Company Script- Final

EPISODE 1: PILOT/COMPANY
________________________
INT. EVENING BOBBY'S APARTMENT- DAY
Open on Bobby's one bedroom apartment in Manhattan. The

furniture is sparse and minimalistic but masculine. However,
covered over the decor are colorful birthday decorations.
Streamers hang from the ceiling, a big banner reading "Happy
30th Birthday" is hung above the arch to the kitchen.
Balloons are scattered about the room.
Bobby is not home, but instead, his 10 friends are scattered

about the room making preparations for his arrival and
surprise.
SUSAN (31) is standing on a ladder fixing the banner. PATTY

(32) holds the ladder steady and hands her tape.
SARAH (27) is decorating the cake in the kitchen, sneakily

licking the frosting off of her fingers. HARRY (27) catches
her and comes up behind her to tickles her and sneak in a
kiss.
AMY (31) is meticulously arranging the presents. She moves

one present and another one falls off the other side. PAUL
(29) picks it up and places it carefully on the pile, kissing
Amy on the cheek after.
DAVID (30) and JEREMY (31) are sitting on the floor in the
living room blowing up balloons with a helium tank. David
keeps inhaling the air to make his voice all squeaky, which
makes Jeremy laugh, but he soon takes the tank away from
David and gives him regular balloons to blow up.
JOANNE (47) is sitting on an armchair, not interested in

helping at all. LARRY (32) comes out of the bathroom, zipping
up his pants, and goes over to Joanne who has just taken a
cigarette out and he lights it for her. Goes to try and find
some way to be helpful.
We hear FOOTSTEPS in the distance growing louder, and the KEY

SCRAPING in the lock. At this point, the couples scramble for
positions around the table and the lights are turned out.
ALL
SHHH...
ROBERT (30) enters.
ROBERT
What's this? What the hell is going on
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2.
around here? Huh? Who is it? Who is

that?
ALL
Surprise!
ROBERT
My birthday. It's my birthday. Do you
know you had me scared to death. I was
just about to run out of this place
like nobody's business. I was. I mean,
I didn't know -- I mean, what kind of
friends would surprise.
(pauses)
Mine. Then again, how many times do
you get to be thirty? Eleven?
(pauses)
Okay, come on. Say it and get it over
with. It's embarrassing. Quick I can't
stand it.
ALL
Happy birthday Robert!
ROBERT
I stood it. Thank you for including me
in your thoughts, your lives, your
families. Yes, thank you for
remembering. Thank you.
ALL
You don't look it.
ROBERT
Well, I feel it.
ALL
It's the birthday boy!
ROBERT
Now, you've rehearsed. Very good. I am
touched.
SUSAN
I love it when people are really
surprised.
PATTY
She loves it when people are really
surprised.
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3.
Sarah hands him a gift from the pile.
SARAH
If you don't like it, you can take it
back.
ROBERT
Well, I haven't even seen it yet.
SARAH
I mean, though, if you don't like it--
HARRY
Why don't you wait until the man looks
at the thing?
ROBERT
I know I'll like it.
SARAH
Why don't you just take it back?
HARRY
For God's sake, he just said he likes
it.
SARAH
Pretend not to notice Harry, Robert. I
think I'll leave.
She starts to leave.
HARRY
I was being funny, Sarah. We could
stay a little longer
They both come eye to eye, and slowly, very slowly sink
stiffly simultaneously, into two chairs as the action
continues. Patty throws a present at Robert.
PATTY
Hey, Bobby, take ours back too.
Amy grabs hers and brings it to Robert too.
AMY
Here's from Paul and me. If I were
you, I would take it back and get the
money. It cost so much I fainted.
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4.
PAUL
It did not, Robert. It's a sweater.
AMY
You told him what is was!
(to Robert)
Well, when I saw the price tag, I
thought it was a house.
Jeremy makes his way towards Robert, Joanne tries to get his
attention.
JOANNE
Sir, Sir. YOU! Yes, you! Tell him to
take yours back and get the money.
It's not the gift, it's the cost that
counts.
JEREMY
Who is that?
JOANNE
That is I, sir. I am very rich and I
am married. And I'd introduce him, but
I forgot his name.
ROBERT
Haven't you two met?
JOANNE
Pass, baby. Pass. There's no one here
I want to meet. Except her. She's
crazy.
Points to Amy.
JOANNE
And him. He's a looker.
Points to Harry, going over to him.
JOANNE
The rest are Lois and Larry Loser.
She takes Harry's drink from him.
JOANNE
Here's to you, winner.
She downs the drink.
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5.
HARRY
I find you quite fascinating. Quite
delightful. Quite--
JOANNE
You just blew it.
She puts the empty glass back in Harry's hand and moves away
from him.
LARRY
Many happy returns of the day, old
man.
JEREMY
David is now going to deliver our
greeting. Go on, sweetheart.
DAVID
Robert, happy birthday from us.
PATTY
And may this year bring you fame,
fortune, and your first wife.
ALL
Hear, Hear.
ROBERT
Listen, I'm fine without the three.
JOANNE
You bet your ass, baby.
Amy slips out.
SUSAN
(to Joanne)
He might have meant that
superciliously.
JOANNE
Oooo, isn't she darling with all that
free help.
SUSAN
I meant he could have been funny, is
all that I meant.
She sits down.
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6.
JOANNE
Now, don't cry. Don't cry or I'll push
your chair over.
LARRY
She's kidding ya. She's a great
kidder.
ROBERT
All right. Let's cut out the many
happy returns, and that is about
enough about me. I am just indeed
lucky to have all of you. I mean when
you've got friends like mine...
Amy enters with a cake
AMY
Well, our blessings, Robert.
Jeremy starts the group singing "Happy Birthday" which comes

out monotone.
AMY
Blow out your candles and get your
wish.
JEREMY
Don't tell your wish, Bobby, or it
won't come true
SUSAN
You have to close your eyes and blow
them all out.
JOANNE
SHUT UP!
LARRY
That's just her way of fooling.
Joanne laughs.
LARRY
See what I mean.
PATTY
Talk about your sense of humor!
Terrific!
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7.
AMY
Be sure to make it a good one, Robert.
He closes his eyes, wishes and blows, but only half the
candles go out. The wives hurriedly blow out the rest. The
following lines are spoken, each character slowly fades out
of the scene.
JENNY
You still get your wish. He still gets
his wish
SUSAN
He does? It must be a new rule!
AMY
Sure you do.
JOANNE
(moving away)
Don't believe a word of it
Music begins under, sounding like a BUSY SIGNAL.
SARAH
Of course you do.
ROBERT
Oh, I know it. I will. Actually, I
didn't wish for anything
LARRY
He's kidding. You gotta be kidding.
DAVID
Anyway, don't tell it.
PETER
Tell it if it's dirty
PAUL
They say you're not supposed to tell
it.
AMY
Paul's right. Don't tell.
HARRY
Anyway, Robert, you're in your prime-
Thirty
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8.
SARAH
Harry, hush! You don't tell a person's
age and our ages.
Now Robert stands alone in a completely denuded room.
Song: Company
JEREMY
Bobby...
PATTY
Bobby...
AMY
Bobby baby...
PAUL
Bobby bubi...
JOANNE
Robby...
SUSAN
Robert darling...
DAVID
Bobby, we've been trying to call you.
JEREMY
Bobby...
LARRY
Bobby...
AMY
Bobby baby...
PAUL
Bobby bubi...
SARAH
Angel, I've got something to tell you
HARRY
Bob...
LARRY
Rob-o...
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9.
JOANNE
Bobby love...
SUSAN
Bobby honey...
AMY AND PAUL

Bobby, we've been trying to reach you
all day.
LARRY
Bobby...
HARRY
Bobby...
PATTY
Bobby baby...
SARAH
Angel...
JOANNE
Darling...
DAVID AND JEREMY

The kids were asking Bobby...
HARRY
Bobby...
SUSAN
Robert...
JOANNE
Robby...
PATTY
Bob-o...
LARRY AND JOANNE

Bobby, there was something we wanted
to say.
SARAH AND HARRY

Bobby...
PAUL
Bobby bubi...
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AMY
Sweetheart...
SUSAN
Sugar...
DAVID AND JEREMY

Your line was busy.
PATTY
What have you been up to, kiddo?
AMY AND PAUL

Bobby, Bobby, how have you been?
HARRY
Fella...
SARAH
Sweetie...
SARAH AND HARRY

How have you been?
PATTY AND SUSAN

Bobby, Bobby, how have you been?
DAVID, JEREMY, JOANNE AND LARRY

Stop by on your way home-
AMY AND PAUL

Seems like weeks since we talked to
you!
SARAH AND HARRY

Bobby, we've been thinking of you!
DAVID, JEREMY, JOANNE AND LARRY

Drop by anytime
AMY AND PAUL

Bobby, there's a concert on Tuesday
DAVID AND JEREMY

Hank and Mary get into town tomorrow
PATTY AND SUSAN

How about some scrabble on Sunday?
SARAH AND HARRY

Why don't we all go the beach?
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11.
LARRY AND JOANNE

Bob, we're having people in Saturday
night.
SARAH AND HARRY

Next weekend?
JEREMY
Bobby...
PATTY
Bobby...
AMY
Bobby, baby...
DAVID AND JEREMY

Whatcha doing Thursday?
HARRY
Bobby...
SARAH
Angel,
PAUL
Bobby bubi...
SARAH AND HARRY

Time we got together, is Wednesday all
right?
AMY
Bobby...
LARRY
Rob-o...
SUSAN
Bobby honey...
AMY AND PAUL

Eight o'clock on Monday
JOANNE
Robby darling...
PATTY
Bobby fella...
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12.
PATTY AND JOANNE

Bobby baby...
ALL
Bobby come on over for dinner! We'll
be so glad to see you! Bobby, come on
over for dinner! Just be the three of
us, We loooooove you!
ROBERT
Phone rings, door chimes, in come
company! No strings, good times, room
hums, company! Late nights, quick
bites, party games, deep talks, long
walks, telephone calls, thoughts
shared, souls bared, private names.
All those photos up on the walls "With
love," With love filling the days,
with love seventy ways. "To Bobby,
with love" from all those good and
crazy people, my friends. Those good
and crazy people, my married friends!
And that's what it's all about isn't
it? That's what it's really about.
Really about!
The three partners, APRIL (22), CHRIS (30) and OSCAR (27)
enter
APRIL
Bobby...
CHRIS
Bobby...
OSCAR
Bobby...
PAUL
Bobby bubi...
JOANNE
Robby...
SUSAN
Robert darling...
SARAH
Angel, will you do me a favor?
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LARRY
Bobby...
AMY
Bobby...
ROBERT
Name it, Sarah.
JEREMY
Bobby baby...
PAUL
Bobby bubi...
PATTY
Listen, pal, I'd like your opinion
HARRY
Bob...
LARRY
Rob-o...
ROBERT
Try me, Patty
CHRIS
Bobby love...
OSCAR
Bobby honey...
LARRY AND AMY

Bobby, there's a problem- I need your
advice
APRIL AND PAUL

Bobby...
OSCAR AND HARRY

Bobby...
CHRIS AND PATTY

Bobby baby...
SARAH
Angel...
JOANNE
Darling...
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14.
APRIL, OSCAR AND CHRIS

Just half an hour...
ROBERT
Amy, can I call you back tomorrow?
DAVID AND JEREMY

Honey, if you'd visit the kids once or
twice
SARAH AND PATTY

Bobby...
JOANNE AND HARRY

Bobby...
PAUL AND OSCAR

Bobby bubi...
AMY
Sweetheart...
SUSAN
Sugar...

What's happened to you?
ROBERT
Jeremy, I could them to the zoo on
Friday
WIVES
Bobby... Bobby, where have you been?
HUSBANDS
Fella... kiddo, where have you been?
PARTNERS
Bobby... Bobby, how have you been?
HARRY, SARAH, PATTY AND SUSAN

Stop by on your way home...
ROBERT
Susan, love, I'll make it after seven
if I can.
WIVES
Bobby, dear, I don't mean to pry.
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HUSBANDS
Bobby, we've been thinking of you!
PARTNERS
Bobby we've been thinking of you!
PAUL, AMY, JOANNE, LARRY, DAVID AND JEREMY

Drop by anytime...
ROBERT
Sorry, Paul, I made a date with Larry
and Joanne
WIVES
Bobby, dear, it's none of my
business...
HUSBANDS
Lookit, pal, I have to work Thursday
evening...
WIVES
Darling, you've been looking
peculiar...
HUSBANDS
Bobby boy, you know how I hate the
opera...
WIVES
Funny thing, your name came up only
last night.
ROBERT
Harry ...David... Kathy, I...
PARTNERS
I shouldn't say this but...
ROBERT
April... Marta... Listen, people...
WIVES
Bobby, we've been worried, you sure
you're all right?
HARRY
Bobby... Bobby... Bobby baby...
GIRLS
Did I do something wrong?
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16.
HARRY
Bobby bubi, Bobby fella, Bobby, Bobby
ALL
Bobby, come on over for dinner! We'll
be so glad to see you! Bobby, come on
over for dinner! Just be the three of
us, Only the three of us, We
LOOOOOOOOOOVE you!
Phone rings, door chines, in comes

company! No strings, good times, just
chums, company! Late nights, quick
bites, party games, deep talks, long
walks, telephone calls. Thoughts
shared, souls bared, private names.
All those photos up on the walls "with
love," with love filling the days,
with love seventy ways, "To Bobby,
with love" from all those good and
crazy people, my friends. Those good
and crazy people, my married friends!
Any that's what it's all about, isn't
it? That's what it's really about,
isn't it? And that's what it's really
about, really about?
HUSBANDS
Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't
it?
WIVES AND GIRLS

LOOOOVE
ROBERT
You I love and you I love and you and
you I love and you I love and you I
love and you and you I love, I love
you!
ALL
Company! Company! Company, lots of
company! Years of company! Love is
company! Company!
The ringing of telephones and doorbells and city sounds are

head. The following lines are spoken simultaneously as the
company moves and exits in the frantic pace of New York
streets and lives.
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17.
INT. LARRY AND JOANNE'S APARTMENT- DAY
Joanne is standing gat the kitchen counter of a fancy New

York penthouse, while Larry sits on an armchair in the living
room on his phone
JOANNE
What time was that?
LARRY
Five o'clock, I think, Joanne.
JOANNE
Thank God, cocktail hour!
CUT TO
INT. LAGUARDIA TERMINAL- DAY
April stands at the Gate's desk in a busy terminal.
APRIL
Final departure call for NSEW Airlines
Flight one-nineteen. Will the
passengers that have not boarded
please do so.
CUT TO
INT. SARAH AND HARRY'S APARTMENT- DAY
Sarah and Harry sit in the living room watching TV.
SARAH
Harry, it's the door. I'll get it.
HARRY
I've got it.
SARAH
I'll get it. I always do.
CUT TO
INT. SUSAN AND PATTY'S APARTMENT- DAY
Susan and Patty are eating dinner, trying to get their two
kidss to eat the food in front of them.
PATTY
What the hell is that noise?
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18.
SUSAN
They're cleaning the building next
door, or tearing it down.
CUT TO
EXT. PORT AUTHORITY- DAY
Chris runs towards the cur trying to hail a cab. While Oscar
is hurrying down the street, trying to get out of such a
touristy area of Manhattan.
CHRIS
Taxi! Taxi! Oh, please please!
OSCAR
Will you stop blowing that horn, you
dodo!
CUT TO
INT. AMY AND PAULS APARTMENT- DAY
Amy and Paul are both working on their laptops. Paul is far
more engrossed in what he's doing than Amy is.
AMY
Paul, what is that noise?
PAUL
I don't hear anything.
CUT TO
INT. DAVID AND JEREMY'S APARTMENT
JEREMY
Oh David, the phone!
DAVID
I'll get it.
JEREMY
Oh, the kids. It's gonna wake up the
kids.
FADE OUT.
END OF EPISODE 1
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19.
EPISODE 2
_________
INT. SARAH AND HARRY'S APARTMENT- DAY
Sarah and Harry's living room on the ground floor of a garden

apartment. Chic. Classy. There is much laughing, giggling,
smiling and affection.
Robert is their dinner guest. He tries to maintain this

atmosphere of conviviality, even when he's not sure of what
is happening. The three have finished a long dinner and are
seated, having coffee in the living room.
The whole scene is a little passive aggressive between Sarah

and Harry with Robert being in the middle of it, without
realizing it.
SARAH
(Pouring coffee)
There's cinnamon in the coffee,
Robert... the odd taste is cinnamon.
Sugar and cream?
ROBERT
Both. May I have lots of both?
SARAH
Of course you may.
HARRY
Do you want some brandy in it, Robert?
Or do you just want some brandy?
ROBERT
You having some?
SARAH
We don't drink, but you have some, you
darling. Go ahead.
HARRY
Or do you want a real drink? We have
anything you want.
ROBERT
Well, Harry, if you don't mind, could
I have some bourbon?
HARRY
Right.
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20.
He goes to the bar and begins the elaborate preparation of

Robert's drink.
SARAH
Sweetheart.
HARRY
(through his teeth)
Okay, darling.
ROBERT
Are you both on the wagon? Sarah?
You're not on the wagon?
SARAH
Goodness, Robert, all the questions!
Or do you just collect trivia like
some old quiz kid? We spend half our
lives with you and now you notice
Harry's on the wagon?
HARRY
(proudly)
A year and a half.
SARAH
No, love. Just a year.
HARRY
It was a year in February. It's a year
and a half now.
SARAH
I know for a fact next month it will
be a year.
HARRY
And a half.
SARAH
One year. Count it, one! Harry got
arrested for being drunk, and quit out
of some kind of humiliation.
HARRY
I quit to see if I could is actually
what happened. C'mon, I must have told
you about all that.
He has poured the bourbon into Robert's glass and sniffs it

longingly.
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21.
ROBERT
Never. You never mentioned it or I
never would have brought you the
bourbon. How were you arrested?
SARAH
Another question! Here, why don't you
have one of these brownies you
brought?
EXT. CALIFORNIA STREET- NIGHT
Soft Flashback. Harry's next line narrates the scene we see.

Harry gets out of a car in front of a hotel. He stares up at
the hotel and then decides to turn and walk down the street.
He is clearly drunk, swaying from side to side.
HARRY (VO)
I was in California on business and I
really got soused one night and these
guys drove me back to my hotel, but
instead of going in, I walked down to
the corner to get something to eat to
sober up.
Sarah interrupts the voice over and the Flashback Harry stops
as if he's heard her.
SARAH (VO)
You said it was three blocks away.
SMASH CUT TO
INT. SARAH AND HARRY'S APARTMENT- CONTINUOUS
HARRY
No, just the corner.
SARAH
(In a stage whisper to Robert)
Three blocks away.
EXT. CALIFORNIA STREET- CONTINUOUS
The Flashback resumes. Again, Harry narrates what we see on

the screen. A police car pulls up to Harry and rolls down the
window. The police man speaks but it's Harry's voice instead,
mimicking police man. He responds in his normal voice.
HARRY (VO)
Anyway, the patrol car stopped me and
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22.
said, "You're drunk." I said, "Drunk?

I'm clobbered." He said, "I'm taking
you in." "Take me to my hotel, for
God's sake," I said. "It's just on the
corner"
SMASH CUT TO
He cracks the ice and adds the soda.
SARAH
Three blocks away.
Robert moves to the bar and reaches for his drink, but is
stopped by Harry, who indicates that the lemon peel has not
yet been added.
HARRY
Anyway, they mugged me and booked me
for being drunk. Unbelievable.
California is a police state, though.
And then, Robert, the very next time I
was out there, I got arrested all over
again - drunk driving. I only had wine-
SARAH
Only five bottles...
HARRY
And I ________
insisted on taking a drunk test.
I flunk it by one point.
He adds lemon peel to the drink with a flourish, emphasizing

that one point.
SARAH
And that is when you quit, precious.
He always thinks it was the first
arrest, but it was the second. We
never told you that? Curious, I
thought Harry had told everybody.
_________
Harry's gaze is fixed on Robert's drink. He looks at it

mesmerized and longingly.
HARRY
Anyway, I quit to see if I really had
a drinking problem, and I don't.
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23.
SARAH
Just a problem drinking.
Robert awkwardly takes the drink from Harry, breaking Harry's

trance. Robert walks back to the couch where Sarah is
sitting, leaving Harry across the room at the bar.
ROBERT
Do you miss it?
SARAH
See how you talk in questions! 'Harry,
do you miss it?'
HARRY
No. No, I really don't.
SARAH
(Loud whisper to Robert)
Yes. Yes, he really does.
(Full voice)
Hi, darling.
HARRY
Anyway, I stopped. Haven't had a drink
since.
SARAH
(coughs)
Once.
HARRY
What's once? I haven't had a drink
since
SARAH
(sing-songy)
At Evelyn and George's wedding.
The rest of this conversation between them gets progressively

more aggressive. During this time as well, Harry is walking
back from the bar to the couch where Sarah and Robert are.
HARRY
(exasperated)
A toast, for God's sake. Sorry,
Robert, you must have noticed how
staggering falling-down drunk I got on
one swallow of champagne.
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24.
SARAH
I _____
never said you got drunk, but you
did have the champagne.
HARRY
A swallow. One swallow.
SARAH
And it was gone. An elephant's
swallow.
ROBERT
(breaking the tension)
I'd like to ask for another bourbon,
but I'm terrified.
Harry grabs the glass and runs back to the bar.
SARAH
Darling Robert, put a nipple on the
bottle for all we care. Don't you want
a brownie?
ROBERT
God, no. I'll bust.
SARAH
Bust? ___
You bust? You skinny thing. Just
look at you. Bones. You're skin and
bones. I bet when you get on a scale
it goes the other way- minus.
ROBERT
Well, thank you, Sarah. I am touched
and honored. And I think I was just
insulted.
Sarah takes the box of brownies from the coffee table and
practically shoves them in Robert's face.
SARAH
Oh, Robert, I was praying that you'd
eat just one so I could watch.
ROBERT
Sarah! Is it possible you've become a
food voyeur?
SARAH
Mexican food. What I crave without
cease is Mexican food. With all the
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25.
Tabasco sauce in the world.
Harry has finished making Robert's drink and turns around to

head back to the couch right as Sarah is sneakily picking up
a brownie.
HARRY
Don't eat that brownie!
SARAH
I'm not. I'm just smelling it. Oh,
Robert, you eat one!
ROBERT
Not with bourbon. Thank you, Harry.
Robert takes the drink from Harry without a second look at

it. Harry looks upset, as he hasn't the lemon nor his other
"extras"
SARAH
And chocolate. I'd kill for chocolate.
Or a baked potato with sour cream and
chives. Doesn't that just make you
writhe? Or hot sourdough bread and all
the butter there is.
Harry knows where this conversation is going. He knows if he

can get Sarah to eat a brownie, he can get away with drinking
so he goads her cravings on.
HARRY
Chili.
SARAH
Oh, chili, dear God, yes, chili!
HARRY
Manicotti.
SARAH
Manicotti. One teaspoon of manicotti.
HARRY
Sara Lee cake.
SARAH
Sara Lee cake! Sara Lee is the most
phenomenal woman since Maya Angelou.
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26.
HARRY
How about sweet and sour shrimp?
SARAH
How about sweet and sour pork?
She pretends to pass out by falling behind the sofa, but

Robert has seen her stick a brownie in her mouth on the way
down. She eats it, hidden from their sight behind the sofa.
Robert watches this, and turns in time to see Harry stealing
one swallow of bourbon. Robert, realizing he's clearly in the
middle of a key marital issue, feels like an uncomfortable
third wheel.
ROBERT
I get the impression you guys are on
diets.
HARRY
Not me. Sarah.
Sarah gets up from behind the couch as is nothing has

happened. She brushes herself off, but is clearly still not-
so-discreetly chewing
SARAH
Look at these pants. You can put your
fist in there. That's how much weight
I've lost.
HARRY
She always does that. Look, I can put
my fist in my pants too, you know. She
thinks I buy that.
SARAH
Darling, I've lost eight pounds
already.
HARRY
It's the magazines, Robert. Did you
ever look at any of those women's
magazines? Pages and pages of cakes
and pies and roasts and potatoes. I
bed Sarah subscribes to about forty
magazines. It's a sickness. We're up
to our ass in magazines.
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27.
SARAH
I read them all.
HARRY
Don't.
SARAH
Do.
HARRY
Look at this, Robert. Wrestling. She
even subscribes to a magazine on
wrestling.
SARAH
Karate, not wrestling. It's karate.
HARRY
Wouldn't you like to see it? All those
fat broads in her gym learning karate.
What wouldn't you give to see that?
SARAH
Strangely enough, darling, I'm
terribly good at it.
ROBERT
How long have you been studying it?
SARAH
(proudly and matter-of-factly)
Seven months.
HARRY
Show us some karate.
SARAH
No. Robert, would you like some more
coffee, love? You, Harry?
Harry wants to continue this argument despite the fact that

Robert is uncomfortable. It's almost as if he's forgotten
Robert was there.
HARRY
No. I want some karate. I want to see
how my money is being wasted.
SARAH
No.
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28.
Robert is both curious, and knows that Harry won't let up

until Sarah has done some karate.
ROBERT
Do one thing.
SARAH
No.
ROBERT
(Flirtatiously)
Come on, Sarah, I really would give
anything to see you do just one. I bet
you are _________
excellent. Hey, I'll be your
partner.
SARAH
(girlishly)
No. Oh, Harry, this is embarrassing.
HARRY
Aw, come on.
SARAH
My God- all right.
HARRY
Hooray!
SARAH
One throw!
HARRY
Hooray!
SARAH
Harry, do you want to stand there?
Robert is slightly offended that Sarah immediately forgot

their agreement, but then again, he's almost a ghost to the
couple.
HARRY
Where?
SARAH
There.
HARRY
All right. I'm standing here. Now
what?
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29.
Sarah, with intense concentration, goes into her karate

preparation ritual, complete with knee bends, deep-breathing,
grunts and a variety of chops and holds.
SARAH
Okay. Now just come at me.
HARRY
Okay.
He does, and she lets out a piercing samurai sound, "HYIEEE,"

flipping him spread-eagle to the flow. Sarah does a Japanese
bow to Harry, and does a feminine tiptoe dance to the sofa,
where she lies majestically and adorably, looking at her
fingernails.
ROBERT
Fantastic. That's hysterical.
Ego a little bruised, Harry gets up and moves away, doing

some sort of twist to loosen his back from the impact of the
fall. He's playing it off as though it didn't hurt, but it
actually did.
HARRY
Actually, I could have prevented that.
SARAH
How?
HARRY
By blocking it.
SARAH
No, that can't be blocked.
HARRY
It certainly can. I just didn't do it.
SARAH
Anyway, Robert, that can't be blocked.
HARRY
Let's do it again.
SARAH
Okay.
He goes at her. She attempts the same thing and he blocks it

by lifting her and putting her over his shoulder. Taken by
surprise, Sarah quickly reworks the movement in her mind and
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30.
comes up with her mistake.
SARAH
Oh, I see. Put me down. Okay, do it
again.
He does it again and she overcomes his block, throwing him

again. She then gives a karate SCREAM and jumps on top of
him, pinning him down in a vaugley sexual position.
CUT TO
INT. JOANNE'S NIGHTCLUB- NIGHT
Joanne appears in the nightclub we will see in a later

episode. She's standing on a small stage singing to a bar of
half-listening patrons. She sings "The Little Things You Do
Together", completely unaware of the squabble between Harry
and Sarah.
JOANNE
It's the little things you do
together, do together, do together,
that make perfect relationships. The
hobbies you pursue togethers, savings
you accrue together, Looks you
misconstrue together that make
marriage a joy. Mm-hm...
CUT TO
ROBERT
(Forcing a laugh)
That's very good.
Harry picks Sarah up off of him as he stands up. He won't let

her have the last laugh.
HARRY
Once more. Do it once more.
Robert, sensing Harry's passion tries to distract him.
ROBERT
Harry, could I have another bourbon?
There is a much more serious look on both of their faces

now... Harry lunges at her. They block each other and are
caught in a power struggle. Their blocks and struggle are
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31.
growing more and more sexual in nature, making Robert

increasingly uncomfortable.
HARRY
Give up?
SARAH
Do you?
HARRY
I've got you.
SARAH
I've got you
___.
HARRY
Do you want to do it again?
SARAH
All right. You break first.
HARRY
Uh-uh. You break first.
SARAH
We can just stay here.
HARRY
All right with me. Fine with me.
ROBERT
You're both very good.
HARRY
I could get out of this, you know.
SARAH
Try it.
Harry kicks a foot behind her two foot, knocking her to the
floor. He's on top of her, pinning her down in a very
dominant sexual position.
HARRY
Okay, I tried it.
Sarah grabs Harry by his shirt and somersaults him over her
head, so that he ends up flat on his back on the floor. She
quickly stands up, grabs Harry's arm and pins him down with
her foot, holding him in place with an arm pull. Groaning
loudly in agony, but also almost aroused, Harry beats on the
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32.
floor with his free hand.
SARAH
Uncle?
HARRY
Uncle, your ass!
CUT TO
INT. JOANNE'S NIGHTCLUB- CONTINUOUS
JOANNE
It's the little things you share
together, swear together, wear
together, that make perfect
relationships. The concerts you enjoy
together, neighbors you annoy
together, children you destroy
together, that keep marriage intact.
It's not so hard to be married when

two maneuver as one, it's not so hard
to be married and, Jesus Christ, is it
fun.
It's sharing little winks together,

drinks together, kinks together, that
make marriage a joy.
It's bargains that you shop together,

cigarettes you stops together,
clothing that you swap together, that
make perfect relationships. Uh-huh...
Mm-hm...
CUT TO
Sarah and Harry prepare for a third fall. Robert gets up from
his chair with his empty glass and tries to cross the room to
get a refill.
ROBERT
Could I have another bourbon?
Inadvertently he finds himself between Sarah and Harry, and

suddenly he is hit from the front by Harry and the rear by
Sarah. All three go down to the floor with much noise,
looking, to an outside observer that they are having a
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33.
threesome.
Montage: Now the rest of the couples (except Harry and Sarah)
join Joanne in finishing the song. The scene is a montage of
what the other couples are doing at that moment.
CUT TO
Joanne looks out on her nightclub audience and sees Larry,

maybe the only patron actively listening to her perform.
CUT TO
INT. SUSAN AND PATTY'S APARTMENT- DAY
Susan and Patty are in their playroom playing with their

kids. Susan is playing blocks in one corner with their son.
In the opposite corner, Patty is helping her daughter put
together a puzzle. They make eye contact across the room and
smile at each other.
CUT TO
Harry and Sarah are still wrestling, only half realizing

Robert is now tangled up with them as he actively tries to
escape the encounter.
CUT TO
EXT. NEW YORK STREET- EVENING
David walks down the street holding his son. As he approaches

an office building, Jeremy emerges. David sets the boy down,
who runs over to his dad. Jeremy picks up the excited boy and
swings his around, kissing him on the cheek. David catches up
and greets his husband. They take hands and walk down the
street as a family.
CUT TO
INT. AMY AND PAULS APARTMENT- EVENING
Amy and Paul in their apartment cooking an elaborate dinner

together. Paul washes and chops veggies as Amy cooks the meat
on the stove. They are talking and laughing and occassionally
dancing around the kitchen together.
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34.
CUT TO
Harry and Sarah and Robert are stil wrestling, fighting for
control.
ALL
It's not talk of God and the decade
ahead that allow you to get through
the worst. It's "I do" and "You don't"
and "Nobody said that" and "Who
brought the subject up first". It's
the little things, the little things,
the little things... It's the little
things, the little things, the little
things... The little ways you try
together, cry together, lie together,
that make perfect relationships.
Becoming cliche together, growing old
and gray together
JOANNE
Withering away together
ALL
That makes marriage a joy.
MEN
It's not so hard to be married,
WOMEN
It's much the simplest of crimes.
MEN
It's not so hard to be married,
JOANNE
I've done it three or four times.
JEREMY
It's people that you hate together,
PAUL AND AMY

Bait together,
PATTY AND SUSAN

Date together,
ALL
That makes marriage a joy.
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35.
DAVID
It's things like using force together,
LARRY
Shouting till you're hoarse together,
JOANNE
Getting a divorce together,
ALL
That make perfect relationships. Uh-
huh... Kiss, kiss... Mm-hm...
The song ends. Robert, Sarah and Harry break at the same
time; all are panting for air and oddly, slightly aroused.
ROBERT
My...wow... How 'bout that? Huh?
HARRY
(Laughing)
I had you there...
SARAH
(Laughing)
I had ___
you there...
They start for each other again, but Robert steps between
them.
ROBERT
I'd say it was a draw.
They say nothing, trying to pull themselves together.
ROBERT
Wow. Look at the time. I've got to get
going.
SARAH AND HARRY

Awww!
ROBERT
Wow. Listen, I had a great time.
SARAH
(Still panting hard)
So did we.
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36.
HARRY
(Panting)
Great to see you. Sure you wouldn't
care for a nightcap?
ROBERT
Right!
Harry starts for the bar, excited to get back to his alcohol.
ROBERT
I mean, no! I mean, will I see you
soon?
SARAH
(With a slight smile)
Don't answer that, Harry. He gets no
more questions, that sneaky Pete.
She gives Robert an affectionate peck on the cheek.
ROBERT
Wow.
Bobby's phone suddenly goes off (is it a phone call, a

notification, an alarm?) to the music of "Bobby Baby". Robert
looks at his phone and sighs. There is a slight and self-
conscious pause
ROBERT
Thanks again.
INT. HALLWAY- CONTINUOUS
He leaves the apartment, utterly bewildered. He continues

down the hallway and steps out on a New York sidewalk in the
early evening.
Harry heads for the bar. With his fingertip he catches a drop
of liquor from the spout of each bottle on the bar. Sarah has
headed for the coffee table, where she pops a brownie into
her mouth. Neither person has really noticed Robert has left
HARRY
I'll turn the lights out.
SARAH
(With mouth very full)
I will!
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37.
(Harry points and gives her that

"I-caught-you" look)
I always do
HARRY
No, you don't.
SARAH
Oh, Harry, I love you.
She leaves. Harry goes over to steal a drink out of Robert's

old glass. He realizes Robert left and pulls out his phone.
EXT. NEW YORK STREET CONTINUOUS
Robert's phone starts RINGING to the tune of "BOBBY BABY." He

pulls it out of his pocket, sees it's Harry and answers.
ROBERT
Hey Harry!
HARRY
Bobby! Hey man. You left so quickly,
we didn't get to say bye.
ROBERT
Yeah. You were a little preoccupied
and I have a date anyway
HARRY
Of course you do, you dog. Listen, I'm
sorry about that whole "karate" stuff.
Sarah's a handful on her best day.
ROBERT
Oh, don't worry about it. It was...
entertaining.
HARRY
Yeah. Well, thanks for coming. We
loved having you.
Harry starts to hang up
ROBERT
Harry?
HARRY
Yeah Bob?
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38.
ROBERT
You ever sorry you got married?
Harry sighs. He sings "Sorry-Grateful"
HARRY
You're always sorry, you're always
grateful. You're always wondering what
might have been. Then she walks in.
Sarah comes back into the living room and starts clearing the
living room and bar area from Robert's visit.
And still you're sorry, and still

you're grateful, and still you wonder
and still you doubt, and she goes out.
Sarah's finished putting everything away and goes into the

bedroom
Everything's different, nothing's

changed, only maybe slightly
rearranged. You're sorry-grateful,
regretful-happy. Why look for answers
where none occur? You always are what
you always were, which as nothing to
do with all to do with her.
SARAH
(Offstage)
Harry, darling, come to bed.
HARRY
Coming, darling.
FADE TO
INT. DAVID AND JEREMY'S BATHROOM- CONTINUOUS
David and Jeremy are standing at Jack and Jill sinks. Jeremy
brushes his teeth, and starts with his skin care routine. His
lips are moving, as if he's talking to David but he's muted.
David holds a toothbrush and stares at Jeremy as he sings.
DAVID
You're always sorry, you're always
grateful, you hold him thinking "I'm
not alone." You're still alone. You
don't live for him, you do live with
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39.
him, you're scared he's starting to

drift away and scared he'll stay.
FADE TO
INT. LARRY AND JOANNE'S BEDROOM- CONTINUOUS
Larry is laying on the right side of bed holding a book, but

not reading it. As he sings, he watches Joanne move about the
room. She stands in front of a boudoir, taking off her makeup
and jewelry. Then she pulls out pajamas and starts getting
dressed for bed.
LARRY
Good things get better, bad get worse.
Wait-- I think I meant that in reverse
INT. DAVID AND JEREMY'S BEDROOM- CONTINUOUS
David is laying on the right side of bed. Jeremy is talking

to their son in the doorway. He gives the child a kiss and
closes the door. He turns to David and chuckles. He comes
over the bed, puts on hand lotion and climbs in.
HARRY, DAVID, LARRY

You're sorry-grateful, regretful-
happy, Why look for answers where none
occur? You'll always be what you
always were, which has nothing to do
with, all to do with her/him.
Jeremy climbs into the bed they turn out the lights, leaving
the room in darkness.
INT. LARRY AND JOANNE'S BEDROOM- CONTINUOUS
Larry is still laying in bed. Joanne is still moving about

the room. We can tell from her body language that she is
venting about something, but like Jenny, her voice is muted.
HARRY AND LARRY

You'll always be what you always were,
which has nothing to do with all to do
with her.
Joanne climbs into the bed they turn out the lights, leaving
the room in darkness.
INT. HARRY AND SARAH'S BEDROOM- CONTINUOUS
Sarah is laying in bed, fast asleep. Harry looks at her,
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40.
kisses her on the cheek.
HARRY
Nothing to do with, all to do with
her.
Harry climbs into bed and turns out the light, leaving their
room in darkness
CUT TO
EXT. NEW YORK STREET CONTINUOUS
Robert is standing on the sidewalk outside his apartment,

phone still to his ear.. He hangs up the phone and walks into
his building.
INT. ROBERT'S APARTMENT- CONTINUOUS
Robert enters his empty apartment. He goes into the kitchen

and opens a beer. He stands, leaning against his counter,
alone drinking it.
Robert stands in his bathroom. He brushes his teeth and uses

the toilet.
He walks into his room, taking off his pants and shirt as he
walks to the bed. He gets into the right side of bed, but
unlike the husbands, there is no one next to him. He is very
alone. He turns out the lights
FADE OUT.
END OF EPISODE 2
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41.
EPISODE 3:
__________
EXT. PATTY AND SUSAN'S TERRACE- DAY
A medium sized terrace in a nice apartment. The terrace has

all the makings of a great outdoor space. A handful of deck
chairs, a small grill. But almost every inch is cluttered
with stuff. Pool toys. Folding chairs. A cooler. Skis and
snowboards. The wall next to the door is lined with snow and
rain boots of varying sizes. A smattering of kids toys are
laying around.
Robert is standing against the railing holding a beer. He's

admiring the view (really just apartment buildings and stores
and the sidewalk below.) There is constant New York WHITE
NOISE. Robert, content, closes his eyes with a sigh.
PATTY (OS)
Bob, Bob, where are you?
She finds Robert on the terrace and joins him.
PATTY
What are you doing out here?
ROBERT
It is so great to have a terrace. Wow.
Susan, hearing them, comes out on the terrace as well;

stepping over the clutter in the process.
SUSAN
We never use it. We keep things like
old sleds and stuff out here.
ROBERT
You don't ever just sit out here?
PATTY
I hate it. And the kids are impossible
out here. And everyone can hear
everything you say.
(Yelling up the floors above)
Are you listening? And it's dirty all
the time. And look at all the bird-do.
She points to the railing where Robert has her coat. Robert
quickly removes it
SUSAN
And noisy. Oo, that traffic. You can't
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42.
even hear yourself think. And what can

you see? It's not like you see
something. You just see the building
across the street.
PATTY
Well, if you lean way out and look
over there you can see the East River.
Patty and Robert lean over the railing, craning a litle too
far, which causes Susan to nervously pull them back.
SUSAN
Except you decided you really can't.
Patty almost met her Maker one night
trying to see that old East River. She
did.
ROBERT
You saved her?
SUSAN
Me? No. Well- in a way.
PATTY
She fainted. So I got down.
SUSAN
Patty just is not afraid of anything
at all. Unfortunately, I was not made
that way. One day Patty fell off the
ladder when she was putting up my
curio cabinet and she split her head
right open. Well, I fainted. I came
to, I looked at her head and I fainted
again. Four times I fainted that
night.
ROBERT
(laughing)
Well, that is sweet. I mean you're a
woman. I think that is very charming.
Very. I do. In fact she is, without a
doubt, the most charming woman I have
ever, ever met. You are a lucky girl,
Patty.
Robert gives Susan an awkward little hug.
ROBERT
I mean, that kind of- oh, southern
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43.
graciousness- there just ain't no more

of that around. You two are beautiful
together. Really. And Patty- if you
even decide to leave her I want to be
the first to know.
SUSAN
Well...
PATTY
You're the first to know.
ROBERT
What?
SUSAN
We're getting divorced.
PATTY
We haven't told anyone yet.
ROBERT
(Stunned; pauses)
Oh!
Roberts phone BUZZES in his pocket to the tune of "BOBBY

BABY". He reaches into his pocket to turn off the sound.
ROBERT
I'm - uh - so surprised
They just smile at him. They don't speak.
ROBERT
Maybe you'll work it out.
He gets no reaction. His phone RINGS again, more persistently

to the tune of "BOBBY BABY".
ROBERT
Don't think so, huh? Well, I know how
hard it is for you and how you must
feel.
Suddenly a passing truck lets out a blow of smoke, causing

Robert to cough. As the smoke clears, we're suddenly in:
INT. DAVID AND JEREMY'S APARTMENT- DAY
The three are seated in the den, which also seems to serve as
their children's playroom. Robert and Jeremy sit side by side
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44.
on the couch while David is in an adjacent armchair. On the

coffee table in front of them are assorted marijuana
pariphanalia, including a small container of weed, grinder,
lighter, and rolling papers. There is smoke in the air from
their last joint. There are various children's toys scattered
around including stuffed animals and action figures. David is
wearing fairy wings, Robert is wearing a tiara, and Jeremy is
clutching a teddy bear.
Jeremy directs much of this opening conversation to David,

who doesn't respond, but smiles increasingly. David and
Robert are properly and visually stoned- a chill high. Jeremy
is as well, but doesn't realize it- a paranoid high.
JEREMY
(answering Robert's last line)
Feel? I just don't feel anything.
David, I don't care for any more.
He hands Robert the butt of a joint. David, a practiced

stoner, stares straight ahead and extinguishes it in an
ashtray.
JEREMY
It's too small. That's too small. It
probably just doesn't work on me. Do
you feel anything, Do you, honey?
Because I don't.
ROBERT
You will.
JEREMY
____? I mean we've had ___
When two, for heaven
sake. I think maybe it depends on the
person's constitution. Don't you,
Dave? Well, listen, it's always good
to try everything once.
David doesn't respond.
ROBERT
Just wait!
JEREMY
I'm not planning to go anywhere. Maybe
I'm just too dumb or square, but I
honestly don't feel anything. Do you,
Dave? Because I don't. Absolutely
nothing. Honestly, not a thing. I
mean, I ____
wish I did. I just don't.
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45.
Maybe they gave you ____

real grass, right
off the front lawn. I knew I wouldn't
feel anything, though. I don't have
that kind of constitution. Why am I
talking so much?
ROBERT
You're high.
JEREMY
Am I? Am I? I am not.
DAVID
(Give a short chortle)
I am.
JEREMY
Are you? You are not. I'm so dry! My
throat is so dry.
ROBERT
You're high.
JEREMY
Is that part of it?
ROBERT
You'll probably get hungry, too.
JEREMY
Yes? Should I feel ____
that, too?
ROBERT
You don't have to feel anything.
JEREMY
Are you hungry, Dave?
DAVID
No, I'd like some water, though.
JEREMY
Me too.
He gets up to get a pitcher of water.
JEREMY
Do you want some, Robert?
ROBERT
No, thank you.
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46.
He heads into the kitchen. He suddenly stops and turns back

to Robert, confused.
JEREMY
What?
ROBERT
I don't want any, Jeremy, thank you.
JEREMY
Any what, Robert?
DAVID
You asked him, honey. Water!
JEREMY
Oh, water... I could not remember what
we were talking about.
ROBERT
See, you forget when you're high!
JEREMY
Ohhh, God, do you. Wow. Are you high,
Dave?
DAVID
I'm baked.
Jeremy sits clumsily back down on the couch, laughing.
JEREMY
Baked. That is beautiful. Jesus!
ROBERT
You're really high now, huh?
JEREMY
Jesus!
DAVID
That's twice you said "Jesus"
JEREMY
(not believing)
You're kidding.
DAVID
No. You said it two times. He never
swears.
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47.
JEREMY
I didn't even know I said it once.
DAVID
Say "son-of-a-bitch"
JENNY
Son-of-a-bitch.
They all laugh so riotously that David falls out of his chair
DAVID
(from the floor)
Say "Kiss my ass"
JEREMY
Kiss my ass.
They roar at this and Jeremy tumbles to the floor near David
and they hug each other.
JEREMY
Kiss my ass, you son-of-a-bitch
They all scream with laughter. Now Robert joins them and
falls to the floor
JEREMY
Oh Jesus. That's three!
VOICE (OS)
Will you shut up- down there! It's two
o'clock, for Chrissakes!
JEREMY
Shhh, oh shhh. Laugh to yourselves.
He quiets them down and almost tiptoes to the direction of

the voice. Then he loudly yells out the open window.
JEREMY
IT'S ALL RIGHT, NOW!
DAVID
Shhh, Jer, for God's sake-
Robert starts laughing again. Jeremy tiptoes back over to

them.
JEREMY
Bobby, stop! We'll get evicted.
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48.
ROBERT
Jeremy, you're terrific. You're the
person I should have married.
The laughter subsides a bit, into to an awkward, sobering

silence
JEREMY
Listen, I know a darling girl in this
building you'll just love
ROBERT
What?
JEREMY
When are you going to get married?
DAVID
What?
JEREMY
I mean it. To me a person's not
complete until he's married.
ROBERT
Oh, I will. It's not like I'm avoiding
marriage. It's avoiding me, if
anything. I'm ready.
JEREMY
Actually, you're not. But listen, not
everybody should be married, I guess.
I'm going to get some water. I'll
bring back a pitcher.
Jeremy leaves the room.
DAVID
I don't know. See, to me, a man should
be married. Your life as a - what?
What am I trying to say? A point to it-
a bottom, you know what I'm saying? I
have everything, but freedom. Which is
everything, huh? No. ____
This is
everything. I got my husband, my kid,
a home. I feel that -uh- well, you
gotta give up to get. Know what I'm
saying?
ROBERT
Listen, I agree. But you know what
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49.
bothers me- if, if you marry, then

you've got another person _____
there all
the time. Plus you can't get out of
it. You are caught! See? And even if
you do get out of it, what do you have
to show for it? Not to mention the
fact that -then- you've always been
married. I mean, you can never not be
married again.
Jeremy comes back, this time holding a pitcher of water and

some cups. He's continuing his previous thought as though he
had never left the room.
JEREMY
I don't feel you're really ready. Do
you think, just maybe, I mean,
subconsciously- you might be resisting
it?
ROBERT
(offended)
No. Negative. Absolutely not! I meet
girls all the time. All over the
place.
Robert's phone buzzes on the table with the tune of "BOBBY

BABY". He clicks it off, but the music still plays quietly,
non-diagetically.
ROBERT
All you have to do is live in New
York, and you meet a girl a minute.
Right now, I date this stewardess,
cute original...
CUT TO
INT. LAGUARDIA TERMINAL- DAY
April is standing at a boarding gate- it's a continuation of

her scene from the pilot. She takes a late passengers
boarding pass and waves them through.
ROBERT (VO)
... odd. And Chris, you never met
Chris, did you? Well, he's the best...
CUT TO
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50.
INT. TAXI- DAY
Just like April, Chris is getting in the taxi she hailed in

the pilot.
CHRIS
75th and Columbus please.
ROBERT (VO)
... just the best! And then there's
Oscar.
CUT TO
EXT. PORT AUTHORITY- DAY
Oscar, having just passed Chris (in the pilot scene)

continues down the street, in true New York fashion, not
giving a fuck and bopping along to the MUSIC in his
headphones.
ROBERT (OS)
God, he's fun! I'm certainly not
resisting marriage!
Each partner gives a look of disbelief or disgust, seemingly

because of Robert's comment, but actually because of an
interaction they've had in their lives at that moment. April
has an unpleasant encounter with a passenger on her flight. .
Chris taxi driver makes an inappropriate question. A dress-up
character has approached Oscar asking if he wants a picture.
CUT TO
INT. DAVID AND JEREMY'S APARTMENT- CONTINUOUS
ROBERT
My life is totally prepared for a
gigantic change right now. I'm ready
to be married.
DAVID
Right. Then, why aren't you?
ROBERT
Right.
Just like before, each partner responds, seemingly to Robert

but actually to their individual circumstances. Oscar is
sarcastic towards the character. April's is frustratedly
polite towards the passenger. Chris is uncomfortably under
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51.
his breath to the cab driver.
OSCAR
Right.
APRIL
Right.
CHRIS
Right.
David reachs for the remote and turns on the TV. It's a
commerical set in the 60s with a woman and two men singing.
In Bobby's high stupor, he hullucinates the actors as Oscar,
April and Chris.
Song: You Could Drive a Person Crazy
The song goes from being in the TV to being a hullicination

for Robert where he's in they commerical with his partners.
The song's is a cheesy, dreamlike music video in which the
partners are making fun of Robert as they playfully interact
with him.

Doo-doo-doo-doo. Doo-doo-doo-doo. Doo-
doo-doo-doo-doo-doo. You could drive a
person crazy, you could drive a person
mad. Doo-doo doo-doo doo. First you
make a person hazy so a person could
be had. Doo-doo doo-doo doo. Then you
leave a person dangling sadly outside
your door. Which it only makes a
person gladly want you even more. I
could understand a person if it's not
a person's bag. Doo-doo doo-doo doo. I
could understand a person if a person
was a fag. Doo-doo doo-doo doo. Boo-
boo boo-boo. But worsen' that, a
person that titillates a person and
then leaves her flat if crazy, he's a
troubled person, he's a truly crazy
person himself!
(spoken)
You crummy bastard! You son-of-a-
bitch!
(sung)
Bobby is my hobby and I'm giving it
up.
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52.
CHRIS
When a person's personality is
personable, he shouldn't oughta sit
like a lump. It's harder than a
matador coercin' a bull to try to get
you off-a your-rump. So single and
attentive and attractive a man is
everything a person could wish, but
turning off a person is the act of a
man who likes to pull the hooks out of
fish.

Knock, knock, is anybody there? Knock,
knock, it really isn't fair. Knock,
knock, I'm working all my charms.
Knock, knock, a zombie's in my arms.
All that sweet affection, what is
wrong? Where's the loose connection?
How long, oh Lord, how long? Bobby
baby, Bobby bubi, Bobby,
You could drive a person buggy, you

could blow a person's cool. Doo-doo
doo-doo doo. Like you make a person
feel all the huggy while you make her
feel a fool. Doo-doo doo-doo doo. When
you person says that you've upset her
that's when you're good. You
impersonate a person better than a
zombie should.
I could understand a person if he

wasn't good in bed. Doo-doo doo-doo
doo. I could understand a person if
actually was dead. Doo-doo doo-doo
doo. Exclusive you, elusive you, will
any person ever get the juice of you?
You're crazy, you're a lovely person,
you're a moving, deeply maladjusted,
never to be trusted crazy person
yourself.
Suddenty Bobby is snapped out of the dream and finds himself

back on Jeremy and David's couch.
JEREMY
I'm starving. I'll get us something to
eat
Jeremy gets up.
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53.
Do one of you sons-of-bitches want to

help? The kiss my ass.
DAVID
Oh, boy
He lights a cigarette and moves away.
JEREMY
Did you light another one?
DAVID
Just a cigarette
ROBERT
Shall I roll another one?
JEREMY
Maybe one.
DAVID
No.
ROBERT
I can roll another one in a second.
DAVID
No.
JEREMY
No more?
A moment. David looks at Jeremy, trying to telepathically get

through to him.
DAVID
I don't think so.
A pause.
JEREMY
I don't think so either.
ROBERT
It'll just take a second to make
another one.
There's a long pause.
DAVID
Listen, you two have one.
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54.
JEREMY
I don't want one.
DAVID
Have one if you want one.
JEREMY
But I don't
(pause)
I'll get some food.
He embraces David.
JEREMY
Isn't he a marvelous man?
DAVID
(Lovingly)
I married a square. A confessed
square.
Jeremy starts to go, then turns seriously to Robert.
JEREMY
Bobby, we're just too old! We were all-
trying to keep up with the kids
tonight. Goodness, we've ____
been there
already. Who wants to go back? But,
anyway, what do I know?
DAVID
Hey, screwball. I'm starving.
JEREMY
I love you... so much.
DAVID
Food!
JEREMY
And, Bobby- put that stuff away.
C'mon, put it in your pocket. Take it
home. Come on.
Robert reluctantly starts putting everything of the table

away.
JEREMY
Thank you. I don't know. Maybe you're
right. Who ever knows?
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55.
Jeremy smiles and leaves.
ROBERT
(Not happy)
What was all that?
DAVID
He doesn't go for it. I thought he
wouldn't go for it.
ROBERT
(Cold)
He was stoned.
DAVID
Not really. He doesn't get things like
that. I mean, he'll go along with it,
but that's about it.
ROBERT
(Colder)
He didn't like it?
DAVID
I know him. He didn't
ROBERT
(Pauses)
You want me to get ___
you some?
DAVID
He'd have a fit. I'm really surprised
he did it tonight.
ROBERT
He loved it.
David, trying to remain in control, dilutes it. Robert's

statement is obviously true, but David's trying to make it
about him.
DAVID
For __
me. He loved it for me. He didn't
really love it. I know him. He's what
he said... square...
ROBERT
Like a fox.
Bobby's phone RINGS away to the tune of "BOBBY BABY". Bobby

turns it off. They sit there awkwardly, staring at each
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56.
other.
DAVID
I'll go see if I can give him a hand.
What do you say?
He gets up and leaves.
ROBERT
(Watching him go)
Wow! Oh, wow!
Bobby leave the apparmtnet
INT. HALLWAY- CONTINUOUS
As Bobby's walks down the hall and passes each of the

aparments, the doors open to reveal rooms in each of the 5
couples apartments.
ALL
Bobby, Bobby, Bobby baby, Bobby bubi,
Robby, Robert darling, Bobby we've
been trying to reach you. Angel, I've
got something to tell you... Bobby,
it's important or I wouldn't call...
Whatcha doing Thursday? Bobby, look, I
know how you hate it and all... But
this is something special. Bobby, come
on over for dinner. There's someone we
want you to meet. Bobby, come on over
for dinner... This girl from office...
My niece from Ohio... It'll just be
the four of us... You'll
loooooooooooove her!
FADE OUT
END OF EP 3
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57.
EPISODE 4:
__________
EXT. NEW YORK STREET- DAY
Robert is walking down the street, hurriedly. He checks his

phone, sees the time, and picks up the pace. He rounds the
corner and reaches:
EXT. THE HIDEOUT CAFE- CONTINUOUS
Paul is sitting at a table waiting for Robert. As Robert

approches, he smiles.
ROBERT
Hey, man. Sorry. Subway was delayed-
of course.
They embrace.
PAUL
No problem. I just sat down.
A waitress brings them menus.
ROBERT
Mm. This place looks good.
PAUL
Oh, if you're really hungry, get the
strip steak panini. It's incredible.
ROBERT
I'll take your word for it.
The waitress comes back over.
PAUL
Two strip steak paninis please. Thank
you.
The waitress takes the menus and leaves. Robert's admiring

the atmosphere of the restaurant.
ROBERT
Where'd you find this place? It's
great.
PAUL
Amy and I came here for lunch a few
times..
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58.
ROBERT
Ah. Got it. How is Amy?
PAUL
She's good. Planning the wedding, so
she's a little more neurotic than
usual, but it's cute. So how about
you? Are you seeing anybody?
ROBERT
I'm kind of between partners right
now. Susan said she had someone she
thinks I'd like but.. I don't know...
PAUL
Well, if you want to be set up, I have
someone for you.
ROBERT
Eh.. not really. I feel like anytime
you guys set me up with someone
they're never really for me.
Song: "Have I Got a Girl/Guy for You"
PAUL
No. This time I think I've found
someone good.
Have I got a girl for you? Wait till

you meet her! Have I got a girl for
you, boy? Hoo, boy! Dumb!- and with a
weakness for Sazerac slings- You give
her even the fruit and she swings. The
kind of girl you can't send through
the mails- call me tomorrow, I want
the details.
CUT TO
Larry and Bobby are sitting at the bar, a few drinks in.
LARRY
Have I got a guy for you? Wait till
you meet him! Have I got a guy for
you, boy? Hoo, boy! Smart!- he's into
all those exotic mystiques: the
Kamasutra and Chinese techniques-- I
hear he knows more than seventy-
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59.
five...Call me tomorrow if you're

still alive.
Montage: The rest of the song is interspersed between Robert

with all 5 husbands as they try to set him up with people
they know.
INT. OFFICE BUILDING- DAY
David and Bobby are at work togheter, sitting at adjacent

desks
HUSBANDS
(In canon)
Have I got a girl for you? Wait till
you meet her! Have I got a guy for
you, boy? Hoo, boy! Boy, to be in your
shoes what I wouldn't give. I mean the
freedom to go out and live... And as
for settling down and all that...
Marriage may be where it's been, but
not where it's at!
CUT TO
EXT. PLAYGROUND- DAY
Jeremy and Bobby are sitting on a bench at a playground,

watching Jeremy's son play.
Whaddaya like, you like coming home to

a kiss? Somebody with a smile at the
door? Whaddaya like, you like
indescribable bliss? Then whaddaya
wanna get married for?
Whaddaya like, you like an excursion

to Rome, suddenly taking off to
explore? Whaddaya like, you like
having meals cooked at home?
CUT TO
EXT. HUDSON RIVER PATH- MORNING
Bobby and Harry run along the Hudson River.
HUSBANDS
Then whaddaya wanna get married for?
Whaddaya wanna get married for?
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60.
SMASH CUT TO
INT. ROBERT'S APARTMENT- MORNING
Robert suddenly wakes up on the button of the last song.
Song: "Someone is Waiting"
Robert begins to get ready for his day, thoroughly alone.

Throughout the song as each wife is mentioned, she appears as
an apparition around his apartment. Sarah appears in bed next
to him. Susan hands him his shirt. Patty appears in the
reflection of his bathroom mirror. Joanne makes him
breafkast. Amy gives him a kiss goodbye as he leaves.
ROBERT
Someone is waiting, Cool as Sarah,
east and loving as Susan- Patty.
Someone is waiting, warm as Susan,
frantic and touching as Amy- Joanne.
Would I know her even if I met her?

Have I missed her? Did I let her go? A
Susan sort of Sarah, A Pattyish
Joanne, Wait for me, I'm ready now,
I'll find you if I can!
Robert leaves the apartment and walks down the street. As he

walks, different couples on the sidewalk embraced in some
forms of love: kissing, holding hands, sharing breakfast etc.
He observes these couples as he sings, but as each woman
looks at him, he sees one of the 5 wives.
ROBERT
Someone will hold me, soft as Patty,
skinny and blue-eyed as Amy- Susan.
Someone will wake me, sweet as Amy,
tender and foolish as Sarah- Joanne.
Do I know her? Have I waited too long?

Maybe so, but maybe so has she, my
blue-eyed Sarah, warm Joanne, sweet
Patty, loving Susan, crazy Amy, Wait
for me, I'll hurry, wait for me.
Robert follows a woman, who he sees as Amy into a park. She

occasionally looks back at Robert and smiles or winks,
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61.
flirtingly. Robert picks up the pace to keep up.
ROBERT
Hurry. Wait for me. Hurry. Wait for
me.
Suddenly Amy disappears and Robet is standing alone in a

park. He sighs and sits down on a neary bench and looks
around.
Boby turns his head and suddenly, Oscar is sitting next to

him on the bench. They are on a date.
Song: "Another Hundred People"
OSCAR
Another hundred people just got off
the train and come up through the
ground. While another hundred people
just got off of the bus and are
looking around at another hundred
people who got off the plane and are
looking at us. Who got off of the
train and the plane and the bus maybe
yesterday.
It's a city of strangers- some come to

work, some to play- a city of
strangers- some come to stare, some to
stay, and every day the ones who stay;
can find each other in the crowded
street and the guarded parks, by the
rusty fountains and the dusty trees
with the battered barks, and they walk
together past the postered walls with
the crude remarks, and they meet at
parties through the friends of friends
who they never know. Will you pick me
up or do I meet you there or shall we
let it go? Did you get my messages?
'Cause I looked in vain. Can we see
each other Tuesday if it doesn't rain?
Look, I'll call you in the morning or
my service will explain... And another
hundred people just got off the train.
Bobby turns his head and and April, in an airline stewardess'

uniform, is sitting beside him. Oscar is no where to be seen.
Robert is in new clothes, on another day.
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62.
APRIL
I didn't come right to New York. I
went to Northwestern University for
two years, but it was a pitiful
mistake. I was on probation the whole
two years. I was getting ready to go
back to Shaker Heights when I decided
where I really wanted to live more
than any other place was - Radio City.
I thought it was a wonderful little
city near New York. So I came here.
I'm very dumb.
ROBERT
You're not dumb, April
APRIL
To me I am. Even the reason I stayed
in New York was because I just cannot
get interested in myself- I'm so
boring.
ROBERT
I find you very interesting.
APRIL
Well I'm just not. I used to think I
was so odd. But my roommate is the
same way. He's also very dumb.
ROBERT
Oh, you never mentioned him. Is he-
your lover?
APRIL
Oh, no. We just share this great big
apartment on West End Avenue. We have
our own rooms and everything. I'd show
it to you but we've never had company.
He's the sweetest thing, actually. I
think he likes the arrangement. I
don't know, though- we never discuss
it. He was born in New York, nothing
_______
really interests him. I don't have
anything more to say.
Bobby turns his head again and Oscar is back sitting where he
was previously. Robert is back in the clothes he was in with
Oscar and their date resumes.
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63.
OSCAR
And they find each other in the
crowded streets and the guarded parks,
by the rusty fountains and the dusty
trees with the battered barks, and
they walk together past the postered
walls with the crude remarks, and they
meet at parties through the friend of
friends who they never know
Will you pick me up or do I meet you

there shall we let it go? Did you get
my message? 'Cause I looked in vain.
Can we see each other Tuesday if it
doesn't rain? Look, I'll call you in
the morning or my service will
explain... and another hundred people
just got off of the train.
Bobby turns his head again and in April's place is now Chris.
Oscar is no longer on the bench and Robert is wearing
different clothes, signifying a new date.
CHRIS
See, Bobby, some people have to know
when to come to New York, and some
people have to know when to leave. I
always thought I'd just naturally come
here and spend the rest of my life
here. I wanted to have two terrific
affairs and then get married. I always
knew I was meant to be a husband.
ROBERT
You should have asked me.
CHRIS
Wanna marry me?
ROBERT
I did. I honestly did... in the
beginning. But I... I don't know. I
never thought that you ever would.
CHRIS
I would. I never understood why you'd
never ask me.
Robert puts his arm around him.
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64.
ROBERT
You wanted to marry me? And I wanted
to marry you. Well then, how the hell
did we ever end up such good friends?
CHRIS
Bobby, I'm moving to Vermont.
ROBERT
Vermont? Why Vermont?
CHRIS
That's where __
he lives. I'm getting
married you know.
ROBERT
Do you love him?
CHRIS
I'll be a good husband. I just don't
want to run around this city any more
like I'm having a life
(he pauses)
As I said before, some people have to
know when to come to New York and some
people have to know when to leave.
Chris gets up from the bench and walks away. Bobby turns his
head again and Oscar is back. Their date resumes.
OSCAR
Another hundred people just got off of
the ground while another hundred
people just got off of the bus and are
looking around at another hundred
people who got off of the plane and
are looking at us who got off of the
train and the plane and the bus maybe
yesterday.
It's a city of strangers- some come to

work, some to play- a city strangers-
some come to stare, come to stay, and
every day some go away
He looks off in the direction in which Chris has gone.
OSCAR
Or they find each other in the crowded
streets and the guarded parks, by the
rusty fountains and the dusty trees
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65.
with the battered barks, and they walk

together past the postered walls with
the crude remarks, and they meet at
parties through the friends of friends
who they never know.
Will you pick me up or do I meet you

there or shall we let it go? Did you
get my message? 'Cause I looked in
vain. Can we see each other Tuesday if
it doesn't rain? Look, I'll cal you in
the morning or my service will
explain...

the train. Another hundred people just
got off of the train. Another hundred
people just got off of the train.
the train. Another hundred people just
got off of the train.
He turns to Robert, speaking.
OSCAR
You wanna know why I came to New York?
I came because New York is the center
of the world and that's where I want
to be. You know what the pulse of this
city is?
ROBERT
A busy signal?
OSCAR
The pulse of this city, kiddo, is __
me.
this city is for the me's of this
world. People that want to be right in
the heart of it. _
I am the soul of New
York.
ROBERT
How 'bout that.
OSCAR
See, smart remarks do not a person
make. How many Puerto Ricans do you
know?
ROBERT
I'm not sure.
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66.
OSCAR
How many blacks?
ROBERT
Well, very few, actually. I seem to
meet people only like myself.
OSCAR
Talk about your weirdos... _
I pass
people on the streets and I know them.
Every son-of-a-bitch is my friend. I
go up-town to the dentist or
something, and I suddenly want to cry
because I think, "Oh my God, I'm
uptown." And Fourteenth Street. Well,
__
nobody knows it, but ____
that is the
center of the universe.
ROBERT
Fourteenth Street?
OSCAR
This city- I kiss the ground of it.
Someday, you know what I want to do? I
want to get all dressed up in black-
black dress, black shoes, hat,
everything black, and go sit in some
bar, at the end of the counter, and
drink and cry. That is my idea of
honest-to-God sophistication. I mean,
that's New York.
______
(pauses)
You always make me feel like I got the
next line. What is it with you?
ROBERT
I just never met anybody like you
OSCAR
Me neither. You know what this city
is? Where a person can feel it? It's a
person's ass. If you're really part of
this city, relaxed, cool and in the
whole flow of it, your ass is like
this
He makes a large round circle with his forefinger and thumb
OSCAR
If you're just living here, running
around uptight, not really part of
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67.
this city, your ass is like this
He tightens the circle to nothing.
ROBERT
I... hesitate to ask. That's a
fascinating theory. Indeed
fascinating. And at this moment,
extraordinarily accurate.
The camera pulls out one final time to reveal that Robert is
sitting alone. In the same clothes he was when he first day
down on the bench. He gets up and leaves the park.
FADE OUT
END OF EP 4
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68.
EPISODE 5
_________
INT. CHURCH CHAPEL- DAY
A girl in a white choir robe walks on the pulpit and starts

laying out sheet music on a stand.
INT. AMY'S DRESSING ROOM- DAY
A room at the back of the church that is doubling as Amy's

dressing room for the wedding. There is a vanity, a set of
drawers and various forms of seating, a few chairs, a love
seat, foot stool. The room is littered with remnants of
wedding prepartion. Clothes are scattered around. Makeup and
hair supplies are on almost every avilable surface. In the
corner is a coffee machine with a half full pot of coffee.
Amy, in a white wedding dress, is seated at the vanity,

nervously shining a pair of black men's shoes.
Song: Not Getting Married
The choirgirl begins to sing softly to organ accompaniment
CHOIRGIRL
Bless this day, pinnacle of life,
Husband joined to wife. The heart
leaps up to behold this golden days.
INT. PAUL'S DRESSING ROOM- DAY
Down the hall from Amy's room, there's an identical looking

room where Paul is getting ready. While the furniture is the
same, Pauls wedding preparations took a lot less effort and
therefore the room looks much tidier than Amy's.
Paul is wearing a dress shirt, shorts and socks He looks a

little panicked, but not about the wedding.
PAUL
I can't find my shoes any...
He opens the door to the room, and right outside on the floor
are his shoes, freshly polished He picks them up, lovingly.
Knowing she's polished them for him.
PAUL
Today is for Amy, Amy, I give you the
rest of my life. To cherish and to
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69.
keep you, to honor you forever. Today

is for Amy, my happily soon-to-be-
wife.
(spoken)
Amy, we're really getting married!
Amy's sitting exactly where we left her, sans the shoes. She
shakes her head "yes" as if she heard Paul's last line and it
gradually becomes "no".
Amy flips to face the camera and sings directly to the

audience, in a Fleabag-type manner.
AMY
Pardon me, is everybody here? Because
if everybody's here I'd like to thank
you all for coming to the wedding. I'd
appreciate you going even more, I
mean, you must have lots of better
things to do. And not a word of it to
Paul. Remember Paul? You know, the man
I'm going to marry, but I'm not,
because I wouldn't ruin anyone as
wonderful as he is-
Thank you all for the gifts and the
flowers. Thank you all, now it's back
to the showers. Don't tell Paul, but
I'm not getting married today.
The choir girl is still singing. The wedding guests start to

arrive at the wedding and hum along
CHOIRGIRL
Bless this day, tragedy of life,
husband joined to wife. The heart
sinks down and feels dead this
dreadful day.
Robert enters dressed as the best man
ROBERT
Amy, Paul can't find his good cuff
links.
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70.
AMY
On the dresser! Right next to my
suicide note.
Robert leaves. Amy again, sings to the camera moving around

the room frantically.
AMY
Listen everybody, look, I don't know
what you're waiting for - a wedding.
What's a wedding? It's a prehistoric
ritual where everybody promises
fidelity forever, which is maybe the
most horrifying word I ever heard, and
which is followed by a honeymoon,
where suddenly he'll realize he's
saddled with a nut, and want to kill
me, which he should
Thanks a bunch, but I'm not getting

married. Go have lunch, cause I'm not
getting married. You've been grand,
but I'm not getting married. Don't
just stand there, I'm not getting
married. And don't tell Paul, but I'm
not getting married today!
Go! Can't you go? Why is nobody

listening? Goodbye! Go and cry at
another person's wake. If you're
quick, for a kick you could pick up a
christening, But please, on my knees
There's a human life at stake!
Listen everybody, I'm afraid you
didn't hear, or do you want to see a
crazy lady fall apart in front of you?
It isn't only Paul who would be
ruining his life, you know, we'll both
of us be losing our identities- I
telephoned my analyst about it, and he
said to see him Monday, and by Monday
I'll be floating in the Hudson, with
the other garbage.
I'm not well, so I'm not getting
married. You've been swell, but I'm
not getting married. Clear the hall,
'cause I'm not getting married. Thank
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71.
you all, but I'm not getting married.

And don't tell Paul, but I'm not
getting married today!
More wedding guest begin to arrive, including the other 4

couples. They all mingle with one another, they take off
their jackets to reveal each are wearing different colored
dresses and suits.
CHOIRGIRL
Bless this bride, totally insane,
slipping down the drain,
THUNDER
And bless this day in our hearts-
RAIN begins
As it starts to rain...
INT. PAUL'S DRESSING ROOM- DAY
Paul is now fully dressed in his tuxedo.
PAUL
Today is for Amy. Amy- I give you the
rest of my life, to cherish and to
keep you, to honor you forever. Today
is for Amy, my happily soon-to-be
wife.
AMY
Go! Can't you go? Look, you know I
adore you all, but why watch me die
like Eliza on the ice? Look, perhaps
I'll collapse in the apse right before
you all, so take back the cake, burn
the shoes, and boil the rice. Look, I
didn't want to have to tell you, but I
may be coming down with hepatitis and
I think I'm gonna faint. So if you
want to watch me faint, I'll do it
happily, but wouldn't it be funnier to
go and watch a funeral? So thank you
for the twenty-seven dinner plates and
thirty-seven butter knives and forty-
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seven paperweights
As Paul and Amy overlap, we go back and forth between them in

their respective dressing rooms. Paul is excited and in love,
Amy is frantic and panicking
PAUL
My adorable wife-
AMY
Fifty-seven candle holders
PAUL
One more thing,
AMY
I am not getting married
CHOIR
Amen.
PAUL
Softly said,
AMY
but I'm not getting married
CHOIR
Amen.
PAUL
"With this ring"
AMY
Still I'm not getting married
CHOIR
Amen.
PAUL
Let us pray,
AMY
Let us pray,
CHOIR
Amen.
PAUL
And we are
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AMY
That I'm not
CHOIR
Amen.
PAUL
Getting married today!
AMY
Getting married today!
A knock on the door. Robert enters with the ring. Amy busies
herself and fusses with her hair and makeup.
ROBERT
Amy? Someone wants to see you.
PAUL
Amy?
AMY
Paul! You shouldn't be here.
(Paul starts to speak)
Don't talk, please! Why don't the two
of you sit down and talk to each
other? I can't think with the two of
you following me-every place I go-
from the bedroom to the bathroom at
home and now to my dressing room... I
feel like I'm leading a parade.
Paul and Robert sit down on the couch.
AMY
Paul, stop staring! I feel it- like
bullets- right through my back. No,
Paul, please!
She goest to the coffee machine and pours Paul a cup of

coffee.
AMY
I'm so crazy I forgeot to turn the
warmer on this machine, so the coffee
is cold.
She hands Paul the cup.
AMY
Here, and if you say "thank you" I
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74.
will go running right out fo this

apartment and move into the Hopeless
Cases Section of Bellevue, where
they'll understand me. Don't talk,
please
Suddenly, from behind his chair, she throws her arms around
his neck and kisses him all over his head, finally pressing
her face against his.
AMY
Oh, Paul. I apologize. Oh, Paul, you
say whatever you want to say. Whatever
you life. Who am I telling you what to
do? Oh, Paul.
PAUL
(pauses)
The coffee is cold. But thanks.
AMY
Paul, see! You don't thank a person
for cold coffee! You slug'em.
PAUL
That's okay.
AMY
I can't stand it! IT'S NOT OKAY, PAUL.
NOTHING ABOUT IT EVEN REMOTELY
RESEMBLES OKAY. IT IS THE OPPOSITE OF
OKAY. Oh, Robert, this is the real me.
Crazed!
ROBERT
(teasing, hesitantly)
I was just thinking that this is
probably a much more interesting
wedding breakfast than most. And-uh-
that the bride certainly has a lot of
energy! The groom is abnormally quiet.
But yet a festive atmosphere pervades
the room- I guess it's the best main,
smiling, even as he dies from drinking
room temperature coffee
He holds up his coffee in a mock toast
AMY
I would laugh, Robert, if it weren't
all so tragic
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(To Paul)
How do I look? Funny?
PAUL
Yeah, that's a funny dress.
Robert starts pouring himself the coffee
AMY
That dumb hairdresser straightened my
hair like he was on withdrawal. Paul,
what are you so happy about all the
time?
PAUL
(handing her the cup and saucer)
You.
AMY
This is the most neurotic... insane...
it is... so crazy having this enormous
wedding and everything after we've
been living together all these years!
It's embarrassing, Paul. People will
think I'm pregnant.
PAUL
That's next year. Listen, if we hurry
we're late.
AMY
What am I doing? I'm thirty-one.
PAUL
And perfect.
AMY
Oh, an oldie but a goodie, huh? It's
just incredible. Two years with a
psychiatrist... and look where it
leads. I am just so glad we're not
having a Catholic wedding because next
year when I get the divorce I won't be
a sinner. Whoever would have thought
I'd marry someone Jewish? Jewish! I
mean I didn't even know anybody who
was Jewish. See, Robert. That was
probably my main attraction. Look what
a little Catholic rebellion will lead
to! The very first moment I met Paul,
I said to myself, "That's what I
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really like- that Jew!" Oh, he was so

beautiful.. inside and out beautiful.
Paul would kiss me and I would think,
"Oh, I got my very own Jew!"
PAUL
What is all this about me being Jewish
today? About three-quarters of your
friends are Jewish. Hurry.
AMY
Did I ever say I like my friends? I do
not. I much prefer my gentile enemies-
at least they leave you alone. And I
need to be left alone. I'm just like
Robert.
ROBERT
(outraged)
I'm not like that! What the hell are
you talking about? But don't answer,
because we don't have time.
PAUL
Amy. After all these years, don't you
know we fit?
AMY
The higher you go, the harder you hurt
when you fall.
PAUL
(So gentle)
I never dropped you yet.
Amy's about to cry. She goes to take a sip of coffee, sees a

note in the saucer, looks to Paul and then shows the saucer
to Robert. Robert opens the note.
ROBERT
"Whoever reads this... I love you."
Well, thank you, I love you.
AMY
Thank ___
him. The phantom. He leaves
notes like that all over the place. A
person can't stand all that sweetness,
Paul. Nobody human can stand all that
everlasting affection.
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77.
PAUL
Amy, don't you think we should go?
AMY
(There is nothing more for her to
do)
I can't
PAUL
Amy, if anybody should be married,
it's you. Tell her, Robert.
ROBERT
(pauses, then to Paul)
Paul, I can't tell anybody anything
like that. I guess whatever is right
will happen.
PAUL
(Pauses)
I see.
ROBERT
Listen, I'm going to call and say
that, ah...that.. that we'll be late.
That we'll be a little late. The
people will be getting there, don't
you think?
Robert leaves
PAUL
Amy, do you see what you're doing to
yourself? Do you know if other people
did to you what you do to yourself,
they could be put in jail? C'mon.
THUNDER
AMY
Oh, Paul, look... oh, look... it's
starting to rain.
ROBERT
(entering)
It's starting to rain. The line's busy
(he tries to be light)
Oh, guess who I ran into coming over
here today. Helen Kincaid. Remember
Helen Kincaid? I brought her around a
few times. Well, she's married now. I
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almost didn't recognize her, all fat

and blowzy and...
(He realizes what he's saying)
PAUL
(softly.)
Amy, c'mon. We're late.
AMY
I can't do it, Paul. I don't
understand how I ever let it get this
far
THUNDER
AMY
Oh, look, will you at that, now it's
really starting to rain... Look at
it... It's a floor, it's a sign- thank
you, God, now explain it to him!
PAUL
(Quietly)
Amy, let's go. All our friends are
waiting.
AMY
That's no reason, Paul. I just can't.
I'm so afraid.
PAUL
Of what?
AMY
(crying)
I don't know. I don't know. I just
think you're really not for me, Paul.
I just think maybe nobody's for me. i
never saw one good marriage. Never.
Not in my entire life.
PAUL
You just see what you look for, you
know. I've seen a lot. Listen, Amy,
married people are no more marriage
than... oh... musicians are music.
Just because some of the people might
be wrong doesn't matter... it is still
_____
right.
AMY
Yes well, I'll put that on a sampler,
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Paul.
(She looks right at Paul)
Please. I'm not being emotional I'm as
sane as can be. Paul? I'm sorry. I
don't love you enough.
There's a very long pause as they stare at each other
Paul fights for control. He speaks hesitantly, yes his voice

still trembles
PAUL
Robert... would you... call and, ah,
explain and... I'm... I, ah, I....
He leaves quickly. Amy doesn't move, drained of emotion.
AMY
What did I just do?
ROBERT
(reflectively)
You did... what you had to do, I
guess... If it was right, you would
have gone through with it. That's what
I think, anyway...
(pauses)
Amy, marry me.
__
AMY
What?
ROBERT
Marry me.
Bobby's phone BUZZES to the tune of "BOBBY BABY"
AMY
___
Huh?
ROBERT
You said it before- we're just alike.
Why don't we, Amy?
AMY
Why don't we, Robert?
VOICE (OS)
Robby...
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80.
ROBERT
Marry me! And everybody'll leave us
alone!
VOICE (OS)
Bobby... Bobby... How have you been?
Stop by on your way home... Bobby,
we've been thinking of you!
AMY
Isn't this some world? I'm afraid to
get married, and you're afraid not to.
Thank you, Robert. I'm really... it's
just that you have to want to marry
somebody, not just somebody.
____ ____
She hugs him.
VOICE (OS)
Bobby, come on over for dinner! Just
be the three of us, only the three of
us, we LOOOOOOOOOVE...
THUNDER. Amy notices the raincoats of the wedding guests from

her window
AMY
Oh! Would you look at that! He went
out without an umbrella or anything.
She puts on a raincoat, and grabs another coat and umbrella

for Paul.
AMY
He'll get pneumonia. I've got to catch
him. I'm getting married. Oh, and he's
so good, isn't he? So good.
She starts to leave
ROBERT
Amy!
He picks up the bouquet and throws it to her.
AMY
I'm the next bride.
She leaves. Bobby's standing alone in Amy's dressing room.
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VOICE (OS)
Robby!
Song: Marry Me A Little
Robert sings the beginning of the song, longingly looking

around the room, rumaging around Amy's things, looking at the
note Paul wrote her
ROBERT
Marry me a little
Love me just enough
Cry, but not too often
Play, but not too rough
Keep a tender distance
So we'll both be free
That's the way it ought to be
I'm ready!
FADE TO
The wedding ceremony. Robert sits in the pews with his other
firends as he watches Amy walk down the aisle and marry Paul.
He sings sadly looking at their joy.
ROBERT
Marry me a little
Do it with a will
Make a few demands
I'm able to fulfill
Want me more than others
Not exclusively
I'm ready!
I'm ready now!
You can be my best friend

I can be your right arm
We'll go through a fight or two -
No harm, no harm
We'll look not too deep
We'll go not too far
We won't have to give up a thing
We'll stay who we are
Right?
Okay, then
I'm ready!
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I'm ready now!
FADE TO
INT. BANQUET HALL- DAY
The wedding reception. Bobby watches the events from his

table. He sees Amy and Pauls' entrance, first dance and other
wedding traditions. He also sees the rest of his friends
danceing with their respective partners, and how happy they
all seem Robert feels incredilby disconnected from his
friends due to his single-ness.
ROBERT
Someone -
Marry me a little
Love me just enough
Warm and sweet and easy
Just the simple stuff
Keep a tender distance
So we'll both be free
I'm ready!
Marry me a little
Body, heart, and soul
Passionate as hell
But always in control
Want me first and foremost
Keep me company
I'm ready!
I'm ready now!
FADE TO
INT. ROBERT'S APARTMENT- DAY
Robert's birthday again. The scene looks and feels same as

the Pilot. Only this time, Robert moves in and around his
friends, like a ghost. His friends silently mime with him
with the cake like they did in the Pilot, only Bobby isn't
sitting the chair. He instead wanders, ghostlike about the
room and between his friends. Studying them and their
relationships with each other and himself. We notice Amy's
wedding ring. Was she wearing that in the Pilot?
ROBERT
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Oh, how gently we'll talk

Oh, how softly we'll tread
All the stings
The ugly things
We'll keep unsaid
We'll build a cocoon
Of love and respect
You promise whatever you like
I'll never collect
Right?
Okay, then
I'm ready
I'm ready now
Someone -
I'm ready!
I'm ready
I'm ready
I'm -
I'm -
FRIENDS
Bobbie
Bobbie
Bobbie baby
Bobbie bubbi
Bobbie
Bobbie
Bobbie baby
Bobbie bubbi
Bobby finally sits down, in the chair that was meant for him.
He takes a deep breath and blows out the candles.
FADE OUT
END OF EP 5
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84.
EPISODE 6
_________
Robert is walking down the street after Paul and Amy's

wedding. He passes a restaurant where its's someones's
birthday. Robert smiles and thinks back to...
INT. ROBERT'S APARTMENT- DAY (FLASHBACK)
His birthday party from the Pilot episode. The scene is set
the ame way as it was before, but the dialogue is different
as Robert is remembering the party.
Robert is about to blow out the candles at the table, with

all five couples standing there. As the scene progresses we
find that the couples are mviing at a slightly accelrated
pace, while Robert is moving normally, isolating Robert at
the end.
AMY
Well, our blessings, Robert.
JEREMY
Don't tell your with, Bobby, or it
won't come true.
Robert blows out most of the candles. The others blow out the
rest hurriedly.
JOANNE
You just blew it.
AMY
It probably was a wish you wouldn't
have got anyway, Robert.
LARRY
You wish for a wife, Robert?
PATTY
Don't. You're a lucky son-of-a-gun
now. Hang it there.
SARAH
Stay exactly the same. You may be the
one constant in this world of
variables.
HARRY
I don't know, Sarah, you can't stay
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85.
young forever.
JEREMY
You'll still get your wish, Bobby
JOANNE
Won't. I say he won't.
LARRY
Joanne, come on. See, when she and
Robert get together...
JOANNE
Larry, I'm telling you, if you do not
blow out all the candles on the cake,
you do not get your wish. I know all
the rules for birthday-candle blowing
out. I've had enough for a wax museum.
ROBERT
All right all right! Actually, I
didn't wish for anything.
As each character says their lines, they start to fade out of

the room, leaving Robert alone.
DAVID
What do you mean you didn't wish
for...
SUSAN
Oh, tell, everybody's so curious.
PATTY
Tell, but lie.
ROBERT
Thank you for including me in your
thoughts, your lives..
HARRY
Stay exactly as you are, Robert
SARAH
That's right, you sweet thing, you
stay exactly as you are
Robert's phone RINGS to the tune of "BOBBY BABY" and he goes

to check it.
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86.
JOANNE
Everyone adores you. What an awful
thing. I'd kiss you good night, Robby
but Larry gets jealous.
AMY
Things always happen for the best. I
don't even believe that myself.
Robert is now alone in the apartment. When he looks down at

his phone, he has 10 new messages, one from each friend.
ROBERT
(under his breath)
I mean, when you've got friends like
mine...
Song: "Side by Side by Side"
ROBERT
I mean, when you've got friends like
mine...
(sings)
Isn't it warm, isn't it rosy, side by
side...
The couples appear in their living areas and look at Robert
SARAH
He's such a cutie
ROBERT
...by side?
SARAH
Isn't he a cutie?
ROBERT
Ports in a storm, comfy and cozy, side
by side...
PETER
He never loses his cool.
ROBERT
... by side...
HARRY
I envy that.
Robert starts up the stairs. Throughout the following lines,
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87.
he wanders through each couple's living area, while the

couples continue to refer to Robert as if he were still
standing center stage
ROBERT
Everything shines, How sweet...
ROBERT, SARAH AND HARRY

Side by side...
SUSAN
We're just so fond of him.
ROBERT
... by side, parallel lines who meet..
AMY, PAUL, PETER, AND SUSAN

Love him- can't get enough of him.
ROBERT
Everyone winks, nobody's nosy side by
side...
JOANNE
He's just crazy about me.
ROBERT
... by side.
PAUL
He's a very tender guy
ROBERT
You bring the drinks and I'll bring
posy...
ROBERT, LARRY AND JOANNE

Side by side...
LARRY
He's always there when you need him.
ROBERT
... by side. One is lonely and two is
boring, think what you can keep
ignoring. Side...
AMY
He's my best friend.
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88.
ROBERT
...by side...
AMY
(touching Paul)
Second best
ROBERT
...by side.
ALL (EXCEPT ROBERT)

Never a bother, seven times a
godfather.
ROBERT, AMY AND PAUL

Year after year, older and older...
LARRY
It's amazing. We've gotten older every
year and he seems to stay exactly the
same.
ALL
Sharing a tear lending a shoulder...
DAVID
You know what comes to my mind when I
see him? The Seagram Building. Isn't
that funny?
ROBERT, PETER, SUSAN, SARAH AND HARRY

Ain't we got fun? No strain...
JOANNE
Sometimes I catch him looking and
looking. And I just look right back.
Robert takes an elevator back to stage level
ALL
Permenant sun, no rain... We're so
crazy, he's so sane.
Friendship forbids anything bitter...
PAUL
A person like Bob doesn't have the
good things and he doesn't have the
bad things. But he doesn't have the
good things. Either...
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89.
ALL
Being the kids as well as the
sitter...
HARRY
Let me make him a drink. He's the only
guy I know, I feel should drink more.
ROBERT
One's impossible, two is dreary, thee
is company, safe and cheery
ALL (EXCEPT ROBERT AND SARAH)

Side...
The couples leave their living areas. Robert is alone onstage
SARAH
He always looks like he's keeping
score
ALL
...by side...
SARAH
Who's winning, Robert?
ALL
...by side.
ROBERT
Here's the church, here is the
steeple, open the doors and see all
the crazy married people.
The couples burst out all at once on stage level.
Song:"Would Would We Do Without You?"
ALL (EXCEPT ROBERT)

(sung)
What would we do without you? How
would we ever get through? Who would I
complain to for hours? Who'd bring me
the flowers when I have the flu? Who'd
finish yesterday's stew? Who'd take
the kids to the zoo? Who is so
dear?And who is so deep? And who would
keep him/her occupied when I want to
sleep? How would we ever get through?
What would we do without you?
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90.
What would we do without you? how

would we ever get through? Should
there a marital squabble, available
Bob'll be there with the glue. Who
could we open up to, screts we keep
from guess-who? Who is so safe adn who
is so sound? You never need any
analyst with Bobby around. How would
we ever get through? What would we do
without you?

would we ever get through? Who sends
anniversary wishes? Who helps with the
dishes and never says boo? Who changes
subjects on cue? Who cheers us up when
we're blue? Who is a flirt but never a
threat, reminds us of our birthdays,
which we alwasy forget? How would we
ever get through? What would we do
without you?

would we ever get... How would we ever
get... How would we ever get... How
would we ever get... through? What
would we do without you?
ROBERT
Just what you usually do!
ALL (EXCEPT ROBERT)

Right! You who sit with us, you who
share with us, you who fit with us,
you who bear with us, you-hoo, you-
hoo, you-hoo, you-hoo, you-hoo...
ROBERT
(in a vaudeville call)
Okay, now everybody!
ALL
Isn't it warm, isn't it rosy, side by
side? Ports in a storm, comfy and
cozy, side by side. Everything shines,
how sweet, side by side. Parallel
lines who meet side by side. Year
after year, older and older, side by
side. Sharing a tear and lending a
shoulder, side by side. Two's
impossible, two is gloomy, give
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91.
another number to me. Side by side, by

side, by side, by side, by side, by
side, by side, by side, by side, by
side!
All the couples exit, leaving Robert alone onstage
END OF EP 6
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92.
EPISODE 7
_________
INT. ROBERT'S APARTMENT- NIGHT
April and Robert are sitting in the kitchen/living area of

Robert's 1 bedroom apartment. Robert is making drinks while
April explores the aprtment.
At the beginning of the scene, the apartment is pretty bare.

However, as April talks and refers to things about the
apartment, they begin to appear, leaving a well-decorated
apartment. As if by April pointing everything out, he's
noticing them for the first time. Like he's grown so
accustomed to his own apaprtment and his own life that he
doesn't notice it anymore.
APRIL
Oh! It's a darling apartment.
ROBERT
Thank you.
APRIL
Just darling. Did you do it yourself?
ROBERT
Me? Yes, I did, yes.
APRIL
Yourself?
ROBERT
Yes.
APRIL
Really?
ROBERT
Yes.
APRIL
Well, it's darling- Did you really do
it all yourself?
ROBERT
Yes! Why? Did you hear I didn't?
April refers to something on a shelf.
APRIL
No, but look- this! This is just
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93.
precious.
ROBERT
It is, isn't it? I never really looked
at it. I just -live here.
At this point, the apratment is fully furnished and well-

decorated. Like a moderately successful man in his thirties
would decorate his apartment.
APRIL
Oh, it's terribly clever. See how
nicely all the furniture is placed in
areas to make it so warm and sweet and
tucked in.
Robert is just starting to notice all the things in his

apartment.
ROBERT
(amazed)
How about that?
APRIL
And the choice of colors is so
relaxing and simple and masculine.
Robert is still looking around in amazement at his living

space. April is flitting around the apartment, gazing at
paintings and bookshelves and pictures or friends.
ROBERT
See that!
APRIL
Isn't that tasteful and interesting?
ROBERT
Yes. I'll take it.
They look at each other and smile.
ROBERT
I mean I've always liked my apartment,
but I'm never really in it. I just
seem to pass through the living room
on my way to the bedroom to get to the
bathroom to get ready to go out again.
APRIL
You never really spend any time here?
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And it's so dear.. But maybe that's

why you like it so much. If you don't
spend much time in it, it keeps it
special and important.
April has found the door to the bedroom and has opened it.
It's simple, understated but distinctly masculine and
bachelor-y. She slowly starts to make her way in and look
around. Robert talks to her from the living area.
ROBERT
Yes.
Robert follows April to the bedroom and stands at the door.
ROBERT
And this is the bedroom over here.
He sees her sitting on the bed seductively.
ROBERT
You love it, I can tell. Well, I can
always look for another place.
April giggles and walks back over the Robert. They begin to
touch, embrace and then to kiss. They break away and Robert
hands her the drink he's prepared. They kiss again and slide
down the door frame and out of the camera's view.
FADE TO
INT. SARAH AND HARRY'S APARTMENT
SONG: "Poor Baby"
Sarah and Harry are in their kitchen. Harry is making dinner

and Sarah is sitting at the kitchen table flipping through a
magazine.
SARAH
Darling-
HARRY
Yes?
SARAH
Robert-
HARRY
What?
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95.
SARAH
I worry-
HARRY
Why?
SARAH
He's all alone.
Harry grunts.
There's no one-
HARRY
Where?
SARAH
In his life
HARRY
Oh.
SARAH
Robert ought to have a woman. Poor
baby, all alone. Evening after evening
by the telephone- We're the only
tenderness he's ever known. Poor
baby...
FADE TO
INT. DAVID AND JEREMY'S APARTMENT
David and Jeremy are in their living room. David is sprawled

out on the couch flipping through the TV, absorbed by
whatever is playing. Jeremy is reading a book.
JEREMY
Darling-
DAVID
Yes?
JEREMY
Robert-
DAVID
What?
JEREMY
I worry-
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96.
DAVID
Why?
JEREMY
He's all alone.
David grunts.
There's no one-
DAVID
Where?
JEREMY
In his life
DAVID
Oh.
JEREMY
Robert ought to have somebody. Poor
baby, sitting there. Staring at the
walls and playing solitaire. Making
conversation with the empty air- poor
baby.
FADE TO
INT. ROBERT'S BEDROOM- LATER
Robert and April are sitting opposite each other in the

doorway of Robert's bedroom. Their legs are intertwined, both
because there's no space and because they want to be close.
Their drinks are almost finished and they're teetering on
drunk there is a serious and passionate energy between them.
During April's monologue there's a soft Flashback that

visualizes the story as she's telling it.
APRIL
Right after I became an airline
stewardess, a friend of mine who had a
garden apartment gave a cocoon for my
bedroom. He collects things like that,
insects and caterpillars and all
that... It was attached to a twig, and
he said one morning I'd wake up to a
beautiful butterfly in __
my bedroom-
when it hatched. He told me that when
they come out they're soaking wet, and
there is a drop of blood there too-
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97.
isn't that fascinating?- but within an

hour they dry off and then they begin
to fly.
Well, I told him I had a cat. I had a

cat then, but he said just put the
cocoon somewhere where the cat
couldn't get at it- which is
impossible, what can you do? So I put
it up high on a ledge where the cat
never went, and the next morning it
was still there, at least, so it
seemed safe to leave it. Well, anyway,
almost a week later very, very early
this one morning the guy calls me, and
he said, "April, do you have a
butterfly this morning?" I told him to
hold, and managed to get up and look,
and there on the ledge I saw this wet
spot and a little speck of blood but
no butterfly, and I thought "Oh, dear
God in Heaven, the cat got it."
I picked up the phone to tell this guy

and just then suddenly I spotted it
under the dressing table- it was
moving one wing. The cat had got at
it, but it was still alive. So I told
the guy, and he got so upset, and he
said, "Oh no! Oh, God, no! Don't you
see that's a life- a living thing?"
Well, I got dressed and took it to the
park and put it on a rose- it was
summer then- and it looked like it was
going to be all right- I think,
anyway.
But that man... I really felt damaged

by him- awful- that was just cruel. I
got home and I called him back and
said "Listen, I'm a living thing too,
you shithead!"
(a pause)
And I never saw him again.
Robert stands staring- too stunned to move. April gets up, a

little embarrassed and sits on Robert's bed. Robert gets up
and sits down next to her. There is a pause.
ROBERT
That reminds me of something I did to
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98.
someone once... in Miami. I mean...

it's not really the same, but in a
way, it was like you and me, April. We
just- connected. You don't mind my
telling this, do you?
APRIL
No.
While Robert tells his story, we are also transported to a

soft flashback of the events. However, in the story, we flash
more frequently to Robert telling the story.
ROBERT
It just... came to my mind. Anyway, we
just connected, in such a beautiful
way... exactly like tonight. Except we
couldn't even contain ourselves. It
was incredible. We were talking and
suddenly we realized we just couldn't
talk any more. No sounds came. We
stood looking at each other and we're
both bathed in perspiration. Our
breathing was so short and our legs
were trembling and just left. We drove
to one of those strips there here they
have all those motels, and we didn't
even say thing. She just sat so close
to me. So close. We got inside that
room and we started touching and
kissing and laughing and holding, and
suddenly she said I should go get lots
of champagne and some baby oil and we
should get beautifully high and then
rub... well you know. She said she'd
be in bed waiting for me.
April is visibly turned on by this story.
ROBERT
I rushed out of there and I drove
around until I could find a liquor
store and a drugstore open, and I got
all this champagne and the oil and
finally I started back to the motel
and-I-could not-find-it.
April almost faints.
ROBERT
I looked for over three hours. I never
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99.
found it. And I never saw her again

either.
April's breathing is heavy and raspy- she has identified

totally with "the girl"
APRIL
Oh. That is the most extraordinary
story I have ever heard.
April slowly takes off her jacket and starts unzipping her
blouse.
APRIL
That poor girl.
April kneels and takes off one of her shoes, seductively.

Robert is so immersed in his story and memory, he doesn't
really register April's' actions.
APRIL
And you drove around for three hours?
ROBERT
More!
Now, she start undressing rapidly, dropping or tossing their

clothes anywhere. She gets until the covers and finished
undressing. Robert is still not really paying attention to
April.
ROBERT
All night I tried to find that motel.
All night. With the oil and all that
champagne and my hands trembling and
sweat running down my face.
In the flashback, Robert is driving around, looking for the

motel. He finds a motel he thinks is right, and pulls in.
APRIL
Ph, that girl. She never knew. Oh.
Well, I just don't know what to say or
do. That's so sad!
Robert gets out of the car, and walks up the stairs to a

room.
ROBERT
I know. it is. Very.
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100.
APRIL
But, Robert, those stories don't
really follow I don't see the
connection.
Robert opens the door to the room and on the bed, is a ready
and waiting April.
Unless... oh... you must have thought

of that poor girl as the wounded
butterfly...
He walks over to the April on the bed, holding the champagne

and baby oil.
ROBERT
Yes, that's it!
Montage: Each of the wives are on the phone, leaving a

concerned voicemail for Robert.
CUT TO
INT. HARRY AND SARAH'S BEDROOM- NIGHT
Sarah is laying in bed.
SARAH
Robert.
CUT TO
INT. SUBWAY CAR- NIGHT
Patty sits on a mostly empty subway car
PATTY
Bobby.
CUT TO
INT. SUSAN AND PATTY'S APARTMENT- NIGHT
Susan sits on the couch
SUSAN
Robert angel...
CUT TO
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101.
EXT. MOVIE THEATER
Amy stands outside of a movie theater, waiting for a friend.
AMY
Bobby honey...
CUT TO
INT. HARRY AND SARAH'S BEDROOM- CONTINUOUS
Sarah is still in bed.
SARAH
You know, no one wants you to be happy
more than I do. No one, but isn't she
a little bit, well, you know, face it.
Why her? Better, no one...
CUT TO
INT. ROBERT'S BEDROOM- CONTINUOUS
Robert and April are fooling around on his bed, rather

tamely. They are making out, giggling and rolling around.
Patty and Sarah appear around the room as appiritions as they
sing their concerned voicemails. Robert's phone continues to
buzz on his nightstand, ignored, with their missed calls.
PATTY
... wants you to be happy more than I
do. No one, but...
SARAH AND PATTY

... isn't she a little bit, well, you
know, face it.
Susan appears
SUSAN
more than I do.
Amy and Joanne appear. The whole time, April is unware of

these appritaitons in the room. Robert, is vaguely aware that
they are there and tries to shrug them off. Sometimes he gets
distracted at some of the words they use (dumb, cheap,
gross), but mostly is able to tune them out.
AMY AND JOANNE

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102.
more than I do. No one, but...
ALL
Isn't she a little bit, well...
SARAH
Dumb? Where is she from?
AMY
Tacky? Neurotic? She seems so dead.
SUSAN
Vulgar? Aggressive? Peculiar?
PATTY
Old? And cheap and
JOANNE
Tall? She's tall enough to be your
mother.
SARAH
She's very weird...
PATTY
Gross and...
SUSAN
Depressing, and...
AMY
And immature...
JOANNE
Goliath,
ALL
Poor baby, all alone, throw a lonely
dog a bone, it's still a bone. We're
the only tenderness he's ever known.
Poor baby.
Robert evnturally groans in annoyance at his consistantly

buzzing phone and rolls over to silence it, making the wives
dissapear and leaving Robert and April alone in the room.
Now Chris appears and begins to dance. Throughout the number

Robert and April's voices are heard. Chris's dance expresses
the differences between having sex and making love. During
the dialouge between Robert and April, she dances the "having
sex"; during the rest of the sequence, the "making love"
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103.
ROBERT (VO)
Oh, this is sensational...
APRIL (VO)
Oh, I think he really likes me.
Chris changes her dance step and/or movement
ROBERT (VO)
Wow, she's nice.
APRIL (VO)
He's so nice
ROBERT (VO)
Oh, God.
APRIL (VO)
Oh, dear.
ROBERT (VO)
Oh.
APRIL (VO)
Oh.
ROBERT (VO)
I like that.
APRIL (VO)
I love that
ROBERT (VO)
Oh, she has such a smooth body.
APRIL (VO)
What is he doing?
ROBERT (VO)
With all that long hair I can't even
find her head
APRIL (VO)
He really likes me.
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104.
APRIL (VO)
It's poetry
ROBERT (VO)
It's beautiful.
APRIL (VO)
I think I could love him
ROBERT (VO)
If only I could remember her name
APRIL (VO)
He smells so good.
ROBERT (VO)
She tastes so good.
APRIL (VO)
He feels so good
ROBERT (VO)
What' is her name?
Chris changes her dance step and/or movement. We hear the

voices of the married couples
APRIL (VO)
I love you, I love you...
ROBERT (VO)
I... I...
SARAH
I love you, Harry
HARRY
I love you, Sarah.
JEREMY
I love you, David.
DAVID
I love you, Jeremy
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105.
ALL
I love you, I love you, I love you...
FADE OUT
INT. ROBERT'S BEDROOM- THE NEXT MORNING
Robert's bedroom is the same as it was the night before,

except now it has the remnants of last night's activities.
Clothes are strewn about, the comforter is falling off the
foot of the bed and only the sheet is covering the two.
Robert and April are a tangled mess of limbs.
The alarm clock goes off. April shuts off the clock and turns
on a light. Robert wakes up and rolls over, tiredly. She
begins gathering her clothes.
SONG: Barcelona
Note: The song reads more like a conversation set to music

than an acutal song. The choergraphy is more like
coincidental choreographed blocking or subtle actions and
movements set to music.
ROBERT
Where are you going?
APRIL
Barcelona.
ROBERT
... oh...
APRIL
Don't get up.
ROBERT
Do you have to?
APRIL
Yes, I have to.
ROBERT
... oh...
APRIL
Don't get up.
(pauses)
Now you're angry
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106.
ROBERT
No, I'm not.
APRIL
Yes, you are
ROBERT
No, I'm not. Put your things down.
APRIL
See, now you're angry.
ROBERT
No, I'm not.
APRIL
Yes, you are
ROBERT
No, I'm not. Put your wings down and
stay.
APRIL
I'm leaving.
ROBERT
Why?
APRIL
To go to-
ROBERT
Stay-
APRIL
I have to-
APRIL AND ROBERT

Fly-
ROBERT
I know-
APRIL AND ROBERT

To Barcelona.
ROBERT
Look, you're a very special girl, not
just overnight. No, you're a very
special girl, and not becuase you're
bright- not just because you're
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107.
bright.
(yawning)
You're just a very special girl, June!
APRIL
April..
ROBERT
April...
There is a pause.
APRIL
Thank you.
ROBERT
Whatcha thinking?
APRIL
Barcelona.
ROBERT
... oh ...
APRIL
Flight Eighteen
ROBERT
Stay a minute
APRIL
I would like to.
ROBERT
... so? ...
APRIL
Don't be mean.
ROBERT
Stay a minute
APRIL
No, I can't.
ROBERT
Yes, you can.
APRIL
No, I can't.
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108.
ROBERT
Where are you going?
APRIL
Barcelona.
ROBERT
So you said-
APRIL
And Madrid
ROBERT
Bon Voyage.
APRIL
On a Boeing
ROBERT
Good night.
APRIL
You're angry.
ROBERT
No.
APRIL
I've got to-
ROBERT
Right.
APRIL
Report to-
ROBERT
Go.
APRIL
That's not to say that if I had my
way... Oh well, I guess okay.
ROBERT
What?
APRIL
I'll stay.
ROBERT
But..
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109.
She snuggles back into bed. He realizes his mistake and

immediately regrets his decision.
Oh, God!
FADE OUT
END OF EP 7
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110.
EPISODE 8
_________
EXT. PATTY AND SUSAN'S TERRACE- DAY
The same terrace from Episode 3, except you almost wouldn't

recognize it's the same place. It's been decluttered, cleaned
and now looks like an ideal out-door setup. The cheairs have
been cleaned, the grill is shiny new, there's a toy box that
we assume holds all the micellanious toys that used to
inhabit the ground.
Patty and Susan are each on a deck chair, basking in the sun.
Robert and Susan appear at the terrace door and knock.
SUSAN
Oh, Patty, looks who's here. It's
Robert. And you must be Oscar.
ROBERT
Sorry to barge in, but the front door
was unlocked.
PATTY
Oh no trouble, we can hardly hear the
front door anywyay from out here.
Oscar goes to the railing.
OSCAR
Oh, God, look! You can see the East
River.
ROBERT
I'm surprised to find you out on the
terrace. It's terrific.
SUSAN
Peter fixed it all up. Ph, Oscar, I'm
so glad Robert brought you by. You are
just what he said.. so pretty and
original and pecul- I mean...
OSCAR
Right!
SUSAN
Well, now, Robert, how have ___
you been?
ROBERT
You know me. I'm always happy.
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111.
All heads turn and stare at him, astonished. He is taken

aback.
ROBERT
What did I say?
PATTY
(After an awkward moment)
Hey Bob, did Susan show you the
picutres I took in Mexico when I went
down to get the divorce?
ROBERT
Divorce? You're not married now?
SUSAN
Not since the divorce.
ROBERT
Oh.
PATTY
I flew down to Mexico. It is absolutly
sensational down there. It is so
terrific, I phoned Susan to come down
and join me.
SUSAN
It's so pretty down there
ROBERT
Where are you living now, Patty?
PATTY
Well, here at home. I mean I've got
responsibilities... Susan and the kids
to gake care of. I certainly wouldn't
leave them.
ROBERT
It sure seems to be working.
SUSAN
Well, my goodness. We're all four
single. It's nicer I think. Especially
if you have somebody.
Susan and Patty smile and wink.
OSCAR
Now ____
this is what I call New York!
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112.
CUT TO
We've seen this nightclub before, but this is the first time
we're really focused on it. It's a late 60s/early 70s- themed
dance club (Note: A tribute of the time the original musical
was written).
There's a small stage where Joanne's performed :The Little

Things you Do Together" back in Episode 2. There's a large
dance floor where millennials are throwing it back to the
bops of the 70s. There are running waiters and, in a cage to
one side, a go-go girl.
Joanne and Robert are seated at a table off to the side of

dance floor, near the bar, watching Larry dance with one of
the patrons. Joanne and Robert grow increasingly drunk as the
scene progresses. She is acerbic drunk. Robert laughs and
gets silly, but never really loses himself. Larry is also
getting decently drunk, and having a wonderful time.
ROBERT
I think they're going to hurt
themselves.
JOANNE
What if their mothers came in saw them
up there doing that? Think of their
poor mothers. He's embarassing.
ROBERT
Anyway, those people that laugh and
carry one and dance like that- they're
not happy
JOANNE
(yelling in Larry's direction)
Think of your poor mother!
ROBERT
He's not what you'd call self-
conscious.
JOANNE
He's not what you'd call! Big show-
off. It really shocks me to see a
grown man dance like that!
(yelling to Larry again)
I am shocked, you here, shocked.
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113.
During Joanne's digaloue we flashback to a younger version of

her and we see the scenes she is describing as she narrates
along
(to Robert)
Where was I? Oh- my first husband. He
is so difficult to remember. Even when
you're with him. We got married here
in New York. See, he was here on some
business deal, but he owned a big meat-
packing company in Chicago.
Attractive? Well, we lived in New York
for almost a year and then one day he
had to go back to Chicago. And, you
know, he was actually surprised when I
told him I would just wait for him. I
mean, I still really don't know quite
where Chicago is. It's over there
somewhere.
(she points vaugely)
He said he didn't really plan to come
back... So I know we were in a tiny
dilemma- or at least he was. I was
still too young. But I was old enough
to know where I was living, and I had
no intention of leaving New York. I
have never left New York. Never have,
never will. And least of all would I
ever want to go to a place where they
actually feel honored being called
"hot butcher for the world" I said,
"Kiss off, Rodney," but I said it
nicer. Well, we got a divorce. A
divorce. Huh! One word means all of
that. Another drink, guy.. sir. Oh,
___
____
sir!
The waiters are too busy and ignore her. The dance ends;
everyone applauds. Larry and his partner say goodbye, and he
crosses to Joanne's table and stands there catching his
breath. Larry has a red flower in his lapel
LARRY
Whew!
JOANNE
(looking up at him and away)
We already gave
Larry pulls up a chair and sits at the table
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114.
LARRY
You all had a few while I was dancing,
huh?
JOANNE
Larry, what the hell was all that
carrying on? What was that? Shocking.
(yells to passing waiters)
SIR! SIR! TROIS ENCORE, S'IL VOUS
PLAIT!
LARRY
I asked you to dance.
JOANNE
I only dance when you can touch. I
don't think standing bumping around
and making an ass out of oneself is a
dance. I find it unbelievably
humiliating watching my won husband
flouncing around the dance floor,
jerking and sashaying all over the
place like JLo. Take off the red
shoes, Larry. Off.
LARRY
Was I that good?
ROBERT
Very. Excellent. Amazingly good.
LARRY
(laughing)
Joanne, I love you when you're
jealous. Kiss me.
JOANNE
I hated dinner, I hated the opera, I
hate it here.
LARRY
But darling, this is your club.
JOANNE
(ignoring Larry)
What I need is more to drink- and look
at Bobby, how desperately he needs
another drink.
Another waiter passes by the table
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115.
JOANNE
Here they come again. SIR! DRINKS HERE-
TWO MORE BOURBONS AND A VODKA
STINGER! You would think, at my own
club the waiters wouldn't be so rude.
Do you know that we are suddenly at an

age where we find ourselves too young
for the old people and too old for the
young ones. We're nowhere. I think we
better drink to us. To us- the
generation gap. WE ARE THE GENERATION
GAP!
She expects her outburst to cause attention to turn to her,

but everyone is minding their own business.
JOANNE
Are they staring at me? Let'em stare-
let'em, those broads. What else have
they got to do- all dressed up with no
place to go.
LARRY
What time is it?
JOANNE
In real life? Will somebody get us
another drink!
At this point each of the four waiters deliver a round of

drinks to the table.
JOANNE
Oh, you did. So aggressive
(to no one)
STOP STARING
A spotlight opens on the mic up on the stage, but no one

appears.The manager comes over and whispers something into
Joanne's ear.
JOANNE
I guess that's my cue.
Joanne leaves the table and walks, slowly up teh mic.

Relishing it. At this point the lights in the club have
dimmed and the music has stopped causing all the patrons to
turn and watch make her way to the stage; her dream. When she
gets to the mic, she slowly turns to the audience.
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116.
Song: Ladies Who Lunch
Note: This song is Joanne's time to relish in her attention

adn talent. While she sings, there's an elaborate dance
number going on on the dance floor. She roams around the clbu
while she sings. Moving from the stage to the bar to the
dance floor until she ends back at the table with Robert and
Larry.
JOANNE
I'd like to propose a toast.
(sung)
Here's to the ladies who lunch--
Everybody laugh.
Lounging in their caftans
And planning a brunch
On their own behalf.
Off to the gym,
Then to a fitting,
Claiming they're fat.
And looking grim,
'Cause they've been sitting
Choosing a hat.
Does anyone still wear a hat?
I'll drink to that.
And here's to the girls who slay smart--
Aren't they a gas?

Rushing to their classes
In optical art,
Wishing it would pass.
Another long exhausting day,
Another thousand dollars,
A matinee, a Pinter play,
Perhaps a piece of Mahler's.
I'll drink to that.
And one for Mahler!
And here's to the girls who play wife--
Aren't they too much?

Keeping house but clutching
A copy of LIFE,
Just to keep in touch.
The ones who follow the rules,
And meet themselves at the schools,
Too busy to know that they're fools.
Aren't they a gem?
I'll drink to them!
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117.
Let's all drink to them!

And here's to the girls who just watch--
Aren't they the best?
When they get depressed,
It's a bottle of Scotch,
Plus a little jest.
Another chance to disapprove,
Another brilliant zinger,
Another reason not to move,
Another vodka stinger.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!
I'll drink to that.
So here's to the girls on the go--
Everybody tries.
Look into their eyes,
And you'll see what they know:
Everybody dies.
A toast to that invincible bunch,
The dinosaurs surviving the crunch.
Let's hear it for the ladies who lunch--
Everybody rise!
Rise!
Rise! Rise! Rise! Rise! Rise! Rise!
Rise!
Rise!
She sits as the lights return to nomral and the patrons

continue with their night.
JOANNE
I would like a cigarette, Larry.
He gives her one and lights it.
JOANNE
Remember when everyone used to smoke?
How it was more-uh- festive, happier
or something. Now every place is not
unlike an operating room, for
Christsake.
(pokes Roberts)
Huh?
ROBERT
I never smoked
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118.
JOANNE
Why?
ROBERT
I don't know. I meant to. Does that
count?
JOANNE
Meant to! Meant to! Story of your
life. Meant to! Jesus, you are lifted
right of a Krafft-Ebing case history.
You were always outside looking in the
window while everybody was inside
dancing at the party. Now I insist you
smoke. Your first compromise
She pulls out a full carton of cigarettes and offers one.
Here, Rob! Smoke!
ROBERT
No, thank you.
LARRY
Joanne, honey, c'mon- he doesn't.
ROBERT
You smoke. I'll watch.
JOANNE
Watch. Did you hear yourself? Huh?
Hear what you just said, kiddo? What.
I am offering you..
ROBERT
I don't want one.
JOANNE
Because you're weak...
She throws the carton down on the table.
JOANNE
I hate people who are weak!
She takes a deep drag and exhales.
JOANNE
That's the best. Better than Librium.
Smoking may be the only thing that
separates us from the lower forms.
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119.
LARRY
You wanna split?
JOANNE
Of what?
LARRY
We don't act like this when you're not
here, Robby. I wish you could meet the
real Joanne sometime. She's really
great. In fact, when you marry, be
sure you marry a girl just like her...
JOANNE
Don't ever get married, Robby. Never.
Why should you?
ROBERT
For company, I don't know. Like
everybody else.
JOANNE
Who else?
ROBERT
Everybody that ever fell in love and
got married.
JOANNE
I know both couples and they're both
divorced. Oh, Larry, you interrupted
me before. See what happens when you
rush me. I wanted to toast my second
husband.
Larry gets up from the table.
LARRY
I'm going to the john. And when I come
back, we'll be leaving shortly. The
holiday is ending. Okay?
He leaves and heads towards the front of the bar.
ROBERT
(Calling after Larry)
I got the check. Damn. I know he's off
to pay the check. Or maybe buy the
place.
He looks to Joanne to see if the joke landed. Joanne sits
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120.
with a drink in one hand and a cigarette in the other,

unamused but doesn't take her eyes off Robert.
ROBERT
It is a comfort to be friend with the
owners. But I do like to pay some of
the time. Oh, well, you talked me into
it!
Pause. Joanne's gaze has turned more into a predator-prey

type of stare. Robert becomes increasingly uncomfortable.
ROBERT
You have a good third husband, Joanne.
He's a good man. Anyway, thank you for
the evening. I'm glad I joined you. I
was really feeling low.. really
depressed. I drank, but you really put
it away tonight. The last several
times you and I got together, i've had
shameful hangovers- abominable. We may
be doing permanent damage- think of
that! I don't what to think of the
fact that you only drink with me... I
guess, that is not unflattering. No! I
hope I don't depress you! We have good
times and it's a hoot, yes? Whatever
you say!
Pauses. Joanne puts her drink down and puts her hand on
Robert's knee, slowly sliding her hand further up his knee.
Robert is flustered and unsure how to handle this situation.
ROBERT
No I don't care for a cigarette if
that is what you're trying to stare me
into. My age group is a very uptight
age group. Middle age is breaking up
that old gang of mine. Whew! It's very
drunk out tonight. What are you
looking at, Joanne? It's my charisma,
huh? Well, stop looking at my
charisma!
The atmosphere of the club slows fades into the background.

Robert is distracted by Joanne's attention that it's as if
they're the only two people in the room.
JOANNE
When are we gonna make it?
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121.
A pause.
ROBERT
I beg your pardon?
JOANNE
When're we gonna make it?
ROBERT
What's wrong with now?
JOANNE
There's my place. It's free tomorrow
at two. Larry goes to his gym then.
Don't talk. Don't do your folksy
Harold Teen with me. You're a terribly
attractive man. The kind of man most
women want and never seem to get. I'll-
take care of you.
ROBERT
But who will I take care of?
JOANNE
Well, did you hear yourself? Did you
hear what you just said, kiddo?
Larry comes back to the table and suddenly the Robert is

jerked back into reality. The music is in full swing.
LARRY
Well the bill is taken care of and...
(looks at a stunned Robert)
What's wrong?
ROBERT
(Getting angry)
I've looked at all that- marriages and
all that- and what do you get for it?
What do you get?
Bobby's phone starts buzzing with the music of "BOBBY BABY".

He angrily picks his phone up and looks at it.
ROBERT
Ugh. I gotta go.
Bobby frustratedly leaves the table and walked out of the

night club.
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122.
LARRY
What happened?
JOANNE
I just did someone a big favor. C'mon,
Larry, let's go home.
EXT. NEW YORK STREET-CONTINUOUS
Bobby exits the nightclub onto a bustling New York street on

a Friday evening. The music of "Bobby Baby" is still playing
s Robert looks down at his phone to see it consistantly
buzzing with texts and missed calls from his friends. He
angrily puts his phone in his pocket and continues walking
through the streets of New York.
Song: Being Alive
The music adjusts and changes from diegetic to non-diegetic.

Bobby is alone walking down the street but he hears his
friends concerned words in his head. He speeds up in
annoyance, trying to get them to shut up. The voices start to
drive him progressively crazy until he explodes in the middle
of an open space.
ROBERT
(to himself)
What do you get?
JEREMY
Bobby...
PATTY
Bobby...
AMY
Bobby baby...
PAUL
Bobby bubi...
JOANNE
Robby...
SUSAN
Robert darling...
DAVID
Bobby, we've been trying to call you.
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123.
JEREMY
Bobby...
LARRY
Bobby...
AMY
Bobby baby...
PAUL
Bobby bubi...
SARAH
Angel, I've got something to tell you
HARRY
Bob...
LARRY
Rob-o...
JOANNE
Bobby love...
SUSAN
Bobby honey...
AMY AND PAUL

Bobby, we've been trying to reach you
all day.
LARRY
Bobby...
HARRY
Bobby...
PATTY
Bobby baby...
SARAH
Angel...
JOANNE
Darling...
DAVID AND JEREMY

The kid was asking Bobby...
HARRY
Bobby...
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124.
SUSAN
Robert...
JOANNE
Robby...
PATTY
Bob-o...
LARRY AND JOANNE

Bobby, there was something we wanted
to say.
SARAH AND HARRY

Bobby...
PAUL
Bobby bubi...
AMY
Sweetheart...
SUSAN
Sugar...
DAVID AND JEREMY

Your line was busy.
ALL
Bobby...
Bobby's now in the middle of Washington Square Park. He has

exploded from the madness and screams. Passersby give him
weird looks but he doesn't notice them.
ROBERT
(shouts; angry)
Stop! What do you get?
The song is a reflective and internal searching of Bobby.

While he sits in the park contemplating, we are seeing his
inner thoughts. His friends are acting as his inner
conscious, problem solving.
Bobby walks through memories of dates with Oscar, Chris and

April. Watching himself with the girls and trying to find
what's been missing
He walks though scenes and intimate moments between the

couples, trying to find the magic there that makes each
couple so special.
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125.
Throughout these scenes, his friends appear to speak to him,

similar to apparitions we've seen earlier in the series.
ROBERT
Someone to hold you too close, someone
to hurt you too deep, someone to sit
in your chair, to ruin your sleep.
PAUL
That's true, but there's more than
that.
SARAH
Is that all you think there is to it?
HARRY
You've got so many reasons for not
being with someone, but Robert, you
haven't got one good reason for being
alone.
LARRY
Come on. You're on to something,
Bobby. You're on to something.
ROBERT
Someone to need you too much, someone
to know you too well, someone to pull
you up short and put you through hell.
DAVID
You see what you look for, you know.
JOANNE
You're not a kid any more, Robby, and
I don't think you'll ever be a kid
again, kiddo.
PATTY
Hey, buddy, don't be afraid it won't
be perfect. The only thing to be
afraid of really is that it won't be.
___
JENNY
Don't stop now! Keep going!
ROBERT
Someone you have to let in, someone
whose feelings you spare, someone who,
like it or not, will want you to share
a little, a lot...
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126.
SUSAN
And what does all that mean?
LARRY
Robert, how do you know so much about
it when you've never been there?
HARRY
It's all much better living it that
looking at it, Robert.
JEREMY
Add'em up, Bobby, add'em up.
ROBERT
Someone to crowd you with love.
Someone to force you to care. Someone
to make you come through who'll always
be there, as frightened as you, of
being alive, being alive, being alive,
being alive.
Robert is remembering an iteration of his birthday. Now he's

in the scene instead of observing it. He closes his eyes to
blow out the candles. As he closes his eyes...
FADE TO BLACK
AMY (VO)
Blow out the candles, Robert, and make
a wish. ____
Want something! Want
_________
something!
Robert opens his eyes. He's sitting in the same spot in the
park he started in. He's alone. He sings to himself in a
powerful 11 o'clock number, trying to make sense of the last
few mintues and really of his experiences throughout the last
8 episodes.
ROBERT
Somebody hold me too close. Somebody
hurt me too deep. Somebody sit in my
chair and ruin my sleep and make me
aware of being alive, being alive.
Somebody need me too much. Somebody

know me too well. Somebody pull me up
short and put me through hell and give
me support for being alive.
Make me alive. Make me confused, mock
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127.
me with praise, let me be used, vary

my days. But alone is alone, not
alive.
Somebody crowd me with love. Somebody

force me to care. Somebody make me
come through. I'll always be there, as
frightened as you, to help us survive
being alive, being alive, being alive.
EXT. COFFEE SHOP- DAY
Robert ends his final note and sits down at an outdoor coffee
shop He's wearing different clothes. It's a new day.
CUT TO
INT. ROBERT'S APARTMENT
Robert's friends are back in his aparmtent. It's his birthday

party again.
The guests are scattered about the room, as before, but there
is an atmosphere of apprehension this time. They've clearly
been waiting a while. Rather than standing attentvie, most of
the guests sitr on chairs or couches. The baloons are
starting to deflate and a few streamers have fallen.
We hear footsteps in the distance, growing louder. The lights

are turned down, a key is heard in a lock- but it is another
door that opens and clsoes. There are a few seconds of
silence.
LARRY
Must've been the apartment across the
hall
HARRY
This is the craziest thing... huh?
AMY
Do you think something's wrong?
PAUL
No.
AMY
Neither do I.
PATTY
I do. I've called every joint in town.
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128.
SUSAN
It ___
has been over two hours now. Maybe
he forgot.
SARAH
How can anyone forget a surprise
birthday?
JOANNE
Or... maybe the surprise is on us. I
think I got the message. C'mon Larry,
let's go home.
LARRY
Yeah. I think we should.
AMY
Let's go, Paul
PAUL
Yes, I think we can now.
SARAH
Maybe we should leave him a note.
HARRY
Maybe we ought to leave him be.
SUSAN
I'll call him tomorrow.
PATTY
Don't.
SUSAN
I won't.
JEREMY
David?
DAVID
What?
JEREMY
Nothing.
Joanne gathers everyone around the table.
JOANNE
Okay. All together, everybody.
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129.
ALL
Happy Birthday, Robert!
They blow out the candles.
CUT TO
EXT. COFFEE SHOP- CONTINUOUS
Robert is still sitting at the coffee shop he was at at the

end of Being Alive. He's now drinking a cup of coffee. He
smiles, satisfied, as if he's seen the the whole previous
scene.
A guy approaches him tentatviely
GUY
Hi. Are you Bobby?
Bobby gets up to greet him
ROBERT
Hi. Yes. James, right? Nice to finally
meet you
They sit down and start talking. We don't really hear what
they talk about but it's clearly a first date. Bobby looks
happy.
FADE OUT
END OF SERIES
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EPISODE 1: PILOT/COMPANY

INT. EVENING BOBBY'S APARTMENT- DAY

Open on Bobby's one bedroom apartment in Manhattan. The

Bobby is not home, but instead, his 10 friends are scattered

SUSAN (31) is standing on a ladder fixing the banner. PATTY

SARAH (27) is decorating the cake in the kitchen, sneakily

AMY (31) is meticulously arranging the presents. She moves

JOANNE (47) is sitting on an armchair, not interested in

We hear FOOTSTEPS in the distance growing louder, and the KEY

ROBERT (30) enters.

Created using Celtx

around here? Huh? Who is it? Who is

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Sarah hands him a gift from the pile.

She starts to leave.

Amy grabs hers and brings it to Robert too.

Created using Celtx

Points to Harry, going over to him.

She takes Harry's drink from him.

She downs the drink.

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Amy slips out.

She sits down.

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Amy enters with a cake

Jeremy starts the group singing "Happy Birthday" which comes

Created using Celtx

Music begins under, sounding like a BUSY SIGNAL.

Created using Celtx

Now Robert stands alone in a completely denuded room.

Created using Celtx

AMY AND PAUL

DAVID AND JEREMY

LARRY AND JOANNE

SARAH AND HARRY

Created using Celtx

DAVID AND JEREMY

AMY AND PAUL

SARAH AND HARRY

PATTY AND SUSAN

DAVID, JEREMY, JOANNE AND LARRY

AMY AND PAUL

SARAH AND HARRY

DAVID, JEREMY, JOANNE AND LARRY

AMY AND PAUL

DAVID AND JEREMY

PATTY AND SUSAN

SARAH AND HARRY

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LARRY AND JOANNE

SARAH AND HARRY

DAVID AND JEREMY

SARAH AND HARRY

AMY AND PAUL

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PATTY AND JOANNE

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LARRY AND AMY

APRIL AND PAUL

OSCAR AND HARRY