THE INTERVIEW

A PLAY IN ONE ACT

by Siddharth Kumar

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 CHARACTERS
MAN: Male, 32
INTERVIEWER: Male, 55
SECRETARY: Female, 28
KEITH: MALE, 38

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(An Office. The INTERVIEWER is a man in his early fifties. He is reading the newspaper at his
desk Stage right. Behind him is a row of cabinets which serves as a table to keep his awards,
photographs, etc. there is an ice bucket, a glass jug of water and a few glasses. Opposite his
desk is the door to the office. Man enters. He is in his early thirties. )

MAN: Good Morning?

INT: Yes?

MAN: I’m here for the interview.

INT: Oh. I’m afraid there’s been a mistake.

MAN: Is this the wrong office? They said come up to the 14th floor.

INT: Oh, no. this is the right office.

MAN: But.

INT: My secretary wasn’t supposed to let you in just yet.

MAN: I’m sorry. I can go back and wait outside.

INT: No, no. Please have a seat. We’ll begin in a few minutes.

(MAN sits.) (PAUSE.)

INT: Just reading about the latest attack. Horrible thing. So many dead.

MAN: I was watching the news this morning. They say the death toll could double.

INT: My god.

MAN: That’s what they’re estimating. Could be false.

INT: Even the possibility… What do they think they’re gaining from all this?

MAN: I don’t know.

INT: They say the modern man… you and I… We’re destroying this country, this
world. We’re raping it. What exactly do they think they’re doing?

MAN: The government should just send in the army and kill them all.

INT: Is that really the solution?

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MAN: They want to destroy this country, take over it. It’s the only way. Don’t know
why we hold back.

INT: I agree. If you tolerate violence like this, you’re asking for trouble. (Pause) Can I
get you something? Tea? Coffee?

MAN: Nothing. Thank you.

INT: Are you sure? This could take a while.

MAN: Oh… I…

INT: No need to be so careful of what you say. The interview hasn’t begun just yet.
(Laughs.)What do you feel like drinking?

MAN: Coffee will be fine.

(PAUSE.)

INT: Coffee will be fine?

MAN: Yes.

INT: You don’t seem sure.

MAN: No. Coffee. I’ll have coffee.

INT: Are you certain?

MAN: (laughs nervously) uh… yes.

INT: Because you feel like it or because it’s the better one of the two options I’ve
given?

MAN: I…

INT: Would you rather have something that I haven’t offered?

MAN: No… Sir... I’m not asking…

INT: Cola? A juice?

MAN: No. I’m sorry. A tea or coffee will be fine. Really.

INT: No need to apologise. My fault entirely. Here you are extremely eager to make a
good impression on me. We’ve kept you waiting for a while now. You may even

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 be desperate for this job, what with the economy being what it is. You probably
have rent to pay. Parents to support. And I presume that a simple tea or coffee
would make this process easier for you.

MAN: No really sir. I’d be very happy to have a coffee.

INT: No. That’s not good enough.(Pause.) Alright. There’s no tea. No coffee. I won’t
give you any options either. Now what would you like to have? Really, truly.

MAN: Glass of water.

INT: (sighs.) I suppose that makes sense. Rehydrate the system. Fix the dry mouth,
clear your throat. No need to worry about any unwanted indigestion or anything.
But it doesn’t get to the problem does it? The nervousness, the anxiety. Maybe
what you need is a bit more… inappropriate?

MAN: Sir?

INT: Alcohol. Tobacco. Maybe an intravenous narcotic?

MAN: What? No!

INT: I can’t really procure something illegal for you, at least not at such short notice.
And the rules against smoking in this building are rather strict I’m afraid. But
maybe something from my personal cupboard? Whiskey? Vodka?

MAN: No really. I can’t.

INT: It is early in the day. But if that is what the situation calls for we must cast aside
convention. Do you drink?

MAN: Occasionally. Not very often. Never by myself. Maybe at a party. Weddings.

INT: I’ve told you. This interview hasn’t begun yet. No need to worry about
impressions. Just a yes or no will do.

MAN: Yes. I drink.

INT: Well all I have is Whiskey and Vodka. What would you prefer?

MAN: Whiskey. Thank you.

(MAN takes out glass and pours some whiskey.)

INT: Here you are.

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MAN: Aren’t you having…

INT: No. Not before an interview. I need to be sharp, precise. But you don’t mind me.
Go ahead.

(MAN sips his whiskey.)

MAN: It’s very good. Thank you.

INT: There’s more where that came from. But take your time. Don’t want you passing
out before we even begin, eh?

MAN: No, sir.

INT: She doesn’t usually take this much time. Strange. Well, let’s take a look at that
resume in the meantime.

(MAN hands INTERVIEWER his resume. Int starts going through it).

INT: Very good.

MAN: Thank you.

INT: Very impressive, indeed.

MAN: Thank you.

INT: Born in June. Excellent.

MAN: Sir?

INT: We’re very fond of Gemini’s here. They do well for us.

MAN: I don’t understand.

INT: I know it sounds strange. It’s all statistics. They never lie and we appreciate the
honesty. Except for one pesky Aquarian, the accounts department is only
Cancereans. And management is dominated by the twins.

MAN: I see.

INT: And since you’re applying for management, it looks quite promising for you.

MAN: (Laughs) Well, I hope so.

Secretary enters.

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INT: There she is. Finally.

SEC: Sorry for the delay, sir.

INT: Not at all. Do you have the document?

She hands the man a contract on a Clipboard.

INT: I’ll need you to sign this.

MAN: I’m sorry. What is this?

INT: Confidentiality agreement. This corporation prides itself in employing the best
workforce on this planet. And it is because of our highly refined interview
process that we have developed over the last few years that this is possible. I
personally have overseen many of the changes we have implemented. So you
see if we have an edge we can’t risk someone else stealing it.

MAN: Of course.

He signs the document. Secretary takes the clipboard.

INT: Good. Now we can begin.

(Secretary takes out a machine from a cupboard. It appears to be a some kind of heart
rate monitor. Man looks confused.)

INT: Just sit back and relax. This won’t hurt at all.

MAN: Is this necessary?

INT: I’m afraid so. We’ve noticed a rather disturbing pattern in the last few years.
Probably existed before then but we’ve only started documenting it four or five
years ago. What we’ve discovered is that in interviews, people tend to lie. We’ve
tried alternatives. Simple things like videotaping the candidate and reviewing the
footage for excessive sweat, nervous behavior, things like that. But we found that to
be quite a tedious and inaccurate process- especially if the air-
conditioning wasn’t working that day. And we’ve gone as far as using sodium
penthanol, but that resulted in candidates telling us things we really didn’t need to
hear. Still, it provided me with one very valuable insight.

MAN: Which is?

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INT: That no matter who we are there is a side to ourselves that we can never let
anyone know about.

MAN: Are we ready?

(SECRETARY nods. INT takes his seat and monitors the lie detector.)

INT: Thank you. Right. Just relax. We’ll start you off with some warm up questions so
that you can ease into the process. What is your age?

MAN: 32.

INT: Good. You’re doing fine. Just relax. Favorite number?

MAN: Um.

INT: Yes?

MAN: 4382.

INT: Really?

(Man nods.)

INT: Favorite color?

MAN: Green.

INT: Just relax. Favorite color.

MAN: Maroon.

INT: Once more. Favorite color.

MAN: Pink.

INT: Thank you. Everything seems to be in order.

(Nods to the secretary to leave. She exits.)

Now that you know how this works, we’ll proceed with the interview. Are you
ready?

(MAN nods. INTERVIEWER takes out a notepad and makes notes as man answers.)

Why do you want to work for this organization?

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MAN: I’ve wanted to work here for a long time now. Ever since I was studying. I’ve
admired the work this corporation has done over the years and have always
wanted to be a part of it.

INT: What work would that be?

MAN: Everything. I mean, there’s nothing you don’t do. Energy, telecommunications,
retail, infrastructure. Every single person in this country is touched in some way
by what you do. Not even our government can say that.

INT: And it impresses you, that we do all this?

MAN: Yes. Most companies stick to what they think they know. This company is not
afraid to venture into unknown territory. It’s a boldness I want to be a part of.

INT: Boldness. You feel that’s what we are? Bold?

MAN: Yes.

INT: And you think you’re bold like us?

MAN: Yes, I do.

INT: Don’t you think you’re not giving us enough credit, though? Boldness is word you
use to describe a teenager who has asked his girlfriend for intercourse. I mean,
you said yourself; we touch the lives of every single person in this country.

MAN: Yes.

INT: Don’t you think that’s a little more than just bold?

MAN: Maybe that isn’t the best word to use…

INT: Maybe. But that’s just a word. And what’s in a word?

MAN: What I meant to say is that this company has a vision.

INT: What kind? Myopic?

MAN: No, no. This is a progressive company.

INT: Progressing towards what? The ice cream shop?

MAN: I’m trying to say that this is a strong corporation.

(Pause.)

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INT: Just strong?

MAN: Powerful.

(Pause.)

Ruthless.

INT: And are you? Ruthless?

MAN: I-

INT: This is what you admire about us. Are you ruthless like us?

MAN: Yes. I think so.

INT: But it sounds negative, doesn’t it? Ruthless. Vicious. Cut-throat. We use the
phrase so often that we forget that in order to be cut- throat, someone’s throat
must be cut. Figuratively or otherwise. What do you think?

MAN: I think that if you call me cut-throat I would take it as a compliment.

INT: That’s quite an answer. (Scribbles in his pad.)

What animal would you say best describes you?

MAN: Animal?

INT: Yes.

MAN: A.. A Tiger.

INT: Really?

MAN: Yes.

INT: That’s a very dramatic choice.

MAN: Well, that’s what I am, a tiger.

INT: Lives in the wild, nearly extinct. Every part of it’s a valuable resource that is being
horribly exploited by others. Do you think that best describes you?

MAN: No, I meant…

INT: I know what you meant. But there is a difference in the perception of what we
are and the reality of what we are. I think you should think about discarding your

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 tiger persona. It’s a bit dated. Our grandchildren will be lucky if they ever see
one.

MAN: I never really thought of myself as an animal till today.

INT: (Scribbles in notepad.) Backtracking… no attempt to defend answer… Moving

MAN: Well. I think it would be a wonderful opportunity to be a part of…

INT: Lying.

MAN: I mean. It would be excellent for my career…

INT: Liar liar…

MAN: I believe I could make a strong contribution.

INT: Pants on fire…

MAN: I need the money.

INT: (Laughs) of course you do. Don’t we all? Rent to pay. Food to eat.

MAN: Yes, sir.

INT: Anything else?

MAN: There are some debts, of course.

INT: Of course. Credit card?

MAN: Yes.

INT: How many?

MAN: 2.

INT: They just creep up on you, don’t they? It’s normal. Anything else?

MAN: There is a loan.

INT: Sizeable?

MAN: Very.

INT: Anything else?

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MAN: Well…

INT: Yes?

MAN: My father. He’s ill. Heart condition.

INT: Thank you. Thank you for sharing. See, most places they would have said we
don’t want to know about your father. Not at an interview. But I want to know.
Because if we hire you, we want to be able to help you. So that you can give us
your best.

MAN: Thank you. I appreciate it.

INT: Not at all.

(Goes through MAN’s resume.)

Quite a few years experience.

MAN: Yes.

INT: Only a year at your previous place of work.

MAN: It wasn’t a choice. I was let go. I worked six years at the place before that.

INT: And why were you let go?

MAN: Budget cuts. They had to downsize the workforce. I was only there a year so they
found me more expendable. It’s mentioned in my recommendation letter.

INT: I know it is. I can see it. But is that why you were let go?

MAN: Uh… Yes.

INT: Have you ever been criticized by your superiors for inefficiency?

MAN: No.

INT: Are you sure?

MAN: Maybe once or twice. But I am a hard worker for the most part.

INT: How were you liked by your colleagues?

MAN: Pretty well. I never really was close to anyone.

INT: Seriously? No close friends at work?

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MAN: Not really.

INT: What about any of you female colleagues. Anything happen there?

MAN: I’m sorry?

INT: Your readings are going crazy. Must be a story. Did you have a girlfriend at your
last job?

MAN: No. I… I didn’t.

INT: You’re not being truthful. You didn’t do anything improper, did you?

MAN: I may have on occasion…

INT: Did you ever sexually harass any of your colleagues?

MAN: I didn’t harass, per say…

INT: What did you do?

MAN: There was this girl. An intern. I may have been a bit lewd with her.

INT: How?

MAN: Sir, I don’t think I have to answer these questions.

INT: I am conducting this interview and I will ask what I damn well please. I need to
know the full extent of this. So this intern…?

MAN: Once I asked her to collect a file for me from a cabinet in a room across the
building. When she didn’t bring them promptly I went to check up on her. She
was alone in the records room bent over rummaging through files in a lower
cupboard. And she was wearing this skirt. It had been a while since I had last…
Well… I just pretended to bend over to help her and I moved my hand up her
skirt. Briefly. Just very. Briefly. Then I helped her find the file.

INT: And what did she do?

MAN: She froze for a moment. But she didn’t look at me. She just found the file and
gave it to me. I could see she was upset. I was afraid she would complain and I
would lose my job. But she never did.

INT: Were you pleased with yourself?

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MAN: I felt terrible.

INT: Did you do it again?

MAN: Yes.

INT: How many times?

MAN: I don’t know. Seven- eight times.

INT: What… Did you think she was enjoying it?

MAN: No. (BEAT.) Maybe.

INT: What do you mean ‘Maybe’?

MAN: This one time. She was looking sullen, depressed. She was behaving strangely
the whole day and it was bothering me. She was wearing a skirt that day so I
thought I’d try it again. But this time, she didn’t freeze when I touched her. In
fact, I can’t be sure but I think she brushed up against my hand. Of course, I
thought I was imagining things so I went to help her find the file. But it was right
there on the floor in front of her. She had found it before I had even got to the
room and she was waiting for me. I never did it again after that. I was too scared.

(INT brings bottle to table and refills man’s glass.)

INT: Thank you for your honesty.

(MAN drinks.)

INT: Why did you tell me all that?

MAN: What?

INT: You could have just walked out of this room. Surely you didn’t think this
interview would have turned out well after that story.

MAN: I… I don’t know.

INT: Was it because I said I could help you with your problems?

MAN: What?

INT: Your debts, your father’s medical condition… I said we would help you with them
if we hired you.

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MAN: I don’t know.

(PAUSE.)

INT: We can, you know. If you are valuable to us then we won’t even think twice
about taking care of these problems. The debt will be gone. You father at the
very least will feel much better after we have given him the best medical care.
And this is all still possible for you, because you stayed. Because you were
honest.

MAN: You mean I have chance?

INT: Not a very good one, after that story. But yes.

(PAUSE.)

Shall we continue? Or do you need another minute?

MAN: No, I’m fine.

INT: All right. If you worked for me would you try to grope my secretary?

MAN: What!

INT: Well, would you?

MAN: No! Of course not!

INT: Why? Does she not look as good in a skirt as your last one?

MAN: I’m not talking about this anymore.

INT: Oh, come on. You must have noticed her when she was in here. She has very
respectable tits. Lovely ass and legs. In fact it’s very hard not to notice. You must
have been devising your strategy the moment you laid eyes on her.

MAN: If I work for you I will never behave improperly with your secretary.

INT: Why not? I have.

(PAUSE.)

MAN: What?

INT: Well, you can’t really call it behaving improperly because it eventually led to a
consensual relationship. I have been with her for the last 7 months.

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MAN: I see.

INT: (Laughs.) I know what you’re thinking. He’s old enough to have a wife with
grown up children. Well, you’re right. A very irritating wife and two even more
irritating children. And I’m screwing the secretary on the side. I really hate to be
such a cliché, I do. But I’ve discovered that it’s a cliché for a reason. Secretaries
are just so… convenient. I mean, I hired her personally and not for her typing
skills. She’s available to me for all the working hours and she even stays back late
if I ask. I have a nice enough office with walls that are adequately sound proof.
It’s quite an excellent arrangement, really. Normally, I frown on the whole idea
of keeping a mistress. They tend to be very messy affairs where any number of
things can go wrong. But this pretty little thing of mine… well… she worships me.
And with her worship comes a good measure of obedience and loyalty. She
understands that my marriage is important to me and is willing to accept only
that which I am comfortable offering.

(PAUSE.)

What do you say to that?

MAN: It sounds like a wonderful arrangement.

INT: Are you patronizing me? You don’t think my control over her is that absolute?

MAN: I’m sure you have a good understanding.

INT: Understanding implies an equal contribution. She does what I say and there are
no two ways about it. If one is to handle the responsibilities entrusted to me by
this organization then the complete authority over that ‘girl’ should require
nothing more than a whisper here and a word there. So you see, what sickens
me about your little ‘up skirt’ story is not your pathetic excuse for a personal life
but that you saw what you wanted for the longest time and were unable to
capture it, even after she practically threw herself at you. Quite ridiculous
behavior from someone who considers himself the embodiment of one of
nature’s finest predators.

MAN: But-

INT: I don’t want to hear another word. (Switches off machine.) You’ve upset me and
broken my focus. I am, however, still obligated to give you a complete and
thorough interview. I will ask a colleague to step for me till I am ready to take
over again. Do you have any issue with this?

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MAN: No.

INT: Good.

(INTERVIEWER picks up phone to call SECRETARY.)

Will you come to my office, please?

(PAUSE.)

MAN: I apologize.

INT: No. It’s quite alright. Part of the job. If one isn’t really willing to dig through the
dirt, to expose oneself to these uncomfortable matters in an interview, well,
then one isn’t really doing their job. Refill?

MAN: Uh, no. I’m fine.

INT: I’ve stopped the interview.

(MAN nods. INTERVIEWER refills his glass.)

MAN: Thank you.

INT: So? What do you think?

MAN: Of?

INT: My method. How have you found it, so far?

MAN: It’s quite unconventional.

INT: You were expecting a more straight forward interview?

MAN: Yes. Of course.

INT: I bet you have it all planned out. I bet before you came in here with a list of
questions all in your head and had the perfect answer to all of them. But how
does that help me? That’s just PR, a press release, it tells me nothing about how
valuable you can be to this corporation.

MAN: How does anything that we’ve discussed help you with that?

INT: Yes, well that’s the whole point isn’t it? You ask the usual questions and you
learn nothing about people. Because they know what they’re going to be asked
and they know what I want-

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(Keith enters.)

INT: Ah! Keith. This is the fresh blood I’ve been putting under scrutiny.

KEITH: And? How is he holding up to your assault?

INT: Quite well, in fact. This boy is quite the firecracker.

KEITH: Really? You must be quite a guy. It’s not like him to say something like that.

INT: He’s had his shaky moments but he’s managed to show some very impressive
resilience.

Keith: I’m sure.

INT: I thought you’d like to have a go at him for a bit.

Keith: After that introduction, I can’t wait.

INT: Excellent. I have some things to take care of downstairs. So you’ll have the office
to yourself.

Keith: I must say, I’m feeling a bit underprepared.

INT: Oh you’ll be fine.

Keith: Oh I’ll be fine! From what you’ve told me, he’ll probably eat me alive. You’ll have
to come back in here and pick up the pieces.

Man: I promise… to be gentle.

(PAUSE. )

(INTERVIEWER and KEITH laugh.)

Keith: Okay, I’m scared now. I don’t know what to do.

INT: Didn’t I tell you? He’s a sharp one.

Keith: I’m looking forward to the challenge.

Int: Well, then don’t me delay it any further. I’ll be downstairs if you need me.

(INTERVIEWER exits.)

Keith: You’ll have to give me a minute. I’m a little caught off guard.

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MAN: Of course.

KEITH: Let’s just turn this back on.

(KEITH switches on machine.)

Alright. So which department are you looking to work in?

MAN: Management.

KEITH: I see. And do you feel you’re qualified enough for that?

MAN: Yes. I do.

KEITH: Why?

MAN: My work experience is right over there.

KEITH: That’s nothing to me. Words on a paper. What have you really done? Achieved?
Invented? Because you see in this building, everyday means the possibility of
changing the country. That’s quite a responsibility. Do you think you can handle
it?

MAN: Well, I don’t think that kind of responsibility is going to be entrusted to me.

Keith: Why not?

MAN: I’m sure eventually it will. But not immediately.

Keith: But you’re sure it will. Eventually.

MAN: I suppose.

(PAUSE.)

Keith: Here’s a simple math problem. There is a lotus that has been placed in this lake,
that doubles in size every day. Now this lotus grows to cover the entire lake in 14
days. Now if two lotuses were placed in the same lake how many days would it take
to cover it?

(PAUSE.)

MAN: 13.

KEITH: What?

19
MAN: It will take 13 days.

KEITH: Are you sure?

MAN: If the Lotus doubles its size everyday then it should be half the size of the lake in
the 13th day. So two Lotuses should fill it up in 13 days.

(PAUSE.)

KEITH: Who the fuck do you think you are?

MAN: Sorry?

KEITH: You think you can come in here and charm him? Tell him your funny jokes?
Astonish him with your lateral math skills and he’ll shove you up the ladder?
There’s a line. A long line and it’s taken me years to get to the front.

MAN: I think there’s been a misunderstanding.

KEITH: Oh! You’re going to play innocent. Insult my intelligence. You little shit.

MAN: I really don’t know what you’re talking about.

KEITH: Why did he call me in here?

MAN: What?

KEITH: Why did he stop the interview and call me in?

MAN: I don’t know.

KEITH: He wanted to show you off to me, didn’t he? Wanted to show that in a matter of
minutes your charm had thrown me out of his favor. You think I’m stupid? You
think he didn’t drag me in here alone with you so that you could embarrass and
humiliate me?

MAN: I really don’t think that was his intention.

KEITH: Shut up! This is my interview and you will speak to me only when I’ve asked you
a question. What has he promised you?

MAN: What? Nothing!

KEITH: You’re lying, I don’t even need to look at the machine, you’re lying. What did he
promise you?

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MAN: He promised…

KEITH: What?

MAN: That he would take care of me.

(PAUSE.)

KEITH: I should have known. All these years he said that my time was coming. Soon. And
I kept waiting and I stayed loyal. But it wasn’t the truth. He never thought I was
good enough and lied about it all these years till he found his special man. All
those interviews. Some of them going on for days.

MAN: Days?

KEITH: Oh, you don’t have to worry about that! Barely a few minutes and you’ve
charmed him. He’s poured you some Scotch and you’ve probably swapped
stories and jokes about sports and women. I bet he thinks I going to give you a
bad score out of spite. And he’ll ignore it and hire it anyway just to make me look
bad. Well, if you think that I’m going to let him mock me, you’re wrong. (Starts
scribbling in the notepad.) Let him hire you. And once you’re in my territory let’s see
how long you last.

(KEITH moves to the phone.)

(into phone) Will you let him know I’m done here? I have things to take care of.
Yes. Thank you.

(to MAN) I’ll be seeing you soon.

(KEITH exits.)

(MAN sits in silence for a moment. Then he begins to remove his straps. Gets up and walks
around. He take out his cellular phone and calls.)

MAN: Hi, it’s me. I’m still at the interview… we’ve just taken a break. I’m fine. No, it’s
just a lot more… stressful process than I thought it was going to be. No, it’s not
going badly, why would you say that? I just said it was stressful doesn’t mean it’s
going badly. Well, I think you should have a little more faith in me. I’ve been here
for twenty minutes now. I wouldn’t be in the interview for this long if they
weren’t interested in me, would I? Yes, I know how important this place is and I
know the trouble that was taken to get my application through. You’ve told me a
thousand times.

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(SECRETARY enters.)

Look, I can’t do this now. Bye.

SEC: He’s going to be in here soon. Can I get you anything?

MAN: Some water.

(Pause.)

SEC: There’s a jug of water right there.

MAN: No. Of course I saw that. It’s just…

SEC: Unless you want me to pour you a glass.

MAN: Oh no. I just… didn’t know if it was his personal jug and whether I should…

SEC: No, it’s quite alright.

MAN: I honestly didn’t know if I was allowed to even get up and take off the wires.

(PAUSE.)

SEC: You took them off yourself?

MAN: Yes. It wasn’t hard. I..

SEC: You weren’t given permission to get up?

MAN: There was no one here. I thought…Oh god… I’ll just sit back. No one needs to
know.

(SECRETARY starts laughing.)

SEC: Will you relax? You can’t take this all so seriously.

MAN: Right.

SEC: Besides, it looks like you’re going to be here a while so you better get
comfortable.

MAN: Thanks for the suggestion.

(PAUSE.)

SEC: Well, are you going to get some water or not?

22
MAN: Maybe later.

SEC: My God! They really got to you, didn’t they?

MAN: I just want to be careful. Made too many mistakes already.

SEC: You really need this job, don’t you?

MAN: I’m a bit desperate, yes. And this position they’re interviewing me for… It’s more
than anything I would have thought. And the corporation…

SEC: I know what you mean. I was in a similar situation not too long ago. Thankfully
interviews for secretaries are far more straightforward.

MAN: I’m sure.

SEC: And say what you want about this place. But if they like you, they’ll take good
care of you. And luckily, my boss likes me.

MAN: He seems satisfied with your work.

(Secretary does a double take to this but ignores it.)

SEC: Did Keith ask you his Lotus question?

MAN: Yeah he did.

SEC: And?

MAN: I got it right.

SEC: Ha! Serves him right.

MAN: It’s a very simple problem.

SEC: You’d be surprised. Most people get it wrong. Keith considers it the ace up his
sleeve. Though, what it has to do with a job interview I’ll never know.

(PAUSE.)

Will you pour yourself a glass already?

MAN: Maybe later…

SEC: For god’s sake! I’ll pour you a stupid glass.

MAN: Oh. Okay.

23
(SECRETARY pours him a glass.)

SEC: There you are.

(MAN drinks it all down at one go.)

MAN: Thank you.

SEC: Another one?

MAN: Yes, bartender.

SEC: If he does whine to you about how you’ve touched his precious water, you just
give a shout to me. I’ll handle him.

MAN: (chuckles.) I’m sure you will.

(She finds the statement odd. Then she glares at him.)

What?

SEC: He told you, didn’t he?

MAN: What?

SEC: That we’re seeing each other.

MAN: What? I don’t know what you’re talking about.

SEC: Are you going to tell me the truth or do I have to hook you up to that machine?
Did he or did he not tell you we were having an affair?

MAN: Yes. Yes he did.

SEC: What did he say exactly?

MAN: Nothing. Just that you were seeing each other. And he thinks you’re pretty.

SEC: And that he’s married with children and I’m his office slut?

MAN: That also, yes.

SEC: That shit!

MAN: I’m sure he was just saying some of that just to throw me off in the interview.

24
SEC: I told him a hundred times never to bring me up in his twisted little interviews. I
warned him. But he thinks he’s protected by that stupid piece of paper.

MAN: Piece of paper?

SEC: That confidentiality agreement you signed. He thinks he can say whatever’s on
his mind and no one will find out.

MAN: I’m sure he’s being careful.

SEC: I don’t care! I don’t want to be spoken about like that. Especially to complete
strangers.

MAN: I’m sorry.

SEC: I adore him, but sometimes he makes it so difficult. The situation isn’t easy as it
is. You do understand if you say anything about us to anyone, the lawyers will
make sure you regret it.

MAN: I do. I won’t say a word.

SEC: Okay. I’m going back to my desk now. He should be here any minute.

MAN: And I’ll get back to my interrogation. Thanks for… the water.

SEC: You’re welcome.

(SECRETARY exits.)

(MAN quickly moves to his chair. He quickly tries to put back all the cables and straps but has
difficulty untangling them. He finally manages to do so and puts all the wires in their place.
INTERVIEWER enters.)

INT: You been sitting there all this time?

MAN: Yes.

INT: But you managed to get yourself a drink of water.

MAN: Your secretary poured me a glass.

INT: That was very good of her. So… how did it go?

MAN: I thought it went pretty well.

INT: Let’s see what he’s written.

25
(HE picks up the file.)

Oh! Oh my… he’s given you an excellent score! It’s very strange of him. He’s
usually very disapproving of new applicants. But it seems he’s taken a strong
liking to you. This is very odd. Could it be that there’s a side to you that I’ve
missed?

MAN: He seemed excited by my answers.

INT: No. It’s something else. Keith is trying to undermine me. And he’s asked you to
help him.

MAN: What? No!

INT: How did you get this score?

MAN: Well. He asked me a question about a lotus…

INT: And you got it right?

MAN: Yes.

INT: Not bad. Not bad at all. But it still doesn’t warrant this kind of score. You are
planning something with him aren’t you. That little rat thinks he should have
moved up in this corporation. Well, not until I say so! I won’t defile the name of this
company by flooding upper management with unworthy individuals. I won’t have
it! And if you think you’re going to get past me with his help and then stab me in
the back when you’re through, well, you’re wrong!

MAN: I haven’t made any deal with Keith.

INT: I don’t believe you.

MAN: You can switch on the machine if you want.

(Pause.)

INT: You want me to switch on the machine?

MAN: If it’ll make you believe me.

INT: And if I switch it on you think I’ll believe you?

MAN: It’s a lie detector isn’t it?

26
INT: Is it?

MAN: Yes. That’s what you said. You’ve been using it all this time.

INT: (Laughs.) I’m really, really sorry. I didn’t give you enough credit. You really are a
clever fuck. I didn’t see it but Keith did. He has a gift, the little shit. And he made
a deal with you and now you both are trying to fuck with me.

MAN: I really don’t know…

INT: He told you the machine wasn’t real!

MAN: What?

INT: You can quit the act. You made a deal with him and he told you everything he
knows about my methods. The machine, the questions, what I want to hear.
What I really mean when I say things. Let me tell you that he knows nothing
about my methods! I change them every day! In this business you have to be
constantly evolving and that’s what I do!

MAN: I really haven’t made a deal with him.

INT: I don’t trust you. And if I don’t trust you, I won’t hire you.

MAN: I’m not lying to you! Really! What can I do to prove it?

INT: Prove your trust?

MAN: Yes. I’ll do anything you want.

INT: Really?

MAN: Yes. Anything.

(PAUSE.)

INT: Maybe there is something you can do for me. There is a personal matter that I
intended to take care of later today which would have caused some minor
discomfort but now that you’re here maybe you can save me the trouble.

MAN: Of course.

INT: I mentioned earlier that my secretary and I were having an affair. Well, I’ve
grown… bored of the arrangement. There’s nothing wrong with the girl- her
sexual skills are quite excellent, she keeps her body in the finest condition. It’s

27
 just that if one’s intention is to avoid the monotony of marriage, then having an
affair with the same woman beyond a period of time is quite redundant. So what I
want you to do its take care of her for me.

(PAUSE.)

MAN: Take care of her?

INT: Yes.

(PAUSE.)

MAN: You mean kill her?

INT: If you like, you could do that. That would cause unnecessary complications. I
was thinking more on the lines of you just having a talk with her.

MAN: And what would I say to her?

INT: Well, you would have to decide the exact choice of words but I basically need
you to tell her that it’s over between us, that it would be best if she vacate her
position as my secretary and that it would not be appropriate that she try and
find employment in this or any other department of this organization.

MAN: (Hesitant) Alright…

INT: You would also have to see that she takes this information in the best light
possible and ensure that she has no intention of causing any trouble like claims
of sexual harassment, attempts to contact my wife, things like that. Essentially, I
require a ‘clean’ break.

MAN: That might be difficult…

INT: If you complete said task, you will have earned my trust, ended this interview on
a high note and- taking Keith’s scores in account- you will have successfully
secured employment in this corporation.

MAN: If I do this, I get the job?

INT: Yes.

MAN: And what you promised? That you will take care of my financial troubles?

INT: I’m sure we can figure something out.

28
(PAUSE.)

MAN: Okay, I’ll do it.

INT: Splendid. I’ll leave you to it then.

MAN: What? Right now?

INT: I’m afraid it’s quite urgent. (Picks up the phone) I’m stepping outside for a while.
Please arrange some lunch for the applicant. Good luck.

(INTERVIEWER exits. SECRETARY enters.)

SEC: What would you like to have?

MAN: You’re going to order? Doesn’t this place have a canteen or something?

SEC Normally I’d take you to the canteen but he prefers people he interview not
leave this room till he’s done with them.

MAN: That seems harsh.

SEC You can use the toilets of course, but that’s about it.

MAN: I could lose my way. Wander into another room.

SEC I would have to escort you to and from the bathroom.

MAN: Of course you would.

SEC All part of the job.

MAN: Well, why do you do it?

SEC: I wouldn’t actually be going into the toilet with you…

MAN: No, I mean your job. It’s probably none of my business but you seem like the
kind of girl that would be bored with secretary work.

SEC The job has its fun moments.

MAN: I’m sure they’re few and far between.

SEC There are days where I get to walk into my bosses’ office and wire an
unsuspecting idiot to a lie detector.

MAN: I know it’s fake.

29
SEC: You should have seen your face when I connected you to the damned thing.

MAN: You really enjoy following these silly rules? Being part of these ludicrous
interviews? I bet Keith makes you run errands for him.

SEC: Sometimes. But it’s nothing worse than what you would do at any other desk
job.

MAN: You honestly believe that?

SEC: Name one job, an actual job where you don’t have crazy hours occasionally.
Where you don’t have to deal with difficult, abusive clients or customers. Where
you don’t have to sometimes run personal errands for your boss. Where…

MAN: I’ve never had to do those kinds of errands for any of my bosses.

(SECRETARY slaps MAN hard.)

SEC: Don’t you fucking talk about things you don’t know anything about.

MAN: Fuck! That hurt!

SEC: Good.

MAN: What do you actually like about your job?

SEC: Lots of things.

MAN: Like?

SEC: The money is good…

MAN: You’re a secretary. The pay can’t be that good.

SEC: I get some additional bonuses.

MAN: From your boyfriend boss.

SEC: He likes to pamper me. Buys me lots of gifts.

MAN: Maybe he likes to distract you with shiny things so you forget to ask him to leave
his wife.

SEC: What’s wrong with that? As long as I know what I’m getting myself into.

30
MAN: Nothing. But it’s not something you base your career on. (PAUSE.) Didn’t you
ever dream of wanting to do something else?

SEC: Of course. All of us did.

MAN: Like what?

SEC: I wanted to be a princess in a castle once.

MAN: A more realistic dream.

SEC: I’m living the most realistic one I’ve had. I’ll trade for the crown and castle any
day but till then I’m quite happy with this, thank you.

MAN: I think that’s a shame.

SEC: If this is such an awful place to work why are you here?

MAN: I’m applying for management. It’s a little different from what you’re doing.

SEC: Really? Is it worth putting yourself through insane process?

MAN: Yes.

SEC: Middle management? Where you basically do all the work while upper
management takes all the credit?

MAN: There are some additional incentives being thrown in.

SEC: I thought as much. (PAUSE.) Shit, you’re bruising.

MAN: It’s okay. I’ll survive.

SEC: But he’ll see it. I’m not allowed to hit you.

MAN: That’s a rule?

SEC: I don’t know. It’s seems like it would be. I’ll get some ice.

(SECRETARY goes to ice bucket.)

MAN: He wants to end it with you.

(SECRETARY stops.)

He wants you to quit your job and never work for this company again.

31
(PAUSE.)

(SECRETARY starts laughing.)

I’m serious.

SEC: I know you are.

MAN: I don’t think you do.

SEC: He’s scared. He can’t bear the thought of breaking up with me, so he’s sent you
to do it for him.

MAN: No, I’m sorry. He just doesn’t want to see you anymore.

SEC: He’s madly in love with me.

MAN: Now, you’re just being delusional. He has a wife. You said yourself you knew
what you were getting into.

SEC: You think I’m just his plaything. Is that what he told you? You have no idea. He
begged me for months to sleep with him. He writes me long painfully boring
poems every week. He behaves like a little schoolgirl with me. Now the fear of
his wife has finally caught up with him and he’s sent you to do what he can’t.

(PAUSE.)

Fine.

MAN: Fine, what?

SEC: He wants to end it, it’s no great loss for me.

MAN: And you’ll quit?

SEC: Fuck no.

MAN: You want to continue working for him?

SEC: You tell him that if he’s too devastated to be around me, he can transfer me to
another department. A higher department. With better pay.

MAN: If he fired you, you would…

SEC: Yes.

32
MAN: Claim sexual harassment.

SEC: And call his wife. Though I think ‘sexual abuse’ is more dramatic. Don’t you?

MAN: There’s no other option we can work out?

SEC: If he can afford to pay me a full salary out of his own pocket while I sit at home, I
have no complaints.

MAN: And if that paycheck stopped coming in, you would…

SEC
and MAN: Call his wife.

MAN: Of course. What if he got you a good job somewhere else?

SEC: No. If he wants to get rid of me then he’s got to be responsible for me as well.

(PAUSE.)

You got anymore offers I’m going to say no to?

INT: Well, I…

(KEITH enters with a file.)

KEITH: Will you make sure he takes a look at these as soon as he gets back?

(PAUSE.)

Is there a problem?

SEC: (Takes the file.) None. So fried rice from the canteen will be fine?

MAN: Sounds good.

(SECRETARY exits.) (Keith walks into room and takes seat.)

(PAUSE.)

KEITH: So how’s the interview going?

MAN: Alright.

KEITH: Good. Good.

(PAUSE.)

33
 I’m serious. Really. Look, I’m sorry about earlier. Really stressful week. You
understand? I simply took it out on you. I mean you just got here. And I assume
that you’re conspiring against me. (LAUGHS.) I’m sorry.

MAN: Apology accepted.

KEITH: So, where has he gone off to now?

MAN: Oh he stepped outside for some work.

KEITH: Really? That’s the second time he’s left you. When did he say he’d be back?

MAN: Soon.

KEITH: You know what I think? I think he’s gone upstairs to tell all the executives about
you. What a fine candidate he’s found.

MAN: I’m sure he’s just-

KEITH: And maybe, just maybe, he’s marched into the CEO’s office and announced that
he’s found the man that’s going to take a piss on him and steal his job.

(PAUSE.)

MAN: You heard everything she and I just said, didn’t you?

(PAUSE.)

KEITH: I thought the part where you asked her to follow her dreams was quite cute.

MAN: You eavesdrop often?

KEITH: Very important skill if you want to get ahead in this place. And if you want to get
good at it you have to practice.

MAN: I’m sure you’re an expert by now.

KEITH: Don’t even bother, you’re only flattering me.

MAN: So you knew about the two of them?

KEITH: I knew he was after her the day he hired her. Of course, back then I admired him
for it. Thought he was quite a man, handpicking his own piece of ass. But the
truth is he’s just her little bitch. And now, so are you.

MAN: I know what I’m doing.

34
KEITH: I bet he promised you everything if you got this done for him. He conned you
into thinking he loved you and then slipped in this little task for you. And if you
fail, you get nothing. Am I right?

MAN: You’ve come to watch me crash and burn.

KEITH: What can I say? I love a good show. Can’t really blame you. You’ve been put in a
no-win situation. You think if it was so simple for him to get rid of her, he
wouldn’t have done it by now?

(PAUSE.)

MAN: Maybe. But I thought I’d give her the chance anyway.

KEITH: You thought you’d give her ‘a chance’? For what?

MAN: To live.

(PAUSE.)

KEITH: What is that supposed to mean?

MAN: You know very well what that means.

KEITH: No I don’t. Explain it.

MAN: You know.

KEITH: No.

MAN: Yes you do.

KEITH: No I don’t.

MAN: Of course you-

KEITH: JUST FUCKING SAY IT!

MAN: (LAUGHS.)You really don’t know do you? Look at you. You’re scared shitless.
What are you doing in this place? You think this company has become what it is
without casualties? You think it’s got this far by letting secretaries blackmail their
prized workers?

KEITH: You’re fucking bullshitting me.

35
MAN This is an unacceptable inconvenience and I’m just getting rid of it, that’s all. Do
you break into a sweat every time you have to take a hard decision? No wonder
he’s never promoted you. You’re not ready for the responsibility.

KEITH: I can handle any of the workings of this company.

MAN: And yet you’re terrified of what it does on a daily basis.

KEITH: We don’t do that kind of thing here.

MAN: Of course you don’t.

KEITH: You’re lying. I know it. If you were going to kill her you wouldn’t have told me.

MAN: You’re right. I shouldn’t have told you. I thought you’d understand what needed
to be done. It doesn’t matter. (Moves towards KEITH.) I have no problems with
covering up my mistakes.

KEITH: Are you threatening me?

MAN: I think you should leave this room.

KEITH: You’re mad! You’re crazy! He can’t hire you!

MAN: Leave now.

(SECRETARY Enters with a tray of food.)

Oh! Back so soon! Just as well. I have something important to discuss with you.
(Turns to Keith.) Keith, if you’ll excuse us.

(KEITH rushes out. MAN starts hyperventilating and goes for the nearest seat. Takes a moment
to fathom what he’s just done. Secretary moves in and she silently lays out the food on the
table.)

SEC: I’m sorry I hit you.

MAN: No. I deserved more.

SEC: What did that creep want?

MAN: He overheard everything.

SEC: That shit! I should have guessed.

MAN: He came to gloat. To tell me that I was in a no-win situation.

36
SEC: And what did you tell him?

(MAN Laughs uncontrollably.)

SEC: What?

(MAN has difficulty speaking through the laughter.)

SEC: For god’s sake what is it?

MAN: (gathers himself.) I told him… I told him… that I was going to kill you. You
should… You should have seen the look on his face! I don’t think I’ve seen
anyone so terrified!

(Laughter dies down.)

SEC: But you’re not. Right?

MAN: What? Of course not!

SECRETARY: OK.

(PAUSE.)

Because, if you tried, I would fucking break your neck.

MAN: I know.

(PAUSE.)

I’m sorry too.

SECRETARY: What are you going to do about it?

MAN: I need this job.

SEC: Even after all this?

MAN: Even after all this.

SEC: Then convince him that my offer is reasonable.

MAN: I need help. Something. Anything that will help me get through to him.

SEC: He loves me. You could use that.

MAN: He doesn’t show it.

37
SEC: Trust me.

MAN: Do you love him?

SEC: No. It’s a constant struggle not to. But I know how these situations end. And
people in my position, it never works out for us.

MAN: I could try and change his m-

SEC: Just convince him not to try to fire me. You can get your job and go back to your
life.

(SECRETARY EXITS.)

(MAN takes out his cell phone. Dials.)

MAN: Hi. No, no, it’s still going on. I don’t know why, it just is. But… the thing is… I’m
not sure about this place. No, no I’m doing very well, really. I just… I don’t know if
this is the place for me. I know. I know what our situation is. You don’t have to tell
me, okay? I’ve been living it too. Don’t you think I want to handle my
responsibilities? I just don’t think this place is the solution… I… (PAUSE.) I know…
(PAUSE.) I know… (PAUSE.) Do you have to bring that up every time? I’m aware of…
(PAUSE.) Yes. (PAUSE.) No you’re right… I said you’re right, didn’t I? Okay,
someone’s coming, I have to go.

(INTERVIEWER enters.)

INT: Is it done?

MAN: Not yet.

INT: Why do you have a bruise on your face?

MAN: She’s agreed to end it but she wants her job here.

INT: That’s not the terms that were given to you.

MAN: I understand, but she’s not going to cause any trouble as long as you don’t fire
her.

INT: That’s unacceptable.

MAN: She said she would consider a promotion in the same building.

INT: Really?

38
MAN: Yes! You could find her another job in the building and make sure she is taken
care of in the company and you can have your break up.

INT: No! Unacceptable. I can’t… I won’t have it.

MAN: But I…

INT: I don’t want to hear another word. You failed to complete the simplest of tasks.
It seems you’re not right for this organization. I think you should leave now.

(PAUSE.)

MAN: No.

INT: No?

MAN: No. You were supposed to give me a full interview. Instead you made me run a
personal errand.

INT: The task was given to you so that one could assess your ability to handle your
negotiation skills in a high pressure situation. It’s clear you aren’t fit for the job.

MAN: Why, because I couldn’t get rid of your dirty laundry?

INT: This tone you are taking with me is unacceptable.

MAN: I want to complete my interview.

INT: What?

MAN: You’re supposed to give me a full interview, that’s what you said. I’m sure you
had a lot more personal questions and fake machines to hook up to me.

INT: You realize that after all this, there is no way you can ever work in this
organization?

MAN: I’ll take my chances.

(PAUSE.)

INT: Very well. Have a seat.

MAN: Of course, now, you can’t trick me into being honest. That must really ruin things
for you.

INT: I don’t need a machine. I can read through your lies.

39
MAN: Well, go ahead then.

INT: All right. Here’s a little puzzle for you. A man walks into a bar and he goes to the
bartender and asks for something. The bartender instead takes out a gun-

MAN: I don’t want to answer that.

INT: You’ll answer what I ask you.

MAN: It isn’t relevant. I’m not going to answer that.

INT: I’ll be the judge of that.

MAN: Nothing you’ve asked me so far has been relevant. Not the animal rubbish. Or
my private life. I’ll bet all that nonsense about beverages and zodiac signs was
part of the interview too.

INT: I think your inappropriate behavior in your previous place of work is very
relevant.

MAN: And you would be the best judge of that, wouldn’t you?

INT: I think asking you why you want to work here is as straightforward a question as
they come.

MAN: That’s true. And I’d like to answer that again. Don’t think I was being completely
accurate the last time.

INT: Oh?

MAN: You see, when I said that I believed you were ruthless, I meant it. But not as a
compliment. I want to be part of this place because a few years down the line,
when you’ve grown and grown and grown and this country is crushed
underneath your weight, the only thing that’s going to be left standing is what
you’ve built. So basically when that day comes, I don’t want to be out there. I
want to be in here.

INT: That’s a very bleak exaggeration of things.

MAN: You can barely name one facet of people’s lives right now that you don’t control.

INT: You said that was an aspect that was admirable.

MAN: The pyramids are admirable. Doesn’t change the fact that they were built from
the blood of slaves.

40
INT: So that’s your extremely inventive theory? That we are evil? Surely you
understand that we are a publicly traded company. We have thousands of
shareholders. We only carry out their wishes.

MAN: You can be a nun, you can be a social worker, you can be Mother fucking Teresa.
But the day you buy stock, all you want is for the value to go up. No one cares
how it happens. “Our shareholders are our conscience” is the stupidest thing I’ve
ever heard.

INT: You sound like one of ‘them’.

MAN: I just believe in a little moderation, that’s all.

INT: You believe insulting the very principles of this company is going to help your
case?

MAN: I’m saying that I have no illusions of what is done here. It’ll help me do my job
better.

INT: A ridiculous theory, but I’ll note it down.

MAN: Why is it ridiculous?

INT: Because if you don’t believe completely in something, you can’t be a part of it.
Take this country for instance. If you don’t believe the cause of the country is
just. If for a second you believe that there is even the slightest truth in anything
its enemies say-

MAN: Why are you so afraid of her?

INT: I beg your pardon?

MAN: If you don’t care for her. If she means that little to you, then there really
shouldn’t be a problem if she stays on as your secretary.

INT: She’s a child. You don’t think after I’ve broken her heart she’ll try and cause
complications for me? Repeatedly beg me to take her back? Cause a scene in
front of everyone? I can’t have that.

MAN: That's bullshit and you know it. Even if you didn’t want any contact with her you
could easily get her a better position here.

INT: I can’t do that.

41
MAN: You? The Almighty You? Can’t get her pushed up the ladder a little?

INT: That’s not the problem…

MAN: Then what!?

INT: You don’t understand! I cannot have her in this building! I could send her all the
way to the ground floor and it wouldn’t change a thing. Just knowing that she’s
here… I look at her and all I want to do is… hold her close to me. To smell her
neck. To hear her laugh softly into my ear. A laugh for me and no one else. She
speaks to me and infects my brain and I forget everything. My purpose, my
responsibilities, my stature; everything I struggled for my whole life for seems
meaningless. And when I’m alone with her in her bed, naked, holding her with all
my life because I’m literally terrified of not feeling her warmth I think of my life
and how it’s wrong and how I hate it and how everything has to be destroyed.
Not changed, not modified, destroyed. And after I’ve destroyed my career,
abandoned my family and set this office on fire, I erect a new life like a shrine for
the sole purpose of worshipping her. And only after this is done, only after all the
destruction and suffering will I find a contentment that I never knew I needed.

MAN: Sir…

INT: Yes?

MAN: What’s wrong with that?

INT: What?

MAN: It sounds like she makes you happy. What’s wrong with it?

INT: Because accepting that my life is nothing without her means accepting that my
life is nothing without her.

(PAUSE.)

MAN: That intern I told you about? We’re going to get married in three months.

(PAUSE.)

INT: You never mentioned this.

MAN: I didn’t exactly treat her very romantically in the beginning. I was ashamed to tell
you. After I lost my job... It was the only good thing I had in my life and I had lost
that. And then one day she called to say how sorry she was and that she had lost

42
 her job too and maybe we could meet and tell each other how unemployment
was driving us insane. I couldn’t believe she wanted to see me again, let alone
speak to me. And we met and it was amazing and I had never had that much fun
in a long time. An hour into it she started crying. And she said to me, “Couldn’t
you have bought me flowers?” “Couldn’t you have told me I was pretty?”
“Couldn’t you have just kissed me on the cheek and whispered in my ear that
you wanted me?”

INT: Why are you telling me this?

MAN: I can’t remember. Something about bad choices and finding love… I think. The
point is I’m happy. All because a woman who I treated horribly decided to take a
chance on me anyway.

INT: And would you do anything for her?

MAN: I’m still here, aren’t I?

INT: (LAUGHS.) Well put. It looks like I have some soul searching to do.

MAN: You’re not breaking up with her?

INT: No. At least not yet.

MAN: That’s something.

(PAUSE.)

So, do we continue with this interview, or…?

INT: No, I think we’re done.

MAN: You know, those last few things I said were just to work you up so I could bring
up your relationship.

INT: I know.

MAN: Good. Because I really could use not having that reflect on my-

INT: I think you’ve shown some fine resourcefulness under pressure.

MAN: Okay. Thank you. So?

INT: I’ll still need till the end of the day to review my notes. But I think you’ve done
splendidly.

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(Extends his hand. Man Shakes it.)

MAN: Thank you.

(KEITH enters.)

KEITH: Let go of his hand! You don’t need him!

INT: Keith, what is the meaning of this?

KEITH: You were right. I wondered all these time why you never had me promoted. And
then he walks in here and all of a sudden he’s your special boy.

INT: Keith…

KEITH: And then he told me why I was overlooked. At first I didn’t believe it but I
understand now. I’ve been weak. I’ve been too scared to do what was necessary.
But not anymore. I’m ready. And you won’t need him.

INT: What are you talking about?

KEITH: I took care of your problem.

INT: What problem?

KEITH: Your problem. The problem you gave him to fix. But I beat him to it. See? I’m
dependable now.

MAN: Why do you have scratches on your face?

KEITH: I didn’t have time to plan it like you. It wasn’t what I was going to do at all. I
called her into my office and I thought I could offer her some money to make her
just go away. But then she started insulting me and belittling me, that bitch. And
I don’t know how but I just did it.

MAN: Oh my god.

INT: What did you do?

KEITH: I grabbed her throat. I wasn’t thinking, I just did it. But then I saw her face and
that I was hurting her and I came to my senses and I couldn’t believe what I was
doing. I was scared but then I told myself, “You can do this. If he can… You can do
this.” She attacked me, scratched at me. Nearly fucking blinded me. But I kept
strong and I improvised. I pinned her down, used my knees. And it didn’t take as
long as I thought it would. She just went.

44
(INT lunges at Keith and knocks him to the ground. MAN tries to pull him off KEITH.)

INT: WHAT DID YOU DO? You FUCKING MONSTER!

KEITH: What? But I…

INT: I’M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU! LET ME GO!

KEITH: No, wait… I don’t understand. I thought it was what you wanted.

INT: WHAT I WANTED?!?! ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE!

KEITH: But I… I was fixing your problem.

INT: WHAT?!

KEITH: You had a problem. And now I’ve fixed it.

(PAUSE. INT stops his assault and breaks away.)

INT: You did… didn’t you? You fixed it.

MAN: What are you saying?

INT: I couldn’t. I wouldn’t have been able to leave everything for her. I was never
going to happen. You had me there for a while, but it was never going to happen.

MAN: She’s dead! He murdered her!

INT: And we must sure that no one knows how it happened.

MAN: You can’t be serious! I won’t… I can’t be silent about this. I’ll tell…

INT: No one. You can’t tell anyone. You signed a confidentiality agreement,
remember? Nothing that happens in this interview can be spoken of to anyone.
Unless you want the full force of our legal department to come down on you. With
the resources they have you can’t imagine what they can do to everything that’s
important to you. And I know what’s most important to you. You’ve been very
generous with information about your personal life.

MAN: This isn’t happening… it can’t be…

INT: But you did well and the job is yours. So are you going to throw away everything
I’ve promised? Or are you do your job and stay loyal to us?

(MAN simply nods.)

45
INT: Good. Keith, where is she?

MAN: In my office.

INT: Dispose of her with the utmost care and you will have proven yourself. He’ll help
you with whatever you need. (Collects his briefcase.) It’s been a long stressful
day. I think I should go home and be with my family. Do not contact me unless
something goes horribly wrong.

(INTERVIEWER exits.)

MAN: The authorities will find out about this.

KEITH: The authorities will be handled. We do it every day. Now come on, I’m going to
need help lifting her.

MAN: I just need a minute.

KEITH: Hurry up, my office is down the hall.

(KEITH exits.)

(MAN sits down, breaks down and starts crying. His cell phone rings. He answers.)

MAN: Hi… No, I can talk. What? No? Nothing’s wrong. I’m fine. I’m just…

Sweetheart…I got the job.

(BLACKOUT.)

46