDS WEATHER CINEMAX SHOWTIME STARZ NASA JETIX CARTOON TNT LA HISTORY THE FILM ZONE

THATS RIGHT! WE NEED TO TAKE ACTION BEFORE ANY MORE STYROFOAM TREES BECOME EXTINCT!

Police Office Police Car APC Office APC Gate Security Codetel Edenorte - emergency Edenorte - office Costambar Taxi Stand Canada Britain U.S.A. German Italian Clinica Bournigal Clinica Brugal Los Tropicos Pharmacy

809-320-8510 809-320-8840 809-970-7877 809-970-7015 809-220-1111 809-261-1844 809-586-9823 809-970-7318 809-586-5761 809-586-4244 809-586-4204 809-586-6995 809-320-7601 809-586-2342 809-586-2519 809-970-7607

Easy Deviled Eggs Put cooked egg yolks in a zip lock bag. Seal, mash till they are all broken up. Add remainder of ingredients, reseal, keep mashing it up mixing thoroughly, cut the tip of the baggy, squeeze mixture into egg. Just throw bag away when done. An easy clean up.

SAY YOU SAW IT IN COSTAMBAR MONTHLY!

COSTAMBAR MONTHLY
PLEASE NOTE - No new ads or changes will be accepted within 4 days of the end of the month.

Contact Us Tel: 809-970-7507 Cell: 809-449-1820 Email: costambarmonthly @yahoo.ca

Costambar Monthly page 10

Karaoke Tropical
For Any Event Of Your Choice With Animation in English, Spanish, German and French Songs in 7 Languages International Music, Videos and DVDs

809-204-4172 Email dj.marilyne_karaoke_tropical@hotmail.com

YENNYS MARKET
Everything You Need At Good Prices!
Open 8:00am to 9:30pm daily Calle Principal, Costambar Tel: 809-970-3028

PAINTER DAVE
Quality Painting In the Puerto Plata Area

MY SMALL BUSINESS
The Best Little Business on the North Coast 123 Any Street, Puerto Plata 809-555-5555 smallbusiness@email.com

829-632-3152

www.mywebsite.com

COSTAMBAR MONTHLY
THE BEST VALUE FOR YOUR ADVERTISING PESO!

Contact Us Tel: 809-970-7507 Cell: 809-449-1820 Email: costambarmonthly @yahoo.ca

SAY YOU SAW IT IN COSTAMBAR MONTHLY!

Costambar Monthly page 11

CLEAR FIBERGLASS 33-LB PROPANE CYLINDER TANK

Always know how much gas you have! Lighter than steel and don't rust! $320.00 new in US Now only 2450 pesos Call Colin 809-449-1819
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again. The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT. The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race. The next day, the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS. This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN. The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10. The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10. This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE. The bishop was buried the next day. The moral of the story is . . . being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery . . even shorten your life. So be yourself and enjoy life. Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and live longer! (And no, the local paper was not CM! But we wish wed thought of it! Its so us!

STAINLESS STEEL SWAGE FITTINGS AND LIFELINES

AT U$ PRICES! DELIVERED IN A WEEK! FOR MORE INFO CALL COLIN 809-449-1819

Trying to Sell Your Boat? Why Not Get More Exposure By Advertising It In Costambar Monthly!

L U P E R O N

Morris and his wife Esther went to the local fair every year, and every year Morris would say, 'Esther, I'd like to ride in that helicopter.' Esther always replied, 'I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks.' One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, 'Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.' To this, Esther replied, 'Morris that helicopter is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks.' The pilot overheard the couple and said, 'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I won't charge you! But if you say one word, it's fifty bucks.' Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, 'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!' Morris replied, 'Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know, fifty bucks is fifty bucks.'

Costambar Monthly page 12

A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a trans-continental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower. At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, 'Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold.' 'I have a better idea,' she replied 'Just for tonight,...... let's pretend that we're married.' 'Wow!...................... That's a great idea!', he exclaimed. 'Good,' she replied., 'Get your own f***ing blanket.' After a moment of silence, ......................he farted.

Earl walked into a drug store in Kentucky and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman he was talking to said that she was the only pharmacist and as she and her sister owned the store, there were no male employees. She then asked if she could help him. Earl said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist. The lady pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional and whatever it was that he needed to discuss, he could be confident that she would treat him with a high level of professionalism. Earl then agreed and began by saying, 'This is tough for me to discuss, but I get erections every day that last more than four hours. It causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment, and I was wondering what you could give me for it.' The pharmacist said, 'Just a minute, I'll talk to my sister.' When she returned, she said, "We discussed it at length and this is the absolute best we can do. 1/3 ownership in the store, a company pickup truck, a king size bed and $3,000 a month in living expenses.

To our friends who enjoy a glass of wine.. and those who don't. LOOK FOR CLASSES IN AVAILABLE FOR Meditation and Yoga. Weddings, Birthdays, As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in Self Improvement Or Come work out with beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. In Church Groups. Raquetball, a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists We cater or bring your own food. Handball have demonstrated that if we drink 1 litre of waAsk about special rates for and Wallyball. charitable events. ter each day, at the end of the year we would Wireless Internet have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, A beautiful, tranquil, private and Big Screen Movies and Concerts controlled setting. (E. coli) - bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop. However, we do Call Jose for Info NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or 809-837-6845 or 809-970-7861 tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alwww.loase.com cohol has to go through a jose@loase.com purification process of boiling, filtering and/or Loase fermenting. Villa Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit . There is no need to thank us for this valuable infor- LUXURY VILLA RENTAL AT CASA LOASE BY THE WEEK www.casaloase.com mation: Were doing it as a public service.

Costambar Monthly page 13

If you've ever worked for a boss who reacts before getting the facts and thinking things through, you will love this! Arcelor-Mittal Steel, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business. He asked the guy, "How much money do you make a week?" A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, "I make $400 a week. Why?" The CEO said, "Wait right here." He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, "Here's four weeks' pay. Now GET OUT and don't come back." Feeling pretty good about himself the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?" From across the room a voice said, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."

@ Hotel Castilla

BOBBY AINT GOIN NOWHERE!

809-261-4543

Jose del Carmen Ariza #34, PuertoPlata samsbar76@yahoo.com

GOOD FOOD!! GOOD FRIENDS!! GOOD FUN!!

1. Aspire to be Barbie - the bitch has everything. 2. If the shoe fits - buy one in every colour. 3. Take life with a pinch of salt... A wedge of lime, and a shot of tequila. 4. In need of a support group? - Cocktail hour with the girls! 5. Go on the 30 day diet. (I'm on it and so far I've lost 15 days). 6. When life gets you down - just put on your big girl panties and deal with it. 7. Let your greatest fear be that there is no PMS and this is just your personality. 8. I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.. 9. Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself. 10. Don't get your knickers in a knot, it solves nothing; and makes you walk funny. 11. When life gives you lemons - turn it into lemonade then mix it with vodka. 12. Remember every good-looking, sweet, single male is someone else's ex-boyfriend!

DAILY & WEEKLY SPECIALS! CHECK THE CHALKBOARD!

costambarmonthly@yahoo.ca

Costambar Monthly page 14

GOT A SMALL BUSINESS? NEED MORE EXPOSURE? COSTAMBAR MONTHLY BUSINESS CARD DIRECTORY CAN GET YOU THAT EXPOSURE BREAKING THE BUDGET!
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

PASCUAL FAST FOOD PLAYA COSTAMBAR

Specializing in Live Lobsters & Seafood Sandwiches & Dominican Food
Open Daily 9am to 7pm

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For Parties, Events & Reservations Call 829-464-4071

BEGINNER

INTERMEDIATE

HIDDEN MESSAGE
Sandcastle

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Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the redhead sees her boyfriend buying her flowers. The Redhead sighs and says: 'Oh crap, my boy friend is buying me flowers again.' The blonde looks quizzically at her and says: 'You don't like getting flowers from your boyfriend?' The redhead replies: 'I love getting flowers, but he always has expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air.' The blonde says: .......'Don't you have a vase?'

Whats the best birth control to use after age 50? Nudity!

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SAY YOU SAW IT IN COSTAMBAR MONTHLY!

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