Chapter 1 – Introduction to Emotional Intelligence

What are Emotions?

An emotion is a natural instinctive state of mind deriving from one's circumstances, mood, or relationships
with others.

Some positive emotions: Love, Appreciation, Happiness, Hope, Enthusiasm, Confidence, Gratitude,
Patient, Trust, Vulnerable, Optimistic, Appreciative.

Some negative emotions: Fear, Anger, Guilt, Depression, Jealousy, Anxiety, Resentment, Envy,
Frustration, Shame, Offended, Regret, Resentful, Sad, Worried.

Different kinds of emotions:

Emotions are consists of:

• Subjective feeling : That is how the individual interprets what they are feeling at any point. These
are inner personal experiences. Subjective feelings in response to an emotion cannot be readily
observed.
• Expressive behavior: This refers to the outward signs that an emotion is being experienced. Such
behavior can be intentional or unintentional and includes facial expressions as well as body
language.
• Physiological responses: This involves bodily changes which occur when we experience an
emotion. This involves the operation of the brain as well as the Autonomic Nervous system and
it also involves the cells in our body. It is often our awareness of the arousal that makes us
suddenly aware that we are experiencing an emotion.

Functions of emotions:

• Arousal - Emotions arouse us to move and take action.

• Motivation – Emotions motivate people to engage in actions that are important for survival. For
e.g. : disgust‘ (an emotion) motivates us to avoid dangerous or harmful things such as rotten food.
excitement‘ (again an emotion) motivates us to take on situations in which we require energy &
initiative like tackling a new career.

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 • Adaptive functions - Emotional responses provide us with adaptive responses that assist us in
coping with particular situations. One researcher who has pushed this line is Ledoux. While his
study focuses on fear, he suggests that various emotional responses are designed to ensure we
respond in appropriate ways in order to ensure our survival.
• Adding color to our lives - This may not be all that scientific but it does take in the fact that
expression of emotions through art, poetry and literature provides us with much that underpins
the sense of being human. Along with that, the expression of emotions from day to day with
people adds color too!
• Regulating social interactions - Identifying the emotions that others are feeling through their
facial expressions and body language and tone of voice enables us to work out the way to
respond. It regulates how we respond to ours and other people's emotions which enhances social
interactions.

Factors influencing Emotions

• Personality • Exercise
• Weather • Age
• Stress • Gender
• Social activities • Health
• Sleep

What is Emotional Intelligence?

• Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the ability to identify, use, understand, and manage emotions in
positive ways to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome
challenges, and defuse conflict. Emotional intelligence impacts many different aspects of your
daily life, such as the way you behave and the way you interact with others.
• If you have a high emotional intelligence you are able to recognize your own emotional state and
the emotional states of others and engage with people in a way that draws them to you. You can
use this understanding of emotions to relate better to other people, form healthier relationships,
achieve greater success at work, and lead a more fulfilling life.

Attributes of Emotional Intelligence

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 Self-awareness – People with high emotional intelligence are usually very self-aware. They understand
their emotions, and because of this, they don't let their feelings rule them. They're confident – because
they trust their intuition and don't let their emotions get out of control.
They're also willing to take an honest look at themselves. They know their strengths and weaknesses, and
they work on these areas so they can perform better. Many people believe that this self-awareness is
the most important part of emotional intelligence.
Self-management – This is the ability to control emotions and impulses. People who self-regulate typically
don't allow themselves to become too angry or jealous, and they don't make impulsive, careless
decisions. They think before they act. Characteristics of self-regulation are thoughtfulness, comfort with
change, integrity, and the ability to say no.
Social awareness – You can understand the emotions, needs, and concerns of other people, pick up on
emotional cues, feel comfortable socially, and recognize the power dynamics in a group or organization.
Empathy – This is perhaps the second-most important element of emotional intelligence. Empathy is the
ability to identify with and understand the wants, needs, and viewpoints of those around you. People
with empathy are good at recognizing the feelings of others, even when those feelings may not be
obvious. As a result, empathetic people are usually excellent at managing relationships, listening, and
relating to others. They avoid stereotyping and judging too quickly, and they live their lives in a very open,
honest way.
Motivation – People with a high degree of emotional intelligence are usually motivated. They're willing
to defer immediate results for long-term success. They're highly productive, love a challenge, and are
very effective in.

Why Emotional Intelligence are so important?

It‘s not the smartest people that are most successful in life. There are many people who are academically
brilliant and yet are socially unsuccessful at work or in their personal life. Intellectual intelligence or IQ
isn‘t enough to be successful in life. IQ can help you get into college but it‘s EQ that will help you manage
the stress and emotions of sitting your final exams.
Emotional intelligence affects:
• Your performance at work : Emotional intelligence can help you navigate the social complexities
of the workplace, lead and motivate others, and excel in your career. In fact, when it comes to
selecting job candidates, many companies now view emotional intelligence as being as important
as technical ability and require EQ testing before hiring.
• Your physical health : If you‘re unable to manage your stress levels, it can lead to serious health
problems. Uncontrolled stress can raise blood pressure, suppress the immune system, increase
the risk of heart attack and speed up the aging process.
• Your mental health : Uncontrolled stress can also impact your mental health, making you
vulnerable to anxiety and depression. If you are unable to understand and manage your
emotions, you‘ll also be open to mood swings, also leaving you feeling lonely and isolated.
• Your relationships : By understanding your emotions and how to control them, you‘re better able
to express how you feel and understand how others are feeling. This allows you to communicate
more effectively and building stronger relationships, both at work and in your personal life.

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 Why Emotional Quotient(EQ) is better than Intelligence Quotient (IQ)

• Emotional intelligence is one of the best predictors of success. In fact, many studies show that
emotional intelligence is a better indicator to success than a higher IQ (intelligence quotient).
Take for instance Richard Branson who is dyslexic who couldn't read and write as well as his other
classmates in school, but he became one of the richest men in the world.
• The main reason why emotional intelligence is a better indicator is because it shows how much
a person can manage and change his daily actions in everyday life.
• Another big difference between EQ and IQ is that it measures how you manage and react with
other people. To lead or create a successful business, you need to be able to have effective and
efficient workers to do your work. To do this effectively, you have to get people working together
harmoniously and this requires you to manage many people's emotions. A high emotional
intelligent person can manage this efficiently compared to a low EQ person.

How to raise your Emotional Intelligence?

To improve your emotional intelligence, you need to understand and control the emotional side of your
brain. This will help prevent you from continually repeating earlier mistakes, also enhances your decision-
making ability & helps in expanding your range of choices when it comes to responding to a new event.
This is done by developing five key skills.
Developing emotional intelligence through five key skills
• Skill 1: The ability to quickly reduce stress.
• Skill 2: The ability to recognize and manage your emotions.
• Skill 3: The ability to connect with others using nonverbal communication.
• Skill 4: The ability to use humor and play to deal with challenges.
• Skill 5: Resolve conflict positively

Skill 1: The ability to quickly reduce stress.

High levels of stress can overwhelm the mind and body which disables you
to be aware of your own feelings and needs, and communicate clearly. Being able to quickly calm yourself
down and relieve stress helps you stay balanced, focused, and in control–no matter what challenges you
face or how stressful a situation becomes.
Develop your stress busting skills by working through the following three steps :
• Realize when you’re stressed – The first step to reducing stress is recognizing what stress feels like.
How does your body feel when you‘re stressed? Are your muscles or stomach tight or sore? Are your
hands clenched? Is your breath shallow? Being aware of your physical response to stress will help
regulate tension when it occurs.
• Identify your stress response – Everyone reacts differently to stress like if you tend to become angry
or agitated under stress, you will respond best to stress relief activities that quiet you down, If you
tend to become depressed, you will respond best to stress relief activities that are stimulating. So,
identify your stress response.
• Discover the stress-busting techniques that work for you – The best way to reduce stress quickly is
engaging in activities that are soothing or energizing to you. For example, if you‘re a visual person
you can relieve stress by surrounding yourself with uplifting images. If you respond more to sound,
you may find a wind chime, a favorite piece of music, or the sound.

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 Skill 2: The ability to recognize and manage your emotions.
Being aware of your emotions and how they influence your thoughts and actions—is the key of
understanding yourself and others. Many people are disconnected from their emotions, they are in a
habit of shutting them off.
Although we can deny our feelings, but we can‘t eliminate them. They‘re still there, whether we‘re aware
of them or not. Unfortunately, without emotional awareness, we are unable to fully understand our own
motivations and needs, or to communicate effectively with others.
What kind of a relationship do you have with your emotions?
• Do you experience feelings that flow one after another from moment to moment?
• Are your emotions accompanied by physical sensations that you experience in places like your
stomach or chest?
• Do you experience discrete feelings and emotions, such as anger, sadness, fear, joy, each of which is
evident in subtle facial expressions?
• Can you experience intense feelings that are strong enough to capture both your attention and that
of others?
• Do you pay attention to your emotions? Do they factor into your decision making?
If any of these experiences are familiar, you must reconnect to your core emotions, accept them, and
become comfortable with them in order to be

Skill 3: The ability to connect with others using nonverbal communication.

Being a good communicator requires more than just verbal skills. Often, what you say is less important
than how you say it or the other nonverbal signals you send out—the gestures you make, the way you
sit, how fast or how loud you talk, how close you stand, how much eye contact you make. In order to hold
the attention of others and build connection and trust, you need to be aware of and in control of this
body language. You also need to be able to accurately read and respond to the nonverbal cues that other
people send you.
Foe e.g., If you insist ―I‘m fine‖, while clenching your teeth and looking away, your body is clearly
signaling the opposite. So, your nonverbal messages have such power that can produce a sense of
interest, trust, excitement, and desire for connection—or they can generate fear, confusion, distrust, and
disinterest.
Tips for improving nonverbal communication:
• Focus on the other person. If you are planning what you‘re going to say next, daydreaming, or
thinking about something else, you are almost certain to miss nonverbal cues in the conversation.
• Make eye contact. Eye contact can communicate interest, maintain the flow of a conversation, and
help gauge the other person‘s response.
• Pay attention to nonverbal cues you‘re sending and receiving, such as facial expressions, tone of
voice, posture and gestures, touch, and the timing & pace of the conversation.

Skill 4: The ability to use humor and play to deal with challenges.
Humor, laughter, and play are natural antidotes to life‘s difficulties. They lighten your burdens and help
you keep things in perspective. A good hearty laugh reduces stress, elevates mood, and brings your
nervous system back into balance.
Playful communication broadens your emotional intelligence and helps you:
• Take hardships in stride- By allowing you to view your frustrations and disappointments from new
perspectives, laughter and play, enable you to survive hard times and setbacks.
• Smooth over differences- Using gentle humor often helps you say things that might be otherwise
difficult to express.
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 • Relax and energize yourself- Playful communication relieves fatigue and relaxes your body & mind,
which allows you to recharge and accomplish more.
How to develop playful communication:
• Try spending regular quality playtime. The more you joke, play, and laugh—the easier it becomes.
• Find enjoyable activities that loosen you up and help you embrace your playful nature.

Skill 5: Resolve Conflicts Positively

Conflicts and disagreements are inevitable in relationships. Two people can‘t possibly have the same
needs, opinions, and expectations at all times. Resolving conflicts in a healthy & constructive way can
strengthen trust between people.
The ability to manage conflicts in a positive, trust-building way is supported by the previous four skills of
emotional intelligence. Once you know how to manage stress, stay emotionally aware, communicate
nonverbally, and use humor and play, you‘ll be better equipped to handle emotionally-charged situations
and handle many issues before they escalate.
Tips for resolving conflicts in a trust-building way:
• Stay focused in the present- When you are not holding on to old hurts and resentments, you can
recognize the reality of a current situation and view it as a new opportunity for resolving old feelings
about conflicts.
• Forgive- Other people‘s hurtful behavior is in the past. To resolve conflict, you need to give up the
urge to punish or seek revenge.
• End conflicts that can't be resolved- It takes two people to keep an argument going. You can choose
to disengage from a conflict, even if you still disagree.

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