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How To Not Take Things Personally

The document discusses why people tend to take things personally and provides tips for how to stop doing so. It explains that it is natural to want social approval but that constantly seeking it can hinder us. It then outlines some common reasons people take comments personally, such as negative self-talk, childhood trauma, anxiety, or perfectionism. The document advises being aware of signs you may be taking things too personally like apologizing excessively or getting easily defensive. While occasionally taking comments personally can make relationships stronger, regularly feeling upset is unhealthy. The document suggests practicing resilience, giving people the benefit of the doubt, affirming your strengths, and using mindfulness or journaling to learn not to take comments too

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1K views

How To Not Take Things Personally

The document discusses why people tend to take things personally and provides tips for how to stop doing so. It explains that it is natural to want social approval but that constantly seeking it can hinder us. It then outlines some common reasons people take comments personally, such as negative self-talk, childhood trauma, anxiety, or perfectionism. The document advises being aware of signs you may be taking things too personally like apologizing excessively or getting easily defensive. While occasionally taking comments personally can make relationships stronger, regularly feeling upset is unhealthy. The document suggests practicing resilience, giving people the benefit of the doubt, affirming your strengths, and using mindfulness or journaling to learn not to take comments too

Uploaded by

Nadeem Iqbal
Copyright
© © All Rights Reserved
We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.
Available Formats
Download as DOCX, PDF, TXT or read online on Scribd
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How to Not Take Things Personally

By 
Barbara Field 
Updated on October 01, 2022
 Medically reviewed by 
Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD

It’s natural to want to be respected. After all, humans are social


animals and we want to be valued by our fellow tribe members. So,
it's only natural that criticism can sting and cause emotional pain.

In fact, scientists in one recent study looked closely at responses to


both approving and disapproving videos involving social evaluation.
Researchers analyzed the activity of 37 participants while they
watched videos in which people expressed positive, negative, and
neutral statements that tapped into basic emotions. Results showed
that “criticism hurt everybody.”

While some comments or actions are actually offensive, if you find


that your feelings are hurt very often or you tend to assume that
someone meant to cause you emotional harm, it's possible that
you're prone to taking things too personally.

Read on to learn why people take things personally, how to know


when you're taking something too personally, and how to identify
the instances in which taking things personally can actually benefit
you. You'll also learn how to take things less personally.

What Causes People to Take Things Personally?


It’s normal to care about what others think about us but not to the
point where it hinders us. The causes of why we take things
personally stem from a variety of factors:

 Negative self talk. We might constantly tell ourselves we’re


not good enough or it’s always our fault. So, in the face of ugly
comments, we’ll easily believe negative things said about us.
 Childhood trauma. Lack of emotional support in childhood
and being blamed as a child by parents can contribute to our
feelings that we deserve to be mocked or humiliated.
 Poor self-esteem. People with low self-esteem sometimes
worry too much about what others think. They may very well
take things too personally.
 Anxiety disorders. Those who have social anxiety are
extremely afraid of being judged and embarrassed.
 Perfectionism. Perfectionists have a hard time when others
talk about their flaws as they have unrealistic standards about
what they should be.
 Stress or fatigue. When you're not in the best mood, you
may be more prone to misinterpreting someone's comments.
 Emotional sensitivity. If you're a highly sensitive person,
you may take things more personally.

How to Know When You're Taking Something Too


Personally
We often overlook the compliments we receive like, “Oh, you look
nice today.” Sometimes we spend too much energy on the
shortcomings people talk about.

For example, you might have gotten upset after your boss said
you’re not yet ready to handle a bigger project. With a different
perspective, you could’ve reframed what he said as constructive
criticism instead.

Signs You May Take Things Too Personally

Here are some signs that others’ opinions are having negative
effects on you:

 You depend on the approval of other people to make you


happy.
 You apologize needlessly and are a people pleaser.
 You don’t set or maintain boundaries as a rule.
 You’re afraid to say "no" to requests.
 You believe all harsh comments about yourself and take them
to heart.
 You view a mistake in behavior as your own character flaw.
 You get defensive or angry easily.
 You obsess over recent conversations to the point where it
interferes with daily activities.

With rumination, you’re holding onto a perceived critical


conversation way too long. For some, replaying what happened
enables them to imagine giving a different response. For others,
rumination reminds them of their own weakness. Overthinking can
become disempowering. Rumination can occur with conditions
like obsessive-compulsive disorder.

According to one study, rumination can magnify and prolong


negative moods and interfere with problem-solving, impact levels of
people’s anxiety and depression. It can also interfere with and limit
the effectiveness of psychological interventions. Rumination was
also shown to worsen people’s stress levels.

Benefits of Taking Things Personally


This might sound surprising, but there are positive aspects to taking
things personally. By taking things personally, family and friends or
those in meaningful relationships with us, are cued into what hurts
us. When equipped with this knowledge, they may modify their
behavior so that they don't offend you.

It’s also humanizing and humbling to get your feelings a little hurt
every now and then. You can then learn how to overcome your
distress, which only makes you more resilient in the future.

How to Stop Taking Things Personally


After someone offends you, here are a few techniques you might
use so you don’t go home feeling upset:

 Practice emotional resilience.
 Give people the benefit of the doubt because it's possible that
you misunderstood what they were saying.
 Ask the person to clarify what they've said.
 Stop worrying about what others think about you.
 Give yourself credit for your strengths.
 Try mindfulness so that you can stay in the present and relieve
stress.
 Journal your thoughts.
 Repeat positive affirmations to yourself.
 Seek mental health treatment with a licensed therapist.

A Word From Verywell


It's normal to take things personally every now and then. However,
if you find that you're regularly feeling upset or offended by other
people's comments, it'll begin to impact your own mental health.
So, it's important to learn how to recognize when your reaction is
out of proportion to a comment or perceived slight. Of course, if
you're experiencing verbal abuse or notice that someone is actually
trying to hurt your feelings, it's time to re-evaluate your relationship
with that person. If you need assistance in discerning between
minor criticisms versus emotional abuse, seek help from a therapist.

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