Social Man - How2txther

HOW2TXTHER
INTRODUCTION
THE MOST IMPORTANT STUFF
ADDING SOME PERSONALITY
THE HIGH DEMAND MAN
NICK SPARKS GUEST LECTURE
ROB JUDGE GUEST LECTURE

FLIRTING AND CONNECTING

GETTING HER NUMBER

GREAT FIRST TEXTS

ASKING HER OUT

FLAGS ON THE PLAY

GETTING SEXUAL

CASE STUDIES

ALL MATERIAL © THE SOCIAL MAN. ANY UNAUTHORIZED REPRODUCTION IS IN

VIOLATION OF COPYRIGHTS, AND WILL LEAD TO FIVE YEARS OF BAD SEX

HOW2TXTHER INTRODUCTION

INTRODUCTION
There was a time in my life when I thought that text messaging was worse
than chewing on aluminum foil. Therapists live to have patients with the
range of terrible emotions that it inflicted upon me.
Confusion: sitting there, looking down at my phone. “come up with

something clever… come on… what should I SAY to her?”
Self-Loathing: just sent a text, not sure if it’s the right one “did I really
just send that? stupid stupid stupid.”
Anxiety: haven’t heard back from her in one hour, twenty two
minutes, and thirty four seconds. “Oh God. I blew it. should I send
another text and apologize? wait, my phone just buzzed! Is it her?!
Ahhh, crap, it’s a free AT&T notification. I hate those guys, getting my
hopes up like that.”
Nothing you haven’t experienced before, right?
And heck, if you turn on your phone right now and open up your
"contacts"... I'm willing to bet there's at least one woman stored away in
there who you're really attracted to.
Maybe you even have a straight-up crush on one of the girls saved in your


phone...
But right now, it's just a number. You've got it tucked away safely in your
phone, so what next?
Well, for years and years men debated fiercely over the big dating question
of the 20th century: "How long should I wait before I call her?"
But it's the dawn of a new age, and a new question is clawing at single men
around the world:
"WHAT DO I TEXT HER?"
As one of the world’s top dating coaches, this is one of the most common
question I’ve received.
I’ve also talked to a lot of women about it. And they all know what’s up:
Most guys are clueless when it comes to texting. Our screw-ups, awkward
texts, and failed attempts are the hot topic of conversation on girls night
out.
But with HOW2TXTHER, we can change that.
There have been some amazing breakthroughs in psychology that are


going to turn the tables in your favor, and create the exciting texting
experience that makes it just as fun for her as it is for you.
But before we can get to those, I want to give you a “lay of the land.”
Understanding this stuff is your first step towards having an unfair
advantage over other guys, so pay close attention. 
WHAT SHE’S THINKING WHEN YOU’RE TEXTING HER
You absolutely have to understand this:
When she gave you her number, it wasn’t a binding contract to see you
again.
I can guarantee that she was not thinking “I really hope to have this guy’s
babies.”
She was experiencing positive emotions with you. When you got her
number, her feelings toward you were pretty good. And she thought to
herself “I’d like to see this guy again.”
Congrats! You made a woman like you.
Then she went off to meet her friends, or to class or work. A day or two
passed. Her mood changed a hundred different times. And those positive


feelings she had towards you began to fade away.
But it might be even worse than that. She might be getting texts from an ex
she’s not totally over, and five other guys who also have her number. She
might have had a date lined up for the night after you met her. Heck, she
might not even remember giving you her number.
So by the time your first text to her arrives, her feelings about you
have changed. She just doesn’t feel as strongly as she did about you in
the moment when you got her number.
And what is the typical first text message that a guy sends?
“Hey”
Short and simple. Cool. Yet it does absolutely nothing to get her feeling
good about him again. Not surprising that girls think it’s the worst first text
of all time. Let’s look at another one:
“Hey Jen, it’s John from the bar the other night. Great to meet you! Want
to get together on Tuesday?”
It’s got a little more personality than “hey.” But again, it doesn’t do anything
to change her mood, her emotions, or her feelings towards him.


And when it comes to making decisions, people are not logical - especially
when it comes to love and dating.
A girl’s not sitting there with a spreadsheet, doing an analysis of the

different guys she could be dating, so she can decide who she’s going to
see on Wednesday night.
Nope, decisions like who to text back, who to go out with, who to
sleep with, and who she wants as a boyfriend are emotionally-driven
decisions.
Let’s consider another first text. I have a first text formula, which I used to
come up with this one, and I gave it to a client. The night prior, he’d met a
girl who was wearing this stunning dress, hit it off with her, and walked
away with a great number. His first text read:
“ur dress last night = weapon of mass destruction. i trust you put it
somewhere that the CIA won’t find it”
Good first text? You betcha. It does so many little things right, but the
most important thing it does is to make her smile, and giggle. It activates
her emotional circuitry. It makes her feel something.
A great start. But there’s still a long ways to go.


WHAT WAS DATING LIKE BEFORE TEXTING?
Let’s recap: when a girl decides she wants to go out with you, it’s a
decision that’s driven by her feelings and emotions towards you.
So you have the best chance of getting her to say “yes” when she’s feeling
really good about you.
Let’s take a little journey back in time to see how this worked before text
messages.
It’s 1984 again. Ronald Reagan just won re-election, theatre-goers can’t
stop talking about Ghostbusters, and text messaging is unheard of. Caller
ID is still a ways in the future. Even the answering machine hasn’t caught
on yet. You called someone, and either they picked up, or you called back.
I was only four back then, but I’m told that in such ancient times, there were
very few points of contact between when you’d meet a girl, and when you’d
go out on a date.
You met her and took her number. You talked once or twice on the phone.
And then you went out with her. Bada boom, bada bing.
So her feelings towards you - and whether she went out with you or not -
would depend on only one or two phone calls.


A woman would use this time to “screen” a guy out if he acted creepy or
nervous, had a terrible phone voice, or otherwise made her feel “bad” on
the call.
Those one or two phone calls were the only “data points” she could use
when deciding if she wanted to see a guy again.
I remember calling girls back in college (texting didn’t really catch on until I
was in my mid twenties). It was definitely stressful, because you knew you
had twenty minutes to rekindle the feelings she had when you met her, and
ask her out again. But if you did well on that phone call, it was all good.
Ok, fast forward to modern times. On any given day, you get more calls,
beeps and notifications on your smart phone than most people got in two
weeks back in 1984.
In a little bit, we’re going to learn about how this makes for all sorts of
interesting psychological “loopholes” that you can use to make girls really,
really like you. The science is going to blow you away.
But for now, let’s think about how text messaging changes the “dating
game” - and not in your favor.
WHY TEXTING HAS MADE IT MORE DIFFICULT FOR GUYS


Before text messaging, asking a girl out used to take place over a single,
20-minute phone call. But now it takes place over the course of days, with
a bunch of tiny little messages.
This is both a blessing and a curse. If you’re great at texting, you can
make her like you a lot more than you can with a mere phone call. We’ll
get to that in a little bit.
But there are also a lot more opportunities to screw it up.
You can send a crappy first text, and ruin it from the start.
You can text too much, too soon, and make her think you’re needy.
You can text too little, too late, and cause her to lose interest or get bored.
You can send texts that are weird, misunderstood, or offensive (without
meaning it).
And you can screw it up at any point. You might do ok for five texts, then
send a sixth one that totally kills it. Things might go great all the way
through the first date, then get ruined when you’re asking her out on the
second date.
Heck, I’ve seen clients who screw it up after they’ve had sex with a girl


because they were texting the wrong thing. The following critique came
from a client - this was the text exchange the day after he slept with a girl
for the first time. He tried to be cool and nonchalant, but actually came
across like a dick.
=============================
12:35 PM Her: Shit. Can you check your bag/car for my cell charger?????
12:36 PM Her: Just kidding I found itttt
12:46 PM Client: haha ok
Ok this is when it really starts to go wrong. After sex, you’ve GOT to make a
girl feel good about herself. You HAVE to get this right. Instead, you got
back with “haha ok”. What does that tell her? That you don’t care much.
That you’ve had sex and are now doing other important things. This was
SUCH a great opportunity to get back to her with something sweet like
Niiiiice... the cell phone charger gods were looking out for you today!!!
It’s so much friendlier! But you didn’t even need to sent all that... I mean,
anything with a little more personality than “haha ok” would have been
better :)
1:16 PM Her: Thanks again for inviting me. Your so sweet I had a wonderful
time!
2:58 PM Well you’re always good company haha


Ok, this is where it really goes wrong. I know you were trying to sound
nonchalant, but it just came across as insensitive. I’ve told you once
already, but it bears mentioning again: after a woman has given herself to
you, make her feel GOOD about it. So I would have called her 5-‐30 minutes
later and had a nice little talk -‐ about how you loved spending time with
her, and how sexy she was. Ask her what she’s up to for the rest of the day.
Then say something like “well, something tells me I’ll catch you very soon
on text”. That’s always an easy way back to texting, and asking her out
again.
=============================
In the previous example, the girl got really turned off and didn’t want to see
my client anymore - she thought he was a jerk. He didn’t mean to be... he
just didn’t know how to text her the right thing. Just one example (of many)
of how easy it is to screw things up.
Worst of all, if you’ve got her number, there’s a good chance that a few
other guys do too... so her inbox is a literal battleground of guys vying for
her attention. Every message you send is another entry in a
competition for her time and her interest.
So that sucks. But we’re not out of the woods just yet.
DEALING WITH HER FEELINGS

Remember - women make the decision about whether or not to see you


again based on emotion, not logic. Based on how they feel about you.
Along those lines, here’s another important thing you need to

understand:
Feelings are “transmitted” across a number of “channels.” Your eyes, your

facial expression, your body language, your vocal tonality, and yes, the
words you speak.
So the best chance you have of making someone feel good about you is to
use all of your channels well. Good eye contact. Nice smooth vocal
tonality. Solid conversation and flirtation. Great nonverbals.
The fewer channels you have to work with, the harder it is to influence
someone’s feelings.
Live, in-person is better than a video call. A video call is better than a
phone call. A phone call is better than texting.
Given how “narrow” of a channel texting is, you’re already at a

disadvantage. So why not just proclaim “I don’t do texting” and just call
her?
Well, put yourself in a girl’s shoes for a second. She’s given her number
out to a few guys. The right move for her is to sit back and let them “duke it
out” for her interest. She can let the messages roll in, take her time to


respond to them, and see who she’s liking the most.
Girls say they like it when a guy calls them, but in my experience, it’s
almost never in your best interest. Especially with girls under 30. They
rarely pick up, so all it really does is brand you in a girl’s mind as “that guy
who really likes me because he called me.”
The one caveat - every now and then you need to do it when you’re
coordinating times for something - a movie, for example. But in general, if
someone is telling you that you should call a girl instead of texting her, you
can pretty much ignore them. It strips you of your power and value.
And make no mistake - most guys just don’t have the power when they’re
trying to get a girl to go out with them. It’s just how the dating game is
played.
A girl’s text message inbox is one of the most efficient “guy

screening” tools ever invented.
So woe be upon you if - with this very narrow communication channel - you
can’t make her feel good about you.
Not only do you have to avoid making any dumb mistakes or turning her off,
but you also have to amplify her emotions towards you with every additional
text you send.


Rather than making her feel good on one phone call, you’ve got to
make her feel better and better about you over the course of five, ten
or twenty text messages.
And it never really ends, does it? Until you’re in a proper relationship with
her, you have to keep “getting it right” with texting. You really need to get
good at this stuff, because text messaging is the bridge between every time
that you see her.
It’s become an integral part of the dating game.
High stakes. If you’ve ever felt like texting was unfair, annoying, or
frustrating, you probably now have a better understanding of why it feels
that way.
It’s literally a different form of communication than anything else out there.
Comparing texting to real conversation is like comparing English to
French.
To carry the metaphor further: if you visited France but only spoke English,
it’d be pretty darn tough to connect with all of the beautiful women you’d
meet there.
So let’s look at the “language” of texting.


SUBCOMMUNICATION AND THE LANGUAGE OF TEXTING
When you text a guy friend, think about what’s going on.
You’re probably already his buddy. You’re not worried about him “having
other options” or “losing interest” if things don’t go right. And importantly,
you’re not trying to get into his pants or get him out on a date. (Right?)
Think of a text conversation you had with one of your guy friends recently.
Chances are it wasn't emotional, or flirty, or sexy... I mean, I hope it wasn’t.
And if your buddy texts or calls you up just to “say hi” or “chat” about
whatever, chances are you’d wonder what drug he was on. I might even
give my friend an emoji slap if he pulled something like that with me. It’s
like “dude, we’ll talk when we hang out.”
The dynamics of texting your buddy just aren’t that complicated. It’s
information exchange, pure and simple.
But the dynamics of texting a girl involve two things:
1.) the specific words you choose to send her
2.) your subcommunication


We’ll get to the specific words in a little bit. For now, let’s look at
subcommunication, because SO many guys mess this stuff up.
Here’s the deal:
When you text her, a girl is gathering so much more information than the
specific words you’re pecking out. For example, she’s paying attention to
stuff like...
the time between messages: if you’re super quick to respond when

you’re getting to know her, it’s going to subcommunicate that you’re
needy.
whether or not you use emoticons: if you make occasional smilies

and winky faces, it’s going to subcommunicate your positive and
playful emotions. 
how enthusiastic, or “cool” you are to her: if you’re too cool at the
wrong time (like in the post-sex example above) it could
subcommunicate that you don’t care or are a jerk. 
your use of proper spelling and grammar: if you write your texts
like you’d write a term paper, it’s going to subcommunicate that you
are uptight and nervous.
All of these dynamics are “under the radar” - that’s why we call them


subcommunication. But make no mistake, she can feel them.
If you mess this stuff up, it will absolutely KILL you. Funny thing is, I see a
lot of guys who are great at talking to girls in “real life” who don’t get the
texting subcommunication right.
Let’s look at another critique I did for a client. He had set up a date the
night before, and was texting her this day to confirm it.
======================
5:13 PM Client: I hope you’re gearing up for a night you won’t forget. Did I
say id get u at 6 or 630? Either works for me
You start to give away too much interest at this point. Being a guy who’s a
“ten” means that YOU’RE a busy guy. But the subtext here was “I can’t wait
to see you and it can’t come soon enough”. Also, a guy who’s on top of his
shit remembers this stuff. Better would have been:
Heyyyy [nickname], ready to get some delish on tonizzight? Running a

lil late, so prolly closer to 7-ish for me.
The nickname will make her smile, and the slang phrases add some
personality. Also, the subcommunication here regarding your timing is “my
schedule and my priorities come first”. It’s subcommunicated very nicely,
but it’s still loud and clear, and helps you maintain your value.


5:34 PM Girl: Is like closer to 630 ok? Sorry its been a long day.
5:42 PM Client: No worries babe. I have the perfect evening planned out to
unwind ;)
She “gets” that you want to see her sooner, so she is very polite about
asking for an extension. Again, this may not seem like a big thing to you, but
it subcommunicates that you are making her a priority. And when you reply
as you did here -‐ sooooo positively and nicely -‐ it confirms that. Better
would have been something short like:
For sure. I’m gonna squeeze in a quick run so just holla when you’re
about ready
I like to run and I’d do probably go on one if I had some extra time, so it
wouldn’t be a lie for me to send something like this ;) This sort of text
subcommunicates two things. One, that you have a life and have other
priorities (AND that you’re healthy) and two, that she can take her time and
you’re not going to rush her. Girls don’t like to feel rushed or pressured by
guys, that’s a huge turn-‐off.
I don’t want to get too down on you, because none of this stuff is absolutely
terrible. In fact, it’s pretty good. You have some good energy and positive
emotions here. But you are subcommunicating a level of eagerness that will
ultimately work against you.
==================


When you’re excited about a girl, you don’t think about stuff like this, but
she’s able to pick up on the “under the surface” stuff, loud and clear.
So that’s subcommunication.
There’s also the specific word choice: you’ve got a LOT less space to work
with than you do on a phone call or an in-person conversation. Every
word matters. And I’ve seen guys screw it up in all sorts of ways.
Some guys don’t get texting, period. They’re formal, and act like it’s a real
conversation.
Some guys try to “overgame” a girl with cockiness. I see this one a lot.
Some guys get WAY too silly or overeager, and the girl can’t take them
seriously.
And so on...
Becoming “fluent” in the language of texting isn’t something that comes

naturally to most of us.
Hey - no one said mastering a new language was going to be easy. But if
you’ve read this far, you’re already ten steps ahead of the next guy.
Because you now understand the key dynamics of text messaging. You


understand the “under the radar” stuff that most guys will never know. You
understand why the odds of the game aren’t in your favor.
And if this report ended here, it’d be pretty depressing. Good thing for you
that we’re just getting started.
A little later on in this report, I’m going to get into some very advanced
psychology and brain science. It’s for guys who want total control, total
power and total mastery.
But I know that not every client has the time or interest to devote to that.
They just want to get a girl out on a date.
If that’s you, I get it. But I hope I’ve impressed upon you that it’s in your
best interest to get as good at this stuff as possible. I can give you
some good texts that will get a girl out on a date, but that doesn’t mean you
won’t screw it up somewhere else.
So I hope you’ll take advantage of everything that I’m making available to

you. Consider yourself warned if you’re just skimming, or looking for
quick tips.
Still with me? Nice.... onwards.


THE FIVE PHASES OF A TEXTING INTERACTION
At it’s most basic level, the goal of texting is VERY simple: to see a girl
again. As we discussed, texting is the bridge between when you see
her, and when you see her again.
The advanced stuff we’ll get to later will basically accelerate her feelings
towards you so that she likes you a LOT more than she would if you were
just doing basic texting.
But hey, if - with some basic texting - you can consistently go out with every
girl whose number you get, you’re already in the top 10% of guys. Most
guys can’t even do that.
That’s because they don’t understand the 5 different “phases” of a texting

relationship:
1.) SPORADIC: occasional texts back and forth. you’re usually

initiating. gaps of 2-3 hours between texting
2.) RAPID RAPPORT: lots of texting back and forth. you’re usually
initiating. gaps of 1-2 minutes between texts, with occasional breaks
of 12-24 hours.
3.) SHE’S LEADING: lots of texting back and forth. she’s the one


initiating. very short gaps between texts, with occasional breaks of
12-24 hours.
4.) RELATIONSHIP: lots of texting back and forth. both of you initiate.
very short gaps between texts, with occasional breaks of 3-4 hours.
5.) PURGATORY: you messed up. she’s not responding much or

giving you a lot to work with. long gaps between responses.
Obviously, the goal is to go from Phase 1 to Phase 4, without ending up in

Phase 5. And the biggest mistake I see - besides sending lousy first texts -
is that guys just wait too damn long to ask a girl out.
You can and should ask her out in Phase 1. Here’s an example from my
phone. Quick backstory: there is a pizza place in New York called Artichoke
that is absolutely amazing. Also - when I met the girl who I’m texting here, I
mentioned that I was on a pretty strict low-carb diet.
============================
12:24 PM me: carb withdrawal is bad today. just saw a child eating pizza
and thought about bribing him for a bite.

1:01 PM her: I’d pay to see you do that. Go get a slice somewhere and stop
torturing yourself!


1:47 PM me: yeah, I can’t stop fantasizing about the white pizza at
artichoke. best in the city.

2:25 PM her: I’m slightly embarassed to say I’ve never had it :(

2:52 PM me: whaaaaaaaa... I was impressed to hear about all of your acting
and where your heart is in it, but this is a new and disappointing side of
you.

4:01 PM her: I know I know, I really need help.

4:57 PM me: ok I know what we’re doing next time I see you. I hope you
like your pizza crispy and delicious

5:15 PM her: I do I do! sounds amazing!

5:35 PM me: niiiice. let’s make this dough/cheese/sauce-fest happen...
how’s ur week lookin?
============================
From “first text” to “asking her out” in five texts. And notice that there were
fairly large time gaps between our texts. This is all in the “sporadic” phase
of our exchange.


It doesn’t always happen this easily, but a good first text can go a long way
in setting the right tone and making it easy to ask her out. There’s a lot of
other great stuff going on here, as well - specifically with the word choice.
But the important point is that it’s not hard to ask her out after just a few
good text messages.
Once you get further along into the phases, you can really start to have
some fun. Here’s an example of a technique that I call “Fauxmance” a.k.a.
false romance. It’s a very fun way to flirt with a girl. I’m using it here in
Phase 3 (She’s Leading).
============================
4:35 PM her: Hey Mr. Important, so what are you up to today?

4:57 PM me: getting my hustle on so we can go on that romantic cruise
we’ve been talkin about, and enjoy champagne under the mediterranean
moon.
============================
Obviously, I have no intention of taking a girl who I’m just getting to know
on a Mediterranean cruise. But it’s a funny and romantic sentiment. Girls


love this sort of stuff if you do it at the right time.
Notice something else in there. I didn’t end the my text with a question like
“how about you?” That’s because I already know she’s leading, and will be
sending me a follow up. When she’s leading, the goal is to make sure that
she keeps leading, asking more questions, and moving things along.
Why? Well, let’s flip the situation for a second. Think about a time when
you were texting a girl, and you felt like you had to keep putting effort and
work into the interaction. It made you feel like she was a little more
important than you, didn’t it? It kept you on the edge of your seat, making
sure that you wrote the right thing.
Well, that’s the exact thing we’re trying to do here. I use the fauxmance
technique because it gives her a “shot” of emotional energy that will get her
feeling really good, and will ensure that she keeps leading for awhile.
Once you know which phase you’re in, it’s easy to apply the right technique
at the right time, and make the next date happen.
And the faster you can do that, the more fun you’ll have, and the more that
YOU will be the one in control of your dating life.


HOW TO TURN THE GAME ON ITS HEAD AND BEAT THE ODDS
Think about all of the things that drive you nuts about texting...
• spending five or ten minutes on each message because you want to it to

be “perfect”
• wondering if you sent the wrong message, and screwed things up
• waiting patiently for a response, your heart racing with every passing hour 
• feeling like you have no power or control - that your fate is in her hands 
Wouldn’t it be great if you never had to deal with those things ever again?
And even better, what if you could flip them around, so that...
• she spent five or ten minutes on every message she sent you, wanting it
to be perfect
• she nervously wondered if you would respond favorably to what she wrote 
• she sat by her phone anxiously, hoping beyond hope that you’d write her
back 
• she felt like you had all the power and control - that her happiness was in
your hands


Well, it just so happens that I’ve discovered some psychological “hacks”

and “backdoors” with texting that can consistently and reliably make that
happen.
Use them right, and you will literally get a girl addicted to you. The science
behind this is going to blow you away.
Become a master of this, and she will be sitting by her phone, anxiously
awaiting your next text... trying to prove herself to you in every message
she sends... and vividly fantasizing about what will happen when she meets
up with you.
The techniques are based on proven, inescapable science and psychology.

Learning this stuff is going to give you powers that few men will ever
possess.
Sound good? Then let’s get on with it.
HOW TO TAP INTO HER PLEASURE CENTER WITH YOUR

PHONE
There are three things that every guy who’s great at texting knows how to
do:


1.) Stimulate Her Emotions: This is always the first thing you’ve got
to do, because it’s going to set you apart from other guys in her
phone, and make her enjoy her texting with you. What emotions do
you want to stimulate? More on that in a second.
2.) Be Unpredictable: This is the first psychological hack we’ll use.

You’ll vary up the style, length, and emotions in your texts, so that
she’s left “wondering” about you - in a good way!
3.) Create Anticipation: This is the second psychological hack that

we’ll use. You will send texts and manage your subcommunications
in a way that leaves her “hanging”.
When you do all three of these things right, you’ll stir up a potent cocktail of
dopamine in her brain, and make her very excited about you.
Why do THESE three things work in concert to get her so addicted to you?
Because, when you get them right, they get the girl to invest in you.
Her first “investment” is small. A quick response to your first text.
Then there are a few texts exchanged, and she starts investing a little
more. She starts thinking about the “right” thing to send you.
Soon, she’s thinking about you a lot - about the fun times she’ll have with


you. She’s “investing” in you even when you’re not texting her.
Before you know it, she’s sending you naughty texts about stuff that she
wants to do with you. She doesn’t do this for just anyone - she’s WAY
invested in you.
And if you play poker, or know anything about it, then what’s the ultimate
form of investment?
Going all-in.
When you do the three things I just told you about, you’ll build her
investment in you to the point where she’s literally all-in.
Her subconscious thought process goes something like this, "well... I’ve
been texting him a LOT... and I put a lot of thought into my texts... so I
MUST really like him."
Psychologists call this an "escalation of commitment".
Doctor Barry M. Staw, expert in Behavior and Psychology at University of

California Berkeley, Haas School of Business, first discovered this principle
in 1976. And the rule is that humans justify their actions based on
previous investment.


STIMULATE HER EMOTIONS
This is the “anchor” of good texting. It’s the thing that’s going to get her
stuck on hearing from you. When you stimulate her emotions properly,
you’re going to get her dopamine system going.
And a great place to start is by making her smile and laugh. Think about
two of the good first texts you’ve read about so far:
“ur dress last night = weapon of mass destruction. i trust you put it
somewhere that the CIA won’t find it”
“carb withdrawal is bad today. just saw a child eating pizza and thought
about bribing him for a bite.”
Both of those are engineered to make her smile and laugh. There is some
funny visual imagery, and there are some “hooks” for her to grab onto.
Another Phase 1+ technique (i.e. you can use it in Phase 1, or any point
thereafter) I’ll use with a girl is the multi-line - you take multiple lines to type
out a few words. It’s silly and childish, but it has never failed to get a great
response from a girl.


=============
2:12 PM
Her: Yeah that last round of shots was nothing but trouble, I’m so hung
over today.
2:16 PM
Me: Y
Me: E
Me: S
Me: .
Me: M
Me: E
Me: .
Me: T
Me: O
Me: O
2:18 PM
Me: can barely type
2:20 PM
Her: LOL that bad huh? You poor thing!!
=============


This messages will also make her smile and laugh, “stimulating” her
emotions in a way that gets her feeling good. And if she always felt good
when she texted you, she’d probably want to keep texting you, right?
Right.
But there are other emotions that take you texting from “enjoyable” to
“addictive” for her. And that’s where we get to point two.
BE UNPREDICTABLE
Dopamine is stimulated by unpredictability.
Behavioral Psychologist Susan Weinschenk, in a study on texting,

discovered that, "When something happens that is not exactly predictable,
that stimulates the dopamine system... texts show up, but we don't know
exactly when they will or who they will be from. It's unpredictable."
This means that you CAN'T be predictable in your texts or responses to her
texts. If she knows that every message you send is going to be funny, or
make her laugh, she’ll be able to “peg” you as predictable... and
predictability is boring... so you can’t keep hitting the same emotional
buttons again and again.
Another emotion that’s GREAT to stimulate in a girl is defiance. Yep, you


read that right. Once you’ve got some investment (and ONLY then), you
can challenge her a little bit.
One of my favorite second dates in New York City is to start somewhere

swanky - usually the Oak Room bar at the Plaza Hotel - then head
somewhere dive-y. And my dive of choice is called Ace Bar. Besides the
rock n’ roll ambiance, Ace Bar has two skeeball lanes. Makes the date fun,
active and even lets us do some betting for kisses and more. Here’s an
example of me switching things up in a text message, challenging a girl,
and her getting a little defiant.
============ 
5:57 PM me: alright, so it’s on... I just hope you are ok with losing at
skeeball
6:05 PM her: whatever, you are gonna get smoked. I can hit the 50 with my
eyes closed 
6:10 PM me: all I can say is you better not plan on betting anything u don’t
want to lose
============
This sort of texting can “charge up” her emotions heading into a date, and
create some really good, playful tension that only gets released when
kissing happens ;)
There’s a LOT more you can do with unpredictability. Of course, you’ve got


to be careful with this one. In HOW2TXTHER, I include case studies where
a guy tries to trigger defiance, but doesn’t have enough investment, and
ends up pissing the girl off royally.
But when you get this stuff right, oh man... it takes you from “a guy she
likes texting” to “the only guy she wants to hear from.”
Even better - there’s still one more “psychological hack” we can use to get
her even more into you.
CREATE ANTICIPATION
Brain scan research shows that the dopamine system gets overwhelmingly
stimulated when someone anticipates a reward. In fact, anticipation is
even more powerful than fulfillment.
In other words, you secrete more dopamine in the moments leading up to a

kiss, than you do when you’re actually kissing.
Applying this to texting, the key is to build anticipation that she’ll feel for
your next text, by sending texts that leave her wanting more.
For example, a lot of guys send long text messages to girls. They leave no
stone unturned in their message, and they go into great detail about things.
They tell a girl every little detail about their lives.


But in order to build anticipation, you can't give her EVERYTHING at once.
You should text her incomplete responses.
This works because of the "Zeigarnick Effect", the psychological effect that
proves that when we transmit an incomplete thought to someone... when
we leave certain key details out of our text messages... their mind fixates
on it until it's completed.
When you use my texting techniques that employ the Zeigarnick Effect, you
have to be careful... you will quickly develop the power to make her
instantly fixated on you and even obsessed with you, because every text
message causes her mind to associate you with an array of addictive
emotions.
One of my favorite ways to create anticipation is with what I call the “short
text.” You use it when you’re in Phase 2 - Rapid Rapport. As a reminder,
this is when she’s quick to reply to your texts, and you’re texting her fairly
frequently. That usually starts to happen after the first date, or with a girl
who you’ve met through a social circle.
So let’s say you’ve been texting back and forth with her for about 30
minutes straight, and she asks how your afternoon is looking. you’re going
to send her a one or two-word, very short text, and then drop it.
============


1:34 PM
her: so how’s your afternoon looking?  
1:35 PM
me: good

1:36 PM
her: nice, what’s going on?

1:51PM
her: hellooooooo

4:42 PM
me: heyyyyy got pulled into a meeting... damn crazy day, I think a gin and
tonic is in my near future ;)
5:13 PM
her: oh no! hope everything is ok!! and I have to admit that drinking tonight
sounds pretty good.
=============
Why does this work? Well, after 30 minutes of back-and-forth, she’s

conditioned to expect a fast response from you. Then... boom: a one-word
response, and no follow up for three hours. It creates all sorts of questions
in her mind: did she say the wrong thing? Is everything ok with you?


What’s happening that she doesn’t know about?
It’s all happening in the subcommunications. It’s unpredictable, and for

those next three hours, her brain is releasing some dopamine every time a
text message comes in... she’s hoping it’s from you, so she can get
“closure” on why you didn’t write back to her.
Critically, when you finally reply, it needs to be something sweet, fun, and
explanatory. I’ve seen guys screw up the short text by being too
nonchalant when they get back to the girl. Doing that will only make her put
her guard up.
The principle here is to create anticipation... then release it in a way that

makes her brain go “ahhhhhhh.”
And if I had to take a guess, I’m willing to be that a girl has done something
like this to you... right?
Now you know why it made you feel the way it did, AND how you can use it
too.
THIS WORKS ESPECIALLY WELL IF SHE STOPS RESPONDING
You’d be surprised how easy it is to get a girl to start responding to you

again.


Even if you've already been on a date or two, and things have dropped
off...
You need re-activate her pleasure centers again. It's a little more work this
time, because she's not as invested.
Here's how you should think of it...
Pretend that you had bet on (or in other words, “invested in”) a horse at the
racetrack. You think it’s a winner, but it loses the race. The jockey would
probably have to put in a little work to make you bet on it again.
... But the possibility is still there because you really wanted it to win in the
first place.
You'd be skeptical, but you'd be even more invested the second time
around because you really wanted your belief to pay off.
So once you get that investment back again, she will feel even more
powerful emotions for you than before.
And not every guy has the power to do that. Very few do. But it’s yours if
you want it. Let’s dive in.

HOW2TXTHER THE MOST IMPORTANT STUFF

CHAPTER 1 - THE MOST IMPORTANT STUFF
The Goals Of Texting
Ok guys, lets start talking about what the goals are for text messaging. What are
some of the goals of texting?
1. Getting them to meet up
2. Building investment
3. Building familiarity & comfort
Getting Her To Meet Up
This is a thing a lot of guys forget. Especially when they get good at text
messaging. They’re having so much fun that they forget to actually ask the girl
out. I’m sure this has happened to you and I know it’s happened to me: there’s a
girl you like and you’re afraid to escalate.
You’re afraid to escalate, you’re afraid to go for the kiss, or whatever it may be.
It’s that escalation anxiety because things are going along well and you don’t
wanna screw it up.
The same thing happens with text messaging. So a lot of guys forget that it’s
about asking the girl out. I’m going to be stressing that again and again
throughout all of this. The first goal of text messaging is to get the girl out. You


don’t want to ask her out on the first message you send her, but by the third or
fourth, you should be in a position to do it.
The following is a five-‐step process that you can use again and again with women.
Let’s look at a little text exchange where we demonstrate this:
12:24 PM me: carb withdrawal is bad today. just saw a child eating pizza and
thought about bribing him for a bite.
torturing yourself!
1:47 PM me: yeah, I can’t stop fantasizing about the white pizza at artichoke. best
in the city.
2:52 PM me: whaaaaaaaa… I was impressed to hear about all of your acting and
where your heart is in it, but this is a new and disappointing side of you.
4:57 PM me: ok I know what we’re doing next time I see you. I hope you like your
pizza crispy and delicious
5:35 PM me: niiiice. let’s make this dough/cheese/sauce-‐fest happen… how’s ur
week lookin?


Not bad, right? A little analysis is in order.
Step 1 – A Great First Text We’ll go into first texts later in the program, but what
you need to know for now is that this recalled something that the girl and I had
discussed, and it was funny and original. It wasn’t something that another guy
would send her.
Step 2 – Insert a Hook In this case, I mention a specific pizza place that I love.
Now I may or may not take her there, but as you’ll hear in a little bit, my goal is to
always “flirt with the future” and set up a lot of “future memories”. So I want to
drop a little hook here that she can grab onto – either she’s been there before
and will have an opinion on it, or she’s never been there and we can discuss that.
Step 3 – Get Personal Once you’ve got her favorably responding, you want to get
a little personal with her. This shows that you know something about her – that
you see her as a real human being, and not some robot who you’re randomly
flirting with. You wouldn’t believe how much of an impact this has on her level of
comfort and familiarity with you. This particular girl was a model/actress who had
a sort of humanitarian “mission” with her life, so I got personal on that level, and
gently teased her.
Step 4 – Create a Future Memory Our next date may or may not be pizza, but I’m
going to set it up as an option. Sometimes I’ll go into a first date with a girl,
already having discussed five or ten things that we are going to do together… and
the first date activity is just one of those options. This goes with my “live in the
moment, flirt with the future” mentality we’ll get to in a bit.


Step 5 – Ask Her Out In this case, her response was really favorable to pizza, so
there was no need to delay asking her out. If she’s responsive at this level, go for
the next date! Word choice was good here – “dough/cheese/sauce-‐fest” is more
interesting than saying “pizza” – and as we’ll learn, using visually descriptive
language is a key part of good texting.
Finally, I asked “how’s ur week looking.” I do stuff like this whenever I can,
because it avoids the awkwardness of suggesting a date, having her decline it,
then having to suggest another, and so on…
This little five-‐step process is something that you can follow again and again. Of
course, you don’t always get the same level of responsiveness, and things might
move more slowly… so that’s why we’ve got the rest of the program to go
through :) But honestly, this five-‐step process is all you need 80% of the time to
go from number to first date.
Building Investment
Investment is a really key concept in social dynamics. We’ll go much more in
depth later. It’s getting her into you. Not just building a connection but moving
things along. Having a little bit of history with the girl, that’s the way that I like to
think about it. By the time we meet again there’s this history between the two of
us and we’ve got all these things that we’ve done. And she’s invested in me. I’m
not just some guy she doesn’t really care about.
Building Familiarity


A third great thing is that she knows me going into each date. She’s like, “ok, I like
this guy. I know who this guy is.” The more familiarity you can have, as long as you
don’t lose investment and don’t lose attraction along the way (some guys can
become “text buddies” and she becomes real familiar with him). Familiarity and
comfort building is a big one.
Pavlovian Conditioning
Who knows what pavlovian conditioning is? This is going to sound a little bit evil.
IT’S NOT. But the theory behind it has a lot of scientific background.
So the idea is this: You have your cell phone. Every time your cell phone buzzes
your brain releases a chemical called dopamine, which makes you feel good and
it’s addictive.
So what happens with text messages (especially with girls) you want to create
that emotion where every time that text message goes off, every time that phone
vibrates she’s conditioned to think, “WOW, I hope it’s THAT guy…I REALLY hope
it’s him”.
You have created this little surge of dopamine inside of her that makes her more
excited and that gets more investment. She feels good every time she texts you.
So how do you do that? How do you create this conditioning?
Creating a compelling emotional experience. You want to give her these
emotions and these feelings by creating compelling emotional experiences. A lot
of you might hear compelling emotional experience and might think, “make her


feel good”. Making her feel good is part of a compelling emotional experience but
it’s not the only part.
A good analogy is a roller coaster. It goes up, and it goes down. You feel safe while
you’re in it, but it’s still got a lot of thrills, moments when you’re smiling, and
moments when you’re freaking out… in a good way.
But think about this too – different people have different tolerances for roller
coasters. Some people love the big scary stuff (and in the world of dating, those
would be the girls with big personalities, or girls who love drama) while others like
the more tame rides.
So when you’re texting a girl, you’ve got to have a sense for what kind of
emotional ride she’s looking for. Is she a player looking for random fun, or is she
an innocent sweetheart looking for a boyfriend, without games?
What’s critical when you’re thinking about any form of interaction with women,
whether it’s over texting or in person, is that you’re creating different and varied
emotions. You’re not just always trying to make her laugh or trying to make her
smile or trying to make her feel good.
We’re gonna talk about some really cool ways that we can create that tension.
Create some anxiety for her so that four hours after talking to you, her phone
buzzes and she hopes it’s you again.
I’m sure you all have had this experience, because I sure as hell have… where
there’s a girl that I really like and we’ve been on and off with texting. She’s not in
the rapid rapport phase (we’ll talk about the phases later) but I’d send her a text


and I’d put my phone down and say, “ok, i’m gonna wait for her to text back” and
then my mom texts me.
Don’t get me wrong I love my mom but in this case I hear the buzzing and I’m
thinking, “OH, I hope it’s her” and then instead it’s, “oh….hey mom”. And then a
few emails go off. And when I really like a girl i’m like “fuck all these emails. Just
have this girl text me back!!” And so obviously you want to be able to create that
experience for her as well. This is where that tension comes in and that’s when
it’s really fun.
The Three Primary Emotions
It’s not just one emotion. There are 3 primary emotions that I like to think about
creating over text messaging and interacting with women in general. These are
very unscientific terms but I think conceptually you will understand them right
away.
1) Smile Emotions (things that will make her smile):

Laughter – make her laugh
Happiness – anything that makes her happy, a compliment
Confidence – making her feel confident about something
Excitement – getting her excited
On the flip side of that is unhappiness. We don’t wanna create unhappiness but
we do wanna create tension.
2) Tension Emotions (when you put her on the edge of her seat):


Curiosity – making her curious about you
Intrigue – similar to curiosity
Fear of loss – making her worried about losing you
Uncertainty – she’s not certain where she stands with you
Suspense – she’s on the edge of her seat about you
So you can see how if you were making her smile but you were also creating some
suspense, it can be this really compelling mix of emotions that would really start
to get her excited. There’s a third emotion.
3) Shock Emotions (when you jolt her senses):

Defiance – challenge her beliefs/ideas/lifestyle etc.
Outrage – but in a good way
Dominated – she is dominated by YOU.
I’ll give you an example of dominating a girl right now just to avoid any
miscommunication which lands you in an 8 by 8 cell. Let’s say that in a cold pick
up environment like a bar I go up to a girl and I look her in the eye and say, “You
are FUCKING hot.
Come here, I gotta know you”. If she complies with that request THAT is
dominating her. THAT’S where your dominance is asserting itself and she’s
submitting to YOU.
You’ll see examples of this stuff throughout the program, and in some of the
examples. These 3 primary emotions of Smiling, Tension, and Shock are a very
potent mix when you use them together in the right way. Now that we have a


background on the emotional side of things let’s talk about the social dynamics.
Social Dynamics of Texting
In my course Unbreakable I delve into my beliefs on “How to be a 10″₺. It starts off
by talking about social dynamics and how people interact and how frames come
together. I’ll talk about a few core concepts now.
The Frame of the interaction is a key concept. Frames of interaction are how you
see the interaction (the frame from which you see the world). When I met Richard
Branson my frame of interaction was shocked, stupefied, basically a bumbling
idiot. This frame that I had is the way that many men interact with beautiful,
model-‐esque women at this point, but we should get it to the point where you
are calm and cool and her frame is like that.
What we’ll be seeing as we start to dissect these interactions is that when she has
the frame, you’re in trouble. When you have the frame IT’S GREAT. Because
frames do not coexist well, they clash. The dominant frame sucks the submissive
frame into it. There’s a lot of ways that frames are formed. Frames are formed
through authority (your boss, teacher, superior).
They have a position of authority, they have their frame, and because you value
their authority you’ve accepted their frame. Some guys give up the frame soooo
easily. Or sometimes they have the frame and they try to reinforce it so much that
the girl is like, “what the hell”. For most guys there is often a misreading of the
underlying dynamics. You’ll see this in one of the text breakdowns later on.


There are some things that influence a frame. One key concept of this is
investment. The more that we invest in something the more we become attached,
engaged, and the more it becomes an integral part of our lives. That’s a simple
way of explaining investment. To get more complicated I see investment in
interactions in a number of stages. There are levels of investment. It is such an
amazing feeling when you can look at a text message and say you are in such and
such a stage.
The first stage of investment is neutral. She’s not really invested. She’s on the left
side of the bar and I’m on the other side. She doesn’t know you very well. If she
thought I was attractive there would be some investment but it would be small
(girls who have crushes on movie stars have a level of investment, for example,
even though they’ve not yet met them).
The next level of investment is intrigue. Something that you have done intrigues
her. Intrigue is a really powerful tool that we use during texting. After intrigue
comes engagement. She goes from intrigued to actually talking to you and
engaging with what you’re saying.
After engagement we come to invested. Now she’s not only talking to you but
she’s actually interested. She has started to create memories in her mind that
haven’t actually happened about the two of you together. She starts to fantasize
about your relationship. She has invested in you and wants things to happen in
the future.
The next stage is chasing. Where she is actually chasing you. Some girls just don’t
do this, but many will. Next is enchanted. She realizes, “wow, I really like this


guy”. this is when you get into boyfriend territory.
The final stage of investment is committed. You guys are in a relationship and
she’s committed to you with the exclusion of everyone else. When you’re looking
at text messages you can find what stage you’re at (you can find out how invested
she is).
The mistakes most guys make is that they think they’re in one stage when really
they’re in a completely different one. In this case the guy overgames the girl when
she’s already chasing him. These levels of investment mirror certain stages of the
texting relationship.
Four Stages of A Texting Relationship
There are 4 different levels of the texting relationship.
The first one is sporadic texting. A little slow back and forth where you don’t
know if she likes you or not.
The next is rapid rapport. You guys are rapidly going back and forth texting.
The next is when she’s leading. Where you wake up in the morning and there’s
already a text message from her. Or it’s been a few hours since your rapid rapport
and she texts you again seeing what you’re up to.
The last one is relationship texting.
The Relationship Model


One thing I want you guys to remember is YOU ARE BUILDING A RELATIONSHIP
WHEN YOU’RE TEXTING A GIRL. Whether you really want the girl to be your
girlfriend, a hook up buddy, or its a friendship relationship. Some guys see texting
as an annoyance and a necessary evil but I see texting as an integral part of a
relationship.
It’s another channel that I can build our relationship further to demonstrate cool
things about myself or to learn cool things about her. Every time I got a number
from a girl I was ecstatic because I saw it as a way to further our relationship. This
is the relationship model of texting. A critical concept that I and everyone at The
Social Man lives by is, “LIVE IN THE MOMENT, FLIRT WITH THE FUTURE”
Live In The Moment
The surest way to lose any future relationship with a girl is to grab onto it before
it’s there. AND the surest way to ensure a great future with a girl is to live in the
moment and to have a great amazing time when the two of you are together.
Flirt With The Future
In the relationship you drop in different aspects about the future. “It’s gonna be
soo much fun when we go on a roller coaster ride this summer.” “When we have
our kids together they’re going to have the most amazing blue eyes.” Casually
work it in. It’s not something that you’re holding on to it’s something that you’re
teasing about.
Our future could be this way or we could be doing soooo many things together.


What it shows her is that you are living in the moment and that you ACTUALLY
like spending time with her.
The following is a five-‐step process that you can use again and again with women.
Let’s look at a little text exchange where we demonstrate this:
12:24 PM me: carb withdrawal is bad today. just saw a child eating pizza and
thought about bribing him for a bite.
torturing yourself!
1:47 PM me: yeah, I can’t stop fantasizing about the white pizza at artichoke. best
in the city.
2:52 PM me: whaaaaaaaa… I was impressed to hear about all of your acting and
where your heart is in it, but this is a new and disappointing side of you.
4:57 PM me: ok I know what we’re doing next time I see you. I hope you like your
pizza crispy and delicious
5:35 PM me: niiiice. let’s make this dough/cheese/sauce-‐fest happen… how’s ur
week lookin?


Not bad, right? A little analysis is in order.
Step 1 – A Great First Text
We’ll go into first texts later in the program, but what you need to know for now
is that this recalled something that the girl and I had discussed, and it was funny
and original. It wasn’t something that another guy would send her.
Step 2 – Insert a Hook
In this case, I mention a specific pizza place that I love. Now I may or may not take
her there, but as you’ll hear in a little bit, my goal is to always “flirt with the
future” and set up a lot of “future memories”. So I want to drop a little hook here
that she can grab onto – either she’s been there before and will have an opinion
on it, or she’s never been there and we can discuss that.
Step 3 – Get Personal
Once you’ve got her favorably responding, you want to get a little personal with
her. This shows that you know something about her – that you see her as a real
human being, and not some robot who you’re randomly flirting with. You
wouldn’t believe how much of an impact this has on her level of comfort and
familiarity with you. This particular girl was a model/actress who had a sort of
humanitarian “mission” with her life, so I got personal on that level, and gently
teased her.
Step 4 – Create a Future Memory
Our next date may or may not be pizza, but I’m going to set it up as an option.


Sometimes I’ll go into a first date with a girl, already having discussed five or ten
things that we are going to do together… and the first date activity is just one of
those options. This goes with my “live in the moment, flirt with the future”
mentality we’ll get to in a bit.
Step 5 – Ask Her Out
In this case, her response was really favorable to pizza, so there was no need to
delay asking her out. If she’s responsive at this level, go for the next date! Word
choice was good here – “dough/cheese/sauce-‐fest” is more interesting than
saying “pizza” – and as we’ll learn, using visually descriptive language is a key part
of good texting.
Finally, I asked “how’s ur week looking.” I do stuff like this whenever I can,
because it avoids the awkwardness of suggesting a date, having her decline it,
then having to suggest another, and so on…
This little five-‐step process is something that you can follow again and again. Of
course, you don’t always get the same level of responsiveness, and things might
move more slowly… so that’s why we’ve got the rest of the program to go
through :) But honestly, this five-‐step process is all you need 80% of the time to
go from number to first date.

HOW2TXTHER ADDING SOME PERSONALITY

CHAPTER 2 – ADDING SOME PERSONALITY

Your Texting Personality
How do you create a memorable impression with a girl over texting? How do you
stand out from all of the other guys texting her? It all starts with your texting
personality.
Here’s a personality fail: a lot guys will send a first text message and say “yo”
(probably the most personality-‐less text message you could possibly send to
another human being). It conveys nothing other than your unoriginality and lack
of creativity, and has nothing that’s going to spark her emotion.
So you want to have a distinctive personality when you’re talking to a girl. When
she’s looking at your message she should be thinking, “this guy is different from
the others.”
Think of a certain personality that stands out to you, from television, movies, etc.
I think of Eric Cartman, Omar Little (The Wire), Don Draper, and Ari Gold. There is
something about all of these guys that is very distinctive. There are certain
elements of your personality that will help you stand out.
I’m going to give you a ton of examples that are a part of my personality that you
can use when you’re texting a girl. These are meant to be training wheels to get
you started and as you grow, you’ll start to develop your own texting personality.


Expressions
A very simple example of an expression and how changing that expression can
show her your personality.
• “Hello” vs. “Howdy” vs. “Aye Yo”

• Instead of “how are you doing” you can say “whattup pretty face”

An important thing to remember when you’re texting a girl is that YOU WANT TO
BE CREATIVE AND HAVE FUN.
How can you use your language in a unique, fun way that is going to make other
people experience or feel something? This makes the interaction more vivid.
A lot of guys worry too much on the “right” thing to say (with just the hope of
getting the girl out on a date). A lot of guys who don’t use creative and fun word
choice tend to be boring. They buy into her frame and he’s just not having fun
texting her.
Another thing guys do is they “over-‐game” the girl they’re talking to. They take
personality aspects and completely misapply them to that girls level of
investment and the overall situation. As you’re learning these new techniques you
are going to feel good when you use them. You have to be aware of your
personality usage because you could end up “over-‐gaming” a girl.
You want to make sure to do a mental check of the girl’s investment in you to
determine what’s the right thing to do right now – this demands SOCIAL


INTELLIGENCE. If the girl is already invested in you, you don’t need to overexpress
yourself… you just need to let it go naturally.
I see this a lot when guys learn how to flirt with and tease girls… it’s this new thing
they’re doing and they get one good response the first time they do it, so they
keep doing it again and again and again, and it ultimately works to their
disadvantage. It’s like a kid who discovers a cookie jar – the cookies taste good so
he wants to keep eating and eating and eating, but it’s just not healthy for him to
keep doing that – gotta have some boring old broccoli every once in awhile.
Changes in Languages
Inglish (Internet English)
• u (instead of you)

• haha
• lol
• no wayyyyyyy
• kk
• xoxo

Multi-‐Language: use another language instead of English… French, Italian,

Spanish, etc.
• que? (instead of what)

• no bueno (instead of that’s no good)


• obrigato (instead of thank you)
• je ne sais quois (instead of i don’t know what)
• bjs (aka beijos – means “kisses” in portuguese)
me: luv this movie its got that je ne sais quois her: it’s got what? me: you don’t
speak french? quelle dommage
Here I threw in another change in expression – luv – instead of “love”. In this little
exchange I use multi language and do a little bit of framing. When she doesn’t
understand what I’m said, I don’t go on to explain what it means. Instead I
express an attitude of “you don’t know french…how could you not know french?”
(quelle dommage means “how disappointing”). My frame here is not apologetic.
Catch Phrases
These are fun, they build comfort and familiarity, and they make the interaction a
little more buoyant.
Girl Phrases: phrases that girls often use when they’re talking to each other.
• right meow
• oootay
• okey dokey
• yuck
• ugh
• not so much

Buddy Buddy: phrases like you guys are friends.


• peace out, girl scout
• right on, sista
• see you then, little hen

Droppin’ Some G’s: it adds a casual feel to your texts
• headin home
• stayin out

Punctuation: When in doubt, leave it out. When it autocorrects, show respect.
The point is to show that you haven’t overthought it. I use a lot of ellipses (…)
instead of periods (.) – the idea is that a high demand man doesn’t overthink his
text messages – he sends a lot of them, and they’re a natural part of his day.
– yuckkkkk long day… -‐Indicates that it’s just a casual thought that i’m just
throwing out there
-‐Question Marks? -‐You typically should not use question marks unless you are
expressing a surprise. BUT if she uses proper punctuation you should generally do
it too. You want to mirror their texting habits.
yuckkkkk long day… how was urs no question mark at the end
whats ur addy, i’ll be by around 7:51 very informal (addy instead of address)
Cap’n Crunch !?!?!??? this is where I’m expressing surprise


Creative Use of MMS
I look for ways to use MMS and picture messages as soon as possible. It’s a great
way to bring a girl into your world and to express parts of your personality. What
to send? Pics that show your life is fun, active, and exciting. Inside jokes and
reminders. Here are a few examples of pics I might send, and the captions I’d
include with them.
• A sunset run by the river caption: amaaaaaazing breeze on the run tonight :D
• Delicious food caption: yummmmm deep friend mac n’ cheese balls. jealous
much?
• A random Lambo from the street caption: new ride… let’s take a spin and rack
up some tickets
• Vibrams caption: ahhhhh nothing better than kickin the feet up and relaxing
• Fresh Snow caption: holy moly let’s go sledding!!

HOW2TXTHER THE HIGH DEMAND MAN

CHAPTER 3: THE HIGH DEMAND MAN
Texting is as much sub communication – the things left unsaid and beneath the
surface – as it is the words you’re sending. She’s evaluating stuff like…
The time between messages: if you’re super quick to respond when you’re
getting to know her, it’s going to sub-‐communicate that you’re needy.
Whether or not you use emoticons: if you make occasional smilies and winky
faces, it’s going to sub-‐communicate your positive and playful emotions.
How enthusiastic, or “cool” you are to her: if you’re too cool at the wrong time, it
could sub-‐communicate that you don’t care or are a jerk.
Your use of proper spelling and grammar: if you write your texts like you’d write
a term paper, it’s going to sub-‐communicate that you are uptight and nervous.
All of these dynamics are “under the radar” – that’s why we call them sub-‐
communication. But make no mistake, she can feel them.
If you mess this stuff up, it will absolutely KILL you. Funny thing is, I see a lot of
guys who are great at talking to girls in “real life” who don’t get the texting sub-‐
communication right. They sub-‐communicate that they’re low-‐demand men, and
it’s a big turn off.
So how does a man communicate that he is a “high demand man”? If a girl sees
and feels that you are, in fact, a high demand man her the dynamic of the
interaction will change completely.


Tone And Vibe
A high demand man has a tone and a vibe that is:
Light hearted: you have a busy life and you’re pushing out texts between other
cool stuff that you’re doing. You don’t take life too seriously.
For example:
“yuckkkkk long day… how was urs“
As you can see, there is not too much thought put into punctuation, and not too
much over-‐thinking. This text just conveys that you’re trying to see what’s up with
her day.
Varying Reply Times: You change how long it takes you to reply.
Sometimes you’ll have a lull where you can text back and forth, and get into Rapid
Rapport. Sometimes you’ll take 2 hours to reply. Sometimes you’ll take 10-‐15
minutes to reply. Vary it up. If you’re busy, let it go and get back to her when it’s
convenient for you. If you truly are busy, have a great social life, and a high
demand man that is the tone and the vibe that she should get.
You And Your Future
A lot of guys are apologetic for themselves. They talk about how their day was so
boring. NEVER SAY YOUR DAY WAS BORING. You have high expectations for
yourself and you have high standards to what you hold yourself to. When those


standards aren’t met you should feel upset and disappointed that you fell short.
But you still have to be able to laugh at yourself.
Your Life is Fun & Cool
You look at yourself as an awesome human being and you don’t put yourself
down. You’re not bragging about it but instead excited about it and want to
others to be a part of it.
I see guys talking about what they do and the subtext that comes across is “I’m
awesome”. Whenever I share anything cool about my life, the sub communication
is that I want everybody to be a part of it. I want everyone to rejoice in my
happiness and share the happiness with people.
If you take these things as your mindset when you’re composing your texts and
interacting with people you’re going to find ways to arrange your word choice and
language that conveys the subtext of a high demand man.
In the early part of a relationship with an ex girlfriend (we had only kissed once at
this point) I went to Vegas and as I arrived at the airport, I sent her a picture of
the “Welcome to Las Vegas” sign and added, “guess where I am”. She responded
with “you bastard, i’m so jealous”. And I wrote back “well come visit… you should
be here too”.
In this way I’m sharing my life… I’m bragging a little bit… but I want her to be
involved and a part of it.


Keep It Positive
Especially in the early stages of the texting relationship, she’s not your venting
buddy. Whenever I see guys vent to girls about stuff over texting, it doesn’t
convey happiness. This doesn’t bring a girl up, emotionally, and doesn’t create
those emotions that you want her to feel. Being negative, being bored, or being
down will drain a conversation.
A high demand man is a gentleman. A lot of guys like to be dickheads. You take
care of the people in your life and you treat them with dignity. A high demand
man says that he holds himself to high level of dignity, I expect others to come up
to my level, and I’m going to treat them with the dignity they deserve to bring
them up to this high level. In addition, a gentleman always takes the lead. He’s
looking for ways to be a model of a gentleman (holding doors, pulling out chairs)
but not for her approval just because that’s what he does.
A final part of being a gentleman is the “It ain’t no big thang” mentality. Whatever
she throws at you take is not a big deal – at least for the first two weeks of the
relationship. We talk about this more in the section about Flags on the Play.
Short Answer Responses
This is one of the most powerful techniques in all of textdom ;) But it’s so simple
that no one ever thinks to use it.
It is an absolutely critical part of being a high demand man. This technique alone
is crucial to setting the frame, communicating with women, and showing that you


are a “ten”.
Example 1: her: hey! having a good day?
Me: yes
You (hours later): heyyyyy crazy day – lost count of coffees after the 3rd one!
That “yes” leaves her in the dark. Its the same thing when you text a girl and you
get anxious and ask yourself, “why isn’t she getting back to me?” It creates all
these emotions in her. The effect of that short text is that she begins to question
“why is he being this short with me?”
She creates all these scenarios in her mind. She wonders if she fucked up. She’s
wondering what the hell is going on. It leaves all these open questions within her
head and she starts to invest in you. Then hours later you turn the friendliness
back on.
Example 2: her: Yummmmm… Starbucks green tea latte break, what are u up to?
Me: u suck!
I know it sounds silly but “u suck!” is a great thing to send a girl (especially a
pretty girl). Usually she’ll send back “no, u suck!” which creates a fun back and
forth.
Example 3:
Her: yeah I’ve been soooo busy lately


Me: sucks
Me (later): ok worker bee I think you need to get buzzed… get out of those pumps,
get into some heels and come meet me at the backroom
This sucks creates a subtext that says I’m not going to buy into your frame. I’m
not going to accept your behavior. I’m going to start it again on my own terms
later where I’m being descriptive, creative, and fun.
Handling Objections
1) Ignore Them:
Her: so what’s up with your friend, he was kinda drunk last night…. and what are
you up to?
Me (waited for about 2 hours): hey just got back from a run, so nice out!!! what
are you up to?
In this situation I read that she was somewhat invested because she is initiating
the conversation. I completely blew past her objection about my friend and didn’t
buy into her frame. The subtext is I am the high demand man, I was doing
something else, and I’m ignoring your little objection.
2) Make Fun of the Situation
Her: is this a mass text?
You: mass text… what’s that… a text sent from boston?


3) Sending The Last Text
If you guys are constantly in rapid rapport sending the last text isn’t that
important. If you’re texting every now and then and have rapid rapport for 15-‐20
minutes every other day or so then NOT sending the last text is really important.
You: i’ll talk to you later
Her: nighty night!!
Then you don’t respond. This secures your value for reopening for the next
communication. If you’re always trying to over confirm and always sending the
last text you are giving up little bits of your value. If you don’t send that last text
the next day when you reinitiate it’s on your terms which shows that you’re not
chasing too much.
4) Send it and Forget it
DON’T dwell on your texts once you’ve sent them. DON’T let your mind make shit
up about why she’s not replying to you. It’s a total “novice dating” mistake to
send a text, not get a response right away, and then dwell on what you said or
did.
The worst is a guy who apologizes or second-‐guesses himself, like sending a text
that says “I hope that last message didn’t offend you, I’m sorry if it did.” Unless
you’ve told a girl something outright offensive, like “I think you’re flat-‐out ugly,”
just let her get back to you at her leisure.
5) Being Assertive


You know what you want and you go after it. You don’t “tip-‐toe” around aspects
of your life that you want to happen.
Tailor For Your Audience
I’ve seen guys who blindly follow things they read on the Internet and don’t use
their social intelligence to find out what’s going on with this girl. You have to do
the work to figure out what’s going on with her. You have to ask yourself what
type of girl am I dealing with? Is she silly or serious? Does she prefer to text or talk
over the phone? Is she super warm and friendly or chill and cool?
Hiiiii! vs. “hey dude”
Warm vs. chill
There are certain cues to look for when determining what type of a girl she is.
– Her use of Inglish (internet English). Does she use a lot or a little?
– How quickly she replies and how long her responses are. If she replies quickly
and gives long responses she probably enjoys texting.
– How much personality she puts in. Does she use a lot of punctuation, smiley
faces, emoticons?
Based on these cues you are going to mirror some of the things she does. You
always want to be slightly leading the interaction (you don’t wanna be too far
from where she is). You should try to match her energy level that she portrays in
her texting.


Some things to mirror (use your intelligence!!):
• Her phrases
Sentence Length – if she writes long texts you’re free to do the same. if she
writes really short texts DONT write long texts.
• Her Inglish (lol or haha)
• Emoticons
• Punctuation (does or doesn’t she and what kind)
• Emotion – if she’s really positive and happy you can do the same
• Any Other Uniqueness
For example, if she breaks one big text into multiple short texts do the same.
The key thing is that you don’t wanna go completely overboard with all of this
stuff. Gauge responses from the girl and react accordingly.
I have a rule that I personally abide by: whatever rule I have, I will follow it about
50%-‐75% of the time. The remaining times, if it’s truly an expression of my
personality that doesn’t abide by that particular rules, I’m just going to do what’s
more like my personality.
Conclusion
THIS is the stuff that you really CANNOT screw up. YOU HAVE TO GET IT RIGHT.
This will get you “a bite at the apple”. And depending on how your interaction
was when you guys first met it may get you all the way there. Texting is as much
sub-‐communication – the things left unsaid and beneath the surface – as it is the
words you’re sending. She’s evaluating stuff like…


The time between messages: if you’re super quick to respond when you’re getting
to know her, it’ s going to sub-‐communicate that you’re needy. Whether or not
you use emoticons: if you make occasional smilies and winky faces, it’s going to
sub-‐communicate your positive and playful emotions.
How enthusiastic, or “cool” you are to her: if you’re too cool at the wrong time, it
could sub-‐communicate that you don’t care or are a jerk. Your use of proper
spelling and grammar: if you write your texts like you’d write a term paper, it’s
going to sub-‐communicate that you are uptight and nervous. All of these
dynamics are “under the radar” – that’s why we call them sub-‐communication.
But make no mistake, she can feel them.
If you mess this stuff up, it will absolutely KILL you. Funny thing is, I see a lot of
guys who are great at talking to girls in “real life” who don’t get the texting sub-‐
communication right. They sub-‐communicate that they’re low-‐demand men, and
it’s a big turn off.
So how does a man communicate that he is a “high demand man”? If a girl sees
and feels that you are, in fact, a high demand man her the dynamic of the
interaction will change completely.

HOW2TXTHER NICK SPARKS

CHAPTER 4: NICK SPARKS
It starts right when you get the phone number. Once you get the number you
want to continue the conversation for a little (don’t run away like you stole
something).
I always like to text her that night. It’s gonna be something simple. A really quick
little message that it was nice to meet her (maybe throw in a little inside joke that
you have with her). This is to get me solidified into her phone.
The next day is a whole new ball game. Doesn’t matter what texting you were
doing the night before. You are now starting from scratch. Don’t worry if you sent
the last text, it’s a brand new day and you have to start again.
ASIDE: Girls who are below the age of 26 send a text. Girls who are over 26 want
you to call, they actually expect you to call. In fact some of these women will think
you’re less of a man for not calling.
The Call Formula
1) Call and don’t leave a message
This will perk a girl’s interest. They’re usually not going to pick up. They get
nervous and it puts them on the spot so they let it go to voicemail. DONT LEAVE A
VOICEMAIL. This will create a little doubt and questioning in her mind.
2) Call again (an hour or 2 hours later)


It’s a lot more likely that she’s going to pick up the phone this time. She’s had
time to think about the conversation she’s going to have with you. If you get her
on the phone you cover the “first text” conversation to the day that we’re going
out. If you get her voicemail it’s going to be very brief and cover the “first text”
only.
Younger girls are definitely going to get a text message. The first text to her is
going to be really simple. A hello and a quick reference to something you guys
talked about the night before. This is something to get her attention. You just
want to get a response and make sure that she’s going to put some form of effort
back into the text. It doesn’t matter how long it takes her to get back to you.
Next Steps
After you see that’s she’s still with you and the two of you are basically right
where you left off get straight to BUSINESS. You want to follow up on why you
guys exchanged numbers in the first place. Finish whatever the conversation was
about and then just throw out “when are you free” or “when are we gonna do
this”. You’re not asking her to go out with you, you’re just ironing out the details
of when you’re going to go out.
This is important:
I’m always assuming high, and I’m forcing the girl to prove me wrong. As opposed
to most guys who assume low and need more validation from the girl. You
assume high because everything leading up until that point has pointed that she
wants to see you again. She is going to have to go out of her way to prove me


wrong of that.
If she replies in a way that contradicts the message that I got the night before
then I’m re-‐evaluating the situation and probably not going to respond to that
text for quite some time. She’ll see a lot more distance a lot more one word
answers. I won’t ignore her but she’s going to get little out of me without showing
something back. My mentality is this girl can’t wait to see me again, it’s my job to
set it up.
This brings me to the next thing I’m going to do. A big mistake that a lot of guys
make at this point is that they try to get the date set in stone right then and there.
These guys want the relief that the date is set and it’s going to happen. The earlier
you set up a date, the more likely she is to flake.
The Slow Drop
What I always do is what I like to call “slow drip”. “Slow dripping” will decrease
your “flake rate” to zero. I’m going to leave her in the dark until the last minute to
wonder what we’re going to be doing. Once we’ve picked a day I ignore the date
and talk about something else. This leaves her wondering about the date and no
doubt left in my mind.
The next day I’m going to text her again and see how it’s going (small talk, small
talk, small talk). Here I might “slow drip” a little bit more of the date information
(“by the way…how do you feel about ice dancing”). My first dates are usually
something I’ve been wanting to do or something that we talked about). I’m going
to start hinting about what our date activity is going to be. She still doesn’t know


the location or the time and she usually won’t know until the day of.
On the day of your date you finally tell her what’s going on. “we’re going to be
here, it’s going to be at this time, I’ll see you then”. If you’re setting up and
confirming the details on the day of the date your chances of her flaking is a big
fat ZERO. SHE’S NOT!!
Then we go on the date……and that’s pretty much it.
Christian’s Thoughts
I’m always assuming high, and I’m forcing the girl to prove me wrong. As opposed
to most guys who assume low and need more validation from the girl. You
assume high because everything leading up until that point has pointed that she
wants to see you again. She is going to have to go out of her way to prove me
wrong of that.
If she replies in a way that contradicts the message that I got the night before
then I’m re-‐evaluating the situation and probably not going to respond to that
text for quite some time. She’ll see a lot more distance a lot more one word
answers. I won’t ignore her but she’s going to get little out of me without showing
something back.
Mentality: THIS GIRL CAN’T WAIT TO SEE ME AGAIN, ITS JUST MY JOB TO SET IT
UP.

HOW2TXTHER ROB JUDGE

CHAPTER 5: ROB JUDGE
What do you do when…
• The girl doesn’t reply to you?

• She doesn’t wanna go out with you?
• Isn’t investing in you?

In these cases you have to apply a little bit of finesse.
On the surface level text messaging looks like a push button attraction technique
that seems kinda lame, but if you really look at texting it’s essentially conversation
in rapid time.
The following concepts not only apply to texting but they also apply to the greater
context of the interaction. A lot of the basic principles of texting also work in the
complete relationship with the girl.
This is a turn-‐key system that you can apply every time you have a girl’s number
and you want to see her. The whole point of this system is to have interactions
with more high quality women.
When you start interacting with these high quality women you’ll find that you’re
not the only guy she’s interacting with.
You have to keep in mind that a lot of guys will have this girl’s number and
sometimes simply running with the idea that “she’s gonna wanna meet up with
me because she gave me her number” is not the way to do it.


Rule #1: When you get a girl’s number, it’s NOT a social contact.
When you get that girl’s number you start back at ground zero. A lot of guys don’t
like this because they think, “oh, we had a great interaction let’s keep this going”.
I, on the other hand, LIKE starting all over because I know my system is consistent
enough that if I can get ONE thing you can get her out on a date.
What is that ONE thing you ask? The simple fact that she’s texting you back. If
she’s responding anything (it can be the most negative nasty shit) you can get her
on a date. That is my attitude and it has worked for me.
The Key Lock Sequence
The reason this works is based on the “3 ingredients” to getting a girl out on a
date. These are the only 3 things that I concern myself with text. I look at these
things like checkpoints. Every time you hit one of these checkpoints you have
bought yourself more room to interact with her. These 3 checkpoints are the
things a girl needs to feel when she’s texting you before she’ll meet you for a
date:
1) She needs to feel an emotion
2) She needs to feel a connection -‐you need to show her that she’s not just
another number
3) Handle the logistics – you need to set up the date
I call these 3 things the key-‐lock system. When you go to unlock a door you take


the key, you put it in the lock and turn it, and then you push the door. The key is
the emotion. Once you find a way to tap into her emotions you then have the key
to unlocking her door. When put the key into the lock you are making a
connection. When you open the door that’s when you’re handling the logistics.
An important mentality that I have adopted is that I don’t see rejection as
anything bad. I see it as a form of communication. Even when I approach a girl,
talk to a girl, or try to kiss a girl, if she says, “oh, is that your pick up line” and
turns her head or gives me any negative feedback I DONT SEE THAT AS A
NEGATIVE REFLECTION ON ME.
She’s simply communicating to me her personal boundaries and that’s totally fine.
In fact, the majority of the time it has nothing to do with me it all has to do with
her. If she turns her head but she’s still in front of you her attraction for you is
going up and she respects you more for having made that move. She’s just not
ready to be kissed yet.
A lot of guys let rejection throw them into a tail spin. They get the text back that
the girl is not 100% committed to meeting up with them and they suddenly put
themselves in a negative mindset. This is ridiculous because again SHE IS STILL
RESPONDING.
The way that I see the emotions is that it’s like an “lol” moment. It doesn’t always
have to be humor but I find humor to be the easiest way to illicit emotion. But if
you can get her to stop what she’s doing and be like, “woah….who is this guy? I’ve
never gotten a text like this before.”


Great First Texts
Here are some examples of some opening texts I’ve used:
What are your feelings on having a love child
Totally random, right?! It’s not rude, not overly sexual (it’s a little sexual)
I was just walking up the street and saw an old man on a scooter wearing a
helmet with knee pads checking out babes…made my day
I just had a cup of coffee that was crafted by the hands of god
After you left hilarity ensued. It may or may not have involved a grabby cougar
These are little funny commentaries on things that happen in my life. They are all
things that happened to me at some point in my life. It doesn’t come off like I’m
trying too hard or that I need anything from her. It’s merely brightening her day.
It’s a little bit of hilarity to get her be like, “oh, now this is funny”. And that’s the
reaction you want because it’s an emotion. If my text to her doesn’t elicit some
type of emotional response I won’t text it.
Before I send a text I look at it and ask myself, “is this funny? Is this interesting? Is
this a text that no other guy would send her?” and if the answer to that is YES
then I’ll send it. If the answer to that is “well it’s kinda generic” then I’ll go back
and revise it. You’ll know you’re doing this right when you’re writing the text and
laughing to yourself.


I know if I’m laughing about it she’s gonna laugh at it too. Keep in mind that this
girl gave you her number because she likes your personality. You have to trust in
the fact that if you think it’s funny (and this girl’s a good fit for you) she’s going to
find it funny too. So, that’s text number 1.
Most of the time when you write these texts her response will be “lol”, “ur crazy”,
“that sounds like a funny story I wanna hear about it”. She’ll give you some
indication that she had an emotional response. And here’s where a lot of guys get
it wrong.
Once you get that emotional response you hit the checkpoint. DONT KEEP
HITTING THAT EMOTIONAL RESPONSE. When you have something good that she
likes don’t deflate that tension by giving her everything that she wants. Don’t act
like a one trick pony and continually hit that one emotional response. Once she’s
given you some kind of indication (if she responds it’s an indication) you’ve gotta
move on to that next checkpoint.
Build A Connection
The next checkpoint is make a connection. Sometimes I meet girls and we just do
not connect on ANYTHING. We literally will have a conversation that lasts a
minute, I get her number, and I go. So you’re thinking, “oh shit, I know nothing
about this girl. I have her name and her number but that’s it.” This is ok. If you can
connect with her on some joke you guys had that’s great.
Even if you can’t find a connection on something you talked about you can make a
connection over the emotional text. In the cougar example you can respond “ur a


hot chick, I’m sure you know all about cougar men grabbing you all the time…we
should swap war stories”. Look at connection as something that simply brings you
and her together.
When you’re making that connection it should be about you and her together (ex:
making beautiful children together with an interesting spin. “you look amazing
tonight, if me and you had a kid together he’d be a little zoolander.” It’s a fun way
to tell her a girl she’s looking hot but also that you’re handsome and desirable
too. You’re allowing her to feel good about herself and bringing the two of you
together).
Another simple example:
oh my god, you’re the only dorky girl who appreciates Tron as much as I do
Logistics
The final step is to handle the logistics. This is where soooo many guys go wrong.
They think that texting should be hundreds of texts back and forth. As soon as I
make that connection I know that I’m on my final checkpoint (handle the
logistics).
All that you need to do is ask her out (drinks? later?). I really like the idea of
setting up the date on the day that you want to meet up with her. If I want to see
a girl on a Tuesday night I won’t text her until that night.
I always keep in mind that I might have had a great interaction and thought I did
really well with a girl but I am still just a guy she hardly knows. DON’T FLATTER


YOURSELF. A girl who you just met probably isn’t going to ditch her friends on the
weekend to hang out with you.
If a girl has something better going on in her life I don’t think she’s going to
choose me over those plans. BUT the fact is on a Tuesday night a girl doesn’t
usually have much going on so going out for drinks with a fun guy is a lot better
than her previous plans.
The same standard should be set for you too. Just because she has your number
doesn’t mean you should drop everything. For me, on the weekend I’d rather go
hang out with my friends instead of a girl that I just met.
DONT PUT HER UP AS YOUR PRIORITY AND DONT EXPECT TO BE HER PRIORITY.
YOU ARE STILL 2 PEOPLE GETTING TO KNOW EACH OTHER.
Final Thoughts
To conclude, when you a get a girl’s number the ultimate goal of text game is to
get her out. Don’t make this any more complicated than it needs to be. When you
get a girl’s number you simply have to get her out on a date. It’s on the date that
you can get to know her better, touch her, kiss her, and see where your
relationship can go.
If she’s still giving you friction and being difficult go back to the first rule I gave
you. As long as she’s still responding keep running through the 3 checkpoints over
and over. If she’s being really cold I may wait a week before I start it again. Don’t
internalize the rejection, take it as communication and have fun with it.


Christian’s Thoughts
I love Rob. One of the few guys I’ve met who “gets it”. And I’ve got nothing but
the highest recommendation for his courses.
Here are some examples of some opening texts I’ve used:
– What are your feelings on having a love child
Totally random, right?! It’s not rude, not overly sexual (it’s a little sexual)
– I was just walking up the street and saw an old man on a scooter wearing a
helmet with knee pads checking out babes…made my day
– I just had a cup of coffee that was crafted by the hands of god
– After you left hilarity ensued. It may or may not have involved a grabby cougar
These are little funny commentaries on things that happen in my life. They are all
things that happened to me at some point in my life. It doesn’t come off like I’m
trying too hard or that I need anything from her. It’s merely brightening her day.
It’s a little bit of hilarity to get her be like, “oh, now this is funny”. And that’s the
reaction you want because it’s an emotion. If my text to her doesn’t elicit some
type of emotional response I won’t text it.

HOW2TXTHER FLIRTING AND CONNECTING

CHAPTER 6: FLIRTING AND CONNECTING
In the previous segment we went over how to stand out from MOST guys in her
phone. Now we’re going to talk about how to stand out from EVERY guy in her
phone and be the only guy who she wants to see.
This goes back to a core theory of mine, which is that, “I want to be the easiest
and best choice for her to spend her time with”. So this is all about sparks,
flirtation, and attraction.
How do I create spark? How do I create fire? The stuff I’m about to share with you
is going to make up the meat of your interaction with her. This is going to be the
stuff that you use throughout your interaction – while you’re flirting, while you’re
connecting.
Coincidentally, this is also the essence of flirting. A lot of these things you can use
in person, when you’re actually talking to a girl.
The Yin & Yang of Flirting
I see it again, and again… and yes – again. A guy reads some dating advice, finds a
technique that he likes, and then uses to ad nauseum, to the eventual annoyance
of every friend and every new woman he meets. Too much Yin, not enough Yang.
Your personality is so much more effective when it’s balanced. A best-‐case
scenario is that you can flirt and be dominant, but you can also be super chill and
laidback. This is the depth and dimension that makes you interesting, attractive,


and unique. We explore this to mastery levels in The Ten Code, but I’m going to
give you the quick n’ dirty in the here n’ now.
Let’s consider the ol’ example of push-‐pull. It’s a fundamental aspect of flirting
and it is a fundamental element of flirting. Push-‐pull is when you push a girl away
and then you pull her back in. A push would be…
“we could never get married”
Pulling her back in would be a compliment:
“you’re too beautiful, our babies would have the most amazing features. They’d
make everybody jealous”.
Insecure, “newbie” guys make the mistake of doing too much pushing. They’ve
been pulling girls in their whole lives, and all of a sudden it’s like “whoa, pushing
girls away and being a slight dick is FUN!” The problem is when you do it too
much.
Especially if you’re a high value guy and have good body language, tonality, and
overall presentation. The push actually works against you. She wonders why is
this high value guy pushing me away.
The problem is when we first get into this stuff we don’t see ourselves as high
value guys. We see ourselves in our old image when we struggled with girls. Our
own self-‐conception isn’t matching the actual way that she feels about us once
when we start to get some of these fundamental things right. So we struggle to
balance the push and the pull.


Another example of stuff you need to balance: false bravado, and real humility.
False bravado is talking about how awesome you are, but in a half-‐serious way.
I’m almost making fun of myself by talking about how awesome I am. A girl might
text me and say…
What r u doin’
A false-‐bravado response would be:
Living in awesomeness right now how bout u
I’m almost making fun of myself. Who the hell says “I’m living in awesomeness
right now?” She’ll laugh, and then I’ll respond like
Nah i’m actually just watching mad men. but it’s pretty awesome ;)
Similar to false bravado and real humility is cockiness and self-‐deprecation. If i’m
going to be REALLY cocky I’m also going to be self-‐deprecating to balance that
out.
Cheesiness with coolness: I may be super cheesy one moment by telling her how
much I love her and what amazing love children we’re going to have but at the
same time I might be cool (“nah…just teasin ya”).
High energy with chillness: A lot of guys go super high energy and start pumping
out these positive, funny, texts with lots of exclamation marks but they forget to
be chill the other half of the time.
Again, this is all explored in great depth in The Ten Code. It’s the essence of


having a personality that women just adore, and I created it for guys who want to
become the “real deal,” so check it out ;)
Cooperative Vs. Competitive Flirting
Competitive flirting takes the form of slight sarcasm and dry wit. Here are a few
real world examples that I pulled from an email I wrote to my “inner circle” a few
years back. I am a little less game-‐y these days, but this stuff still works pretty well
and it illustrates the point perfectly.
Her: I was raised Jewish, although I’m not really practicing right now.
Me: Hmmm, you’re Jewish? Here’s the thing… I dated a Jewish girl for two years
and she broke my heart. Not sure I can even talk to you anymore.
Her: No, no, I’m one of the good ones, I promise!
Me: Ok, but I’m keeping my eye on you!
I used a couple of easy pushes here: not sure I can even talk to you anymore, and
I’m keeping my eye on you. This is the stuff of competitive flirting. And I want to
note that in this case, I was careful not to bust on something that was too
important to her.
If she told me that she went to Synagogue every Saturday, had traveled to Israel
on Birthright, and prayed daily, I wouldn’t have teased her as I did. Here’s another
example:
Me: Hey, do I detect a southern accent?


Her: Maybe…
Me: You know, I usually find people with southern accents to be beer swillin’ good-‐
for-‐nothings…
Her: (raises eyebrows, slightly amused at how offensive I’m being)
Me: But you make it sound very elegant and sexy. (she begins to relax) In fact, if
you were leading the revolution, I’d put money on the south rising again. (now
she’s laughing).
Here, I’m jabbing her a little bit to get her engaged, then following up with a hug
and kiss to show I meant no harm. This competitive flirting can work great early
on to ramp up her attraction towards you. Here are a few other examples of
competitive “pushes”
If you weren’t so adorable I would kick ur ass
Oh man I can already tell we are not gonna get along
Cooperative flirting is different. Rather than jabbing her, you pull her into your
reality and create an “us against the world” dynamic.
Her: Oh that reminds me of my vacations in Disneyworld with my parents when I
was a kid…
Me: Yeah, it was always a question of Space Mountain vs. Thunder Mountain
Her: Ohhh, or the Twilight Zone Tower of Terror


Me: Wow, you’re an experienced park-‐goer! I’m taking you with me on my next
Disney vacation.
Her: oh, and when are we going?
Me: I try to hit the parks every six months or so…
I’m giving her some fun approval for how well she knows Disney Parks, and the
cooperation happens when I start future projecting, talking about the thing we’re
going to do together. It’s cooperative and fun.
Here’s a final example of push-‐pull, this time from a text exchange I had. It creates
a little competitive spark, then turns things cooperative:
Her: yeah I’m actually gonna be in ur neighborhood for an event!
Me: hummmm let me know when u are nearby… maybe I will comb my hair and
grace u with my presence ;)
Her: oh really? because I think anyone is lucky to be around me!
Me: well then our forces together will draw in friends, onlookers and paparazzi like
moths to flame
Her: Lol tooooooo true! ok leaving now will let you know when I’m nearby
Me: Kk gonna look for my comb her: lol
I love to say that I’m going to “grace you with my presence”. But it also works in
reverse, asking a girl if she’s going to grace you with her own presence. Here, it’s


received exactly as intended… I’m trying to get her to “bite” on the statement,
and does she ever. It sparks a little defiance in her.
But notice that I balance it out by making a self-‐deprecating joke about combing
my hair. And most importantly, when she elevates her status in response, I do a
little texting aikido, and switch it from a competitive dynamic, to a cooperative
dynamic. Add some fun, visually descriptive language to the mix, and we’ve got
great energy heading into our date.
Ultimately you want to create a cooperative dynamic in your flirting as opposed
to competitive or combative. The competitive dynamic elevates your value and
pushes her away. The cooperative dynamic pulls you back together. It implies that
you make a good team.
I see Nick do this very well, and he always layers in a lot of sexuality. His
cooperative flirting usually sounds something like “you and I would have beautiful
babies.”
He’ll say that within minutes of meeting a girl! I like that line too, but I tend to
keep things more innocent when I’m first getting to know her. Not surprisingly,
we attract different girls, but our respective approaches work for us.
The ultimate dynamic, in my opinion, is what I call “alpha cooperative”. Where
not only is it a cooperative dynamic, but you’re the leader of your life. She has
bought in to everything about you, she wants to be a part of that, and you’re
elevating her to that place. This is the crux of The Ten Code.
Nicknames


I love coming up with cute nicknames. A good nickname does so much – it can
build attraction, create comfort and familiarity, and enhance the dynamic that
they two of you are building.
But be forewarned: this is one of those techniques that I see guys overuse. Drop
in a nickname every now and again, but don’t keep hammering her with it. Think
of nicknames the same way you think of garlic – it can enhance a lot of dishes in
small doses, but you don’t want to go overboard with it, and you surely don’t
want to mix garlic and chocolate ;)
There are four “categories” of nicknames that I enjoy using:
1) Casual: You can bust these out when you’re having casual
conversation. shugashugs, butterbean, sunshine, rocknrolla, rocker, friend-‐o
2) Teasing: these work well when you want to give her a little shit crazyface,
grandmama, miss looneytunes
3) Challenging: these work well when you want to give her a lot of
shit sassypants, brat, sasspot, teaseball, sasscat, brat
4) Complimentary: these work well when you want to make her feel
good sexyface, bootiful, miss lipslikesugar, sweet girl
A few nicknames worth calling out in here: crazyface, sassypants and brat. These
all work really well on ball-‐busting girls…especially brat.
Random Funny Flirty Stuff


1) Multiple Lines For One Word
This is sort of a “one time technique” but it works great when you use it!
Her: still on for 7 tonight? hope so cause i’m hungry!
Me: Y
Me: E
Me: S
Me: .
Me: M
Me: E
Me:
Me: T
Me: O
Me: O
This is a little fun quirky thing that makes her laugh and builds a connection just a
little bit more.
2) When She Has a Good Line
Her: Can we do it around 8:03?


Me: starting a date at 8:03!?!? that’s MY trick!! >:-‐( lil thief
Her: lol I didn’t know u patented it!!
Me: ugh… i’m over it. you can have it. i’ve moved on to 8:04. be there or be sued
for trademark infringement ;P
Her: ok, well I don’t want to get the lawyers involved just yet ;) 8:04 it is
Me: kk, we can explore a joint venture instead :p … gotta get back to worky but
see u then ;)
Her: LOL nice see u soon :)
At first I’m framing her (lil thief). In my second response I’m using a push, being
creative and challenging. Once she responds I make it cooperative again (joint
venture). Then I portrayed that I am a high demand man and said I needed to go
back to other things. We had our little rapid rapport and now I’m back to my
world.
3) Poetry
This one is just downright silly. But I include it because it worked out great with
two girls. Plus, if I can get you to become poetic and start writing haikus, then my
real mission in life is complete. An abbreviated version of the exchange follows:
Me: ok I need ur help with something
Her: haha okkkkk what is it?


Me: don’t laugh. but I’m writing a haiku and I want your opinion on some of the
words in it
Her: really? ok but I don’t know if I’m very good with poetry.
Me: of course you are… all girls are, it’s in your DNA
Her: haha ok we’ll see me: ok here’s version 1:
Me: and here’s version 2:
Her: oh wow, those are really good! I think I like…
Me: hmmm interesting, why is that?
Her: because…
Me: hmmm I think you understand poetry better than you let on. so I think it’s
now your turn to write one…
Her: oh I wouldn’t even know where to start me: how about “I’m a little teapot,
short and stout…”
The fun part is when you can get her to start writing poetry too. This is a great
Relationship Phase technique.
4) Rhymin’
Another totally silly text exchange that worked out amazingly. Once again, from
the Relationship Phase. We went on with ebonified texting for a few days.


Me: Oh crap my friend is pointing his ebonics raygun at me…
Her: what?????
Me: I hope you can keep up with what’s about to go down…
Her: okkkkkk
Me: ZAPPPPPPP me: so watz been goin on in ur hood shawtie?
Her: lol! so that’s what u were talking about!
Me: ya u KNOW what I be talkin about but what U b talkin about?
Me: I’m just a rhyma tryin’a dodge the pirahnas and fly to bahamas so where u at
pretty lady show me what u at cos i chillin and u grillin me so come on wit ur
attack
I’d love to take credit for that last verse, but it came from the brilliant Chiddy, of
Chiddy Bang fame.
5) Fauxmance
I looooooove Fauxmance, or “false romance.” It’s when you say something that a
true lover, or even a dorky guy with a crush would say… but you don’t take
yourself seriously. It can be about buying her things, or about things you’re going
to do together, or about your “relationship”
Her: so what are you up to?


Me: getting my hustle on so we can go on that romantic cruise we’ve been talkin
about, and enjoy champagne under the mediterranean moon. how bout u?
This is before I’ve even gone on a date with the girl. I’ve created a history that
hasn’t actually happened. Fun fun fun. Another example.
Her: shut up lol
Me: baby it hurts me so much when you yell at me. let’s stop the fussin’ and the
feudin’
Her: I agree let’s never fight again
Making things cooperative, and talking to her life a longtime husband would talk
to his wife. Cute. A third example:
Me: so I’ll be there around 3:30, meet up then?
Her: sounds good :) I am going to whole foods, do you want anything from there?
Me: awww u are the apple of my eye and the unicorn of my medieval fantasy
world… and yes how about some guacamole and crispin hard cider?
Her: lololol you are so silly! ok I might be able to do that for you :)
Me: make sure you get some for yourself too… I am pretty possessive when it
comes to crispin ;)
This came from a girl with whom I’d already gone on two dates. We were
planning on meeting in Central Park. That one went over very well. A final


example.
Me: hey sorry I missed u earlier got on a long call w/ Dad. hope u are sound asleep
and dreaming of winning a three-‐legged race with me.
This is a great one when you’re in the Sporadic phase of text messaging, and she
hasn’t given you a whole lot of investment just yet. Sometimes you’ll get a text
around 9 or 10pm. Rather than use the Short Text, you’ll send this message
around 1 or 2 AM.
Future Projections and Fauxmance make up about 50% of my flirting. Maybe 51%.
Or maybe I’m just making up numbers. But I do know that Future Projections are
an integral part of my personality, and that when you Live in the Moment and
Flirt with the Future, good things happen. You’ll notice a common thread with all
of these: they’re totally absurd.
This first example came from my friend Blake, regarding a girl’s dog:
Blake: so what’s the Jacob update today? any pee pee incidents?
Her: not today! thank God :) he’s doing well… so much energy!
Blake: I know the best dog park in the world. walk by it all the time. seriously this
place is butt sniffin heaven. I’m gonna kidnap Jacob and show him the time of his
life there… wanna come? :p
Notice that even though Blake didn’t own a dog, he was still able to future project
from a place of high value, or as Andy Samberg would say, LIKE A BOSS. And it’s so
tongue-‐in-‐cheek that she couldn’t help but laugh.


Something you might have noticed in many of my texts is that I’m always joking
about getting into minor trouble. Here’s a great example of a silly future
projection along those lines.
Me: u ARE trouble aren’t u
Her: depends on who you ask ;)
Me: takes one to know one
Her: are you trouble too?
Me: depends on who you ask ;)
Her: I’m asking you
Me: let’s just say I’m thinking of robbing a bank with you… but u gotta promise
not to narc us out
Her: lol I think I can handle that… I’ve never robbed a bank before, this will be
exciting!
A final example about things I’m going to do for and with a girl, sometime in the
future:
Me: what’s shakin’ bacon?
Her: blah in architecture class right now :(
Me: hmm ok, when I’m president I’ll pass a law so you don’t have to take that


class anymore
Her: I like the sound of that! when are you planning to get elected?
Me: well I’m gonna need a stunning first lady first, but soon as that happens it
should be pretty quick
Her: quick enough to get me out of class?
Me: depends on how fast I find my first lady. but why don’t we just forge a letter
from Obama in the meantime?
My understanding is that in the pre-‐Internet days, stalking a person involved
hiding in the bushes outside of their house, potentially getting your ass carted off
to jail, and getting a bad rap in the local papers. But stalking has cleaned itself up
with the advent of the Internet, and it’s not nearly so pejorative a word now that
Facebook and Twitter are around.
A little information gathering can go a long way, and personalizing your messages
with stuff that you know about her won’t hurt as long as you don’t go overboard.
So as long as you’re not obsessing over her or downloading all of her pictures to
her computer, check out her profiles and see what you can learn about her.
Favorite books, TV shows and movies. Places she’s traveled. Fun stuff she does
during her day. When you find out that she LOVES Disney movies, and you text
her later that night and tell her that you’re debating between watching Rambo
and The Lion King, you can bet that she’ll have an enthusiastic preference.
Once you know some unique stuff about her, use the power of the interwebs to


get a little more depth about the subject, so you have something to connect on.
Four examples come to mind from my own life.
– I was dating a Swiss girl, and looked up Swiss food on Wikipedia. When I texted
her and told me she had to take me to a place that made good roesti (a Swiss
speciality) she got very excited.
– I was getting to know a very Christian girl, looked up some prominent Christian
authors, and bought one of their books. Once she became my girlfriend, I would
frequently look for Bible verses to brighten her day.
– I was getting to know a Brazilian girl, and went to a translator for occasional
Portuguese words. She loved it when I would text “obrigato” instead of “thank
you.”
– The Brazilian girl is also a big fan of the movie The Labyrinth. I looked up some
quotes from the movie, and we began going back and forth on them. Shamefully,
I’ve not seen the movie even to this day, but she had a lot of fun.
Chris Rock once said that women live on food, water, and compliments. Who are
you or I to disagree? It never hurts to compliment a girl if there’s something
GENUINE to compliment her on. And every third or fourth compliment, throw in a
qualification like “I like that”.
Me: whats cookin ladeeeee
Her: lol heyyyyy in french class now, shhhhh!
Me: u know french?! no way… i’m always discovering cool new surprises about


you… i like that :)
Her: well i’m just learning it now so no guided tours of paris just yet but awwww
thank you sir :)
Me: ;)
If you have an iPhone, and she has an iPhone, you’re in luck. Download the emoji
library and go to town on telling her emoji stories. This technique gets an
absolutely amazing response. You’re only limited by your imagination, but here
are a few quickies. The first emjoi story here was sent to a girl to ask her out on a
second date. And the second emoji story here is a fourth date, where we’d
planned to take a train out from New York City to Long Beach.
Along these lines, there’s a fantastic app called TextPics – also for the iPhone, but
an Android equivalent can’t be far behind. It has loads of cute ASCII art that will
not just make girls smile, but will make them jealous. Why? Because they’ll want
to know how you did it, and they won’t relent until you tell them the name of the
app

HOW2TXTHER GETTING HER NUMBER

CHAPTER 7: GETTING HER NUMBER
If you’ve gotten some numbers before, then you know that it ain’t no thang. But if
you’re still new to all this, then it can certainly be daunting. I’ve seen plenty of
clients who “prematurely eject-‐ulate” from conversations that are going well
because they don’t want to “screw it up.” If that’s you, don’t worry… one day
you’ll be a man too.
In all seriousness, taking a number is merely an escalation of the interaction. It’s a
logical next step if you’re getting along with the girl, and you shouldn’t be afraid
to ask for it. It’s one of those things that she’s expecting. It’s totally normal. So if
you’re getting along with her, and you ask for it like you’ve done it before, I
promise it’ll be no problem.
Importantly, you generally don’t want to get the number and then run off like
you’ve just stolen a laptop. Stick around and keep chatting for awhile. Otherwise,
she’ll sense that you’re more focused on the outcome (the number) than on her,
and needless to say, that’s not very attractive behavior.
There is one exception to this rule, and that’s the 1-‐minute pickup. When you
stop a girl on the street and ask for her number, you don’t want to stick around
forever. You get in, you make the connection, and you push for the number.
Quick goodbye, and you’re off. In some cases, you have to be a little pushy – you
might have to whip out your cell phone and motion towards her with it.


How To Ask For Her Number
1) Connections and Commonalities: This is the easiest way to get a number.
You’re talking with her, and you start connecting on stuff. You guys both love Jay-‐
Z, hate humidity, AND think Gnocchi is the most underrated type of pasta. Sounds
like a match made in heaven to me.
The goal here is to find commonalities and shared interests. You can make it
happen with just one commonality, it gets a little easier with two, and it’s ideal
with three. If you don’t get to three commonalities, don’t hold yourself back or
impose some arbitrary rule on yourself that you must find one more… but man, if
you get to three, it’s SO easy.
“ok, that’s it, we have to hang out sometime… let’s exchange numbers so we don’t
forget”
The mindset here is that the universe has put the two of you together. It’s
obvious that you’re meant for each other… or at the very least, meant to hang out
again… and the number is merely a formality that you need to get out of the way
first.
2) Future Projection: If you’ve been talking to a girl and future projecting
(discussing all of the cool stuff you’re going to do together with a “Live in the
Present, Flirt with the Future” mentality) then this is a great way to ask for a
number. As that mentality became more ingrained in me, and as future
projections became a natural part of my communications, I found that I was doing
this stuff naturally.


One caveat: Your future projections should not be about connections you have,
cool or swanky places you want to take her, or “scene-‐y” stuff like which
nightclubs you can get her into. It’s tempting, if you’ve put time into your
connections, to want to show them off a little bit.
The problem here is that genuine, authentic women don’t get excited about that
stuff, and the value-‐chasers who it does attract are always going to be attracted
to someone else who has better connections once you actually take them to the
club.
So my future projections are usually about something that’s special to me –
something that’s unique and that has meaning to me. For example, when I was in
Thailand, I visited a city called Chiang Mai, where there’s a delicious local dish
called Koh Soi. And there’s only ONE restaurant in all of New York that serves that
dish.
So that’s an example of something I would future project on – first by talking
about Thailand, then by talking about Chiang Mai, then by talking about Kho Soi,
and finally by saying something like “yeah there’s only one place in all of New
York that serves it, we have to go there sometime.”
This number-‐taking technique works equally well in environments where things
are little more professional. When I first moved to New York, I met a lot of
women at networking events, and would use future projections as an innocent
way to get a number. “I can’t in good conscience let you live your life without
eating shake shack. we better swap numbers so I can make sure this happens for
you.”


Speaking of professional networking, there’s an amazing book called Never Eat
Alone that is required reading for anyone in sales, business development, or who
just wants to become more social and outgoing. Highly recommended!
3) Semi-‐Professional Connections: Another great technique for taking numbers in

semi-‐professional environments is the “semi-‐professional number swap.” It’s for
those of you who are big networkers, constantly heading to different events, and
need to mix business and pleasure. It’s easy: “Yeah, I’m heading to an event in a
few weeks and there’d be some great people for you to meet there. Let’s swap
numbers.”
Of course, if you get Irresistible and can tune into the sexual tension, then you’ll
find that you’re saying this in a very tongue-‐in-‐cheek way.
4) Taking Her Number: Text exchanges are much, much easier when you get off
to a good start. And that starts with taking her number the right way. In fact, if
you do it like I teach here, you’ll find that you get much better responses when
you send the first text.
5) Low Risk: The easy way to get her number is to whip out your phone, start to
create a new contact, and then either have her tell you her number, or (better
still) hand her your phone and have her program it in. Then you can send one of
the following texts, depending on how strong and/or flirty of a connection you
have with her:
-‐Hey [name], you’re not one of those girls who gives out her number and then
doesn’t respond again, right? xoxo [your name]


-‐If you’re replying to this while eating late night chicken fingers, this evening took
a turn for the weird – [your name]
-‐We’d definitely make genetically superior babies – [your name]
-‐[Something you know about her] – [your name]
This last one is great if she’s revealed something unique about herself. For
example, I was at a club called Marquee back in the day, made eye contact with
this smoking hot girl around 3:30 AM (yep, the witching hour) and found myself
making out with her before we’d even exchanged words.
She was practically breathing alcohol, and somehow it came out that she’d gotten
a 180 on her LSAT. I had consumed more than a few drinks, but also had the
presence of mind to take her number and text her with…
-‐Nice 180 on your LSATs ;) – Christian
She texted me the next day to ask who I was, and was both amused and alarmed
that I’d somehow gotten that information out of her, at that hour. That’s the sort
of thing that helps you stand out from all the other guys.
6) High Risk: I call this high risk because if you don’t have some experience and
confidence with girls, you can fumble this and seem too game-‐y. You’ve GOT to
have a fair amount of investment from her… in other words, you really have to
get the vibe that she’s digging you.
Otherwise, it comes off as weird. But if she’s into you, and you’re smooth about it
and have practiced it a little bit (and if you want to practice this with a buddy just


a few times, it’ll work out great for both of you), then this is far superior to the
previous technique.
When it’s time to change numbers, start to create a contact in your phone, then
say …
“hey, let’s swap phones… I’ll plug my name in yours, you put your number in
mine.”
When you create your own contact, give yourself a great name like ‘Christian
Hottie’ or ‘Christian My New Crush’.
Next, send a text to yourself, from her phone that reads:
You are just TOO cute Christian!
If you’re quick on a smartphone, this shouldn’t be too tough, and you want to
send it as she’s wrapping up with you. Exit to her home screen (don’t look
through her phone though, that’s not cool). A little later, you can send the
following text:
awwww thanks boo, you’re quite the looker yourself ;)
If you’re still talking to her for awhile, this is a GREAT text to send on a bathroom
break, a trip to the bar, or any other circumstance that would cause brief
separation. Otherwise, wait till the next day and use it as a re-‐initiating text.

HOW2TXTHER GREAT FIRST TEXTS

CHAPTER 8: GREAT FIRST TEXTS
Ahhh, the dreaded first text. How many times have I sat, phone in hand,
wondering “what to write, what to write?” It’s an experience we’ve all shared, but
after this section, first text anxiety will be a thing of the past for you. At this point,
it’s worth reviewing two of the immutable truths about texting:
• When she gave you her number, it wasn’t a contract to see you again
• If you give her a compelling emotional experience, she’ll want to see you again

So your first text should always start things off on the right foot, with some sparks
of humor and good feelings that will make her smile and laugh.
Big No-‐No’s
If you’ve read any of the marketing for this program, then you probably already
know the cardinal sin of first texting – sending the “hey,” the “sup,” or the “yo.”
These texts spark absolutely no emotion or excitement. So give it a think: what
kind of response could they elicit? Don’t send them – let’s leave it at that.
The next big no-‐no: the formal text. I also like to think of this as the “nice guy”
text because guys who send this sort of message are usually nice guys who have
the belief that they should approach dating with the same level of formality as a
job interview.
Hi there, it’s Andrew from Friday night. It was so nice to meet you. How are you?


Does it elicit any emotion? Does it make her smile or laugh? Are you getting the
point? The formal first text is no bueno, so it deserves a place in the dustbin
alongside “yo”. Another poor first text: the kill shot. I have a few friends who are
big fans of these, because they don’t like to “play the texting game”.
Hey Jenn, it’s Sam from the bar the other night. fancy meeting for drinks on
Tuesday around 9?
The kill shot fails the “emotion” test, and it assumes that the girl feels the same
way a day or two later, that she felt when she gave the guy her number. I’ve seen
this work for very, very handsome men who are absolutely charming, and who
make an incredible first impression.
But even under those circumstances, the number -‐> date conversion rate could be
improved with just a little more work. One final “bad” first text that bears
mentioning: the over-‐the-‐top-‐enthusiastic text. A client of ours sent me a
transcription of his text exchange, and this was the first text:
Go crush it at your presentation! blow them away with your presentation skills,
patty powerpoint :) talk to you soon! – Carl
He was being really nice and sweet and friendly, and even using a nickname. But
the whole thing smacked of way too much enthusiasm. I don’t want you to be
cold as ice, but a text like this is as uncool as Urkel.
A Good First Text
Let’s start by thinking about what’s going through your head when you’re


composing your first text. Thoughts lead to words and actions, after all. First,
remember that texting is part of an ongoing relationship. You’ve already met,
shared some fun stories and some flirtatious eye contact, and discussed the
possibility of spending more time together. And if you exchanged numbers
properly, then she already knows who you are when the text arrives.
Next up – you and your life are fun and interesting. You’re the man. Cool stuff
happens, funny things are observed, and you don’t take anything too seriously.
You’ve cultivated your Smiling Inner Buddha and everything’s a-‐ok.
Finally, you want to make texting as fun for her as it is for you. You want to put a
smile on her face, and make her day a little more interesting. With those precepts
in mind (literally) let’s look some good first texts from the annals of my phone
book:
Hey Janey Bobaney, how was the rest of ur night?
This was a girl with whom I’d had a lot of fun the night before. We’d shared quite
a few kisses, and there was a strong degree of familiarity between us. I’d gone so
far as to give her a nickname when we met (otherwise, I’d stay away from
nicknames on first texts). I had a semi-‐early morning, and had to leave her before
her night wrapped up. This was a familiar text that would have made her smile for
the nickname alone.
Late night chicken fingers = yummmm. what are you up to?
This was sent to a girl who I met out. We’d discussed our favorite late night post-‐
alcohol foods, and both decided that chicken fingers were winners. It was


accompanied by an MMS of a big plate of chicken fingers and fries – a surefire
smile in the making.
So how many other guys stopped you and asked for your number today? if u say
more than 22 I’ll know ur lying…
A few years ago, I spent the summer learning how to do daytime approaches here
in Manhattan, and got very good at taking numbers within a minute or two of
approaching the girl. If you’re interested in this, check out our Say Hello course.
I found that this was a great first text for these circumstances, because it called
out the elephant in the room (it’s not every day that something like that happens)
and made fun of it in a way that made girls smile. They’d usually respond with
“only twenty or so lol” and we were off to a good start.
Holy moly amazing sunset on the river right now… what are u up to?
I sent this, along with an MMS of the sunset, to a girl who was big into outdoors
stuff and nature. A big hit.
A Great First Text
At a certain point in my texting career, I realized that the first text was so much
more than the very first text that gets sent. If your goal is to give the girl a
compelling emotional experience, then you can send her a new “first text” every
day or two that makes her laugh and smile. A “first text” can be used to re-‐
initiate. And it always has at least two of the following elements.


It’s slightly outrageous: there’s a ridiculous, fantastic story behind it that makes it
stand out
It’s visually descriptive: she’ll get a funny picture in her head when she reads it
It’s totally unserious, but pretends to be very serious
It’s timely: it just happened, it happened earlier today, last night, or it’s happening
soon
Carb withdrawal is bad today. just saw a child eating pizza and thought about
bribing him for a bite.
Massive motorcade and throngs of screaming teenage girls on sixth avenue. gotta
be either barack or the biebs. slightly jealous.
Just bought the most life-‐changing pants I’ve ever owned.
Weird nyc: my hair stylist just chased a bum out of the salon with her clippers.
amazing.
There’s a pigeon on my balcony right now and I could swear it’s giving me a look
that says ‘i know your deepest darkest secrets’
Your dress last night = weapon of mass destruction. i trust you’ve put it
somewhere the CIA won’t find it.
Those sushi rolls last night were legendary. we need to kidnap that chef, steal his
secrets, and live happily ever after.


Notice that all of these are really odd – in a good way. They’re all visual, emotive,
and are certain to make a girl laugh. In that regard, they’re all fantastic first texts,
and would work equally well for reinitiating a conversation. They all came from
real experiences I had in my day to day life (and in case you’re wondering, the life-‐
changing pants are from lululemon).
I included two examples – the sushi, and the dress – that referenced previous
experiences with women. If you’re feeling uncreative, unethical or both, feel free
to steal mine! But I’d love to see you come up with some awesome first texts of
your own and share them here Big No-‐No’s If you’ve read any of the marketing
for this program, then you probably already know the cardinal sin of first texting –
sending the “hey,” the “sup,” or the “yo.”
These texts spark absolutely no emotion or excitement. So give it a think: what
kind of response could they elicit? Don’t send them – let’s leave it at that.
The next big no-‐no: the formal text. I also like to think of this as the “nice guy”
text because guys who send this sort of message are usually nice guys who have
the belief that they should approach dating with the same level of formality as a
job interview.
Hi there, it’s Andrew from Friday night.
It was so nice to meet you.
How are you?
Does it elicit any emotion? Does it make her smile or laugh? Are you getting the


point? The formal first text is no bueno, so it deserves a place in the dustbin
alongside “yo”.
Another poor first text: the kill shot. I have a few friends who are big fans of
these, because they don’t like to “play the texting game”.
Hey Jenn, it’s Sam from the bar the other night. fancy meeting for drinks on
Tuesday around 9?
The kill shot fails the “emotion” test, and it assumes that the girl feels the same
way a day or two later, that she felt when she gave the guy her number. I’ve seen
this work for very, very handsome men who are absolutely charming, and who
make an incredible first impression. But even under those circumstances, the
number -‐> date conversion rate could be improved with just a little more work.
One final “bad” first text that bears mentioning: the over-‐the-‐top-‐enthusiastic
text. A client of ours sent me a transcription of his text exchange, and this was the
first text:
Go crush it at your presentation! blow them away with your presentation skills,
patty powerpoint :) talk to you soon! – Carl
He was being really nice and sweet and friendly, and even using a nickname. But
the whole thing smacked of way too much enthusiasm. I don’t want you to be
cold as ice, but a text like this is as uncool as Urkel.

HOW2TXTHER ASKING HER OUT

CHAPTER 9: ASKING HER OUT
Understand this: if she’s enjoying talking to you…or even responding to you, then
she WANTS you to ask her out. I’ve gone two to six weeks with some girls, asking
them out maybe once a week, before getting an affirmative answer. And I’m
really good at texting! But I also know not to take it personally if she’s not
committing to a date, and that’s where your mindset will separate you from the
guys who give up too easily.
So remember – if a girl is being noncommittal, or even putting up resistance – it’s
still “game on” until she stops responding to your texts entirely. You may have to
back off, give her some space, and come at it differently, but don’t get
discouraged if she doesn’t reply to your first date request. That’s just the nature
of dating in the age of text messaging.
Most importantly, this is a GAME so have FUN with it. A lot of guys get hung up on
one girl and they forget to stay positive. In my view, you have to work hard in life
– that’s part of the deal – but you should also have as much fun as humanly
possible.
BIG NO NO’S
1) The Kill Shot: We discussed this one a little bit in the “first texts” section. It’s
the text that tries to accomplish everything in one fell swoop. Not surprisingly, it
doesn’t work very well.
Hey fun to meet you last night. Let’s get dinner this week, how’s Tuesday?


The sub communication here – certainly based on what women have told me – is
that this says “he only wants to get in my pants”. You’re not trying to build any
rapport, create a connection, or stimulate any emotional exchange, so unless the
girl is really invested in him he’s not going to get a good reply.
2) Being Too Formal: I see this with “newbies” and “nice guys” – they’re very
formal and businesslike, and they ask the girl to go out in the softest, gentlest
possible way, almost so as to avoid upsetting her.
So, would you be interested in getting together for a date?
This is straight up anti-‐emotional, and doesn’t make a girl very excited about the
fun time she’s going to have, or even think very favorably about the guy who
wants to take her out. Anything that feels apologetic or meek as you’re writing it
is going to go over poorly, so don’t let it happen to you.
The Formula For Asking Her Out
The general process for asking a girl out is simple:
1) Insinuate The Date: There are any number of ways to do this, but I like to
casually mention that we “need” to hang out again. You can be straightforward,
or insinuate it in a fun way. Bonus points if you can add some tempting
descriptive adjectives that get her imagination going. A few examples:
I think it’s time we added some cold gin and tonics to this discussion
How do you feel about beergaritas and the best guacamole in the city?


I have been dying for the homemade candy bar at Illili… care to join me and share
in the bliss of it?
Ok, I know what we’re doing next time I see you. I hope you like your pizza crispy
and delicious
2) Open The Door to Logistics: I never like to be in the position of saying “well, I
can do it any day, how about you?” So I like to give a girl a few options.
Depending on how busy you are, there are two ways to do this. You can either tell
her about a few openings in your schedule, or you can leave it open and her tell
you when she’s available.
Nice – I’m open on Tues, Thurs, and Tues of next week… pick ur poison
Awesome, when do your schedule and your stomach have an opening?
niiiice. let’s make this dough/cheese/sauce-‐fest happen… how’s ur week lookin?
3) Specify Logistics: Confirm the date that she said was good, and specify a time…
and potentially a place.
Tuesday – done! Diablo Royale, 7:30 ;)
Thurs good for me too. Let’s shoot for 9:30 but if work is crazy I’ll let ya know
around 7
4) Next Steps: Let the interaction wind down as necessary. In between this
exchange, and the day of the date, I want to keep things warm with maybe one
text exchange every day or two. Anything that brings her a little bit into your life –


a funny text that follows the First Text Formula, for example.
A caveat: I see guys who get the date confirmed, then worry about losing it, OR
who are so excited about the girl that they keep texting her and “pumping” the
text exchange. But if you’re heading into a first date, and/or you’re not already in
Rapid Rapport with a girl, this works against you. Don’t overdo it if things are still
Sporadic – you’ll come across as too eager.
Spontaneous Dates
If you’re in regular Rapid Rapport with her, and/or texting every day, you can go
with a spontaneous text on the day/night of. My first date with my current
girlfriend came from the following text:
whatcha doing right meow? I want some sushi
And boom – we were off to sushi. We had already spent a lot of time texting back
and forth, and I knew that it was a matter of when, not if. Another example that’s
a little edgier:
bingo and coronas at Tortilla Flats. Get ur butt over here.
It was a Monday night around 10pm, and Nick and I were at a fun bar/restaurant.
The girl in question was WAY invested in me – she had showed up at my
apartment one day and left a hand-‐written note for me. I wasn’t crazy into her,
but I thought she was fun, and wanted to see her that particular night. She
declined to come out, but she did invite me over to her place, so things resolved
themselves perfectly.


Here’s a third example of a spontaneous date request:
me: you. me. zombies. chainsaws. tonight. gonna get crazy. me: oops I mean do
you want to get dinner
This works great for asking girls on second dates, if you’ve got some good Rapid
Rapport. It follows a proven psychological principle, which is that you’re more
likely to get someone to say “yes” to something if you can make them laugh
before making the request.
Having Fun With Logistics
If the opportunity presents itself, you want to bump a girl’s emotional state
before the date with some fun and flirty texts. If she shows up with a smile on her
face because of the cute, silly or challenging thing that you wrote her, all the
better.
False Choice
This is a technique, like Fauxmance and Future Projection, that has made it’s way
into my personality at such a deep level that I don’t think about it anymore. It’s
great fun, and you don’t have to reserve it for texting.
The premise is this: you have something you’d specifically like to do, but you want
to give her the feeling of having a choice in the matter. So you present her with
two options, one of which is the “real” choice and one of which is the “false”
choice. Here’s an example from a spontaneous date request:


Me: I am feeling ice-‐creamy-‐ish-‐stuff right now. come with?
Her: ohhhhh sounds good! what are you thinking?
Me: we can get pinkberry. or mochi at nobu. either way, really ;)
Her: lol I think pinkberry will be just fine.
Nobu is a ridiculously expensive, high-‐end Japanese restaurant in NYC. And there
is NOOO way that we would head there off of a spontaneous request. Here’s
another example of a setup on the day of a date, when I was confirming it with
the girl.
her: ok so tell me the when’s and where’s me: let’s meet at 9 down here in soho.
unless you want to do midnight in the bronx?
I knew it was going to be tough to get her down to soho from where she lived.
The midnight in the bronx is a clear false choice… you don’t have to live in NYC to
know that midnight in the bronx is not the ideal date location. A third example,
from a third date (for more on my specific dating strategy, check out the amazing
Girlfriend Activation System).
Me: excited about tonight?
Her: ohhhh yes! what’s the plan?
Me: come by mine for dinner round 7, and we’ll make some blackened salmon. or
we could go fishing in the east river? I’ll get the pole, you get the worms.


In this case I had set a date earlier in the week, and here, we were texting on the
day of, to arrange logistics. Obviously we’re not going to go fishing in the East
River.
Challenging Her
Some girls are plain ol’ ball busters, and they expect the same from a guy. I’ve
found this to be especially true about young, pretty girls in the big city. So if
you’re getting some sass from her, it works to your advantage to dish it back out.
By challenging her, you’re going to incite a little defiance, outrage, and tension
emotions.
The technical, made-‐up term that I came up with for this first example is an
Absurd Qualification. You’re making her prove something about herself that is
clearly not true.
Me: ok I guess we can hang out… but only if you promise not to bring any
weapons… still not sure about u yet ;)
her: it’s true, I normally pack heat me: I KNEW that weird bulge in your right arm
wasn’t natural :p
Of course, the first thing that happened on this date was a gentle pat-‐down and
examination, to see if she was carrying any weapons. As long as you’re not
outright offensive, you can accuse her of being troublesome, dorky, or
problematic in any number of ways.
You can also introduce a competitive flirting dynamic into the interaction if she’s


feisty. The following example happened before a second date:
Me: alright, so it’s on… I just hope you are ok with losing at skeeball
Her: whatever, you are gonna get smoked. I can hit the 50 with my eyes
closed me: all I can say is you better not plan on betting anything u don’t want to
lose
She later told me that she wasn’t afraid to lose her kisses to me, and kisses
definitely happened.
Pre-‐Emptive Flaking
Sometimes you go out with a girl, decide that she’s not girlfriend material, but
you still want to have some playful and physical fun with her. To make this
happen without drama and on your terms, you need control, and more
investment from her. You need to get her to a place where she wants to see you
again, and will jump at the opportunity to do so. That’s where pre-‐emptive flaking
comes in.
I almost didn’t include this technique, because it’s somewhat manipulative.

Women get offended when they hear about it. But since I learned it from a
woman who used it on me, I’m a-‐ok with taking the power back and passing it on
to you.
Critically, you must have a fair degree of investment already. It’s not going to
work if you’ve hustled and hustled for two weeks to get her on a date that she
finally concedes to go on with you. I find the best time to use this is after a killer


first date that I know she enjoyed, and where our texting interaction is
consistently in Rapid Rapport or She’s Leading.
How does it work? In short, you plan the next date, then you flake on her on the
day of. But the WAY you flake is important. You can’t do it over text. You can’t be
vague and overly cool about it. That will cause her to close up and distrust you.
Think about how you feel when girls flake on you – the natural tendency is to get
defensive. Instead, you’ll use the following formula.
About three hours before the date, call her up. If she doesn’t answer, leave a
voicemail that’s somewhat vague.
“heyyy can you give me a call about tonight?”
When the two of you talk, you’ve got to be very friendly and excited to be talking
to her. Remember – that’s where her emotions are. Then you’ll do the following,
in order:
• Deliver the News. Your boss just dumped a ton of work on you, a friend is going
through something really terrible, etc. Something happened that’s outside of your
control.
• Apologize Profusely. Tell her how sorry you are about this happening and how
much it sucks.
• State your Excitement. You were really looking forward to tonight, and you’re
so disappointed that it can’t happen now.
• Reschedule the Date: Tell her you’re not normally a flake, and ask her if you can
reschedule for another night.


• Restate Your Excitement: You can’t wait to see her, and you don’t care if the
world is going to end, because you’ll be there.

When you do all of these things in succession, she goes on this rapid emotional
roller coaster. She’s disappointed, then reassured, then excited, and even though
she wants to be pissed at you, you’ve taken that away from her by apologizing. So
now she’s more invested, because you’ve basically caused her to give up not one,
but two nights. And it gets her to concede to your flaking request, which leads to
more investment.
You can also do this without confirming the date – you can make it tentative for
“when this project ends” or “when this mess clears up” or whatever. Now you can
re-‐enter Rapid Rapport with your texting with much more investment, and you’ll
find that She’s Leading a lot more, asking what you’re doing. Whenever I used
this, I found that girls would text me on Friday and Saturday nights to see what I
was up to, and it led to a lot of great late-‐night meetups, which became all-‐night
sleepovers.

HOW2TXTHER FLAGS ON THE PLAY

CHAPTER 10: FLAGS ON THE PLAY
Sometimes, women just aren’t fair. They violate the unwritten rules of that
fictitious social contract we all wish existed that says “dating should be easy.” And
there’s not even a referee to officiate, or make her pay for that date she flaked
on.
Hey these things happen. The real social contract actually reads something like
“dating will be a tremendous pain in the ass,” and that’s why this section and the
Girlfriend Activation System exist.
It Is What It Is: If a girl pulls a move that you don’t think is cool, recognize it for
what it is. It’s either a legitimate excuse, or a test. And heed my words, friend-‐0:
you can’t get upset about either.
In general, it’s not a good policy to be a little bitch, passive aggressive, or uncool
about stuff, unless you’re a Fortune 500 CEO. Even then, everyone respects grace
under pressure.
And in this situation, any uncoolness exhibited on your part will count triple
against you. Think about it. If a girl has a legitimate excuse (her phone died, her
cat died, her car battery died, etc.) she’s not going to appreciate the extra
pressure she’s feeling from you.
Girls will also test you – they’ll flake, fail to confirm a date that you’re trying to set
up, or hold out until the last possible minute to decide if they want to see you or
not. If you get upset about any of these, you’ve failed the test.


This is the nature of this. It is what it is.
Remember what we’ve been discussing this whole time – getting her out means
that she’s feeling strong, positive emotions for you. If she commits a violation,
and it’s not because of a legitimate excuse, it’s probably because she’s not feeling
the emotions she needs to feel, in the moment when she needs to make a
decision. Perfectly fine. Let’s learn about how to handle it.
What Not To Do
When a girl disrespects you by not responding, flaking, or being indecisive, it’s
tempting to try to “reclaim” some of your value/status. Guys who are new to the
dating game might get needy or sad, thinking that “honesty is the best policy.”
But none never works in your favor. Here are a few bad text messages I’ve seen
guys send in response to flakiness from girls:
Defensive: that’s ok, I’m really busy too
Short and bitchy: fine
Surprised: I thought we’d confirmed things?
Pleading: I was really looking forward to seeing you, it’s ok if we meet later or
tomorrow
Upset: wtf, where were you last night? I hope you have a good excuse.
Needless to say, none of these texts work in your favor. Remember two of the
main texting rules: 1.) when she gave you her number, it wasn’t a binding


contract to see you again and 2.) her decision to see you is based on how she’s
feeling, not logic… or even necessarily previous commitments to you.
So when you do anything to insert negativity, neediness, or bitchiness into the
conversation, it shows that you don’t understand rule #1, and that you’re
ignorant of rule #2.
Yeah yeah, I know it’s annoying that these are the rules, but I didn’t make them.
Better to acknowledge that it might happen and be emotionally prepared, than to
pin 100% of your hopes and happiness on a date happening.
The Correct Mindset
As this business has grown, I’ve learned some tough lessons – one of which is that
our revenue forecasts are never 100% accurate. In the early days, I’d run a report
and see that we had, say, $10,000 of forecasted revenue for the next month. 31
days later, I’d look at the accounts and see that we’d only brought in $8000.
This stuff happens – credit cards get declined, a few guys want refunds,
processing fees sneak up… and when I didn’t plan and budget for that “slippage,” I
would spend too much money, and get myself into a pickle.
You probably see the metaphor here: in dating, just like in business, there’s going
to be slippage. And not the fun, lubed-‐up kind.
The good news is that if you know it’s part of the game and you plan for it, then it
won’t affect you when it happens.


This is all a very long way of saying the following: girls flake. No biggie.
The correct mindset when a girl flakes is, “it ain’t no thang.”
You have self respect but you’re not going to take her flaking too seriously. You
accept it as part of the game
So here’s my mindset on a “violation-‐by-‐violation” basis:
First Violation: Nooooo problem, let’s move past it
Second Violation: I’m letting you bend the rules, but I’m going to playfully give
you some shit about it
Third Violation: Okkkk, I’ve got limits and you’ve bumped against them. Time to
make it up to me.
Fourth Violation: Peace out, girl scout. A cat might be more up your alley than a
guy.
Yes, I’m pretty easy-‐going, and this is one more violation than most guys would
put up with. Then again, I’ve ended up with some remarkably difficult (but
awesome) women who eat mortal men for breakfast, and who became great
girlfriends once I got past all the nonsense. If you’re emotionally prepared for this
stuff to happen, and have a fun and meaningful life otherwise (ahem ahem, see
the Ten Code) then you’ll be equally cool as a cucumber.
If She Wants Bring a Friend


Sometimes you’ll schedule a date, and she’ll want to bring a friend. This is usually
the result of your own (failure in) planning, or because you invited her to
something social.
I used to have the crazy notion that a good second date consisted of pre-‐partying
at my house, then heading to a swanky nightclub called Kiss and Fly, where I had
lots of hookups and a table waiting for me. If you’re ever thinking of doing
something like this, well… don’t.
It never worked out to my advantage, and girls would always try to bring friends.
Plus, rather than trying to impress me in a nice one-‐on-‐one setting, they were
equally focused on “impressing the room,” as I like to say.
Social dates aren’t terrible – again, see the Girlfriend Activation System for a
rundown on how to rock these with flying colors – but don’t be surprised if she
asks to bring a friend.
So be cool with it. Half the time that a girl wants to bring a friend, it’s because she
needs the friend’s approval. I see it as a good thing because I get to pass the
“friend test.” And the mere fact that you can roll with this semi-‐violation is great –
it shows her that you know how to handle tests. Every girl wants to know that her
man can handle unexpected obstacles.
On the extremely odd chance it’s an intimate date you’ve got planned (like a
dinner date) then you have change the venue.
That’s cool… in that case, let’s do something more social… drinks on Ink48 rooftop
should fit the bill ;)


But if it’s a social gathering or drinks, then her friend is more than welcome.
Are you kidding, the more the merrier!
The positive attitude keeps things upbeat and fun heading into the date, and she
and her friend will both show up preparing to like you.
If She’s Waffling
This is the most common violation I see. You’re going back and forth with a girl,
you tentatively set the date, then she gets back to you on the night of, saying
“what did you have in mind?” Of course, this problem can be handled be asking
her out properly.
But sometimes, things are set and she waffles anyways. Recognize it for what it is:
her emotional state, in the moment that she has to commit to her plans with you,
is not great. Maybe she’s tired from a long day, maybe there’s a really good show
on TV… whatever the case, you can’t take it personally.
Let’s look at an example of a girl who pulled this on my client Mike, and how he
handled it. The backstory is that he met her on a Saturday night, brought her back
to his house, made out with her for awhile, and made plans to see her again later
that week. Unfortunately, he tried to get a little too much rapport (he didn’t need
it) and her feelings started to fizzle.
And importantly, he was too vague about the plans, so she didn’t know what kind
of clothes to wear or what to expect. Did he want to go to a club or a champagne
lounge? When girls aren’t clear about what you have in mind, flaking is a high


probability. Here’s the night of, and the next day:
Mike: Nooo problem at all, why don’t ya lmk when things are chill and we’ll figure
out a plan :)
Her: I’m finally off work! What ya thinking for tonight?
Mike: Oh man they really slave u! Well I ate.. But there are a few places I have in
mind for drinks so just roll by my place whenever ur ready.
Mike: Hey when are u gonna be ready? There’s a place that’d be best to hit up
before 1030
Mike: Hey hope u had a good one last night – me and nick are hittin up a BBQ on
the upper west side tonight, lmk if u n amber wanna join
Her: Hey I am so sorry about last night! I forgot my phone at work, and just got it
charged now. Ams and I have dinner plans, but I can let you know what we’re
doing after!
Her: What’s your plan for the night?
Mike stayed cool, and got back on track with her. This has happened to me
countless times in the dating jungle of NYC.
As we’ve already covered, play these cool. It’s noooooo problem. Don’t get
defensive or feel the need to show her that you were doing other things. Just let it
pass, and keep things alive for the next opportunity that works out for both of
you.


Critically, you don’t want to JUMP when she gives an inkling that she might be
available. If I get the feeling that a girl is “fishing for plans” whenever she’s texting
me, I’ll either make a hard pitch if I really want to see her (more on this in a
second) or ignore it, and bring it back to life in a day or two.
The Slow Drip
Here’s an example of an exchange where we’d had tentative plans to meet up on
a Friday, which she flaked on, then started fishing for plans on a Satuday night,
which I missed.
Her: heyyyy sorry I missed you last night, one of my best friends came into town
unannounced and we had a reunion night out!
Me: it’s allll good gotta make time for stuff like that ;)
Her: yeah, but I’m really sorry I didn’t get back to you!
Me: it’s ok I only cried a little bit :p
Her: LOL you did not!
Me: ok you got me… hence the :p
Her: ;)
Notice how cool and casual I am about it. In fact, when she tells me she’s sorry, I
even poke fun of myself. And importantly, I don’t turn right around and ask her
back out. This is how the game is played. She sees that you don’t get thrown off


easily, and she reinitiates. Later that evening, I get a text
Her: so what’s your plan for this evening?
Respond? Not in this case. I liked her, but wasn’t ready to be one of her options
again after what she’d pulled the night before. In the early phases of dating, you
can’t always be available if she’s not, and you can’t jump whenever she says
“jump.”
It’s tempting, because you want to see her. And don’t you dare blame her – she’s
a pretty girl and, if she’s like most pretty girls, she’s going to see which guys jump
for her and what she can get away with. I waited until the next day (Sunday) to
text her again.
Me: hey was out at a friend’s bday dinner last night, hope u had a good one :)
Her: ohhh nice where did you go?
Me: wolfgang’s. Enough steak and wine to feed a small army regiment. feeling fat
today.
Her: LOL
Here, we’re resetting the score. She knows that her text the night before was a
little bit of a risk, so she can’t give up too much here. I poke fun at myself, and am
getting quick responses, but I don’t try to push it into Rapid Rapport. Better to let
this one be and let her wonder a little bit. I get back at her on Monday.
Me: so when are we finally gonna hang out?


Her: I don’t know, this week is pretty crazy
Me: man I think u needs a customer support department of your own
Her: haha no kidding. sorry just crazy at work right now.
Me: it’s all good, but it’s too bad you’ll be missing the monster truck showdown
Her: oh no!!! and I really wanted to go too!! Mme: (no response)
More slow drip, and a little tease here (the customer service line). If I were to do it
again, the first text would have been a lot funnier, and probably would have lead
to a better response. I hit the same chord here with my joke about the monster
truck showdown (no disrespect to Bigfoot and Gravedigger – loved ‘em in
Michigan but it’s not really a New York City thing).
But she’s starting to be very responsive, emotive, and we’re finally hitting Rapid
Rapport. I neglect to send her another text here because I know there’s nothing
else I can do at this point during the day.
Later that night, I’m out for a run and thinking about what to send her to engage
her that evening, when I see the cutest damn shih-‐tzu ever. I stop the owner and
ask them if I can snap a quick photo for a friend who loves shih-‐tzu’s:
Me: [send video where I'm in running clothes, talking into the camera and saying
"so I'm out on a run, and I just met someone who you have to meet" -‐ I then
turned the camera around and pointed it at the puppy and nuzzled it's head]
Her: oh my God he is ADORABLE. Where did you see him?!?!?!


Me: 89 and riverside
Her: that is sooooo cute! I am still at work :( but that totally brightened my
evening!
Me: ;) yep a lil fuzzball will do that for ya
Her: :) that was so cute!!!!
Her: finally leaving work! hallelujah!
Me: [iphone emojis for "thumbs up" and "happy face" and "zZZ"]
Her: LOL yes to all three!
Making progress. Puppies are always a big hit.
Me: after work drinks and amazing views at Stone Rose tonight. yes, definitely, or
for sure?
Her: ok you got me. definitely. but can we play the timing by ear? I am still really
busy at work.
Me: haha long as we can catch the sunset… an hour’s notice is good tonight
And we have a date. I took a risk here, but I suspected she would go for it, and
once we had the puppy exchange, I knew I was golden. This is the sort of texting
that drives a lot of guys nuts, because it takes a lot of time and thought to work
through the sub-‐communications of value, status, etc. and “turn” her from fishing
for plans, to excited to see me.


Note that I’m NOT making insinuations about how much she likes me (i.e. lemme
guess… you were thinking of me) or how much of a great time she missed out on.
Those are little boy’s games and they end up annoying women more than
anything.
As I’ve already noted, it probably would have moved along more quickly if, on
Sunday or Monday, I’d have jumped back in with a better re-‐initiating text. But it
all worked out well, and we had a lot of chemistry going into the date. When I get
girls like this I have a lot of fun with them, and as a result, they usually tell me
how much fun they have with me :) And of course you can do the same if you plan
for this sort of stuff and roll with it when it comes your way.
The Black Car
I can’t believe I’m including this one, but since it led to the girl in question
becoming my girlfriend, I figured I might as well share it with you.
The girl in question was both very pretty, and very very reserved about dating in
general. Bad male role models plus a strict, self-‐imposed set of rules that came
from he religious beliefs. We’d had our first kiss the night before, and had been
discussing a date the following day.
But when it came time to commit to the date, around 4PM on the day of, she
tried mighty hard to flake on me. As I later discovered, she was very attracted to
me, and knew that if we kept spending time together, things would go in a
direction that she wasn’t certain about. This conflicted with the fact that I quite
liked her – full-‐on crush, in fact – and was not about to let her slip away from me


without doing everything I could.
So, when she texted me thirty minutes before our date and told me that she
“had” to attend an event with her friend, I sprang into action.
Me: hmmm, so the black car that I scheduled to pick you up at 7 won’t have a
passenger when it returns my way?
At this point, I called Dial-‐7 (212-‐777-‐7777… can’t beat ‘em for airport rides here
in NYC) and had a car sent to her house. I made sure the driver had her number so
he’d call her when he arrived 30 minutes later. I’ve charged stupider things to my
credit card, and for $35, I thought it was worth a shot.
Of course, the girl called me and asked if I was kidding… to which I replied “of
course I’m not – but if you need a little more time, I can tell the driver to wait.”
Not surprisingly, she cancelled her other plans – because really, what guy has the
balls and chutzpah to send a Town Car to pick up his date? – and we went on to
have a great relationship that lasted for about a year and a half.
If She Totally Flakes
It’s rare, but it happens. You’re set to go, and she just doesn’t show up, or doesn’t
get back to you to confirm her plans. The latter is a much more common scenario
than the latter – I’ve never had a girl fail to show up for a dinner or drinks date –
but I’ve definitely gone through the experience of setting plans, and getting no
response from the girl when attempting to set up logistics.
If the logistics weren’t totally and completely set in stone, reference the above


material. But if you guys had specified a time and place, here’s a great text to
send:
Hey so where were ya last night, was bawling my eyes out and ate two pints of
haagan daaz to cope
It shows that you can have fun with the situation and roll with it. Sometimes
when a girl flakes, she feels guilty about it and doesn’t know how to reinitiate
communication the next day, so she lets it drop off. This “get out of jail free” text
shows her that she doesn’t need to feel guilty, and kicks things off again with
some self-‐deprecating, obviously untrue humor.
Now, if she flakes a second time, you’ve got to call her out:
OK flakeface, two times is two much… guess who owes me drinks
At this point, she’s definitely violating the social contract, and you expect
reparations. It’s a sweet way of telling her that you’re not going to take this
behavior.
If she flakes a third time, you’ve got to put your foot down and establish your
boundaries.
Ok steph you’re a super cool girl but all the flakiness is no bueno. Is this the real
you? I value my time and as you know I’m a busy guy so don’t commit to plans w
me again unless you can make it
It doesn’t betray any anger, but it shows her that you won’t accept poor
treatment. Here’s an example from where my client Frank uses this text almost


verbatim
Her: I can’t make it. Talk with ex ran late
Frank: hah. not trying to be a dick, but plz don’t make plans w me again unless u
can for sure make it. ur super cool and I wanna kick it but I value my time and
when I make plans I’m fitting it into a very busy schedule
Her: i understand and do the same. meant no disrespect. the ex going to redeploy
for 18 month tour in a matter of days. this is it. Frank: word, I appreciate it
Her: I’m sorry for dropping the ball. won’t happen again
Her: Fri and noon is cool wit me if it still works for you. N no worries, my running
game is pretty weak right now =P
Frank: Perff. I’m thinkin lakeshore trail
If She’s Not Giving You Much
Some girls just don’t love to text, or don’t have much to say. And even though you
have 5 or 6 good back and forths with her, she’s not giving much back, and her
investment isn’t growing.
This is a problem, because the longer that you’re in a long interaction with her
where she’s not accepting your frame, you’re passively accepting her frame –
which, in this case, is that she’s allowed to be short with you, and put in very little
effort.


There’s a funny and smooth way to call her out on this:
Me: how was your weekend?
Her: good
Me: you know what I love about you, Sam? you’re soooo chatty and descriptive ;)
Her: haha sorry I just don’t love texting
Me: hmmm I think there’s an easy way to deal with that
Followed this one up with a phone call, and it was all good. The girl realizes that
she’s committing a sort of violation, and gives you the information you need to
move things forward.
If She Drops Off
Hey, it happens. Things seem to be going along well, then poof – she’s gone.
Sometimes it’s a legitimate excuse… a guy comes back into her life, she looses all
her numbers in a freak toilet accident, there’s a death in a family… there’s a lot in
this universe that you can’t control, and the macro-‐level view that I have about
dating is that this stuff is going to happen from time to time.
When these things happen, SPACE IS YOUR FRIEND. Don’t bother her incessantly
every day if she stops responding to you. Give her a few days to a few weeks.
Then hit her back with a funny text. Anything from the First Text Formula will
work, and these following texts are also proven winner:


What are you up to? wanna go steal some watches from kmart?
Just saw a flick w this gangster who totally reminded me of you…
Been awhile chickadee, been cooking anything tasty lately? (the girl was a cook)
Since I haven’t heard from u in awhile I’m gonna assume you got lost at
disneyworld and mickey mouse is holding you hostage. let me know when he lets
you go
Heyyyy long time, got busy smuggling justin beiber dvds to china, but finally got
em all unloaded. celebration drinks?
Importantly, if it’s been a few weeks, and a girl responds quickly to your re-‐
initiating text, don’t wait another two days to respond and think that you’re
“playing it cool” or “punishing her” for not getting back to you before. Strike while
the iron is hot!
Double Intrigue
This is another technique that I use both in person, and over text. The idea is to
get her to put in a little investment to get an answer out of you. In this case, we
did a little facebook stalking to discover that Lion King was her favorite movie.
Blake: watching this movie right now… think you’d dig it
Her: ohhhh what is it?
Blake: i don’t know, it’s kinda smalltime, you probably don’t know it…


Her: come on, try me…
Blake: ok ok already it’s called the Lion King
Her: hahaha that’s my fave movie!
Blake: ah man if only I’d known I’d have saved it!
Her: are you really watching the lion king?
Blake: noooo i’m just making up that i’m watching simba fall for scar’s deceptive
lies right now… what are you up to?
You make her ask twice to get the answer out of you, using the “Zeigarnick Effect”
to create a little suspense before giving her the real answer. As this business has
grown, I’ve learned some tough lessons – one of which is that our revenue
forecasts are never 100% accurate.
In the early days, I’d run a report and see that we had, say, $10,000 of forecasted
revenue for the next month. 31 days later, I’d look at the accounts and see that
we’d only brought in $8000. This stuff happens – credit cards get declined, a few
guys want refunds, processing fees sneak up… and when I didn’t plan and budget
for that “slippage,” I would spend too much money, and get myself into a pickle.
You probably see the metaphor here: in dating, just like in business, there’s going
to be slippage. And not the fun, lubed-‐up kind.
The good news is that if you know it’s part of the game and you plan for it, then it
won’t affect you when it happens.


This is all a very long way of saying the following: girls flake. No biggie.
The correct mindset when a girl flakes is, “it ain’t no thang.”
You have self respect but you’re not going to take her flaking too seriously. You
accept it as part of the game
So here’s my mindset on a “violation-‐by-‐violation” basis:
First Violation: Nooooo problem, let’s move past it
Second Violation: I’m letting you bend the rules, but I’m going to playfully give
you some shit about it
Third Violation: Okkkk, I’ve got limits and you’ve bumped against them. Time to
make it up to me.
Fourth Violation: Peace out, girl scout. A cat might be more up your alley than a
guy.
Yes, I’m pretty easy-‐going, and this is one more violation than most guys would
put up with. Then again, I’ve ended up with some remarkably difficult (but
awesome) women who eat mortal men for breakfast, and who became great
girlfriends once I got past all the nonsense. If you’re emotionally prepared for this
stuff to happen, and have a fun and meaningful life otherwise (ahem ahem, Ten
Code) then you’ll be equally cool as a cucumber.

HOW2TXTHER GETTING SEXUAL

CHAPTER 11: GETTING SEXUAL
It’s always a pleasant turn when you discover a woman’s sexual side. And it’s
really fun when you can get it going over text messaging. You might be surprised
to learn just how easy it is, and how many women want it to happen.
I regularly monitor Google search terms, and discovered something fascinating.
“dirty texts to send to a girl”: 320 monthly searches
“dirty texts to send to a guy”: 720 monthly searches
Yep, more women are searching for dirty text messages than men. Pretty cool,
huh? There’s something very private and intimate about text messaging that
makes it the perfect conduit for sexual messages, and once you get into Phases 3
and 4, you can make some pretty cool stuff happen.
How Sexual Is She?
Sexual texting is almost always preceded by some degree of sexuality in person. I
find that it’s much easier to start getting sexual with a girl over text after we’ve
kissed each other. Getting “greedy” and trying to push sexuality too soon is risky,
and in my experience, it’s more likely to mess things up than it is to move things
forward.
The one caveat is that there are occasionally girls who – for whatever reason –
you just don’t have the opportunity to see much. For example, I met a girl online
who lived in California, and was moving to New York (where I live) about two


months later.
We had a great connection, and things quickly moved from online to text to
phone. After a few conversations, we started talking sexual, and before I knew it,
dirty pictures started showing up in my inbox. This can also happen with girls you
meet when you’re traveling.
But – in general – sexuality is something that happens in person first, and on
text second.
The easiest way to start with with sexual nicknames: sexyface, cutie bootie,
sugarlips, delicious – those are all great names I’ve used once we started talking
sexual.
Hey sexyface, get a good night’s sleep?
Once you’ve kissed her, you can start to turn up the heat considerably. Let’s say
you were eating a watermelon, and sent her a photo of it. Your caption to the
MMS might read.
Yummmmm so delicious… just like ur lips
Accusations and insinuations are where you can really start getting sexual.
Hey I was just checking my website’s stats today and found that someone was
searching for [your name] naked photos… you know, you coulda just asked me…
Ok nighty night, and remember… you better keep my clothes on in your dreams


The biggest problem I see with guys using this stuff is when they are trying to
create, rather than grow, the sexuality that is already there. These texts go over
GREAT if you have already established a sexual dynamic, but don’t write to me
and tell me they didn’t work if you don’t already have a flirty, sexy vibe
established!
Damn You Autocorrect?
Who hasn’t had a problem with autocorrect? Heck, there’s even a hilarious
website (damnyouautocorrect.com) that sprang up with funny autocorrects. Here
are two examples of autocorrect that worked out well.
Example 1 – In this case, a client had already had sex with a girl, and wanted to
end a subsequent evening of texting on a sexual note.
Client: ok bed time nighty night x
Her: night night!x
Client: i wanna fuck you in your bed and read you a story ;)
Client: oops! damn! predictive text!…*TUCK you into bed*
Her: hahahaaha! perhaps i’d prefer the 1st one ;)
Client: if you’re lucky;)
Example 2 – this is great for when a girl is about to show up for a second or third
date, there’s already some sexual chemistry established. In this example, she was


actually texting me to tell me she’d was on her way – once she told me she saw it,
I knew it’d be about two minutes before she arrived.
Her: remind me where it is again?
Me: upstairs bar, corner of w bway and houston next to dos caminos
Her: ok I see it me: ok see u in about 63 sex
Me: errrr 63 secs
Her: lol thought you’d invented a new move
Me: maybe i have maybe i haven’t… but either way autocorrect isn’t getting credit
for it ;)
It also adapts nicely for when she beats you to your date spot… you tell her that
you’re waiting at the bar and she tells you she’ll be there soon.
Her: I’m here at the bar
Me: k super close, see u in about 63 sex
Me: errrr 63 secs
Fun Games
These two games both came from clients. Very fun if things have already gotten
sexual between the two of you.


Client: wanna play line by line
Her: Whats that?
Client: Well we make a story but you can only send one sentence at a time
Her: ahh ok
Client: ill start, you walk into my room wearing nothing but that little black nighty
Her: slowly walk over to the bed and start to kiss you
You can probably see where, if you were in a relationship with a girl and wanted
to turn up the heat or just spark a great night, this would really light it up.
Word Association
Me: ok let’s play a game… I’ll send you one word and you have to think of a word
that matches it, and vice versa
Her: ok… me: spank…
Her: bondage
Me: oral…
Her: pleasure
Me: deep…
Her: hard


Me: Swallow..
Her: wet
Me: dripping…
Her: orgasm
Me: doggy..
Her: style
Me: Hardcore…
Her: omg , so turned on right now…
This takes advantage of the psychological effect of priming – if you have people
reading certain words and saying certain words it primes them for certain
activities. Here you are priming sexual urges with the girl. If you’ve already had a
few dates that have turned into sex (2 or more), this one is a great way to
precede the next date.
Getting Naked Pics
Sure, there’s a technique here, but more important than the technique is her
comfort level with you – and comfort is something that’s established over time.
If you follow the principles in the Girlfriend Activation System, you’ll find that girls
will start sending you naked photos without much prompting.
The #1, gotta-‐have-‐it, most-‐important-‐thing that precedes her sending you naked


photos is that she’s comfortable with you and your judgment, and she knows that
you have a “trusted private space” with her. This originates in your values, and it’s
not really something you can fake. There is some stuff in the Girlfriend Activation
System that will help you communicate these values, but if it’s not where your
heart is, she’ll know.
A few other important points: she already knows that you think she’s sexy. She
also knows that you’re sexually mature – you’re not just some man-‐child who is
going to show off her pics to your friends.
It starts with an MMS exchange – this is something that should be “woven” into
your communications with her, starting much earlier in your texting relationship.
Sexuality will become a part of your relationship as you get to know her, date her
and use some of the other material in this section.
At some point, the two of these things (MMS and sexuality) will begin to intersect.
Some girls will take it upon themselves to send you photos of clothes they’re
trying on, sexy (but not naked) photos, or pics of themselves at the beach, the
pool, or other spots where they’re not wearing many clothes.
Other girls will need a little bit of “priming.” You can start by sending her a pic of
you in something that you look really good in… an awesome suit, new shirt…
DON’T be cliche and send a shirtless pic at the get-‐go. Go clothed first and ease
your way into things. Once she replies to you, (usually it’ll be something
complimentary), respond with “haha thanks… your turn now.”
Once she starts sending you pictures, it is absolutely critical that you are


complimentary. In the language of social dynamics, you’re “giving her approval”
for sending you pics, and making her feel great about it. A few examples
Wow, that looks like the designer made it for your body
You are gonna make all the girls jealous in that bikini… that thing is ridic hot
Wow what an amazing dress… lemme see the back, I bet there’s something
awesome going on back there
Notice that nowhere in those is there a tease or a “neg” or anything else that
would take away her value. It’s all about giving love and making her feel good.
And critically, there’s nothing overly sexual in those messages.
One time I had a client who sent a text that read “you’re gonna give at least thirty
guys boners tonight in that outfit“. He wasn’t trying to be a bumbling fool, but
that text was the sort of childish, locker-‐room sexuality that should be reserved
for guy talk.
Send a few texts like that, and you’ll be surprised at what girls will start sending
you. For those who don’t outright offer to start sending you pics, you can gently
hint at how much you’d like to see her naked.
Please note: you can’t just drop this stuff into the middle of a text conversation!
That’d be like trying to have sex with a girl in the middle of the bar while you’re
talking about some neutral conversation topic. You’ve got to get her warmed up
with the stuff we’ve already covered.
Me: hmmm my phone just got like ten degrees warmer when I opened that pic…


super hot but if this keeps up you might cause it to melt
Her: well then I hope you have insurance ;) [pic attached]
Me: All these pics are amazing, but there’s one thing keeping them from being
perfect…
Her: Oh really, and what’s that?
Me: Too much clothing. If only there was an easy way to fix that…
Her: hmmm, how about this [photo attached]
Me: Truly your body is a work of art
Her: haha thank you ;) You’re not too bad yourself.
Me: Thanks. But you know that some of DaVinci’s finest works were nudes, right?
Her: I think I heard that somewhere, perhaps
Me: I wonder how you would pose if he were to paint you
Her: Do you think he would like this pose ;)? [photo attached]
Note one thing that all of these texts have in common: I’m having fun with them.
Rather than begging or pleading or even asking her to send naked photos, I’m
using funny insinuations.
When you look at sexuality as a fun dance, or a game that is played with finesse,
you’ll find that women become much more receptive to your advances. And if


you’re creative with your praise and your requests, they has a lot of fun playing
along and doing their part.
A final note on the subject of naked photos: there are some girls who just won’t
send them to you, no matter what. It could be privacy concerns (smart girl),
modesty, or otherwise. So if you’ve tried some of the above and she’s not biting,
don’t push it further! It’s not worth pushing a great girl away just so you can get a
naked picture of her. GETTING SEXUAL.

HOW2TXTHER CASE STUDIES

CHAPTER 12: CASE STUDIES
Case Study 1 -‐ Howard
These texts all occurred after the first date. She was giving him big indicators of
interest, but he didn’t kiss her or make his move.
Me: You know what..the grand prize winner was a film on the mountains in my
country and filmed there!!! and… there was an amazing film on
Yosemite…ever watched these?
Her: No, but they sound awesome! Me: Hey, can you plz teach my mother to
have such as engaging conversation so I can avoid excruciating international
phone time on weekends..lol ;)
Two problems here: first, it’s way too long. Phrases like “excruciating
international phone time” aren’t good for text when you’re not in
Relationship Phase.
Second you shouldn’t diss your Mom in front of a girl unless you’re in a
relationship with her, she’s met your Mom, and you’ve met hers and you’ve
got an open dialogue about each others’ mothers. Otherwise its like you’re
throwing your Mom under the bus to get a reaction.
Me: Seriously though…you sound distant and/or busy…what’s happening?
You are being way too nice and accommodating (because you don’t want to
lose her) and it continues throughout the rest of the conversation. I’m going


to keep pointing it out but it all starts here. Better would have been to ask
her out again awhile ago.
Her: Dictating for work…Schedule is kind of brutal lately and my attending i out
of town.
Me: Uff,,,no fun without sorrow, huh…not to say I don’t admire your courage!
Dictating as in that paper writing or as in running the dept?
Don’t reward her with your approval. She’s not giving you what you want.
She sets the frame (“I’m busy, I’m important”) and not only do you accept it,
you start investing in it.
Her: Dictating as in reciting patient info for transcriptionist to type. Not bad,
but which I’d had time to do it at work! How have you been?
Me: Umm, wearing the bug shoes of your attending! Remind me not to get
admitted to your hospital ;) Very busy, some unexpected things happening at
workplace. Also trying to plan a trip to FL. Speaking of which you are goin
there too, right?
Bug shoes… guessing this is an inside joke. still, I’d not have continued this
thread. you don’t need to continue all the threads she starts… it’s more
investment from you to her. you’re being too nice. when she asked how
you’ve been you got logical. this is no fun for her. better is something like..
Been good. stopped a bank robbery the other day and only got shot twice.
Then leave it. let her respond. there is an undercurrent of reaction seeking in


your texts.
Her: Yes, in April! When are you going? And believe me — I miss my attending!
Me: I was supposed to go next week but too much work, probably end of
March or April..
Her: Awww
Me: When exactly are you going in April? Seriously though, doesn’t yuour
attending has another backup?
Anything that requires you to say “when exactly?” is low status behavior.
Details like this are exchanged between people in a real friendship, dating
relationship, or intimate relationship, naturally. And to me, the subtext is
that you are trying to pick out information strategically. If I were her I’d be
thinking “is this guy trying to arrange his trip to come see me?”
Her: I have a conf Apr 11-‐15 Yes, I have 6 attendings who each cover a few pts,
but I do work and let them know what’s going on. My regular attending
normally does some of the work.
Me: Ok if you see someone over there looking like me doing some funky
stuff... probably my doppleganger ;) Did you find your “organic” hotel? Her:
Actually may visit good friends in SC first then just head to FL for the conf
Me: South Carlolina? Thought you only had family there from your father’s
side…


You’re getting logical again here. Challenging her. But she’s not invested in
you, so it comes across as possessive.
Her: My best friend Rob lives there. Me: Ever seen this or been here [attached
pic of US-‐1 to key west]
Her: Pic don’t come through
Me: Hmm..got to get an iphone.. It’s the US-‐1 goin to the keys..ever been
there?
Instead of telling her what it was, you should have tried to get some
investment with something intriguing:
ah well, coolest pic ever, too bad
Instead, you’re doing all this work for her and getting nothing in return.
Her: I love my droid. Nope
See how she resisted your attempt to establish authority on this one? Clear
sign that the attraction is gone.
Me: Then ask your beloved droid where is the pic :) Her: Don’t know. it tried to
make it but it’s blank
Me: I hope that’s not an auto reply from your droid to me… machines talking
to me is scary.. It’s pretty awesome, much much better than PCH! Working
right now?


Her: Sounds awesome! No, just got home a little while ago and getting ready
for an early bed time to prep for tomorrow’s on-‐call.
Me: Lucky you, I still haven’t gotten home. Good luck with your on-‐call!
Her: Hope you get there soon!
At this point she’s lost interest. She’s being politely nice but she’s not doing
anything beyond what’s socially necessary. She wishes you would get the
subtle message.
Me: It’s in FL, can show you when I see you. Speaking of which you still owe
the 2nd date for bowling ;) Let’s meetup on Sunday for some Indian food…
only if you promise to be an interesting conversationalist…;)
Problem is you’re asking her out at the point she’s the LEAST invested in you
as she’s been, and you’re the most invested in her. It’s been ALL about her,
you’ve ceded a lot of power, and the few opportunities you had to grab the
flip it were missed.
Even earlier, when you asked her what was “wrong” it was on a low note,
not a high note. You’re never going to get what you want from people when
you ask them for something on a low note and/or when you don’t have
investment from them.
Furthermore, a woman never “owes” you anything. EVER. Get that damn
idea out of your head and never even think it again. Dating isn’t about
favors… I know you were trying to be cute but the subtext is devastating.


Finally, your qualification just seems weird. You can qualify someone if
they’ve accepted your authority and are invested in you, but she clearly
hasn’t throughout this whole thing, so while your instinct to do it was right,
the execution was off.
It’s hard for me to suggest what would be better at this point, because the
whole timing and opportunity was missed – there’s not a single text I could
come up with… at this point… that would get her out.
Her: I am sorry I just can’t make it Sunday. too much to do between work and
preparing for my next trip since Sunday is my only day off before I leave. :-‐(
Me: Leaving for which trip? Are you telling me that you are going on another
vacation?
Getting logical on her… seems to be a default thing for you to do. You’re
losing girls by doing so.
Her: Leaving for which trip? No real vacation for a bit. Good Night!
Now how should I take it from here…
1-‐ Don’t respond to her at all for couple of days until she gets a little less busy
from work ? (I know she has been crazy busy but I have not been able to spark
the same attraction during her busy work schedule).
2-‐ Text: Good luck with the tip in Kentucky! Let me know once you are a bit
free and we can plan a meetup..
3-‐ Text: hmm, playing hard to get… I like that but don’t be surprised as I don’t


give up easily if I genuinely like someone!
4-‐ Text: ohh boy, my heart really needs to go after a bit less workaholic hot
women. You are so boring, can we be just friends? (still not sure to include the
“you are so boring” part).
Ok definitely not “you are so boring”. You can only really tease and push
someone once you have some frame control, but you have none, so your
tease will not only be rejected, but also taken offensively.
The bigger issue is that you let this girl dominate you. Three things that
created the conditions for this:
1.) Your failure to lead on the first date
2.) Your fear of “screwing it up”
3.) Ongoing mistakes that broadcast your neediness. You tried to maintain
rapport with her, when you needed to re-‐establish attraction using some
humorous texts, and SPACE.
They all result from the same underlying issue which is that you’re too
worried about being nice. At this point, this girl is basically thinking “he was
a nice guy, but I saw his unattractive wussbag side, and that’s the REAL him.
not for me.” She may have had some attraction for you before but that’s
behind her now.
My best advice at this point: give it some time – 3-‐4 weeks. This will help you
reclaim some lost value and will actually build intrigue, as she’ll be


wondering why the texting stopped all of a sudden. If she starts texting you
again, great. If not, then she definitely lost interest. But you can swoop back
in a month from now and be like..
heyyyy long time, got busy smuggling justin beiber dvds to china, but finally
got em all unloaded. celebration drinks?
More importantly, I hope you see how and where you are allowing yourself
to be dominated in situations like this. it’s a very easy fix but you’re going to
have to push through your own resistance in tough moments. don’t “give in”
to your doubt and worry about being too “nice”.
Go for what you want and own your desire. you’re either going to have a
home run, or strike out hard and fast. but that’s a lot better than a base hit,
followed up by your weakest five batters. GOOD LUCK and don’t get nailed
on this stuff the next time around.
Case Study 2 -‐ Alex
In this situation, we’re dealing with a girl who Alex just met, and starting from
the first text.
Alex: This is a VIP # store with care -‐Alex
Pretty cocky – I’d have added a winky face here at the end. This girl liked
you, but for someone who wasn’t as into you, this could put them off on you
Steph: Haha will do. You’ll have to tell me how the rest of your night was


Steph: Haha will do. How’s storyvill now that we left?
Alex: Excellent. You missed out on champagne showers, got soaked
Steph: Omgg <33 lmfao! So upset I missed that :(
Steph: *calls me, only rings once* (I assume she butt dialed me… but I pretend
not to realize)
Alex: was showering, u called?
Steph: Sorry new phone! Not used to it yet…
Alex: Np happens to me all the time… Im usually the first contact on people’s
list lol
This is where it all starts to go wrong. Whether she butt-‐dialed you, or
actually called and then got nervous, going from text to call is an
“escalation”, and if she leads that escalation she should be rewarded for
that. Instead, you continued to be cocky. Here’s how she read what you
wrote here: “whatever, get in line.”
The ONLY way you could get away with this is if you had a TON of investment
from her. And while she still likes you at this point, you definitely don’t have
the level of investment you need to get away with something like this.
And honestly, the only time you’d say something like this is if it was a girl
who you really, truly didn’t care about, who just liked you so damn much
(maybe you guys hooked up once already, and she just won’t leave you alone


now) and you’re just having fun.
Still not the nicest thing to do but hey, sometimes those girls come along. In
any case, whether being “the first contact on peoples’ list” is accurate or not,
it’s not making her endeared to you. She was already into you. So this is
classic over-‐gaming. A few alternate responses…
Yeah, same thing happened when I got my new fireplace. Barely escaped
with my eyebrows intact ;P
Awwww you know I think they have a ‘for dummies’ book on that :p
Hummm accidental butt dial? If it has something to tell me, don’t worry I can
keep a secret ;)
See how all these are more playful, and reward her escalation by GENTLY
teasing, and building more of a connection with her?
Steph: Haha very true. Have u heard any interesting convos?
Alex: Oh man too many… I have heard people having sex through the phone lol
(miscalibrated attempt to sexualize…?)
Definitely. Better would have been something absurd like…
Many. I actually have Russia’s nuclear weapons launch codes. And a great
recipe for cheesecake. Do you like cheesecake? :p
When getting absurd like this, it’s funny to mix serious stuff and cutesy stuff.


And notice how I flip it around to ask her a question. At a certain point, you
have to turn it back to her to get her to open up.
Steph: Omg lol now that’s awkward
Possible Recovery:
ya at least they weren’t MMS’s ;) so what have u been up to today?
More importantly, the fact that you left it here is what killed it. This wasn’t a
“high note” of the interaction… your combination of cockiness and
miscalibrated sexuality is turning her off. It’s not dead yet, but it’s not
headed in the right direction.
At this point she’s thinking “he was cool when I met him, but this isn’t very
fun.” You definitely need to build more of a connection before asking her
out. Doesn’t have to be much, but everything you’ve been doing up to this
point is push-‐push-‐push with zero pull.
Alex: *calls steph, planning to set up date* *she does not pick up*
Alex: Gonna pretend I just butt dialed you lol
Steph: Haha hey! Sorry im in a meeting. Whats up?
Alex: Nm, you just popped into my head so Hi! Now stay outta there :P
(lol… oops?)
Still with the cockiness. This would’ve been ok if you’d used…


You just popped into my head so Hi!
The now stay outta there bit could have been a good push calibration if you
hadn’t been pushing so much up to this point.
Steph: Lol ur silly! Im surprised you didn’t use the “are u tired? Cuz you’ve
been running through my head” pick up line
Alex: Haha is that what passes for a line at BU? Ill lower my standards for u
next time k
WHOAAAAAAAAA and this is where you crash into the big iceberg of FAIL.
It’s like, she pushes back at you a little bit (and honestly, it’s the most gentle
tease in the world) and you go thermonuclear on her.
Do you see how defensive you get here? It’s like you take your knife and
start thrusting it at her. And while you may have been trying to tease her, it
comes off as incredibly mean-‐spirited. Better response would have been:
Haha so are u. was actually gonna ask if I was dead, ’cause you’re an angel
:p
It’s actually fun to use cheesy lines with girls if you do it tongue-‐in-‐cheek.
And considering the fact that she’s being playful, you should mirror her
playfulness. Finally, you have to be really careful about insulting a girl’s
hometown/school/job.
Again, you can do it tongue-‐in-‐cheek, but this came across as a real swipe at
BU. But listen – she’s MUCH more loyal and invested in BU than she is to you.


So it just came out all wrong.
Steph: What’s that supposed to mean? Try using that line and see if you get a
response from me haha
Alex: Lol k thanks, now I know exactly what to say if I want to get rid of u :)
(thought about using her line as a default response, but thought this was
better… Guess not)
Yeah, again… really mean-‐spirited. Why do you keep PUSHING so much? You
must not like this girl much ;) Or maybe you really like her and are trying to
appear too cool. Either case, you know it’s not working.
Steph: Its ok your already on ur way out ;) (wow where did this come from???)
It should now be clear to you where this came from.
Alex: I knew our marriage would never last… ok dear u can have everything I
just want the kids ok
Steph: Oo its ok ill keep the kids and u can have it all… I go to BU ill make my
own money and buy my own things
Alex: I promise ill never cheat on u again for the 38th time just don’t take my
kids away
Steph: Its ok ive moved on. I have a new lover that’s super rich (lol I thought
she said she was gonna make her own money)


Alex: Oh thank gods now I can finally assuage my guilt haha Steph: As they say
all good things must come to an end! So it was our turn lol (I figure this is over
so I just try to push the interaction as far as possible…)
Alex: Haha youre feisty… I like it. Lets get after-‐dinner drinks sometime this
week
Not a half bad recovery. Play this whole thing off like it was just a test.
Steph: Ok tell ur friend and ill tell my friend amy and we can all meet up
At this point, I’d try to connect with her, and be MUCH nicer. You have
established yourself in her mind as a dick, but at least she’s still talking to
you. So any compliments, pulls, kind words, or genuineness is going to be
mistrusted, and she’ll probably give you shit about it, because you gave her
so much shit every step of the way.
I’d call her and leave a voicemail being like…
Hey Steph, it’s been fun texting with ya and all and I lovvvvvee that you can
roll with the teasing… gimme a ring and let’s figure out when we’re all gonna
hang out.”
If she wants to bring her friend, let her. You’re not in the power position
right now, so just roll with it, be cool, and stop pushing her away so damn
much.

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HOW2TXTHER

THE MOST IMPORTANT STUFF

ADDING SOME PERSONALITY

THE HIGH DEMAND MAN

NICK SPARKS GUEST LECTURE

ROB JUDGE GUEST LECTURE

ALL MATERIAL © THE SOCIAL MAN. ANY UNAUTHORIZED REPRODUCTION IS IN

Confusion: sitting there, looking down at my phone. “come up with

Nothing you haven’t experienced before, right?

"WHAT DO I TEXT HER?"

But with HOW2TXTHER, we can change that.

There have been some amazing breakthroughs in psychology that are

WHAT SHE’S THINKING WHEN YOU’RE TEXTING HER

You absolutely have to understand this:

Congrats! You made a woman like you.

A girl’s not sitting there with a spreadsheet, doing an analysis of the

A great start. But there’s still a long ways to go.

WHY TEXTING HAS MADE IT MORE DIFFICULT FOR GUYS

But there are also a lot more opportunities to screw it up.

12:36 PM Her: Just kidding I found itttt

12:46 PM Client: haha ok

2:58 PM Well you’re always good company haha

DEALING WITH HER FEELINGS

Along those lines, here’s another important thing you need to

Feelings are “transmitted” across a number of “channels.” Your eyes, your

Given how “narrow” of a channel texting is, you’re already at a

A girl’s text message inbox is one of the most efficient “guy

It’s become an integral part of the dating game.

So let’s look at the “language” of texting.

But the dynamics of texting a girl involve two things:

1.) the specific words you choose to send her

2.) your subcommunication

Here’s the deal:

the time between messages: if you’re super quick to respond when

whether or not you use emoticons: if you make occasional smilies

Heyyyy [nickname], ready to get some delish on tonizzight? Running a

Becoming “fluent” in the language of texting isn’t something that comes

So I hope you’ll take advantage of everything that I’m making available to

Still with me? Nice.... onwards.

That’s because they don’t understand the 5 different “phases” of a texting

1.) SPORADIC: occasional texts back and forth. you’re usually

5.) PURGATORY: you messed up. she’s not responding much or

Obviously, the goal is to go from Phase 1 to Phase 4, without ending up in

• spending five or ten minutes on each message because you want to it to

• wondering if you sent the wrong message, and screwed things up

Well, it just so happens that I’ve discovered some psychological “hacks”

The techniques are based on proven, inescapable science and psychology.

Sound good? Then let’s get on with it.

HOW TO TAP INTO HER PLEASURE CENTER WITH YOUR

2.) Be Unpredictable: This is the first psychological hack we’ll use.

3.) Create Anticipation: This is the second psychological hack that

Her first “investment” is small. A quick response to your first text.

Psychologists call this an "escalation of commitment".

Doctor Barry M. Staw, expert in Behavior and Psychology at University of

Dopamine is stimulated by unpredictability.

Behavioral Psychologist Susan Weinschenk, in a study on texting,

Another emotion that’s GREAT to stimulate in a girl is defiance. Yep, you

One of my favorite second dates in New York City is to start somewhere

In other words, you secrete more dopamine in the moments leading up to a

Why does this work? Well, after 30 minutes of back-and-forth, she’s

Multi-‐Language: use another language instead of English… French, Italian,