UNDERSTAND + BEFRIEND ANXIETY

find your peace as a people pleaser,

high achiever, and perfectionist

DAIN WELLNESS
 T A B L E O F

Content

The What & Why

01 Understand why anxiety happens

Nervous System + Anxiety

02 How to use your nervous system to heal

03 Ways to Improve Anxiety

Different practices and habits to implement

04 Next steps
Exact steps to take
GET TO KNOW YOUR COACH
Diane Song has been on a self-healing journey
for over 10 years. She has overcome diagnoses
and conditions that she once was told would be
a part of her life forever- from anxiety,
depression, autoimmune, and PMDD, mental
and physical wellness became a primary focus
for Diane.

She is often known for her ability to feel beneath

the layers of their experiences, recognizing the
delicate interplay of their psychological,
emotional, and energetic states. This depth of
understanding allows Diane to tailor her
guidance in a way that resonates deeply with
people’s innermost being, fostering a safe space
for vulnerability and genuine transformation.

While struggling to navigate daily life with

major anxiety, debilitating panic attacks,
and waves of depression for nearly a
decade, Diane found that conventional
methods of healing never worked for her in
the ways she needed. After being on
medication and going to talk therapy for a
decade, she found a methodology and
approach that is more inclusive and human-
centered.

Diane is a certified holistic health coach and

a PhD candidate in Psychology specializing
in Consciousness, Spirituality, and
Integrative Health. She is also in the process
of becoming a certified trauma-informed
breathwork facilitator.

@dainwellness
hello@dainwellness.com
Let’s face it. Constantly overthinking and ruminating
on the what ifs all while your heart feels like it's
trying to jump out of your chest is not how you
want to spend your days. You’re tired of being burnt
out from a mind you can’t escape. You don’t know
how to seem like ‘everything’s fine’ when the
smallest change in tone catches your attention.

Does this sound familiar...

You spend your days agonizing over every detail of your work and life,
striving for perfection that seems to always be out of reach.

You’re emotionally and mentally exhausted from constantly overthinking

and worrying about how others perceive you

You go to sleep thinking “Tomorrow will be different” but wake up to the

same overwhelming thoughts and self doubts.

You feel mentally drained form the effort to please everyone, fearing
criticism and feeling like you’re never good enough.

You’ve always wanted to find balance and personal satisfaction, but

you’re not sure how to quiet the critical voice in your head.

You know you’re meant for more, and having a framework for
managing your anxiety and emotions could change everything for you.

PAGE 04
Why I created this guide for you
My ultimate dream was to gain control over my mental and emotional well-being. For
years, I was in the grips of severe anxiety and depression, trapped by an internal cycle
that dictated my every day. Holidays, moments that should have been spent
surrounded by family and laughter, I spent in solitude, wrestling with my thoughts. As
I envisioned a future where I could be fully present and enjoy life with potential
children and family, I knew deep changes were imperative.

I invested countless dollars into conventional therapies—medications, sessions after

sessions of talk therapy. They brought stability, yes, but it was merely survival. The real
breakthrough came when I acknowledged my need to thrive, not just survive. This
realization led me down less traditional paths that included holistic health
approaches, aligning more with my personal values and holistic understanding of
health.

I felt stuck, much like I was in a limbo, adhering to prescribed treatment plans that
didn’t resonate with my inner voice. This dissonance propelled me to search deeper,
pushing beyond the conventional to truly find myself.

Motivated to forge a new path, I pursued certifications that aligned more

authentically with my experiences and goals: becoming a holistic health coach,
engaging in PhD studies in Psychology with a focus on Consciousness, Spirituality,
and Integrative Health, and training as a trauma-informed breathwork facilitator.

This ebook is born from my journey and my dedication to offer others a sustainable,
compassionate pathway to healing. I created this resource to empower you, knowing
that with determination and the right tools, you can navigate your path to healing
and become whole, thriving in your true self.
This transformed my clients’ lives.
I honed in on my craft of what I knew about anxiety, and the nervous system,
and connected my past experiences that influenced my subconscious to
create a deeper and more peaceful relationship with my mind and body.

This changed my life and I absolutely had to help create the same
transformation in the lives of others as well…

I started teaching the methodology I created and my clients’ were able to

replicate my success.
 P A R T
The What & Why 01
Understanding Anxiety as a Bodyguard.

Imagine walking through a serene forest, and suddenly spotting a bear.

Your heart races, and your muscles tense—this is anxiety, your body's natural alarm
system alerting you to danger. Yet, for many, especially those who grew up being
praised for their maturity or those who often had to care for others from a young
age, anxiety can become a constant companion, not just a situational alert.

For high achievers and people pleasers, anxiety often manifests as a chronic
condition stemming from a deep-seated fear of failure or making mistakes,
feelings of inadequacy, or the overwhelming pressure to always perform at a high
level. This anxiety is multifaceted, acting both as a motivator and a paralyzer,
deeply embedded in one's psychological framework.

Folks often develop their behaviors early in life, potentially as a response to their
environment. These individuals may have learned that their worth was contingent
upon their achievements or their ability to meet others' expectations. This
conditioning can lead to difficulty in setting boundaries, asking for help, and an
intense fear of rejection or failure, which paradoxically increases your anxiety levels.
 P A R T
The What & Why 01
Understanding Anxiety as a Bodyguard.

The struggle to say "no" or relinquish control is common among high achievers.
They might prefer to depend on their own efforts rather than risk the perceived
inefficiency or errors of delegating to others. This drive for control and perfection
often leads to a cycle where they take on increasingly unmanageable workloads,
which only serves to heighten their anxiety and stress.

For those who were parentified as children—taking on adult responsibilities—

there's often an inherited aspect of anxiety. This might not be so much genetic
but behavioral. Children are good at mirroring and responding to adults.

If you received praise for suppressing your emotions, it makes sense that your
body doesn’t find expressing emotions safe or comforting. You may have
learned to anticipate the needs of others as a way to keep peace or avoid
conflict, a survival strategy that can lead to chronic anxiety.

Understanding this inherited nature of the anxiety is a good first step in

learning to manage it more effectively.

Growing up, if you heard you were "mature for your age," it might have been a
badge of honor and a burden.

These kinds of environments might push one to suppress their emotions to

maintain that image of maturity, leading to self-abandonment. This behavior is a
fertile ground for anxiety as it disconnects you from your true emotions and
needs, making it hard to establish healthy emotional boundaries later in life.

Use the questions below to reflect and even journal some thoughts out to see
what comes up for you. Remember, this isn’t a school assignment or test. There
are no right or wrong answers here. Answer with your intuition.

Considerations:
How much of your self worth is tied to your achievements or the approval of
others?
Reflect on instances where you felt valued or more loved solely for your
performance or compliance. How might this connection impact your
current stress or anxiety levels?
How often do you suppress your emotions to maintain an image of maturity
or competence? How might this behavior disconnect you from your true
feelings and needs? What could be the consequences of continuing this
pattern?
What are some ways you can begin to safely express your emotions?
 P A R T

Nervous System + Anxiety 02

The nervous system plays a crucial role in how we experience and respond
to stress and anxiety. It comprises two main parts: the central nervous
system (which includes the brain and spinal cord) and the peripheral
nervous system (which connects the rest of the body to the central nervous
system).

The peripheral nervous system includes the autonomic nervous system,

which controls involuntary bodily functions and has two main components
relevant to anxiety: the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems.

Sympathetic vs. Parasympathetic Nervous Systems

- The sympathetic nervous system prepares the body for stress-related
activities, often referred to as the "fight or flight" response which is where
anxiety tends to come up. When you face a perceived threat, this system
triggers a release of stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol, increasing
heart rate, blood pressure, and energy supplies.

- The parasympathetic nervous system promotes the "rest and digest"

mode of the body. It conserves energy as it slows the heart rate, increases
intestinal and gland activity, and relaxes sphincter muscles in the
gastrointestinal tract.
 P A R T

Nervous System + Anxiety 02

The Role of Shame in Nervous System Dysregulation
Something I see often is folks doing all the things. They’re meditating, they’re
going on their hot girl walk, they’re eating healthy meals yet the anxiety
seems to still have a grip hold on their life and peace.

As a recovering people pleaser and perfectionist, doing things for the sake of
completing them and ticking them off a to-do list was and still is my jam.

Doing tasks helps our nervous system feel safer because it equates doing
to productivity which we have linked to our inner self-worth. But oftentimes,
we’re doing these tasks from a place of wanting to “fix” the anxiety that is
coming up. This has an underlying message of shame directed towards our
inner selves. The emotions that are coming up get met with “ugh not this
sh*t again”.

Shame can heavily impact the regulation of the nervous system. It often
triggers the sympathetic nervous system, leading to an anxiety response.
Chronic exposure to shame both internal and external can keep the nervous
system in a state of heightened alertness, making it difficult to return to a
calm state. This ongoing state of dysregulation can exacerbate anxiety
disorders and make individuals more susceptible to stress and less able to
cope with daily challenges.

Polyvagal Theory and Its Connection to Anxiety

The Polyvagal Theory, developed by Stephen Porges, provides valuable
insights into how our nervous system handles stress and can be particularly
useful for understanding and managing anxiety. This theory introduces the
concept of the "social engagement system," a crucial part of our
parasympathetic nervous system, which is primarily mediated by the vagus
nerve — the longest of the cranial nerves.

The vagus nerve plays a vital role in regulating several bodily functions such
as heart rate, digestion, and the muscles used in speech and eye contact.
These abilities are essential as they help us connect with others, fostering
feelings of safety and calm, which are critical for managing anxiety. It’s also
the same nerve that connects the gut and the brain.
 P A R T

Ways to Heal 03
Let's be honest, basics don't cut it.

Repeating something that you saw another person do on social

media isn’t going to work for YOU.

Why?

Because you’re a unique individual who needs a plan that makes

sense for your past experiences, habits, preferences, and desires.

Repeating the same positive affirmations and practicing gratitude

every morning and night isn’t giving you the kind of momentum
you’re craving.

You know you’re capable of more but it feels like no matter what you
do, the anxiety, the panic, the inability to release control is in the
driving seat of your life.

Say good bye cookie-cutter approaches to healing.

Let’s create a plan to help you heal in the way YOU need.
HERE’S HOW UNDERSTANDING THE
NERVOUS SYSTEM CAN IMPROVE OUR
MANAGEMENT OF ANXIETY:
1. Recognizing the Body's Signals: The theory
teaches us to be more aware of our bodily
sensations and reactions. By recognizing how our
body responds to stress and anxiety, such as
noticing when our heart rate increases or when our
digestion changes, we can begin to apply
strategies to calm these responses.

2. Enhancing Social Engagement: Since the social

engagement system helps calm the body, fostering
social connections and communication can be a
therapeutic strategy. Engaging in conversations,
making eye contact, or even participating in social
activities can activate the vagus nerve and
enhance feelings of safety and relaxation.

3. Practicing Vagal Tone Exercises: Exercises that

enhance the function of the vagus nerve (known as
increasing 'vagal tone') can help manage anxiety.
Simple practices like deep, slow breathing,
humming, singing, or even gargling can stimulate
the vagus nerve and help shift the body from a
state of stress to a state of calm.
When the vagus nerve is functioning effectively, it
can inhibit the stress response governed by the
sympathetic nervous system. This response is the
body's automatic way of preparing us to 'fight or
fight.' When the vagus nerve is active, it can mitigate
this response, leading to feelings of calm and safety.
Individuals who experience chronic anxiety are often
stuck in the sympathetic state.

By applying Polyvagal Theory, you can understand

that your feelings of panic or stress have a
physiological basis and can be managed by
enhancing your social interactions and practicing
techniques that increase vagal tone.

This information also helps to ground us into the

present moment and allow the thoughts that come
up to be simply that- thoughts.

They do not have to be facts or truths that our brain

is telling us especially when we can recognize that
our body is in an activated and dysregulated state
because it perceives a threat (that is most likely not
there but we’ve been conditioned and programmed
to look out for them because of past experiences
that shape the state of our nervous system). This
approach provides a practical and scientific method
to actively reduce anxiety symptoms, fostering a
greater sense of control and well-being.
Things to incorporate TODAY:
Thought I'd leave you hanging? No way.

Here are the best ways to start self healing from anxiety, worry, people
pleasing and control in a way that honors your mind AND body.

1. Make a daily promise to yourself and keep it. This helps build up trust and
reliability within our own body. This also helps to show our nervous system
that we can follow through in the micro mundane ways that seem much
more manageable than making a promise to yourself to stop a coping
mechanism cold turkey.
2. Set boundaries with yourself and others. Start to prioritize your needs and
desires in ways that feel doable to your nervous system’s capacity. A great
boundary to start with is creating one around what you consume. My
personal boundary is to not consume things that will activate my nervous
system especially during sensitive seasons of my life. Another boundary
can be conserving your energy and only meeting with friends when you
feel up for it.
3. Start a mindfulness practice. This doesn’t have to mean meditating for 45
minutes every morning. It can start with 1-5 minutes depending on what
feels good for you. If sitting still feels too activating, try a mindfulness walk
or taking up a hobby like cooking, gardening, or dancing.

Need help with finding things to incorporate into your day to day routine to
support your nervous system? DM me on Instagram and let's talk it through!
| NEXT STEPS
Healing anxiety requires more than just surface-level techniques; it demands a
deep, transformative approach. You can't simply think your way out of anxiety—this
is about reprogramming and destigmatizing from the very roots of your
subconscious. The story of your journey is a powerful tool in this healing process.

Anxiety isn't just a series of symptoms to be managed; it's a deeply personal

experience that can be profoundly understood and addressed through the narrative
of your own life.

Addressing anxiety isn't merely about superficial "quick fixes" or "self-help tips"; it's
about building a relationship with your inner self that is filled with trust. It’s about
delving deep into the roots of your emotions and experiences, reshaping them in a
way that lasting healing can truly begin. When that time comes, your story of
transformation will not just inspire; it will catalyze real change in the relationships
you have with others and most importantly, yourself.

My membership, Balance Beam is available now, take the next step.

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LEARN MORE

Everything you need to heal is already within you.