PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT

Reviewer by Yummy

share personal issues or concerns. Usually,

DYNAMICS OF ATTRACTION, LOVE you may find that you feel more
AND COMMITMENT comfortable and able to confide in friends
whom you have known well.
Furthermore, friends who are very
The period of adolescence is full of first close and known each other well are
times. One of the most exciting first times referred to as “best friends or close friends”.
during teenage years is the introduction of Some people have many friends, while
different feelings. A feeling that gives you others may only have one or two. There is
butterflies in your stomach and makes your no right or the wrong number of friends to
heart race. Hmmm! It is an unexplainable have and everyone is different. Some
feeling towards someone. This module will friendships can be close while some friends
help us better understand this unusual choose to greet each other by hugging or
feeling. It will also lecture us how to kissing on the cheek, other friendships may
properly manage that emotion. Come, let’s have no physical contact, or may simply
discover one by one the mysteries behind shake hands. However, romantic contact or
this wonderful feeling of love and affection! being intimate physically is not appropriate
in a friendship.
Personal Relationship
This kind of relationship refers to Romantic Relationship
the association and close connections A romantic relationship is when you
between people, formed by emotional bonds feel strongly attracted to the other person.
and interactions. These bonds often grow The attraction encompasses a person's
and form mutual experiences. Personal personality and even physical and should be
relationships generally refer to family, reciprocated by the other person
friends and significant other. Changes in in the relationship.
physical and cognitive aspects go along with A romantic relationship is described
changes in relationships especially with as the closest form of relationship in which,
family and friends during the adolescence the two people who are involved will often
period. Moreover, in the adolescence stage, describe themselves as being attracted to
a new understanding of one's self occurs. each other and/or "in love". They feel a
This may include independence, identity, strong connection and bond with each other
and self-esteem. The personal relationship that they do not feel with anyone else, even
then plays a significant role in the with close friends. The bond is also
adolescent's pursuit of self-understanding. exclusive and monogamous.
People in a romantic relationship
Friendship often see each other and when apart will
Friends are the people we are not find ways to contact each other by phone
related to us by blood or adoption but we and the likes. An example of a romantic
choose to interact with them. They are the relationship for adolescents is between a
people with whom we share our trust, boyfriend and girlfriend.
respect, and care. We feel that we can Arguments and disagreements in
confide in them and we want to spend time romantic relationships also occur. These
with always. Friendship is a reciprocal arguments can be overcome through
relationship. Both people must see each effective communication and understanding.
other as a friend for the relationship to exist. In other cases, if there are frequent
Good friendships are mutually respectful, arguments, the two people involved may
supportive and share common interests and decide to seek help from friends or adults.
ideas. It should be built on honesty, support As two people continually share interests
and loyalty and desires to live their lives together they
There are different degrees of eventually discuss their plans. For
friendship. You may find that you feel adolescents, various kinds of physical
closer to some friends than others. Some contact are not appropriate. These include
friendships, especially if they have only prolonged cuddling and holding, kissing on
known each other for a short time, may not the lips and sexual intercourse. These
 PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT
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activities may lead to premarital sex and c. Similarity is when people choose
untimely pregnancy. And so, for the partners whom they find similarities
romantic relationship to be successful for such as social class, religious beliefs,
both adolescents, it is built on love, trust, and education. It explains when two
respect, support, and acceptance.
people share more attitudes and
opinions, the more they will want to do
the same activities. As a result, they
In an attempt to understand the
would create a strong bond between
dynamics of attraction, love, and
them.
commitment various approaches
explored it. It can be explained through
d. Reciprocity means people like others
physiological, emotional, and even
who like them back. The more a person
historical contexts.
is liked by someone, the more he/she
I. Biological Model of Love behaves in ways that promote mutual
As proposed by anthropologist feelings of liking.
Helen Fisher, there are three brain
systems of love: lust, attraction, and Attachment is a deep and enduring
attachment. Each also involves different emotional bond that connects one person
neurochemicals in the brain. Depending to another. Usually, long-lasting
on a person, a love relationship can start commitments are exchanged when
in any of these three. people are attached even across time and
space.
Lust refers to an urge or desire that
motivates us to partake in sexual II. Triangular Theory of Love
activity. It is also described as sex drive There are three main components
associated primarily with estrogens and of love as suggested by Robert Stenberg
androgens. (1988). These are intimacy, passion, and
commitment. The relationships vary and
Attraction is described as the love- depend on the presence or absence of
struck phase. It involves focusing each of these components.
attention on a particular person. Many
factors influence attraction such as Intimacy is an interpersonal
physical attractiveness, proximity, relationshipthat involves physical or
similarity, and reciprocity. emotional intimacy. It is characterized
by closeness, connectedness, and strong
a. Physical Attractiveness is one of the bond.
primary determinants of romantic
attraction. Most people prefer whom Passion is described as an intense
they consider physically attractive emotion towards a person. It is also
especially in the early stages of dating. shown as compelling interest for
someone. Like having a desire to spend
b. Promixity can be explained when time with a person most of the time
people tend to get attracted to people
who are geographically closer to them. Commitment is an act of deciding to
They are more likely to develop feelings consistently fulfil and live by
of mutual familiarity with the people agreements with another person.
who live close to them. For example, Wherein, the values of integrity and
being attracted to a classmate since you respect are evident in the relationship.
regularly see the person. Ways to express commitment in a
 PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT
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relationship is showing loyalty and another. Do you express your gratitude? It

conveying honesty. turns out that sharing your feelings of
gratitude is linked to positive partner
perceptions and a willingness to voice
relationship concerns (Lambert & Fincham,
Becoming Responsible in Relationship
2011), which helps maintain healthy
relationships.
According to psychologytoday.com, there
4. Avoid hunger New plans for physical
are 7 simple ways for you to become a
health and wellness often involve diet
better partner.
changes (eat more veggies, etc.), but do
what you can to avoid hunger. New
1. Get more sleep. Taking care of yourself
evidence suggests that restrictive dieting can
is a win-win for you and your relationship,
have a negative effect on relationship
and sleep is at the top of the list. Not only
quality. When you’re hungry, anger and
can sleep deprivation affect your energy,
aggression are more likely (Bushman,
mental alertness, and mood, but it reduces
DeWall, Pond, & Hanus, 2014); in
glucose levels, which adversely affects self-
relationships, these “hangry” moments do
control (Gailliot & Baumeister, 2007). And
little to promote relationship well-being.
selfcontrol plays a big role in relationship
success: Those with higher self-control are
5. Focus on humility Help your relationship
more able to respond in constructive ways
by keeping a check on your ego. Not only
to their partners (Finkel & Campbell, 2001),
are humble people evaluated more
and the more self-control couples have, the
positively as potential relationship partners,
higher their relationship quality tends to be
but humility seems to be an important
(Vohs, Finkenauer, & Baumeister, 2011).
ingredient for relationship success (Van
Tongeren, Davis, & Hook, 2004). It may
2. Take action Certain behaviors make a
improve relationships through its
difference in relationship happiness. These
association with forgiveness, a powerful
maintenance behaviors often come
tool for healthy relationships.
naturally, but intentional efforts to engage in
them could benefit relationships. Research
6. Spend quality time together Much
(Stafford, 2010) underscores the power of
anecdotal evidence suggests that spending
these seven behaviors in particular in
more time together increases relationship
predicting relationship satisfaction, liking,
satisfaction, but only recently has research
love, and commitment:
scrutinized whether time really does
increase satisfaction, or whether perhaps
 Positivity. Express happiness and
relationship satisfaction increases time spent
pleasure when spending time together.
together. Contrary to widespread belief,
Understanding. Listen, forgive,
long-distance relationships are no different
apologize, and refrain from judgment.
in their relationship quality (Gulner &
 Giving assurance. Talk about the
Swensen, 1995), despite the idea that (by
future; remind your partner what he/she
definition) couples in long-distance
means to you.
relationships spend less time together. The
 Self-disclosing. Share feelings and
results suggest we might attend more to the
encourage your partner to do the same.
quality of the time spent with our partner,
 Openness. Share what you need or
rather than the quantity.
want in the relationship.
 Sharing tasks. Equitably share
7. Be kind to yourself . To be the best
responsibilities (e.g., family,
partner you can be, start by being kind to
household, relationship).
yourself. Scientific evidence is
 Involve networks. Spend time with
accumulating in support of the idea that
your partner’s friends and family
self-compassion is a wonderful foundation
for a healthy partnership. Self-compassion is
3. Express your gratitude Feeling grateful
a habit of gentleness towards oneself during
is one thing, but telling your partner is
times of failure, inadequacy, and
 PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT
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imperfection. Evidence shows that self-

compassion predicts the types of behaviors
that translate into healthier relationships,
such as offering care and concern for a
partner (Neff & Beretvas, 2013). Working
on ourselves can benefit our relationships.