CULTIVATING SELF-LOVE AND SELF-ACCEPTANCE

Self-acceptance is about being able to accept yourself completely, with all of

your flaws and imperfections, and self-love is the ability to embrace this person
and really love who you are.

Self-love to me is everything.  I know from personal experience, that if you can

learn to love yourself, everything changes. You have greater self-respect, you
can set healthy boundaries, you stop judging others so harshly, you increase
your capacity to forgive, you make healthier choices, you deepen your empathy,
you’re more confident, you don’t tolerate unacceptable behaviour and you’re
free to be yourself.  And that’s just the start of it.

One of the most important things to remember about self-love is that self-love
is a practice.  It’s not something that you wake up and decide to have one day
and then you’re done.  It’s like anything that you want to cultivate – it has to be
something that you consciously nurture.  Just as you would clean your teeth
every day, you need to develop kind and compassionate practices that deepen
your self-love every day. 

“Love yourself like your life depends on it, because it does.” 

Anita Moorjani

20 BENEFITS OF HAVING TRUE SELF-LOVE

1) By accepting yourself, you’re much more accepting of others
2) By dropping self-judgment, you drop judgment of others
3) You can implement healthy boundaries
4) You have self-respect
5) You give yourself what you need and don’t rely on others to fulfill your needs
6) You see your potential and choose behaviours in alignment with that
7) You can be free to live the life you choose because you aren’t as concerned   
with other people’s opinions
8) By giving love to yourself, you’re able to love others more
9) Self-love deepens your empathy, kindness, and compassion
10) Self-love increases your capacity to forgive
11) Self-love reduces anxiety and stress
12) Self-love increases confidence

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13) You make healthier choices in every area of your life
14) You don’t tolerate unacceptable behaviour from others
15) You feel more relaxed and at peace 
16) You can be more vulnerable which allows for deeper connections with
others
17) A self-loving human is a non-violent human
18) Your relationships are more loving and fulfilling
19) You become a brilliant role model and inspire others
20) You’re truly magnetic and attractive, inside and out

WHAT ARE THE DIFFERENT COMPONENTS OF SELF-LOVE?

Self-love is a topic that's often misunderstood or talked about on a surface
level, where the focus is on superficial self-care practices, like getting a
manicure. Self-love is so much deeper than this, and self-care is just one of the
10 components that I believe make up self-love.

The 10 components of self-love

1) Self-compassion - treating yourself with kindness, compassion and

gentleness no matter what you're going through. Being able to offer yourself
comfort and self-soothe through difficult emotions and experiences. Giving
yourself grace for all of your humanness.
2) Self-acceptance - accepting yourself completely. All of your perceived
imperfections and flaws. Coming to a place of peace and acceptance around
what is. Knowing that you are perfectly good enough exactly as you are.
3) Self-worth - knowing at a deep level that you are completely worthy and you
don't need to prove your worth or earn it in any way. You were born perfectly
worthy, loveable and deserving. Your self-worth is innate and unshakeable.
4) Self-belief - believing in yourself, your potential and your abilities. Knowing
that you are born with incredible strengths and wisdom and believing that you
can do whatever it is that you put your mind to.
5) Self-image - having a positive relationship with your physical image and the
way you see yourself in the world. Having a healthy relationship with your body
and the way you present yourself
6) Self-respect - knowing you're worthy of respect and setting healthy
boundaries to protect your time and energy. Being able to speak up and voice
your opinions and not tolerating unacceptable behaviour.

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7) Self-talk - talking to yourself in a kind and loving voice and quietening your
inner critic. Always using encouraging and supportive words with yourself.
8) Self-care - taking care of yourself and taking time out to rest and restore.
Making a habit of asking yourself what you need in any given moment and then
meeting those needs.
9) Self-trust - trusting in your own decisions and knowing that your emotions
and intuition are always there to guide you.
10) Self-awareness - being aware of what lights you up, what brings you joy,
what triggers you, what your wounds are, what conditions you need to thrive.
Basically having really great self-knowledge and applying it to improve your life.

WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN

SELF-LOVE AND NARCISSISM?
One of the most common misperceptions about self-love is that it is somehow
similar to narcissism.  The reality is, self-love and narcissism are 2 totally
different things.

8 key differences between self-love and narcissism

1) Narcissism favours dominance, self-love acknowledges equality.

2) Narcissism encourages envy and hostile rivalries, self-love supports
compassion and cooperation.
3) Narcissism involves arrogance, self-love reflects humility.
4) Narcissism is overly concerned with external validation, self-love is the ability
to give yourself internal validation and not seek external approval.
5) Narcissism is affronted by criticism, self-love is enhanced by feedback.
6) Narcissism makes it necessary to pull down others in order to stand above
them. Self-love leads to perceiving every human being as a person of value in
the world.
7) Narcissism is based on a fear of failure or weakness and an unhealthy drive
to be seen as the best. Self-love is based on the knowledge that you have
everything you need to cope with whatever life brings your way and a healthy
drive to live into one’s potential and be the best version of yourself.
8) Narcissism is underpinned by a deep-seated insecurity or feeling of
inadequacy, self-love is underpinned by a peaceful acceptance of self. 

“You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove to anybody”

Maya Angelou

Email: samantha@samanthalthomas.com             WhatsApp: +61 468 791 109

 TOP TOOLS TO BUILD SELF-LOVE
Tool 1 – Baby photo as your phone screensaver
The simplest and most effective tool you can use to build your self-love is to
find a photo of yourself under the age of 5 and set it as your screensaver on
your mobile phone.  This helps to silence your inner critic and negative self-talk.
It also helps you to remember your true self – the unconditioned perfectly
loveable, worthy and deserving person that you were (and still are) when you
came into this world.

This tool helps to improve self-compassion, self-worth, self-talk, self-image,

self-respect and self-acceptance

Tool 2 – Compliment notebook

Another really simple yet powerful tool, which helps to build your confidence
and self-worth. Keep a notebook beside your bed where you record every
compliment you receive in a day, along with who said it and the date.  By doing
this, you remind yourself of all of the wonderful things that other people see in
you that perhaps you fail to acknowledge in yourself.  It’s also the most
effective way to counteract your brain’s in-built negativity bias.

This tool helps to improve self-talk, self-belief and self-acceptance

Tool 3 – Find the counter evidence  

You have an in-built confirmation bias, which means that your brain is actively
seeking evidence all day long for what you already believe.  This is true for any
belief. If you have a belief that you are in some way flawed or not good enough,
your brain will seek and find evidence of this wherever you look. So take a look
at the parts of yourself that you don’t accept and the negative beliefs you hold
and begin to question these beliefs.  For example, if you believe you are a bad
parent, I want you to find 3 ways that you were a great parent today.  If you
believe that you aren’t good enough at your job, I want you to find 3 ways that
you did really well at your job today.  If you believe that you’re not intelligent
enough, I want you to find 3 examples of your intelligence today.  You get the
idea. 

This tool helps to improve self-worth, self-talk, self-image, self-belief, self-

awareness and self-acceptance.

Email: samantha@samanthalthomas.com             WhatsApp: +61 468 791 109

 TOP TOOLS TO BUILD SELF-LOVE
Tool 4 – Treat yourself like a good friend
The next time you find yourself in a situation where you are beating yourself up
or criticizing yourself, take a moment to use, picture a really good friend of
yours and ask yourself – “what would I say to this friend if they were in the
exact same situation?”  Because the good news is, everyone knows how to be
kind, supportive, encouraging, empathetic and loving.  You do it all the time with
your friends.  Now it’s just a matter of learning how to show the same amount of
kindness and compassion to yourself.

This tool helps to improve your self-compassion, self-talk, self-awareness and

self-care.

Tool 5 – Mirror work

Mirror work is about looking at yourself in the mirror and saying kind things to
yourself.  And it’s not only about saying kind things and giving yourself
compliments, it’s also about being able to look yourself in the eyes and say to
yourself “I love you, I really, really love you”. Generally when people first attempt
mirror work, they have 1 of 3 reactions.  The first is that they look at the mirror
and stand in silence – they can’t bring themselves to say that they love
themselves.  The second is that they get incredibly emotional as they try to say
it and start crying.  The final and most common response is that they can say
the words but in their head they’re thinking “what a load of rubbish”.  If the latter
is the way that you react, it’s important to begin by saying something that is
believable. So if saying you love yourself feels far-fetched, how about starting
with something like “I like you, some days I like you” or “I’m learning to love you,
hopefully one day I’ll love you”.  Or start with a compliment that you can believe.
So if you know you’re a great listener, or a generous friend, start telling yourself
these things in the mirror.

This tool helps to improve your self-talk, self-image, self-trust and self-
acceptance.

Email: samantha@samanthalthomas.com             WhatsApp: +61 468 791 109

Tool 6 - What would you do if you loved yourself?
Anytime you’re faced with a decision in your life, big or small, stop and ask
yourself ‘what would I do if I loved myself? Pause and listen to what response
comes up for you.  You can use this for big decisions – like whether to change
careers, or stay in a relationship – and tiny decisions – like what to eat for
lunch, or what type of workout you want to do.  I’ve always found that the loving
thing to do is the right thing to do. 

This tool helps to improve your self-compassion, self-talk, self-respect, self-

awareness, self-trust and self-care.

Tool 7 – Self-compassion break

This particular tool is the work of Dr. Kristen Neff who is a leading expert and
researcher in self-compassion. This tool is a 3-part mindfulness process that
you can use anytime you’re experiencing a moment of suffering.  Kristen Neff
defines a moment of suffering as an uncomfortable or difficult emotion such as
overwhelm, stress, frustration or anger.  

The 3-step process is as follows:

  
Step 1: Mindfulness – acknowledge to yourself “this is a moment of suffering”

Step 2: Common Humanity – remind yourself of the truth “suffering is a part of

life, other people feel this way”

Step 3: Kindness – treat yourself with kindness “may I be kind to myself”  

This tool helps to improve self-compassion and self-care

Tool 8 – Loving Kindness meditation

A Loving Kindness meditation, sometimes referred to as Metta meditation, is a
particular kind of guided Buddhist meditation that helps develop compassion
and cultivate feelings of love.  If you’re looking for a tool that is less cognitive
and more about developing an energy of love for yourself and for the world then
this is a beautiful practice.  You can find Loving Kindness meditations for free
online, or with my favourite meditation app – Insight Timer. 

This tool helps to improve self-compassion, self-worth, self-trust and self-care

Email: samantha@samanthalthomas.com             WhatsApp: +61 468 791 109

 MY PODCAST - YOU ARE INFINITELY LOVED
I'm super excited to be able to share a podcast that I've created with my good
friends Lindsay and Koes Bong.  The podcast is called You Are Infinitely Loved
and it's all about self-love and self-compassion.  You'll be able to hear more
about my story as well as interviews with other people about their self-love
journeys. We also go into more depth about these self-love tools and we will
keep sharing everything we know about self-love and self-compassion.

You can find the podcast here: www.youareinfinitelyloved.com

Or on iTunes here: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/you-are-infinitely-
loved/id1439028722?mt=2

The podcast is available on iTunes, Stitcher, Google Play, TuneIn and Spotify, so
you should be able to find it easily, no matter what device you have.

RECOMMENDED READING

Dying to Be Me – Anita Moorjani

Loveability – Dr. Robert Holden
I Heart Me – Dr. David Hamilton
Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself – Dr. Kristen Neff
The Gifts of Imperfection – Brene Brown
You Can Heal Your Life – Louise Hay
What if this is heaven? – Anita Moorjani
Playing Big – Tara Mohr 

Email: samantha@samanthalthomas.com             WhatsApp: +61 468 791 109

 DO YOU WANT SUPPORT AND GUIDANCE WITH THIS?
If after listening to my talk and reading through the worksheet you realise you’d
like to work on your self-love and start to create a wonderful relationship with
yourself, then I’d love to support and guide you through this process. This is my
favourite topic to work on and I’ve coached hundreds of clients through this.
Whether it’s a one-off session in Phuket, or you’d like to work with me for a
longer period of time, together we can find the option that works for you. 

I wholeheartedly believe that building your self-love is the most important thing
you can do in your life. A lack of self-love is the root cause of nearly every issue
that I've seen in my coaching career - Are you a people pleaser? Do you put
everybody else's needs before your own? Are you a perfectionist? Do you find it
hard to set boundaries? Are you over-worked? Do you suffer from stress and
anxiety? Do you have body image issues? Do you struggle with emotional
eating? Are you in an unhealthy relationship? If any of these things resonate
with you, then it's highly likely that you're lacking some self-love.  

Through working with me on practical ways you can reframe unhelpful beliefs
and tools to help you significantly improve the relationship you have with
yourself, I guarantee you will start to see powerful changes in your life. As
someone who used to have a high amount of self-loathing, severe body image
and emotional eating issues, I know what it's like to wake up everyday and not
like the person you see in the mirror. I also know what it's like to be on that
rollercoaster of making positive changes and then falling back into bad habits.
 I know what self-sabotage and inconsistency feels like.  I also know the
absolute joy and peace that comes from living with complete self-acceptance
and I know that it's possible for you to create. It's time to work on the root
cause of the challenges you face, rather than band-aid solutions - working on
your self-love is the key to transforming every single aspect of your life.

WHY WORK WITH ME?

On a personal level – I’m someone who knows first-hand the incredible changes
that happen in your life when you learn how to love and accept yourself. I have
personally overcome my own issues of self-loathing, poor body-image,
emotional eating, people-pleasing, perfectionism and an inability to set
boundaries. I am deeply committed to my clients – no one (other than YOU!) is
more invested than I am in making sure you get results from your coaching and
see changes in your life.

Email: samantha@samanthalthomas.com             WhatsApp: +61 468 791 109

On a professional level – I am a certified Life Coach with more than one
thousand hours of coaching experience.  I studied life coaching through the
Beautiful You Coaching Academy in Australia, which is officially accredited by
the International Coach Federation (ICF), the only regulatory body and gold
standard in the coaching industry.  

I have also studied Positive Psychology online through the University of North
Carolina, and I have a diploma in Neuro-Linguistic Programming.  Through my
work as the in-house life coach at Phuket Cleanse I have coached hundreds of
clients from all over the world, men and women, young and old, and I am
confident that I can help anyone to create positive change in their life and
unlock their potential.

HOW IT WORKS
3-month Coaching Package (online via Skype/Zoom/WhatsApp) -
$250USD per month (via PayPal or bank transfer)

If you’d like to work with me, I offer 3-month packages to help you really create
momentum and change in your life. Each month includes 2 x 75min coaching
sessions over Zoom (every 2 weeks), personalised worksheets and unlimited
email and WhatsApp access to me in between sessions to help support you and
keep you accountable.

If you're interested, contact me via WhatsApp or email and I'll send you a pre-
coaching questionnaire and we can arrange a completely free 30min consult call
to go through your answers and to discuss whether coaching would be a good
fit. I want you to feel completely comfortable working with me, so I always have
a free 30min call for you to see if there's a good connection and decide if you
think I can support you. No pressure or sleazy sales tactics applied at all.

HAVE QUESTIONS?
If you have any questions at all or you’re not sure if coaching is right for you but
you want to find out more, then please send me an email or a WhatsApp
message and I’d be more than happy to chat to you about what you need and
see if I believe I can help you or whether another course of action might be
better suited.

Email: samantha@samanthalthomas.com             WhatsApp: +61 468 791 109