THE

NARCISSIST'S
PLAYBOOK
Understanding the Ways
Narcissists Abuse Their Victims

KATHERINE
KLEIS
 THE NARCISSIST'S PLAYBOOK:
UNDERSTANDING THE 11 WAYS
NARCISSISTS ABUSE THEIR VICTIMS

INTRODUCTION
If you are reading this playbook, it is likely that you have experienced narcissistic
abuse or know someone who has. Narcissistic abuse can be difficult to identify
and even more challenging to overcome. It can leave you feeling confused, hurt,
and isolated. However, understanding the most common tactics used by
narcissists is the first step in protecting yourself, healing, and moving forward.

RECOGNIZING ABUSE
Recognizing abuse can be challenging, particularly if the abuser is someone you
love or care for deeply. Narcissistic abuse is often disguised as love or concern,
making it even more challenging to identify, especially for those of us that are
more empathically inclined. In this playbook, we'll explore the typical indicators
and warning signs of narcissistic abuse, enabling you to identify and accept
what's happening to you.

PROTECTING YOURSELF FROM ABUSE

Once you have recognized that you are a victim of narcissistic abuse, it is crucial
to take steps to protect yourself. This guidebook will help you take the first step
in creating healthy boundaries, improving communication skills, and developing
effective coping mechanisms to protect yourself from future abuse.

HEALING FROM ABUSE

Healing from narcissistic abuse can be a long and challenging journey, but it is
possible. In addition to counseling, self-care, and support groups, working with a
coach who has extensive experience helping people navigate abusive
relationships with narcissists can be incredibly valuable. With personalized
guidance, you can gain the tools and strategies needed to move forward and
thrive. If you would like to set up a coaching session with me, Katherine Kleis,
please CLICK HERE.

WWW.STANDCOACHING.COM
 THE NARCISSIST'S PLAYBOOK:
UNDERSTANDING THE 11 WAYS
NARCISSISTS ABUSE THEIR VICTIMS

REALIZING YOU'RE NOT ALONE

It can be isolating to experience narcissistic abuse, but it's important to
remember that you're not alone. It is my sincere hope that as you read through
these narcissistic abuse tactics, you will see yourself and realize that you are not
alone in your experiences. Countless others have gone through similar situations,
and there is hope for healing and growth. You too can overcome and thrive, just
as others have before you.

CONCLUSION
Coming to terms with the reality of being in a
relationship with a narcissist can be painful
and difficult. It may involve facing difficult
truths about the person you love, as well as
acknowledging the harm they have caused
you. However, understanding the tactics of
narcissistic abuse can empower you to take
action to protect yourself, heal, and move
forward with your life. Remember, you
deserve to be happy and healthy, and it's
never too late to start your journey towards
healing.

WWW.STANDCOACHING.COM
 THE NARCISSIST'S PLAYBOOK: UNDERSTANDING THE 11 WAYS
NARCISSISTS ABUSE THEIR VICTIMS
StandCoaching.com

it?
What is
do it?
Why They How it's
Done How it
Hurts
Presenting a false Damages your mental
Tactic used to convince To gain admiration, trust
persona to you, hiding health and well-being
you that they (the and power over you while
their true intentions and through emotional and
narcissist) is someone hiding their true self.
emotions. Ex. Playing the psychological
they're not. Manipulating Allows them to avoid
charming and charismatic manipulation, confusion,

you into believing they accountability. They
partner in the beginning self-doubt, and a loss of
present a false image of
The Mask are kind, empathetic,
trustworthy and/or themselves to deceive
stages of a relationship, trust in your own
while later revealing a perceptions and abilities
whatever else they think and manipulate.
more manipulative and to discern reality.
you want them to be.
controlling side.

Tactic used by narcissists To quickly establish an By showering you with Loss of trust in your own
to gain control over their intense and emotional excessive amounts love, judgment, heightened
victims by showering connection with you. The attention, and gifts, they anxiety, feelings of guilt or
them with love, attention, motive is to gain control create a false sense of shame, and a distorted
and affection to create over you and keep you intimacy and sense of reality. Feeling

an intense emotional emotionally invested, commitment. confused and devastated,

Lovebombing bond. often leading to your
compliance and
struggling to make sense
of the dramatic change in
subservience to the their behavior when the
demands. bombing is over.

Tactic used by narcissists Seeking control and They may use denial, It can cause you to
to get you to question power or to deflect misdirection, or selective question your own reality
your own sanity, memory, responsibility for their memory to make you and sense of self. It makes
or perception of reality, actions. The desired doubt your own reality. you doubt your own
often by denying facts or outcome is to make you experiences, memories,

events, or through subtle feel confused, helpless, and beliefs, which can lead
Gaslighting and persistent lying or and dependent on the to confusion, anxiety, and
distortion of the truth. abuser for a sense of self-doubt. It can erode
reality. the your self-esteem,
causing you to feel
powerless and helpless.

Tactic that involves Can be used to deflect They do this by creating It invalidates your
misrepresenting or blame and avoid a false or exaggerated perspective, distorts your
distorting the your accountability for version of your words and intentions, and
position or argument, actions. Can be used as a argument and then makes you doubt your own
often in an exaggerated way to control the attack that instead of memory and sanity. This
or extreme way, in order conversation and the actual argument. can leave you feeling
to make you appear manipulate you into confused, frustrated, and

\agreeing with them or
Straw Man unreasonable or wrong.
accepting their distorted
powerless, eroding your
self-esteem and creating a
version of events. They sense of helplessness and
seek to maintain their isolation. Can also lead to
sense of power and anxiety, depression, and
control in the situation. trauma.

Tactic involves the To confuse and disorient Stringing together Can be emotionally and
narcissist using a you, making it difficult complex and convoluted mentally damaging
jumbled combination of for you to understand sentences, changing because they create
words, phrases, and what's happening or to topics frequently, using confusion and chaos,
ideas to make it difficult articulate your own circular logic, or making the you feel like
for the you to thoughts and feelings. employing other you are losing your sense
understand or respond. This tactic can help the confusing tactics to of reality. The constant

narcissist maintain keep you off balance barrage of nonsensical
Word Salad control, avoid and prevent you from language and shifting
accountability, and getting a clear answer or arguments can lead to
deflect criticism. understanding of what is feelings of anxiety,
being said. helplessness, and self-
doubt, leaving you with a
sense of frustration and
exhaustion.


it?
What is
do it?
Why They How it's
Done How it
Hurts
Covertly communicate Use of coded language or It makes you feel confused,
Tactic used by narcissists their true intentions, manipulated, and gaslit.
veiled references to
involves the use of coded opinions or feelings You begin to doubt your
communicate negative or
language that allows without being explicitly own perceptions and
derogatory things about
them to express their understood by others. reality, leading to feelings
someone. They may make
abusive thoughts and To manipulate and of anxiety, depression, and

statements that have
intentions without being control you by using self-doubt. Covert nature
Dog Whistling held accountable. language and
double meanings or
insinuations. They make can make it difficult to
insinuations that make derogatory comments, identify and address,
you feel confused, while without directly stating it. leaving you feeling
they maintain innocence powerless and helpless.
Tactic to keep you hanging To maintain control in the Lead you on with promises It creates an emotional
on, while still maintaining relationship and keep you but never follow through. rollercoaster, leading to
control and distance in the at arm's length, while still May intermittently send confusion and self-doubt.
relationship. They give you retaining your interest and flirtatious messages, Breadcrumbers prey on
just enough attention and attention. To boost their initiate plans, or keep you your vulnerability, leaving
Breadcrumbing

breadcrumbs of affection own self-esteem and on the back burner in case you feeling used and
to keep you interested, but validate their desirability, other options fall through. disposable, while they feel
never fully commit or while keeping their May give mixed signals or empowered by the control
follow through on plans. options open and avoiding be vague about intentions. they have over you.
commitment.

Tactic used by the They use hoovering to They may use flattery, It undermines your sense
narcissist to suck you maintain control and promises of change, and of self and creates an
back into a relationship power over you, to keep emotional manipulation emotional dependence on
after you have left or you emotionally to win the victim back. the abuser. It can result in
they have discarded you. invested, and to satisfy They may also use guilt, confusion, anxiety, and

their own needs. Their fear, or threats to depression when the you
desired outcome is to are unable to break free
Hoovering keep you on a string,
pressure the victim into
returning. from the cycle of being
ready to be pulled back in lured in and then pushed
whenever they need away.
validation or attention.

Tactic used by Tactic to maintain Suddenly ending a Is emotionally and

narcissists to abruptly control and power in the relationship or mentally damaging to the
end a relationship relationship. Their withdrawing emotional victim because it often
without warning or motive is to exert support, leaving you comes after a period of
explanation. The dominance and inflict feeling confused and love bombing and/or
narcissist will cut off all emotional pain on you. abandoned. They may devaluation, leading to

\
contact and act as if the The desired outcome is engage in ghosting or confusion and trauma. The
relationship never for you to feel rejected giving silent treatment, sudden abandonment and
Discarding happened. and unworthy, and for and may also discard withdrawal can leave you
the narcissist to material possessions. feeling rejected, unworthy,
maintain their sense of and traumatized.
superiority.

Tactic in which the abuser To attack and undermine Use personal attacks to It attacks your character
attacks the victim's your credibility, discredit and undermine and undermines your self-
character or personal character, and self- you. They may insult esteem and self-worth. It
attributes instead of esteem, in order to your character, can lead you to doubt
addressing the issue at control and dominate intelligence, or yourself and your abilities,

hand you. The desired appearance. For and create a sense of
outcome is to make you example, “You’re just helplessness and
Ad Hominem feel inferior, powerless, too emotional and can’t insecurity.
and subservient to the handle the truth.”
narcissist's needs and
wants.

Narcissistic abuse tactic To isolate and discredit An attempt to damage It can cause you to feel
where the abuser spreads you, often in an attempt your reputation and isolated, alone, and
lies and rumors about you, to gain control and credibility. They may unsupported. It can
turning others against you. power over you. The recruit others to join in damage your reputation,
desired outcome is to the campaign or use relationships, and mental
damage your reputation, social media to make the health, leaving you feeling

relationships, and self- attacks more public. powerless and alone in the
Smear Campaign esteem, while increasing They may also attempt face of false accusations
their power and control. to isolate you from your and attacks on your
social support network. character.