‭You are the‬‭C‭H

‬ AOS‬‭C‬‭REW‬‭, a group of miscreants with‬‭one goal: to rob the richest person in town blind.‬
‭(Un)fortunately, each of you is also a…‬

G‭ OBLIN‬
‭WITH A‬‭FAT ASS‬
‭Playing the game!‬ ‭5-6 Escalate the situation.‬‭Pick one or roll:‬
‭.
1 The special guards are alerted or catch up‬
‭Who’s‬‭the mark‬‭?‬
‭ ou need‬‭2-4 players‬‭and a‬‭glute master (GM)‬‭,‬
Y ‭.
1 The mayor‬
‭2. The normal guards are alerted or catch up‬
‭who could also be a player, and some d6s.‬ ‭2. A war criminal (retired)‬
‭3. Something breaks that wasn’t supposed to‬
‭The GM‬‭describes the scene, plays everyone‬ ‭3. The second-biggest butter baron‬
‭4. Drop or lose track of something important‬
‭who isn’t a player character, and asks the‬ ‭4. A gluteium mine magnate‬
‭5. Something goes wildly out of control‬
‭players what they will do. They get‬‭final say‬‭on‬ ‭5. Exotic/mythical animal menagerie owner‬
‭6. Someone gets split off from the group‬
‭consequences‬‭, non-player narrative, and rules‬ ‭6. Sweatshop fashionista‬
‭disputes.‬ ‭The‬‭C‭H
‬ AOS‬ ‭C‭L‬ OCK‬‭!!!‬ ‭Where’s‬‭the job‬‭?‬
‭ he players‬‭get up to various forms of goblin‬
T ‭ . Gala at the mayor’s mansion (crowded)‬
1
‭ his tracks how well the heist is generally‬
T
‭mischief,‬‭throw ass‬‭to get shit done, and try to‬ ‭2. A private fortified train (in motion)‬
‭going. If the clock hits‬‭midnight‬‭,‬‭shit hits the‬
‭get the goods‬‭. They get‬‭final say‬‭on what they‬ ‭3. Crumbling rented castle (watch out for‬
‭do, how they do it, and what it looks like as well‬ f‭ an‬‭. The‬‭C‭H
‬ AOS‬‭C‭R‬ EW‬ ‭must either beat cheeks‬ ‭the leech-ass landlord)‬
‭as when they‬‭rest their buns‬‭, give things the‬ ‭back to Goblintown (or whatever gobhole they‬
‭4. Underwater gluteium mine (isolated)‬
‭ol’ hip check‬‭, or manifest‬‭peak goblin energy‬‭.‬ ‭crawled out of) or make a wild-ass dash for the‬
‭5. Ancient volcano temple ruins (cursed)‬
‭goods.‬‭No exceptions.‬
‭Consequences!‬ ‭Start at the 1 o’clock and advance clockwise.‬
‭6. Luxurious cliffside manse (heights)‬

‭ h no! Someone got a‬‭partial‬‭or‬‭failure‬‭when‬ 3

O ‭ o’clock‬ ‭Everyone gains two temporary‬
‭What’s‬‭the goods‬‭?‬
‭they‬‭threw ass‬‭to get shit done. Time to do one‬ ‭ ss dice‬‭, they aren’t recovered when you‬
a ‭ . Big stonky gold bars (REALLY heavy)‬
1
‭of the following. Pick one or roll:‬ ‭rest your buns‬‭.‬ ‭2. Imprisoned greed demon (loud, whiny)‬
‭1-2 Smack someone‬‭in a way that fits the‬ ‭3. The most expensive dog (adorable, yips)‬
‭6 o’clock‬ ‭Everyone gains one temporary‬
‭fiction. If you roll this result and a goblin‬ ‭4. The secret sauce recipe (kept in huge safe)‬
‭ass die‬‭and the situation escalates. If the‬
‭cannot be‬‭dazed‬‭,‬‭confused‬‭, or‬‭scared‬‭, they‬ ‭5. Hand of King Midas (still works)‬
‭many underpaid guards haven’t been alerted‬
‭must‬‭flee‬‭,‬‭cower‬‭, or be‬‭knocked-out‬‭. If they‬ ‭6. Potion of eternal youth (drinkable by two‬
‭yet, they are now, too.‬
‭cannot, they must‬‭die‬‭.‬ ‭goblins or one human)‬
‭9 o’clock‬ ‭Dice results of 2 count as 1s when‬
‭◆‬ ‭Dazed, Confused, Scared.‬ ‭The goblin‬ ‭counting to advance the‬‭C‬‭HAOS‬‭C‬‭LOCK‬‭.‬ I‭ t’s protected by‬‭many‬‭underpaid‬
‭gets a cumulative -1d6 to‬‭throw ass‬‭. They‬
‭need to‬‭rest their buns‬‭to clear them (which‬
‭Midnight‬ ‭Insert AWOLNATIONrun.mp3 drop.‬
‭guards‬‭plus…‬
‭All hell breaks lose.‬‭Recover all‬‭ass‬
‭advances the‬‭C‬‭HAOS‬‭C‬‭LOCK‬‭.)‬ ‭.
1 Goblin-thirsty concubi demons (insatiable)‬
‭ ice‬‭, clear all conditions, escalate the‬
d
‭◆‬ ‭Fled, Cowering, Knocked-Out.‬‭The goblin‬ ‭2. Badass anti-goblin golems (undeterrable)‬
‭situation to it’s maximum, and hit the gas.‬
‭exits play for the rest of the scene. If they’re‬ ‭3. Goblin-hungry attack wyverns (so hungry)‬
‭There’s no longer time to rest your buns‬‭.‬
‭unconscious or a panicked mess, they must‬ ‭4. A crack ASSault squad (cool call signs)‬
‭It’s gob or die time!‬‭GET THE GOODS!!!‬
‭be carried like a pear-shaped sack of‬ ‭5. A bunch of dwarves (they hate goblins)‬
‭gobtatoes until they wake up. If they run‬ ‭6. Goblin-hunting shadow demons (sneaky)‬
‭away, they’ll wander back. Either way, they‬ ‭… and it’s‬‭locked in‬‭?‬
‭only return to play at the start of the next‬
‭scene.‬‭The marks do not clear.‬‭A goblin‬‭dies‬ ‭.
1 A glass room suspended over a lava lake‬
‭if they need to mark this and cannot.‬ ‭2. A clockwork vault that shifts shape hourly‬
‭3. A quantum vault that connected by portals‬
‭◆‬ ‭Dead!‬‭Self-explanatory. Finish the scene,‬
‭4. A living vault embedded in a giant beast‬
‭Then pause play for a minute so they can‬
‭5. The torment nexus‬
‭make a new goblin and drop them into play in‬
‭6. A case that explodes if a goblin touches it‬
‭the new one. How? Why? Don’t worry about‬
‭it. The‬‭C‬‭HAOS‬‭C‬‭REW‬ ‭doesn’t need explaining.‬ ‭The whole thing is‬‭complicated‬‭by?‬
‭3-4 Start or advance a 3-segment clock‬‭to‬ ‭ . A rival team of kobold thieves (scaly)‬
1
‭apply narrative pressure, even if it doesn’t‬ ‭2. An orc raid (attack indescriminately)‬
‭relate to why they‬‭threw ass‬‭. It should‬‭a bad‬ ‭3. Adventurers running amok (unpredictable)‬
‭thing‬‭. It can happen in the background like‬ ‭4. Weird fey bullshit (everywhere, all the time)‬
‭“the lava is released” or in the foreground‬ ‭5. The torment nexus‬
‭like “the ogre loses patience,” but it should‬ ‭6. The‬‭goblin slayer‬‭(Alexa, play “all they fear‬
‭always be something the players can’t ignore.‬ ‭Please respect the‬‭C‬‭HAOS‬‭C‬‭LOCK‬‭.‬ ‭is you” by Mick Gordon)‬

‭ riginal‬‭Goblin With A Fat Ass‬‭by Tom Bloom 2023.‬‭He apologized for that terrible game.‬‭/‬‭Goblin With A Fat Ass Redux‬‭by Sean Haas 2023.‬‭I won’t apologize for this‬
O
‭one. Let ass and chaos reign‬‭!!! 🔥 / Core mechanics‬‭inspo’d by‬‭Breathless‬‭,‬ ‭Blades In The Dark‬‭/ Fonts used:‬‭Ubuntu‬‭,‬‭Caveat‬‭/ Recommended safety tools:‬‭Lines &‬
‭Veils‬‭,‬ ‭The X Card‬‭,‬ ‭Stars and Wishes‬‭/ Useful additional tools:‬‭Goblin Name Generator‬‭,‬ ‭Goblin Playlist‬
 ‭you are a‬ ‭3.‬ ‭What’s that booty‬‭do‬‭?‬
‭ oll 1d6 to determine an item or two, special‬ 1
R
‭ability, and more skills.‬‭You may adjust up or‬
‭Throwing Ass!‬
‭ . To do anything, just say how you do it.‬
‭ on’t roll dice to get shit done in fiction‬
D

‭GOBLIN‬
‭down one step. You can use an ability once, but‬ ‭unless:‬
‭it refreshes when you‬‭rest your buns‬‭.‬ ‭◆ The outcome is in doubt‬
‭1.‬ ‭Beat the shit outta folks‬ ‭◆ The result really matters‬
‭Skills:‬ ‭chewing gum, FOR GOBBO, kicking ass‬ ‭◆ You can’t repeat it easily‬
‭ ▢▢▢▢▢▢‬‭OF‬ ‭A‭S‬ S‬ ‭D‭I‬CE‬
▢ ‭………‬ ‭Ability:‬ ‭disarm someone or break down a door‬ ‭◆ It’s risky (most of what you do should be)‬
‭Item:‬ ‭the perfect janky-ass goblin weapon‬ ‭2. When one or more of the above apply‬‭, roll‬
‭▢‬‭D‬‭AZED‬ ‭▢‬‭C‬‭ONFUSED‬ ‭▢‬‭S‬‭CARED‬ ‭Detail:‬ ‭what’s your weapon? how’s it janky?‬ ‭your available ass dice and keep the highest‬
‭Cumulative -1d6 to‬‭throw ass‬ ‭2.‬ ‭Steal shit‬ ‭result to determine your outcome:‬
‭Skills:‬ ‭picking locks, pulling fast ones, sneaking‬ ◆ ‭ 6,‬‭Success!‬ ‭You do it cleanly, perfectly!‬
‭^ Rest your buns‬‭to recover dice, clear conditions!‬
‭Ability:‬ ‭steal a reachable loose or worn object‬ ‭◆ 4-5,‬‭Partial.‬ ‭You do it messily or poorly,‬
‭▢▢‬‭F‭L‬ED‬‭/C‬‭OWERING‬‭/K‬‭NOCKED‬‭O‭U‬ T‬ ‭Item:‬ ‭a pair of quiet-ass gob-burglar shoes‬
‭Detail:‬ ‭what’s weird about the shoes?‬
‭ nd suffer a‬‭consequence‬‭.‬
a
‭◆ 1-3,‬‭Failure‬‭… you don’t do it and also‬
‭Out-of-play until the start of next scene‬
‭3.‬ ‭Magic shit‬ ‭suffer a‬‭consequence‬‭.‬
‭▢‬‭D‬‭EAD‬‭!‬ ‭Drop a new gob in next scene!‬ ‭Skills:‬ ‭goblin magic, napping, rolling dice‬
‭Ability:‬ ‭set anything on fire (yes, even that)‬
‭Examples of how you can get‬‭more or less‬
‭dice‬‭:‬
‭N‬‭OTES‬ ‭Items:‬ ‭a vermin familiar, a floppy-ass hat‬
‭+‬ ‭Roll an extra die if any‬‭C‭H ‬ AOS‬‭C‬‭REW‬ ‭help‬
‭Detail:‬ ‭what kind of vermin is your familiar?‬
‭+‬ ‭Roll an extra die if any‬‭skill‬‭applies‬
‭4.‬ ‭Praise the gobbo gods for shit‬
‭+‬ ‭Roll an extra die if any‬‭circumstantial‬
‭Skills:‬ ‭gardening, goblin religion, talking loudly‬
‭advantage‬‭applies, like an item or convenient‬
‭Ability:‬ ‭pray to a goblin deity to re-roll all‬‭dice‬
‭chandelier‬
‭(keeping the second result.)‬
‭1.‬ ‭How‬‭big‬‭is that thang?‬ ‭Item:‬ ‭a jangly-ass staff perfect for bonking‬ ‭-‬ ‭Roll one less die if any‬‭C‬‭HAOS‬‭C‭R ‬ EW‬ ‭hinder‬
‭Detail:‬ ‭who is your god? what are they god of?‬ ‭-‬ ‭Roll one less die if you’re‬‭dazed‬‭,‬‭confused‬‭,‬
‭ oll 1d6 for the size of your keister.‬‭You may‬
R ‭or‬‭scared‬
‭adjust the result up or down one step. This‬ ‭5.‬ ‭Be entertaining as shit‬
‭-‬ ‭Roll one less die if any‬‭circumstantial‬
‭decides your upper‬‭ass dice‬‭limit and how‬ ‭Skills:‬ ‭carousing, making playlists, performing‬
‭disadvantage‬‭applies, like you can’t see‬
‭many you start with.‬‭Zero ass dice mean you‬ ‭Ability:‬ ‭put on a show to distract a group of‬
‭through smoke or you’re hanging off a ledge‬
‭roll two and keep the lowest.‬‭That’s very bad.‬ ‭people or creatures for a couple minutes; only‬
‭by one hand.‬
‭works on the same ones once.‬
‭ .‬
0 ‭ hame to goblinkind and the gobbo gods‬
S 3
‭ .‬ ‭Regardless of the outcome,‬‭reduce your‬
‭Items:‬ ‭a kludged, loud-ass gobbo instrument‬
‭1.‬ ‭Booty-licious bubble butt‬ n
‭ umber of‬‭ass dice‬‭by one. It’s hard throwing‬
‭Detail:‬ ‭what’s weird about your performance?‬
‭2.‬ ‭Double cheeked up‬ ‭that thing around, you know?‬
‭3.‬ ‭Triple thicc milkshake‬ ‭6.‬ ‭Spooky shit‬
‭4.‬ ‭Green‬‭dump truck‬ ‭Skills:‬ ‭gobstrology,‬‭gobcane blast, gobcultism‬ ‭4.‬ ‭Count up every 6 and 1 on the final dice‬
‭Ability:‬ ‭curse someone to knock them out‬ ‭results‬‭and for every 1 without a 6, advance‬
‭5.‬ ‭The Juggernaut!‬
‭6. T‬‭he Terminator!!!‬ I‭ nstantly for a few minutes, if they can hear‬ ‭the‬‭C‬‭HAOS‬‭C‭L‬ OCK‬ ‭one segment.‬
‭You; only works on the same person once.‬
‭7.‬ ‭O h n o (‬‭O h y e s‬‭)‬
‭Items:‬ ‭bad gobthic poetry, an edgy-ass dagger‬ ‭What A Twist!‬
‭2.‬ ‭Where‬‭’d you get all that?‬ ‭Detail:‬ ‭how did you get your weird powers?‬ ‭ n doubles, something else happens, too.‬
O
‭ oll 1d6 to determine your skills.‬‭You may‬
R
‭adjust up or down one step.‬
‭4.‬ ‭What’s in your‬‭pockets‬‭?‬ ‭Evens get an unexpected opportunity, odds get‬
‭some kind of trouble. Good twists and bad‬
‭Roll 1d6 to determine miscellaneous items‬ ‭twists cancel out.‬‭Twists apply even if they‬
‭1.‬ ‭A noblegob’s life of indolence and leisure‬
‭you have on-hand.‬‭You may adjust up or down‬ ‭are not the highest result.‬
‭Skills:‬ ‭charisma, fashion, wine tasting‬
‭one step. They last one venture. Don’t think‬
‭Detail:‬ ‭how’d you fall from peak goblinity?‬
‭2.‬ ‭Vicious fighting in the gobbo wars‬
‭about how your pockets work, they just do.‬ ‭The Ol’ Hip Check!‬
‭1.‬ ‭corncob pipe, duct tape, screwdriver, bottle‬ ‭ hen you throw ass, you may adjust the final‬
W
‭Skills:‬ ‭fleeing, spitting, stabbing‬
‭of orc rotgut (antiseptic, mildly acidic, possibly‬ ‭outcome up or down one step.‬‭Moving up‬
‭Detail:‬ ‭who and where did you fight?‬
‭drinkable)‬ ‭costs two ass dice, moving down recovers one.‬
‭3.‬ ‭An accident at gobzard cram school‬
‭2.‬ ‭A handful of the greatest, most perfectly‬
‭Skills:‬ ‭detect magic, use magic device‬
‭Detail:‬ ‭what was the assperiment?‬
‭shaped, shiniest stones you’ve ever seen.‬ ‭Peak Goblin Energy!‬
‭3.‬ ‭Various meat pies, a knife, a bigger knife,‬ ‭Recover an ass die if you say how you hinder‬
‭4.‬ ‭Long years in the gluteium mines‬
‭Skills:‬ ‭athletics, crying, digging‬
‭ten feet of rope‬ ‭any of the‬‭C‭H
‬ AOS‬‭C‬‭REW‬ ‭when they‬‭throw ass‬‭.‬
‭4.‬ ‭A pinch of enriched gluteium, four glass vials,‬
‭Detail:‬ ‭what IS gluteium used for?‬
‭5.‬ ‭Blessed by an enthusiastic booty nymph‬
‭an unexploded artillery shell, moldy bread‬ ‭Rest Your Buns!‬
‭Skills:‬ ‭alchemy, nature, naked festivities‬ ‭5.‬ ‭An oddly shaped/sized key, bottle of oil‬ ‭Everyone recovers their ass dice, removes all‬
‭Detail:‬ ‭why did they choose you?‬ ‭(very flammable), jar of ball bearings‬ ‭conditions‬‭. Advance the‬‭C‬‭HAOS‬‭C‬‭LOCK‬‭once.‬
‭6.‬ ‭It’s a big all-natural‬ ‭6.‬ ‭Three different pairs of shoes, sunglasses,‬

‭Good Luck, Gobbo!!‬

‭Skills:‬ ‭pick three skills from above or next‬ ‭an oversized coat (big enough for three‬
‭Detail:‬ ‭why do your broodmates hate you?‬ ‭goblins), a loose sandwich, a pack of matches‬

‭S‬‭ECRET‬‭!‬ ‭Don’t tell anyone! When you determine your ass size and get a 1 on the die, you may decide that you’re a‬‭kobold in disguise‬‭!!!‬
‭N‭O
‬ T‬‭S‬‭ECRET‬‭!‬‭Partial/success odds‬ ‭1d‬ ‭50%/16.7% ;‬ ‭2d‬ ‭75%/30.6% ;‬ ‭3d‬ ‭87.5%/42.1% ;‬ ‭4d‬ ‭93.8%/51.8% . . .‬ ‭7d‬ ‭99.2%/67.9%‬