Five Languages of Love

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We are relational creatures.
Positive Affirming relationships
Poor relationships
Consider our relationships
Relationships are dynamic creatures
There are 5 fundamental love languages.
Primary love language?
Why do I need to know these languages?
± To learn how to express love
± To enhance human relationships.
± To teach appreciation for what is done for us.
Need to understand the different love
languages to understand the meaning
behind the words and actions.
To be an effective lover ð discover other

people¶s primary love language.
Ê

Y
Y

Y
wove wanguage #1
Words of affirmation:
True statements affirming the

worth of another person.
|peaking The Dialects Of Affirming
Words
Words of appreciation
Words of
encouragement
Words of praise
Kind words
|ome Practical Points
|tart where you are.
Be active, not passive.
Choose a strategy for expressing love.
Remember that love is a Ô Ô.

w w

È A gift is a tangible object that says many
things.
È The important thing is : the emotional love
that was communicated.
È A gift is a visual symbol of love
È Given with no strings attached
§

! "#!
! ""
" !

!
" # $! " !

!"
# ! ! "
! !## !#$
± # !#

% # &#
'! ( ( ð
# !# # !#&
|ome gifts may:
± Only last a few hours/ days
± Be hand made or bought
± Come in any shape, size or colour
If the primary love language is gifts: what
is most important is the expression of love
attached to it
þ ## ! # #
! !) & !#
± þ(# (## & !(&

(! ) # )
* !&) ((&
If someone is not comfortable
accepting your gift accept and respect
their wishes.
Change our attitude about money to

become an effective gift giver.
#! *
##*#!

wove wanguage #3:
Acts of service
|ervant vs |lavery
!)
-the heart of dysfunctional families.
-Hardens heart
-Creates anger, bitterness, resentment
|ervant vs |lavery
!
- |ervice given freely
- Without fear
- Out of choice
hany acts of service
+
-Helping with chores
-Giving a lift
-Doing a favor for someone
(#%#&!,!&#
Difficult for some
- hay offend some people.
- Therefore, before doing an act of service, ask.
- If it¶s not natural, its still a love language worth
acquiring. Therefore,
r§

§ Ô
Mxample
hartha¶s story
|uggestion for hartha
|peak the truth to yourself.
Find out what is going on inside hark
-What does he feel about the relationship?
-Does he have romantic feelings?
Conclusion
It is important for us to know our primary
love language.
When we learn to speak each other¶s love
language early in our relationships, we are
able to keep each other¶s love tanks full.
[uestions to think about
How freely you express acts of service to others?
What acts of service have you done for your family,
friend or someone with whom you have a dating
relationship the last three months?
Did your father speak the love language acts of
service similar to hartha¶s father? What about your
mother?
Would you be willing to set a goal of speaking the
love language acts of service at least once a week
to someone you care about?
wove wanguage #4
[uality Time
What is [uality Time?
Central aspect: Togetherness
± Undivided attention
± Feeling connected
Powerful emotional communicator
What happens on the emotional level is

what matters
Dialects of [uality Time
[uality Conversations
[uality wistening
[uality Activities
[uality Conversations
Def: |haring experiences, thoughts,
feelings & desires in a friendly context.
Hearing
± wistening sympathetically
± Desire to understand
Talking
± Communicate
± Get in touch with self ĺ verbalize
[uality wistening
Def: |ympathetic listening with the view to
understand the other person.
Guidelines to be a listener
Guidelines to be a Good wistener
1. haintain eye contact when listening
2. Don¶t engage in other activity while

listening
3. wisten for feelings
4. Observe body language

Guidelines to be a Good wistener
5. Refuse to interrupt
6. Ask reflective questions
7. Mxpress understanding
8. Ask if there is anything you might do that

would be helpful
[uality Activities
Focus:
Being together, doing things together,
giving each other undivided attention
Mmphasis:
NOT what you are doing, but on WHY you
are doing it
wove wanguage #5
Physical Touch
The 5 |enses
|ight = eyes
|mell = Nose
Hear = ears
Taste = mouth
wimited to 1 area
M MRYWHMRM
TOUCH = M MRYWHMRM
Not limited to 1 area
Head to toe- covered with receptors
|ensitivity varies
± Fingers = more
± Back = less
Purpose
hake or break relationship
Communication
± love or hate
± Mx: shaking hands
Interpretation of touch
± Warm / cold
± Pain / pleasure
± woving / hateful
Kinds of Touches
Appropriate and inappropriate
± |ame sex and opposite sex
± Physical abuse and sexual harassment
Dialects of touch (hanner of touch)
Implicit and Mxplicit
Implicit and Mxplicit
Implicit Mxplicit
|ubtle Requires full attention
Takes only a moment hore time
Mx: a pat on the back Developing of
understanding ( time ,
money, energy)
Mx: back rub
Primary wove wanguage
Touches will speak much louder than
words
To touch your body is to touch you
(personal)
Mx: a hug communicates love but a ³HUG´
shouts love
Withholding touch will isolate and raise
doubts about love
NOT
Touching someone takes much thought
Does not respond positively
|tiff / uneasy / withdraw
Invasion of personal space
Mmotionally uncomfortable
|carred / upbringing
M MRYBODY
Time of crisis, everyone needs to feel love
Unique opportunity to express love
Touch is a powerful communicator of love
Can¶t change events, but can survive it
Touch will be needed hORM THAN other
love languages
Touch will be remembered long after crisis
Failure to touch will never be forgotten
wearning to Touch
wearn by doing
The more often you do it, the more
comfortable it will feel
Will get a response
Case study : different love language ð
learning a new language ð building the
relationship
Timing Those Touches
Determined by mood and desire of other
person
Mx: Door
Observe body language
± Appropriate time: down / achievement
± Inappropriate time: angry
The |etting
Appropriate place for touching
Mx: Kid ð teen ( football league )
aries from place to place ( private and
public places)
Respecting the other person¶s desires
The hanner
Dialects: hugs, kisses, back rubs, pats,
massages, arm wrestling
Unique individuals, different preference
Mmotional climate
± |ame touch different context
|peak it
wearning to speak the other¶s ww is the
most effective way to love
Mnhance well-being of other person (not
satisfy own desires)
Can¶t force own dialect or own ww ( be
sensitive)
Just a note, there are those who speak
one love language but wish to receive in
another language.
Generally the love language we speak is

the love language we desire
I don¶t know what my
primary love language is so how?
haybe its because you have:
± Never thought about love in this manner.
± You have always felt loved and received love
in all 5 languages.
± You have never felt love.
Discovering own Primary
wove wanguage
Observe your own behavior
± How do you express love/ appreciation to
other people
± You do for others what you want others to do
for you
Observe what you request of others
± Our request tend to indicate our emotional
needs
wisten to your complaints

± Complaints reveal our emotional hurts
One other question to ask:

³What do I want most in a friendship?´
Discovering The wove wanguage
of Others
Observe their expressions, complaints and
request.
Ask: ³What would you like me to do to

show my appreciation for you?´
Mxperiment
This is only a brief summary
Hope this will help you learn how to:
± |peak all 5 love language where appropriate
± Be a better person in your relationships
± Have a positive impact in your daily life
wearning a new love language is not easy
± But person to feel genuinely loved ð must
speak in that person¶s primary love language
wet¶s put into use what you have learnt in
this workshop to show others that you love
them
|ome questions for you to consider
Which of your relationships are healthy loving
relationships?
Which relationships would you like to see
improved? What steps will you take to
improve it?
Are you willing to invest time to learn how to
speak the 5 love languages?
Has there been someone speaking to you in
a love language that you did not recognize
before?
Ê

Five Languages of Love

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m 

 To be an effective lover ð discover other

True statements affirming the

 Be active, not passive.

 Choose a strategy for expressing love.

 Remember that love is a Ô Ô.

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± þ(#  (## & !(&

 Change our attitude about money to

 Powerful emotional communicator

 What happens on the emotional level is

2. Don¶t engage in other activity while

3. wisten for feelings

4. Observe body language

6. Ask reflective questions

8. Ask if there is anything you might do that

 Generally the love language we speak is

 wisten to your complaints

 One other question to ask:

 Ask: ³What would you like me to do to

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To be an effective lover ð discover other

Be active, not passive.

Choose a strategy for expressing love.

Remember that love is a Ô Ô.

! !) & !#

± þ(# (## & !(&

Change our attitude about money to

Powerful emotional communicator

What happens on the emotional level is

Generally the love language we speak is

wisten to your complaints

One other question to ask:

Ask: ³What would you like me to do to